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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 29 to 53 of 53. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dinah on July 26, 2003, at 5:00:38
In reply to Re: I Quit My Job... Update... Freedom!, posted by Tabitha on July 26, 2003, at 2:08:29
I'm glad for you, Tabitha. I know you've been wanting this for some time, and it's a well thought out decision.
I think we underestimate sometimes how very bad for us our jobs can be, and you've taken some time to give the whole thing some thought.
Hooray!
Posted by noa on July 26, 2003, at 8:59:04
In reply to Re: I Quit My Job... Update... Freedom!, posted by Tabitha on July 26, 2003, at 2:08:29
Hey, Tab. Congratulations.
Two weeks really isn't that long, since you will be spending some of the time cleaning out your desk, cleaning out your files, wrapping up loose ends, talking to HR about cobra, etc. And connecting to people in the organization (if there are any) that you will want to keep some contact with, etc.
Posted by fallsfall on July 26, 2003, at 10:14:08
In reply to Re: I Quit My Job... Update... Freedom! » Tabitha, posted by noa on July 26, 2003, at 8:59:04
That's wonderful, Tabitha!
During those two weeks I'm sure you will need to read lots of documents or papers. No one needs to know that you are daydreaming about what you will do in week 3!
Enjoy
Posted by Tabitha on July 29, 2003, at 0:11:32
In reply to Re: I Quit My Job... Update... Freedom!, posted by Tabitha on July 26, 2003, at 2:08:29
Warning: another long rambling post.
I got there today, my boss's boss (for brevity I'll call him boss-2) had sent me email with a whole list of tasks I'm supposed to get done by friday. This all in addition to what I'd agreed to do last week in our normal meeting. Weird, since for 2 mos I've barely been busy, and this isn't really stuff I'd normally do. It's like he's woken up to the fact that I'm not busy. But these tasks were all sort of beneath my level of what I'm supposed to do. Plus there's no way this stuff could possibly be finished in a week--it was ridiculous.
But anyway, I thought-- didn't the HR lady tell him what happened? So I went and told him my 2 week notice, and it was a surprise to him, and awkward. He didn't even know they had refused my leave. He asked me to stay one extra week til Aug 15 since it turns out my underling is on vacation Aug 1-15, which this is the first I'd heard of it. I said no, I was already planning a vacation for August, needed time to prepare, and that it's hard being here still with one foot out the door. (The one week doesn't really matter I don't think. I don't want them to have time to burden me with a bunch of last-minute goals.)
And none of these tasks are related to training a replacement or handing off my knowledge-- it's just using me to keep doing the work. Short-sighted use of my time at this point.
So why the guilt? It was just awkward that he didn't know what had happened, and apparently was still not believing I was going so soon. Initially I had said Aug 1, so I'm already staying a week longer than I wanted. He looked angry and hurt. Probably partly that the VP refused my leave that he had asked for for me, not just anger at me. Angry that he didn't have enough influence to get the leave for me.
He said he'd talk to my boss, who's on vacation. So if my last day is Aug 8 I won't even see my boss or my underling then. The Boss-2 is out the rest of this week, so I can announce my leaving to everyone.
I'm afraid people will try to drag complaints out of me, and make it a little drama, like I got pissed off over something and quit impulsively, and try to generally whip up something gossip-worthy for entertainment.
I just want out. It feels like constant painful stress now. I'm fighting guilt, and I think it's going to get worse tomorrow when I tell more people. My underling will probably be openly hostile and critical, since he's most likely to get stuck doing more work that would have been dumped on me.
Friday I told the HR lady I was still willing to negotiate my end date, possibly take a week off then come back to stretch out the total time, but this weekend I realized-- why should I keep taking care of them? If they had given me the leave status I'd feel like I had a reason to negotiate. Plus... I'm thinking of BurningMan 2003, which is last week of August, and takes a lot of preparation. Plus... it's just so hard leaving. I can't stand to drag it out longer. It's constant pain and stress.
Already the one person I trust most, I had told her what was happening, and today I told her August 8 was my last day, that they denied my leave, and she said 'so you just quit' and I immediately took it as criticism, which I'm sure it doesn't have to be, but I'm going to be interpreting everything as guilt-inducing from here out.
Aaaak!
Posted by Dinah on July 29, 2003, at 0:21:41
In reply to Re: Yet another update... Guilt, posted by Tabitha on July 29, 2003, at 0:11:32
I understand why you feel that way. But as you know, it isn't warranted. They refused to grant you leave, why should you change your plans and inconvenience yourself for them. You gave them the proper notice.
If they had been a place that showed its workers loyalty and support, it would be different. But if it had been that sort of place you wouldn't be leaving.
The only *possible* reason I could see for putting yourself through more than what is standard for them is if you wish to work there again. And it doesn't sound as if you do.
I know you know all this. :)
(((Tabitha)))
How many working days till freedom?
Posted by Tabitha on July 29, 2003, at 1:04:03
In reply to Re: Yet another update... Guilt » Tabitha, posted by Dinah on July 29, 2003, at 0:21:41
Well, I don't exactly want to work there again, but I don't want to burn bridges either.
Your question... only 9 more work days. Wow, I never thought of it that way. Wow. Only nine days. Wow.
Posted by noa on July 29, 2003, at 19:37:01
In reply to Re: Yet another update... Guilt, posted by Tabitha on July 29, 2003, at 0:11:32
Sounds like an organization with major communications problems!
Don't feel you have to take care of them. Do what you need to do.
Posted by Tabitha on July 30, 2003, at 1:38:52
In reply to Re: Yet another update... Guilt » Tabitha, posted by noa on July 29, 2003, at 19:37:01
Thanks Noa. I need that kind of validation. My therapist pointed out that they're wanting me to compromise my vacation since 3 other people are on vacation now. I hadn't thought of my time as my vacation. Like it's less valuable since there will be so much of it. Sheesh.
Anyway I'm sticking to the Aug 8 date. This only amounts to 3 week notice, since they messed around for a week with deciding to not give me my leave. So I didn't give in much.
From what I know about your job dynamics, you must appreciate the effort it's taking me to leave in a friendly, professional way. I did some generalized griping about being bored lately, but I have not bad-mouthed any particular people. Not one bit! In fact I'm finding it in myself to say sincere nice things to the people I've had the most difficulty with. It feels good to take the high road.
Posted by Tabitha on July 30, 2003, at 14:08:40
In reply to Re: Yet another update... Guilt » noa, posted by Tabitha on July 30, 2003, at 1:38:52
I think the guilt passed. Now I'm so HAPPY at my pending vacation. I've thought of about a thousand things I want to do. I feel like a kid the week before christmas!
Posted by fallsfall on July 30, 2003, at 17:06:36
In reply to Re: Happy!, posted by Tabitha on July 30, 2003, at 14:08:40
Posted by Dinah on July 30, 2003, at 17:45:32
In reply to Re: Happy!, posted by Tabitha on July 30, 2003, at 14:08:40
Posted by noa on August 1, 2003, at 11:46:57
In reply to Re: Yet another update... Guilt » noa, posted by Tabitha on July 30, 2003, at 1:38:52
>From what I know about your job dynamics, you must appreciate the effort it's taking me to leave in a friendly, professional way. I did some generalized griping about being bored lately, but I have not bad-mouthed any particular people. Not one bit! In fact I'm finding it in myself to say sincere nice things to the people I've had the most difficulty with. It feels good to take the high road.
Yes, it is hard to do that, and I admire you for it!! When I eventually leave my job, I also want to be able to do it without burning bridges--but it is hard because of the frustration and anger I feel.
Posted by Tabitha on August 5, 2003, at 12:29:18
In reply to Re: Yet another update... Guilt » Tabitha, posted by noa on August 1, 2003, at 11:46:57
Gaak! What have I done? I can't be unemployed! What was I thinking? I didn't even plan my budget, I still don't know how much the health ins. will cost, etc etc etc. I should have managed better. Why couldn't I balance my life while working? What do I think I can do while unemployed that I couldn't do while working? I'll have zero income! Gaak! I'll just watch my savings dwindle while sitting on my behind!
Aaaah... shut up!
Really, I'm OK. I started making my plan, my list of things to do, and it helped. I'll work out my budget and figure out how long I can remain unemployed.
Well y'all it's interesting. All this panic, but not enough to change my mind. Last work week (4 more days). Suddenly I'm hyperconscious of money, questioning every $10 expense. I don't know what my expenses will be... there's house payment, medical ins payment, taxes, car ins, therapy, and I suppose everything else I can economize. I'll have to cut down therapy. I successfully avoided a phone session this weekend due to thinking how much it would cost.
I'm thinking up money-making schemes involving ebay. And all the stuff I can sell, that I would normally just give to goodwill and tax deduct.
I'm questioning the whole home ownership thing. I feel I really haven't kept up with the maintenance. It needs painting, roofing, and landscaping. I kept thinking I'd catch up but never did. I will now, with all my time, if I can make myself spend the money, but maybe it's just too much for me to do alone.
I don't think I ever want to work fulltime again, but I'm afraid parttime jobs in my field are too difficult to find.
I want to get into frugality... more savings... less spending. A plan.
Just my rambling. But I don't think this zero-income thing is going to work for me. If I sit around for 6 months obsessing about money, well, that's not the point of my break.
Maybe I need to work on that list some more.
Posted by lostsailor on August 5, 2003, at 13:38:13
In reply to Re: Yet another update... Panic, posted by Tabitha on August 5, 2003, at 12:29:18
I have an idea...
i'll comr to _._. and help with "homework"
and be a "boy toy"
all at minimal or no cost...
:)
~t
Posted by gabbix2 on August 5, 2003, at 13:52:19
In reply to Re: Yet another update... Panic, posted by Tabitha on August 5, 2003, at 12:29:18
Tabitha,
One thing I noticed is that When I was working
I just was in a different class of 'broke'
Its amazing you adjust. Well right now I'm really badly off, but I mean when I was on a much lower budget but still within reason.I ended up just not being as free with the 3.00 coffees and cab rides and take out food and barely noticed a difference. I'm sure it will be fine.
Sometimes with me, also I'll feel anxious anyway because of the change, and it will have to attribute itself to something specific though.If I were in your positiion I'd be panicking about money, just because my brain has to find a reason to explain the anxiety valid or not.So If I won the lottery my brain would have to find something else to obsess on like my being single..
Does that make sense? Its like this free floating anxiety just has to attach itself somewhere. I thought maybe that might be happening with you too. It will take a little while to adjust but my guess is you'll take to it like the proverbial duck to water.
I know I did, when I quit work and was in Employment insurance. The first month was just weird, and I was terrified, I mean terrified and anchorless, but after that, I thought if I could just earn that fairly small amount of money without going to work I'd be so happy.
I made a greenhouse inside my apartment
I actually got a Gardenia to bloom,(once) spent hours at the Library, painted, it was so intensely satisfying.
I'm only miserable now, because I hate where I'm living and I'm broke. So don't think I'm a hypocrite!!
Posted by Dinah on August 5, 2003, at 19:33:33
In reply to Re: Yet another update... Panic, posted by Tabitha on August 5, 2003, at 12:29:18
Seems like a normal reaction. You've planned reasonably well, I'm sure. And it isn't written in stone. You can be flexible.
I hope you can brainstorm some ideas about doing something that will bring you contentment. Your last job sounded so stressful that you should be able to cut back on therapy just by no longer dealing with that.
Or so the theory goes.
Deep breaths, Tabitha. It'll be ok. It's just that change, even good change, is scary.
Posted by Tabitha on August 6, 2003, at 12:10:05
In reply to Re: Yet another update... Panic » Tabitha, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2003, at 19:33:33
Thanks y'all. The therapist had an idea.. just limit the break to 3 months. Or at least tell myself that's the limit, and I can re-decide later. That way I'll get stuff done and not panic about money. And I'll just assume I'm going to get another job in my same field at the end. So I don't have the pressure to come up with a career change. Even though I might.
Simple notion, but it seems to help a lot.
Posted by Tabitha on August 7, 2003, at 1:32:48
In reply to Re: Yet another update... Panic, posted by Tabitha on August 6, 2003, at 12:10:05
I'm suddenly paranoid about posting details about my job situation, like somebody will know me. Yipes.
My boss is mad at me, he sent a rather nasty email saying people told him I was saying bad things about my job, and he ranted and raved about how unfair this was of me, and how I shouldn't lower the group morale, etc etc, and also I was supposed to finish a whole project in my last 2 days. It was really shaming, and he didn't say who told him these things, or exactly what they said. This is a guy who's always saccharine nice, so it was shocking to boot.
Wow, that hurt. I've been socializing with the junior folks this week, that I don't normally do, and apparently a couple of them reported back to him, that set this off.
I didn't think I'd said anything too bad, but I've been open about the fact that I haven't been very busy lately. Which is true. And I've probably made it clear I was upset they wouldn't give me leave of absence, and that I'm looking forward to not working. I was really trying not to badmouth the company. I didn't. Lots of OTHER people were complaining, and showing very very low morale, worse than me, so I'm not the one that lowered morale. The company is struggling, and my boss wants to wear the rose colored glasses, and I'm supposed to also keep up the lie that everything is OK. People aren't stupid you know.
Now I'm actually supposed to attend an 8am meeting and finish a whole project in 2 days and somehow do what I thought was important, which was to do a writeup to try and transfer some knowledge, which seems more important than doing one more stupid project.
It hurts that here I was finally socializing with people and somebody tattled on me and got me in trouble with the boss. And of course he didn't say who it was, which just makes it more maddening.
My whole goal was to leave on good terms.
I guess I'd better just not talk to anyone anymore. I didn't realize I was saying anything bad.
They're still having a going-away lunch for me tomorrow, and a going-away party on Sunday, and now I'm afraid to talk to anyone.
I've been in such a good mood this week from taking it easy and speaking freely and socializing, not being in such a workaholic box. I was even thinking that gee, if I had been more like this all along, I might have been happier. Well, so much for that theory. Apparently being my happier freer self is not acceptable.
Just all the more evidence that... I need to get out of there! Soon!
I let this make me feel awful. I was going to go attend a social event tonight, but stayed working til 9pm instead.
Posted by Dinah on August 7, 2003, at 7:25:38
In reply to Re: Yet another update... Boss is Angry, posted by Tabitha on August 7, 2003, at 1:32:48
(((Tabitha)))
I'm sorry. Just repeat the mantra. Two more days. (Adjusting as necessary.) I really do think you made the right choice. There must be something better than that out there for you. Even my soul destroying job sounds better than that.
Hang in there.
Posted by Greg on August 7, 2003, at 8:09:20
In reply to Re: Yet another update... Boss is Angry, posted by Tabitha on August 7, 2003, at 1:32:48
Tabby,
Sounds like you found the person who will always run to the boss and report any discontent among the masses in order to make themselves look better in the eyes of the boss. Substitute brown noser here...
My suggestion? Keep your opinions to yourself, no matter how harmless you think they may be, do your remaining time, and then go along your merry way. This is a no win situation.
You sound like a talented person and some company will be very lucky to get you. And with any luck, it'll be the job you've always dreamed of. Gotta have our dreams, right?
(((((Tabby)))))
Greg
Posted by Penny on August 7, 2003, at 10:57:36
In reply to Re: Yet another update... Boss is Angry, posted by Tabitha on August 7, 2003, at 1:32:48
Oh Tabitha...that sucks.
There is always someone in every workplace just looking for the opportunity to stab someone in the back. Can be worse or better depending on the type of company, usually, but there's always someone.
Things will look so much brighter for you once you're out of there!
(((Tabitha)))
P
Posted by Tabitha on August 8, 2003, at 2:07:31
In reply to Re: Yet another update... Boss is Angry » Tabitha, posted by Penny on August 7, 2003, at 10:57:36
Wow, today just felt FULFILLING. In contrast to most of my days, which at the end leave me feeling a little needy and lonely.
I worked in the morning, had my going-away lunch, and took the chance to confide in this guy about what happened with the boss yesterday. He's an older guy and seems pretty cool yet I've not gotten to know him because he hasn't been there long and has poor location for socializing (in a cube with no privacy). He understood exactly where I'm at with wanting time off. I felt much better about it. The guy sort of asked me out, and gave me his phone and email. I'm not sure I want to date him, but it was sure nice to get the interest.
I went around taking pictures off all my coworkers to remember them by. That was fun. I've been hanging out with the young guys all week. One of them was helping me later with my project and told me that it was going to be hard to replace me, and that the software I've done there is really good. That was sure nice to hear.
Then I finished working on the last project my boss was pressuring me to finish-- it worked! So he'll be off my back tomorrow.
Then I went to a folk dancing event with my friends (a couple), and there was this whole social scene there. I couldn't learn the steps, but it looked like it would be fun to learn and go to these events, which happen a lot. It was mostly women, but the right age range for me to make friends, and heck there were some men, so maybe it would be an avenue for dating too. It gave me hope that I can find new social avenues out there.
My friends took me to dinner and I had a great time with them. I felt 'mommied' afterward.
Ah, how come I don't have more days like this? Is it just I'm getting extra attention for leaving my job... or have I opened the gates to something? A whole day full of fulfilling human contact. Gosh-- I've survived with so little up til now.
Posted by Dinah on August 8, 2003, at 6:59:14
In reply to Re: Yet another update... A Happy Day, posted by Tabitha on August 8, 2003, at 2:07:31
Here's hoping to more happy days for you.
It seems clear that you enjoy the company of others and are renewed by being with others, Tabitha. I'm sure this is redundant, because you and your therapist have doubtless covered this. But you should really brainstorm some ideas of becoming part of a thriving supportive group of some sort. Church is one idea. How about charity work. It doesn't have to be hands on, if you prefer not to. It could be more of an administrative nature. Are there any political causes you feel passionate about?
There are so many things I'd love to do if I could ever count on myself to be there (and if I could ever find being with others more renewing than draining.)
Posted by Penny on August 8, 2003, at 8:21:50
In reply to Re: Yet another update... A Happy Day, posted by Tabitha on August 8, 2003, at 2:07:31
Posted by Tabitha on August 8, 2003, at 12:01:09
In reply to Re: That's wonderful. :) » Tabitha, posted by Dinah on August 8, 2003, at 6:59:14
Yes, I've considered volunteer work. Last time I looked into it (it was a hospice program), they wanted too much time commitment. But now I'll have more time.
This is the end of the thread.
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