Posted by Barbaracat on September 17, 2004, at 16:53:36
Well, here we are at the Social Club. That is wonderful about your guy. He sounds like a real person, someone who has been there and will probably support you. Just as I'm sure he welcomes being able to share his own hard journey with someone who understands.
It's interesting how many people are going through really hard times emotionally and with life in general. When I find someone I think I can trust to share I've had serious depression, 90% of the time they confide that they have too. So many people 'confess' that they're on an SSRI, as though it were something to be ashamed of. Then there are those who totally go away, in denial of the subject. They're probably not ready to own up to their demons just yet. Dealing with this stuff takes so much time and energy and if you have a demanding job, a family, whatever, it can feel like opening a Pandora's box.
I just want to give you a head's up, however. Genuinely talking about it and sharing your experience from the clarity of your heart is necessary. Rather than acting out the weird stuff and hoping you'll get understanding for issues that may be too difficult for another to handle. Hate to harp on this, but I speak from experience.
I don't know about your process, but when I'm in the throes of a bipolar depressive mixed state I can get very very weird. I desperately want support and help and understanding for what I'm going through, but my mind is fractured and unresponsive to reason. It's scared away those I thought were friends whom I could turn to for support. One ex-friend told me 'You don't need a friend, you need an exorcist'. Made me feel real swell. But I realize now that I never felt safe with her anyway.
I guess what I'm saying is, being with a caring friend in depression, sadness, crying, trying to work something out - things we can all relate to as hurting human beings - is good and healthy. But find another avenue to work out the gnarly toxic weird stuff should it come up for you during this difficult time. Especially in the beginning stages of a relationship when the bonding process creates strong memories and impressions.
I've alientated quite a few people in my life during my toxic spells - ESPECIALLY when I've had alcohol. How to lose friends - get drunk while in a bipolar mixed state. It just takes one aw shit to undo a world of good mpressions.
I don't know why this seems so important to pass on to you except that this new guy sounds like a keeper. If you're feeling desperate or just want to talk, talk to me. I promise I'll never tell you that you need an exorcist.
As for moi, I am doing quite well. Lithium and St. John's are keeping me stable. No wild rides for many months now since restarting lithium. Of course, this past winter and past few years have been godawful with real life crises, deaths and losses, one after the other that would bring anyone to their knees. I think the worst is over, but even so, I know I'll never again go without lithium. I also think getting my hormones stable has been a key piece. Fibromyalgia seems to run a course and I think mine is beginning to lose it's grip. I've started dancing again which is my heart's delight and that helps with my outlook. About the only thing that really frustrates me is I can't seem to lose the pudge and it embarrases me. I'm not fat fat, about 30 pounds overweight, and lithium really does make it difficult no matter what I do. I really want to start a belly dance class in town, lot's of support and interest, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna bare this belly and shimmy this fat for all to see.
Hang in there, Katy. You'll come through this. I strongly suggest go see an integrative doctor or naturopath who might be able to sleuth out some underlying causes for the chemical/electrical imbalances. Your thyroid may be fine but you've got plenty of other hormones that might not be OK and it could be something simple. - Barbara
poster:Barbaracat
thread:392070
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040914/msgs/392070.html