![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 9 to 33 of 33. Go back in thread:
Posted by gardenergirl on May 18, 2004, at 23:43:05
In reply to Never going to be a mom :(, posted by pegasus on May 18, 2004, at 15:47:32
Posted by All Done on May 19, 2004, at 0:36:33
In reply to Never going to be a mom :(, posted by pegasus on May 18, 2004, at 15:47:32
(((Pegasus))),
Sorry for the tough time you're going through. I hope the doctors can help you to have the opportunity to give the clomid and/or inseminations a try. My husband and I went through that and ended up conceiving through IVF. It might be a rough road ahead of you - just know that we'll be here to listen to and support you whenever you need it.
My husband and I are also considering adopting our second child. It is a beautiful thing to provide a home to a child in need of one. You would have more than my respect if that's the choice you make.
Good luck and take care,
All Done
Posted by All Done on May 19, 2004, at 0:38:45
In reply to Re: Never going to be a mom :( » pegasus, posted by Aphrodite on May 18, 2004, at 17:48:28
> One thing I learned from having my own child is that I can love any child -- they are all so precious and innocent and full of possibility.
Well said, Aphrodite :).
Posted by gardenergirl on May 19, 2004, at 8:44:01
In reply to Never going to be a mom :(, posted by pegasus on May 18, 2004, at 15:47:32
Pegasus,
Last night when I read your post, I had just finished looking at pictures (with my husband) of a friend's new (first) baby. It was bitter sweet. I've been off of the pill now for at least three years. I know what you mean about getting your period. It is a painful reminder. We haven't tried infertility treatment yet, because I want to wait until I am done with school. Or at least on internship, which will be busy, but fairly consistent. But I will be 39 then, too. It is scary and nerve wracking. The sense of urgency just adds so much stress.And my husband goes back and forth about whether he is "ready" or not. Guess what hubby. You don't have to worry about the timing, but I do. And that means you do too, ya big dork!
On the other hand, a professor I worked for last summer has adopted two absolutely adorable boys from India. They are the cutest, happiest kids. So that give me hope.
But it's hard, I know. Take care, and know that my thoughts are with you on this.
gg
Posted by pegasus on May 19, 2004, at 12:39:52
In reply to Re: Never going to be a mom :( » pegasus, posted by gardenergirl on May 19, 2004, at 8:44:01
I really appreciate your support. Last night I went to meet my neighbor's 2 week old little boy, and it just broke my heart. He's so precious and sweet. I hate to think that I'll never get to be a mom to a little one like that.
But you're all correct that adopting is great, and anyway there may still be some hope.
I just hate hate hate having cramps today. And my endocrinologist is being a jerk about this right now. He acts like all the info I've found on the web is not valid, and I'm full of sh** with the things I want to try. He just wants to keep adjusting dosages until something miraculous happens. Feh! And I wait 4 weeks between adjustments to test again! I haven't got that kind of time!
Thanks everyone, for your similar stories, and happy endings, and support.
pegasus
Posted by Aphrodite on May 19, 2004, at 14:22:56
In reply to Thx much Aphrodite, GG, All Done, posted by pegasus on May 19, 2004, at 12:39:52
I had a doctor who told me to stop playing doctor on the internet when I brought him lots of information on my condition and some experimental treatments. I fired him immediately. Then, I found a compassionate doctor who was interested in my thoughts and worked with me as a team. It was under her care that I became pregnant. As for the first doctor, I sent him a picture of my 2 week old baby and wrote, "I was right. Thanks for nothing." Boy what those postpartum hormones can do to a person!
Some doctors are arrogant and want to play God, and they don't want your involvement. I would look elsewhere if that attitude continued. You need to feel like you are involved in the process of making baby a reality instead of dependent upon the doctor.
Posted by DaisyM on May 19, 2004, at 19:22:22
In reply to Never going to be a mom :(, posted by pegasus on May 18, 2004, at 15:47:32
Peg,
You are so brave for posting this. My heart goes out to you. But...40 is NOT too old. One of my closest friends had an adorable little guy at 45. Yes, there are risks but still.
And adoption can be wonderful. Our SPT here adopted twin boys who were drug exposed. They were put immediately into fostercare so she got to meet them and see them until she took them home at 6 months of age. Now they are three and doing wonderful. She, btw, just had a baby girl after trying for 8 years and giving up. She thought she had the flu for 2 months...lol.
My brother and his wife (she's a pediatrician) also started trying "late" because she was in med school. They ended up doing IVF and had a wonderful little guy when she was 39. Then poof! along came another when they weren't looking. Amazing how that happens.
Children are a blessing and a curse. I hope you get your prayers answered soon. Someone said already it is a roller coaster ride. We'll help you hang on! Please call out for help as needed.
Posted by DaisyM on May 19, 2004, at 19:24:22
In reply to Re: Never going to be a mom :( » pegasus, posted by gardenergirl on May 19, 2004, at 8:44:01
GG,
Please read my post to Peg. You are brave too. I know it is so painful to want this so badly.
I wish I could wave my magic wand and make it happen for you both. For all of you who are wishing and wanting.
Keep the faith. Anything can happen. And usually does.
Posted by gardenergirl on May 20, 2004, at 8:05:53
In reply to Re: Never going to be a mom :( » gardenergirl, posted by DaisyM on May 19, 2004, at 19:24:22
Thanks Daisy. You are such a caring, sweet person. Your post to peg helped me too. I haven't given up hope yet, but I also tend not to let myself think about it much (except when I am reminded somewhat irregularly).
Thanks for your wishes and words of comfort.
Take care,
gg
Posted by pegasus on May 20, 2004, at 11:54:15
In reply to Re: Thx much Aphrodite, GG, All Done » pegasus, posted by Aphrodite on May 19, 2004, at 14:22:56
I know you're right. Yesterday I did some research and called around and got appts with a variety of endocrinologists in my general area. The one I'd really like to see is booked until October, so he must be good! I made an appt anyway. I also have an appt with another new endo that I know nothing about on June 2. She works at a university hospital, so I'm hoping she'll be up on the latest thinking and research. And I'm going back to see my old endo on Tuesday, just to lay it all out for him, and see if he has anything helpful to say, and check my records for myself for the last 10 years.
The truth, I think, is that no one knows what to do in a situation like this. My body isn't following the rules. So, I think I'll have to use some intuition. And I've been seeing a nutritionist and an accupuncturist, and I'm starting with a new T who specializes in fertility/pregnancy issues, doing Pilates, and visualizing being a mother, etc. and I'll try anything else at this point. I must say, I'm enjoying the accupuncture and Pilates, and I'm eating a lot better than I used to. So that's got to be worth something, baby or no.
Thanks for your encouragement, and positive stories. I'll keep looking for a decent Dr. around here.
I love your story about sending a picture of the baby to your old doc!
pegasus
Posted by pegasus on May 20, 2004, at 11:56:02
In reply to Re: Never going to be a mom :( » pegasus, posted by DaisyM on May 19, 2004, at 19:22:22
Thanks Daisy, for reminding me that 40 is my own arbitrary deadline. And maybe I should rethink the IVF decision. If I can ever get my thyroid stuff stabilized, we're going to at least do the treatments they recommend before you move on to IVF.
I appreciate everyone's support. This is really hard to admit, and depressing me a lot right now.
pegasus
Posted by tootercat on May 20, 2004, at 15:15:29
I totally understand your feelings around maybe never getting to hold your "own" baby only mine comes from another angle. I basically "couldn't" have children of my own or adopted because I didn't feel safe in doing so. I came from a very dysfunctional childhood which then led to alcoholism and drug addiction and made a conscious/unconscious decision not to pass along my "history" Now at 46 I am probably at a place where I could be a wonderful mommy but I do not want to start a family so late. I have an incredible man in my life *finally* who would have been a wonderful father. (he has two grown children) I will now concentrate on enjoying this gloriously happy healthy man/woman relationship and just be a surrogate mommy to you guys on here and to my god-children. My godson and goddaughter are both adopted and are incredible children. I wish you love and happiness in however you achieve your extended family.
Love,
Toots
Posted by pegasus on May 20, 2004, at 15:23:14
In reply to Never going to be a mom-Pegasus, posted by tootercat on May 20, 2004, at 15:15:29
Thanks so much for your story tooter. I'm sorry that stability and a great relationship came late to you. But I love your attitude, and I'm going to try to think somewhat that way about my situation as well.
I think I'm getting this thing a little more into perspective. I started trying to get pregnant late in part because I was pretty emotionally unstable for most of my life. It was when I started getting help, and getting better that we started trying. So, I'm trying to recognize that I wasn't just beeing foolish to have waited. And that I'm lucky to have started turning things around when I did.
pegasus
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on May 20, 2004, at 15:39:23
In reply to Re: Never going to be a mom-Pegasus, posted by pegasus on May 20, 2004, at 15:23:14
Pegasus,
Can you possibly look at your situation in the perspective that maybe you can't have children of your own because perhaps you were meant or destined to mother another person's bilogical child or even a child related to you? Does this make sense? Maybe you are here to help or provide nurturing for a child who is not biologically yours, but someone you could make a huge difference to. Maybe you couldn't do that if you had a child of your own.
Posted by partlycloudy on May 20, 2004, at 15:40:50
In reply to Never going to be a mom-Pegasus, posted by tootercat on May 20, 2004, at 15:15:29
Tooter, I made that same conscious decision about having a family for exactly the same reasons. I'm now 41 and my wonderful second husband has 3 grown children of his own. Isn't life just too strange?
Posted by tootercat on May 20, 2004, at 16:16:21
In reply to Re: Never going to be a mom-Pegasus, posted by pegasus on May 20, 2004, at 15:23:14
Based on how my life is now.....everything happens for a reason but I don't always get to know what that reason is. I do know that if I have been through all that I have in order to get where I am now I wouldn't change a thing!
Toots
Posted by Jai Narayan on May 20, 2004, at 16:22:53
In reply to Never going to be a mom-Pegasus, posted by tootercat on May 20, 2004, at 15:15:38
Hey Toots, That's the same reason I didn't want to have a child. But....I got pregnant when I was 18 and really didn't have a choice not to have a child. I gave my child up for adoption and I was without a child till ten years ago when my son and I connected. I am now a grandmother and there is one on the way!!!!
I was so worried about mental illness and my horrible upbringing that I just couldn't bring myself to have anymore children.
My son is now 35 and healthy. But the manic depressive illness hits our family late. Most were obviously ill in their late 30's. So it's a waiting game, I am hoping and praying he will be okay.
My mothers family had three BP children out of 6 children.
There was a bad chemistry in my mothers family. I think my grandfather was BP as well.
I was never a mom just a birth mother....it was a big deal but now I am so happy.
Posted by tootercat on May 20, 2004, at 16:41:47
In reply to Re: Never going to be a mom-Pegasus, posted by Jai Narayan on May 20, 2004, at 16:22:53
Jai,
I am so happy you and your son hooked up! I may get to be a grandma because my future hubby has a daughter with 1 son and another baby due July. Like I said in another post everything happens for a reason.....Love ya,
toots
Posted by lonelygirl on May 20, 2004, at 16:54:06
In reply to Re: Never going to be a mom :( » Dinah, posted by pegasus on May 18, 2004, at 17:33:23
I know I'm a little late in replying to this, Peg, but I'm still catching up on Babble! I'm sorry to hear about your fertility troubles. I can't say I "understand" because I've never, you know, tried, so I can only imagine how hard this must be for you.
I agree with what judy1 said -- if you adopt, you WILL be a mom just the same as if you gave birth! Dinah's post reminded me of a girl I knew on my swim team (a star swimmer, by the way). I was shocked to find out that she was adopted, because she looked just like her mother!
As you know, though, anything can happen, so who knows? Maybe you will get your "miracle" before you turn 40! I truly hope so. But if not, maybe your "calling" is to adopt a little one who needs you.
Posted by shadows721 on May 20, 2004, at 23:59:36
In reply to Never going to be a mom :(, posted by pegasus on May 18, 2004, at 15:47:32
Pegasus,
I do hope that you get your wish fulfilled in being a mom. I have to tell you that pressuring yourself does no good at all. I know 3 ladies that had problems and gave up. When they gave up, they got pregnant. This happened, because they weren't so stressed. So try not to stress yourself, please. Stress can play a major role in hormones and fertility.
I wish you could talk with my nursing instructor that tried for 10 years to have a baby. After she adopted a child, she came down with rare migrane disorder. It wasn't a migrane disorder. She was pregnant! She never believed it would happen to her. She tried everything. After adopting a baby, her focus was off of her fertility an on the baby. Bingo! She became pregnant within a year.
Another lady I worked with tried for 5 years, her doctor said stop trying and start shopping. Her doctor said you are trying to hard and stressing yourself out. Sure enough, she had a whole new wardrobe of clothes when she got pregnant.
I am not suggesting those ideas, but I am suggesting in being not so stress out. If you are happy in your life as it is, your health will be better and a better chance of conceiving too. Be kind to yourself in the process.
Posted by shadows721 on May 21, 2004, at 0:16:13
In reply to Never going to be a mom-Pegasus, posted by tootercat on May 20, 2004, at 15:15:38
I too was raised in a very abusive home and have suffered mentally majorly for it. I am on a medication regimen that is seeming to help me now. My husband of 13 years and my mother have been constantly pushing me to get pregnant. I have no interest, because I can't function without my medications. They keep saying, "Well, you may not be on medications in the future." The medications that I am on cause birth defects and I do not want to chance it. In addition, I have a serious depression problem. My mother says I am messing up my whole life. I am 36 and I know that ole clock is there, but I feel that my mental and physical welfare comes first. My husband does not want to adopt. He is the only boy in his family and that it. You have to continue the name. I told him that he may have to just get another woman to have children with, but I don't think he believes me. I do mean it. I know what it means to him, but I simply can't. I don't have millions of dollars to do the surrogate thing either. I feel sad about all this.
Posted by pegasus on May 21, 2004, at 16:23:14
In reply to A lot of pressure to be a mom, posted by shadows721 on May 21, 2004, at 0:16:13
Wow, it sounds like this hits a lot of people. It helps to hear the ideas about how maybe this is just part of where I'm headed in my life. Maybe there's some future kid out there that really is going to need me. Or maybe the time is just not right yet.
I've heard so many people say to reduce stress and stop trying so hard. But, I don't really know how to do that. I really want to have a child, so we try. But, then, I'm not hanging my whole identity on that. Really, it's going to be ok either way.
I'm in school now to become a counselor, and I think I'd like to work with kids. Sometimes I think that that would be hard to do if I *had* a kid. So, maybe all of this difficulty will end up being helpful in another part of my life. Maybe I'm meant to counsel troubled kids, rather than parent anyone. Or maybe something else altogether.
It's hard, though. I want to be a mom. Period. I don't know how to not really want that. I guess I need to work on accepting whatever happens.
pegasus
Posted by ghost on May 23, 2004, at 12:28:50
In reply to Never going to be a mom :(, posted by pegasus on May 18, 2004, at 15:47:32
i don't want kids... they're just not my style. but if i were to have kids, i'd adopt in a heartbeat. i know it's not the same as going through the pregnancy process, and having the child of your own flesh and blood, but i think family is what you make it... not who was born into it. i think there are so many children out there without homes or who are born into ufortunate circumstances, that adoption is better than the "real thing" because not only are you making a family out of *love* but you're improving the life of someone who might not otherwise have had a second chance at a good life themselves.
just my two cents. i do feel your pain, but i think it would be just as much of a blessing to adopt a child as to birth one yourself.
good luck with everything. keep us posted.
Posted by Mirror on May 24, 2004, at 1:43:05
In reply to Never going to be a mom :(, posted by pegasus on May 18, 2004, at 15:47:32
Hey listen i only read yours and i dont know if anyone said this or not and heck it may be against your relegion but artifical insemenation. I mean stil use your eggs and your husbands sperm but at least you have better accuracy oh also umm there was this commercal that had this machine that gave maximum efficentcy. lastly you mentioned you went though many test what about youre hubby(oh god ive listened to KK to long.) has he gone though tests well thats all good luck
Posted by Noa on May 24, 2004, at 18:40:16
In reply to Never going to be a mom :(, posted by pegasus on May 18, 2004, at 15:47:32
P-
I can really relate. I'm older than you, am single, and have thyroid problems and depression and am very sad about the idea of not being a mom.
But your situation sounds more redeemable than mine---Are you in touch with fertility docs who specialize in working with women with thyroid disorders? I saw an ad on TV for a fertility center that used thyroid problems as an illustration and talked about the specialists they have to address this.
There's still time. Good luck.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.