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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by partlycloudy on July 14, 2004, at 12:51:51
That is a howl of loneliness. My husband is out of town until Sunday. I miss him teribbly. He just tried to call me on his cell phone and he's in the middle of Maine and I can't hear anything he's saying. I have another EMDR session this afternoon. My husband has been out of town each time I've had a session. I get really freaked out beforehand, have been having panic attacks like they are the munchies. No one is returning my emails, I have no one to call, I'm crying and there's no one to take over the phones so I can cry in the bathroom at least.
It hurts so bad.
Posted by ghost on July 14, 2004, at 14:00:09
In reply to Ooooooowwwww!, posted by partlycloudy on July 14, 2004, at 12:51:51
awww. we're here. do you have msn messenger at work?
ghost at twism dot net
(((((((((pc))))))))))
Posted by partlycloudy on July 14, 2004, at 14:18:30
In reply to Re: Ooooooowwwww!, posted by ghost on July 14, 2004, at 14:00:09
No, I'm afraid not. I sopped up my tears and took a xanax (I hate to do that) so now I'm just plain old feeling sorry for myself and floating like I'm somewhere in the ether. Numb is an improvement on pain. I called my mum last night (she lives far away from me) but she's very remote in her manner too. My sister is on the opposite coast and very judgemental.... hmmm no wonder I'm going for therapy.
I just hate feeling needy. I hate how quickly this swoops down over me. Just hits me upside the head and boom! I fall down.
My panic attacks have returned in full force. I'm getting wicked stress headaches every other day - on the off day I'm getting migraines. Everything seems to be coming to a head. I know it's the EMDR and I get very hopped up not knowing what's going to pop out of my head. Last time I talked with my dead cat. Then with my regular T I did a guided meditation with her and spoke to my panic. It told me to open up and use my senses to the fullest, to look and hear and taste and feel; because I get so very withdrawn when I'm panicked. I've been better here at work (until today) and was unprepared for my body and mind to trip me up.
Just shaken up, I guess.
Posted by mystic on July 14, 2004, at 14:25:43
In reply to Ooooooowwwww!, posted by partlycloudy on July 14, 2004, at 12:51:51
Hey Partlycloudy..was just at work and looking at posts have no idea how to get back here and I myself am going to be starting EMDR have had my first 2 visits for getting info together would love to talk to you about it but not sure I will get back to this particular post will leave you my e-mail address so you can e-mail me ok..thanks if not good luck with your treatment...Mystic
mystichyd38@aol.com
Posted by karen_kay on July 14, 2004, at 14:52:07
In reply to Ooooooowwwww!, posted by partlycloudy on July 14, 2004, at 12:51:51
and everything is going to be ok... i'm sorry your hubby's out of town. i'm sorry you are lonely. remember how music helps you. can you listen to music before you go? is that possible.. play your music on the way... headset? on your car stereo? can you call a friend? dear, we are here listening to you. i'll reply to your email.... i'm sorry, i was talking to someone on the phone, buyt i'm listening now, if you want to email me.. karen_kay12 at yahoo...
deep breaths,... it WILL be ok dear.. think of your favorite music. meditate.. go to your safe place.. think of your friends.. happy thoughts..
Posted by ghost on July 14, 2004, at 14:57:16
In reply to Re: Ooooooowwwww! » ghost, posted by partlycloudy on July 14, 2004, at 14:18:30
i promise.
Posted by Dinah on July 14, 2004, at 16:28:36
In reply to Ooooooowwwww!, posted by partlycloudy on July 14, 2004, at 12:51:51
I'm sorry I got here late. :( How did the EMDR go today?
Panic attacks are the absolute worst. Don't worry about having taken the xanax. I don't spend a second thought about taking a klonopin to avert them.
Remember to breathe.
(((Partlycloudy)))
Posted by partlycloudy on July 14, 2004, at 19:14:21
In reply to Re: Ooooooowwwww! » partlycloudy, posted by Dinah on July 14, 2004, at 16:28:36
The EMDR this afternoon focused on those very attacks and we went a long way towards resolving them. One exercise involved breathing in very deeply, and exhaling out the toxins in my body, mind and soul. For some wonderful reason, it's working. I had that shoelace-knotted center of anxiety loosened and untied by the end.
You know, all of you are so very special to me. Not just because you come through when I wail like I do (do you think I'd be the first person to yell FIRE in a theatre?), also because you are willing to listen, er, read, and support me. It's a fantastic gift and I don't take it lightly.
Posted by Jai Narayan on July 14, 2004, at 19:21:25
In reply to There is something to that breathing thing!, posted by partlycloudy on July 14, 2004, at 19:14:21
Posted by Dinah on July 15, 2004, at 8:28:59
In reply to There is something to that breathing thing!, posted by partlycloudy on July 14, 2004, at 19:14:21
I love it when therapy meshes well with what is concerning me.
Posted by SandyWeb on July 15, 2004, at 8:35:20
In reply to Ooooooowwwww!, posted by partlycloudy on July 14, 2004, at 12:51:51
Hi hun,
I am so sorry that you were going through panic attacks yesterday. They have to be the worse things in the world!!!
Congrats, though, on a tremendous session!!!! You must be feeling pretty good about it. You're a strong lady, PC.
(((PartlyCloudy)))
Sandy
Posted by TexasChic on July 15, 2004, at 8:58:17
In reply to There is something to that breathing thing!, posted by partlycloudy on July 14, 2004, at 19:14:21
I'm sorry you had such a rough time yesterday. It sounds as if it would be perfectly natural to freak out before a session, I mean they sound pretty intense. I think I would be more worried if you didn't freak out! You might try anticipating these feelings before a session, take a xanax before you even begin to get stressed, and don't beat yourself up for being upset about something that would be stressful to anyone. Especially with your hubby out of town! Sometimes it helps me just to know I have a justifiable reason to be upset. Then I don't try to fight it or become ashamed that I can't beat it.
I'm glad your sesions are going well. I look forward to hearing more about them. You've really got my interest piqued!
I was crying at work myself yesterday. My boss always gives all the work to my coworker, which makes me feel she doesn't trust me to handle it. She would rather overload her with work than trust me to do part of it. Its just very frustrating and demeaning, especially since I'm the one with more experience in our line of work. My last job was a similar situation. Now I don't know if I'm doing something to cause this reaction, or if I just happened to find myself in a similar situation. Its hard to keep your self esteem up when people always seem to think so little of you and your abilities. Sigh. Anyway, didn't mean to turn this into something about me. I'm glad your sesion went well.
Posted by partlycloudy on July 15, 2004, at 9:16:28
In reply to Re: There is something to that breathing thing! » partlycloudy, posted by TexasChic on July 15, 2004, at 8:58:17
I know we should be grateful that we can work and be productive. I have had work given to me, work taken away from, and I just had to let my resentments go. I get paid the same rate whether I'm doing more or less. There is also little satisfaction in finishing a big project if it goes unremarked. Do you think you're doing quality work and it's appreciated? If it is, then try to let go of resentment. I think it works against us; can make us look petulant (I'm not calling you these things, just speaking of my own experiences), and can make you really unhappy. My big project after the second EMDR treatment was to take pride in my work, to hold my head high, and know that I'm competant and employable. (This was the message from my dead cat!!)
(How's your new place? Still loving it?)
Posted by TexasChic on July 15, 2004, at 10:15:39
In reply to Work stuff » TexasChic, posted by partlycloudy on July 15, 2004, at 9:16:28
Yeah, I know where you're coming from. I felt like I was being extremely immature for getting so upset yesterday. And I was just upsetting myself and accomplishing nothing. But the thing about it is, my company has been downsizing, and I can't help but think that it appears that I don't have much to contribute because I'm not given the opportunity. Also, I'd just like to be appreciated for the intelligent, hard working person I am. I just never feel like I get that. I guess part of it comes from the fact that I didn't graduate from high school (because of the crippling depression) and I've been trying to prove myself ever since, but I also feel there is some legitimacy for how I'm feeling. I've actually talked to my boss about her blatant favortism and the fact that I'm not given the opportunity to do as much as I am capable, but she just doesn't get it. I would just for once like to have someone want me to do a challanging job because they know I'll do it well.
I realized yesterday that I was accomplishing nothing by getting angry and upset. And if I wanted to do something about it I should just get another job, which I have been looking into. I just hate the feeling that my boss has so little faith in me. This is something I've gotten angry about off and on ever since I've been at this job. My last job was a totally different situation, but pretty much the same idea. That boss was quite the chauvinist and seemed to think a female was not as capable. Anyway, I guess its just time to make some changes rather than sit around and complain.
As for my apartment – loving it! It just feels so good to have my own place, like I'm finally a grown up or something!
Posted by TexasChic on July 15, 2004, at 13:31:22
In reply to Re: Work stuff » partlycloudy, posted by TexasChic on July 15, 2004, at 10:15:39
I was just complaining about my job, and now I have two company's wanting me to call them back concerning jobs. Of course, when it comes down to it, I'm scared out of my wits about changing jobs. I always get all worked up about what *could* happen. I'm already wondering how I'm going to take off to go to an interview, and it hasn't even gotten to that yet! Or what if I take the job and then hate it, or everyone hates me?! I just have to keep reminding myself, "This is just a phone interview, you don't have to *take* the job".
I think I'm gonna have to take a Xanax.
Posted by partlycloudy on July 15, 2004, at 14:09:30
In reply to Re: I've got 2 phone interviews tonight!, posted by TexasChic on July 15, 2004, at 13:31:22
Girl, you are on a roll! It is so-o-o-o nice to be wanted, isn't it? How about YOU interview THEM? That way you can go for the right job instead of the next one.
Yeah, I'd take a Xanax too.
This is the end of the thread.
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