![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 46. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by gabbix2 on December 7, 2002, at 11:15:01
I don't get this.
I can't do it
Posted by Ted on December 7, 2002, at 20:08:37
In reply to The end, posted by gabbix2 on December 7, 2002, at 11:15:01
Gabbi,
> I don't get this.
> I can't do itHuh?
What don't you understand? What can't you do?
ted
Posted by Kath on December 10, 2002, at 13:31:52
In reply to Re: The end » gabbix2 , posted by Ted on December 7, 2002, at 20:08:37
Ditto to what Ted said. Kath
> Gabbi,
>
> > I don't get this.
> > I can't do it
>
> Huh?
>
> What don't you understand? What can't you do?
>
> ted
>
Posted by gabbix2 on December 11, 2002, at 12:47:00
In reply to Re: The end - Gabbi, posted by Kath on December 10, 2002, at 13:31:52
That was I think my cryptic plea to the universe.
In one of my nameless grief blinded, worn out by depression and medication and feelings-that -are way- out of proportion- to whats happenning episodes.
I still don't get it.
The cycles happen so fast, seems I'm always going to the Dr to get "propped up" aa little more.
Wanting to just get out cause I don't understand the rulesIt sounds terribly like teenage angst except I'm in my 30's.
I made a promise I wouldn't kill myself, so on those days where I'm really angry at having to keep that promise, I go really bonky.
Then I think I sound like a whiner, which I do, except I wouldn't sound like a whiner if I was allowed out.. so I'm alive and whining.Not very productive....
Thank-you for asking though.
Posted by Dinah on December 11, 2002, at 13:04:31
In reply to Re: Oh gee, sorry » Kath, posted by gabbix2 on December 11, 2002, at 12:47:00
if it keeps you here.
Posted by gabbix2 on December 11, 2002, at 13:26:52
In reply to Whine away. :) It sounds very productive.... » gabbix2, posted by Dinah on December 11, 2002, at 13:04:31
Hee heee I'm laughing.. how did you do that?
A rhetorical question but thank-you.
Posted by Kar on December 11, 2002, at 17:06:21
In reply to Re: Oh gee, sorry » Kath, posted by gabbix2 on December 11, 2002, at 12:47:00
Gabbix2,
You don't give yourself enough credit! Doesn't seem out of proportion at all. Your post could
have been written by me (except that you're a better writer, methinks)!
I'm bp, 32, currently doing fine but so stinkin' frustrated because I know that this is only because we just adjusted a dosage. And that I probably have about a week of feeling good and then I'll crash again. And we'll tweak again. And so on...And I don't get it either...>seems I'm always going to the Dr to get "propped up" aa little more.
Are you my not-as-evil twin? i guess that was presumptious... :D
>
>I don't understand the rules
That's so eloquently put. And it doesnt seem as if there are rules, does it? Cuz we would've figured them out long ago.Do you feel like killing yourself on the really bad days? You don't have to answer...but I don't get that way when I'm rotten. I wanna sleep just to be not-awake. But not to cease existence because I know it will get better.
Problem is that while it gets better, it in turn gets worse eventually.
>whiner, which I do,
Nope.Do you mind telling me what you take? Curious...
Hope you're popping out of it soon and not feeling so "bonky"!
Karen
Posted by Kath on December 11, 2002, at 17:28:47
In reply to Re: Oh gee, sorry » Kath, posted by gabbix2 on December 11, 2002, at 12:47:00
Thanks for being here. Alive & whining is GOOD!!! Compared to some of the alternatives!
hugs, Kath
> That was I think my cryptic plea to the universe.
>
> In one of my nameless grief blinded, worn out by depression and medication and feelings-that -are way- out of proportion- to whats happenning episodes.
>
> I still don't get it.
> The cycles happen so fast, seems I'm always going to the Dr to get "propped up" aa little more.
>
>
> Wanting to just get out cause I don't understand the rules
>
> It sounds terribly like teenage angst except I'm in my 30's.
>
> I made a promise I wouldn't kill myself, so on those days where I'm really angry at having to keep that promise, I go really bonky.
> Then I think I sound like a whiner, which I do, except I wouldn't sound like a whiner if I was allowed out.. so I'm alive and whining.
>
> Not very productive....
>
>
> Thank-you for asking though.
>
>
Posted by gabbix2 on December 11, 2002, at 21:54:30
In reply to Same here! » gabbix2, posted by Kar on December 11, 2002, at 17:06:21
Hi Kar, thanks.
No I don't mind you asking a bit.
I take Paxil, this week, actually its working quite well, I'd been on it years ago when I was nieve, and though it helped my depression it had a single (sexual) side effect, so I switched to Prozac, which worked, but needed to be boosted with t3 hormone, and dexedrine and pooped out eventually
After ending my extremely negative experience with Effexor recently, somehow that ONE side effect from Paxil sounded heavenly.
I'd since been diagnosed as Bp11. Previously it was unipolar, refractory, progressive cyclical depression..which is unfortunately true.
Now I have episodes of hypomania too, so I'm on a small dose of chlorapromazine, and my new p.doc is thinking about lithium,If i'm in a stable situation which is rare, fortunately I am right now, I would not become suicidal.
If my stability is rattled in any way, though I do become suicidal. A friend said to me recently that the slightest hint of uncertainty does drive me crazy (in the true sense) I did promise after last summer to my family that I wouldn't attempt again. Mostly I have to take it on faith that there is some reason to be here, that is when I'm not actively keeping myself from doing myself in.Such a cycle though, I've got a.d.d as well and the combination makes any stability as in a job, or even enough mood consistant days in a row to reach a goal. Its getting worse, and It's frightening to not go forward enough to have anything to fall back on.
Well I have lots more to say, but I should probably end this for your sake..
And what is your prescription? How long have you been battleing the bp, do you work?
I always wonder how people work, though I did have a fairly good job up until two years ago.
Posted by gabbix2 on December 11, 2002, at 21:55:13
In reply to Re: Oh gee, sorry » gabbix2, posted by Kath on December 11, 2002, at 17:28:47
Posted by Kar on December 12, 2002, at 11:33:07
In reply to Re: Same here! » Kar, posted by gabbix2 on December 11, 2002, at 21:54:30
G-
Can't believe how much your story sounds like mine. I've been lurking for some time (usually more when i feel lousy but isn't that so often the way?)and yours is the first post I've read that I can relate to in nearly every way. While it's not nice that anyone has this, it is nice to talk to someone who's been there. People can empathize/sympathize but one wonders how much they really understand.>switched to Prozac, which worked, but needed to be boosted with t3 hormone, and dexedrine and pooped out eventually
A big worry here.>negative experience with Effexor recently, Same...
>ONE side effect from Paxil sounded heavenly.
:D> Now I have episodes of hypomania
Harrumph!>about lithium,
I tried that when I was 1st dx'ed, which was when I was 16 (32 now). It's really helped so many people. I hear about some that get on it and poof- they're sooo much better. Didn't apply here and ended up frying my thyroid but hey, I like to shake things up a bit.>If I'm in a stable situation which is rare,
What qualifies as stable for you? I mean, how long. For the past 2 years I've been up and down and all over the map. I'm throughly sickened by it. If I get one or two weeks where i feel good (which of course means "normal") I'm a happy gal. But realistically and from experience, I don't know/don't think it will last. I hate it hate it hate it. Can I plan to go out with my friends next Tuesday? WEll I could PLAN it but might have to cancel. I can't count on anything.>on faith that there is some reason to be here,
Darn tootin'. Good that you can think that way. Some people can't.
>probably end this for your sake..
Don't be silly! And with message boards there's no need for "I should let you go"'s! I could stop if I wanted to! I love to "chat" with you!My drugs:
Lamictal
Trileptal
Synthroid (hats off to the Lithium)
ProzacPdoc really wanted to see if we could get me stable (I hate the way that sounds!)on only MS but i kept getting too down. Tweaked and tweaked...too much Tri and I was falling on the floor, two much Lam and I'm not any better. Done the other mood stabilizers. Done other AD's. Nardil was the best for me but I got of it because I needed decongestants and I was having surgery)...
i had a good job until 2 years ago too. Are you also a 5'5 Capricorn with brown hair and eyes? :D I'm a speech-language pathologist and work(ed) with babies. Loved it. Started going downhill; canceling therapy sessions, trouble functioning/concentrating/living. Didn't feel it was fair to me or my kids (clients, that is). I miss it so much.
More later?Best,
Karen
Posted by gabbix2 on December 12, 2002, at 16:10:02
In reply to You thought you post was long? Ha!, posted by Kar on December 12, 2002, at 11:33:07
Well I am 5 foot 5, my hair *might be brown, I haven't seen my 'true colors' in a while, but no I know I'm not a capricorn... However, I was enrolled to take the speech and language pathology course at college last sept!I wanted to work with special needs kids, as I've spent most of my working life with mentally challenged adults. Hmmm..
School did not work out I was accepted, but somehow technically enrolled in the wrong program.
I crashed in sept anyway, mood wise, so it was okay. (relatively speaking)When I said, I'm not suicidal when I'm stable, I should have clarified my living situation, if I have supportive people near me. If I'm alone, I don't reach out when I crash, (or I go hysterical and drive people who don't understand far far away) Then I have a really tough time not giving in to it.
Today I think I'm just bored, and also sick so I'm feeling disconnected and a little anxious.
I wanted to get right back to you though because I thought the speech pathology similarity was too much!If you want to e-mail me. I'm at Princess dirt at Hotmail. Feel free. Please.
Posted by Peter S. on December 16, 2002, at 16:07:24
In reply to You thought you post was long? Ha!, posted by Kar on December 12, 2002, at 11:33:07
Hi Karen,
I'm 5'7, a gemini, and I'm male but I'm on almost exactly the same combo as you!
Lamictal
Trileptal (low dose-trying to work up)
Prozac
NeurontinI confess it's me that has been the major support for all the drug companies the last couple of years, having gone through every single psychoactive substance known to man (and woman).
I tend to cycle every 3 or 4 days. I'm a true gemini with a split personality- depressed and non-depressed. Unfortunately I've spent 90% of my life in the depressed state.
As someone said in an earlier post, I really think there's something about sensitivity and mental illness. I tend to be very sensitive for whatever reason which, in my case, has been a curse. If your sensitive and have a healthy early environment, it can be a real gift. I think many of the people who have contributed the most to this world in terms of making it a better, more peaceful place have been highly sensitive. Right now though I long to be insensitive!
Peter
> G-
> Can't believe how much your story sounds like mine. I've been lurking for some time (usually more when i feel lousy but isn't that so often the way?)and yours is the first post I've read that I can relate to in nearly every way. While it's not nice that anyone has this, it is nice to talk to someone who's been there. People can empathize/sympathize but one wonders how much they really understand.
>
> >switched to Prozac, which worked, but needed to be boosted with t3 hormone, and dexedrine and pooped out eventually
> A big worry here.
>
> >negative experience with Effexor recently, Same...
>
> >ONE side effect from Paxil sounded heavenly.
> :D
>
> > Now I have episodes of hypomania
> Harrumph!
>
> >about lithium,
> I tried that when I was 1st dx'ed, which was when I was 16 (32 now). It's really helped so many people. I hear about some that get on it and poof- they're sooo much better. Didn't apply here and ended up frying my thyroid but hey, I like to shake things up a bit.
>
> >If I'm in a stable situation which is rare,
> What qualifies as stable for you? I mean, how long. For the past 2 years I've been up and down and all over the map. I'm throughly sickened by it. If I get one or two weeks where i feel good (which of course means "normal") I'm a happy gal. But realistically and from experience, I don't know/don't think it will last. I hate it hate it hate it. Can I plan to go out with my friends next Tuesday? WEll I could PLAN it but might have to cancel. I can't count on anything.
>
> >on faith that there is some reason to be here,
>
> Darn tootin'. Good that you can think that way. Some people can't.
>
> >probably end this for your sake..
> Don't be silly! And with message boards there's no need for "I should let you go"'s! I could stop if I wanted to! I love to "chat" with you!
>
> My drugs:
> Lamictal
> Trileptal
> Synthroid (hats off to the Lithium)
> Prozac
>
> Pdoc really wanted to see if we could get me stable (I hate the way that sounds!)on only MS but i kept getting too down. Tweaked and tweaked...too much Tri and I was falling on the floor, two much Lam and I'm not any better. Done the other mood stabilizers. Done other AD's. Nardil was the best for me but I got of it because I needed decongestants and I was having surgery)...
>
> i had a good job until 2 years ago too. Are you also a 5'5 Capricorn with brown hair and eyes? :D I'm a speech-language pathologist and work(ed) with babies. Loved it. Started going downhill; canceling therapy sessions, trouble functioning/concentrating/living. Didn't feel it was fair to me or my kids (clients, that is). I miss it so much.
> More later?
>
> Best,
> Karen
>
Posted by Kar on December 16, 2002, at 23:23:02
In reply to Re: You thought you post was long? Ha!, posted by Peter S. on December 16, 2002, at 16:07:24
Hey Peter- you're a goof! Oh boy...Gemini...dare I even reply to your message?
>I'm on almost exactly the same combo as you!
Wow, that's bizarre. ok, we're on a board of people on psychoactive drugs, but it's still bizarre. I was on Neuron. too at one time in my long and impressive ("robust" as my pdoc says...??) history.Do you work? Why'd you end up on Tri AND Lamic? Were you on tegretol before? Wow, I was on Teg for like 15 years and once I got onto trileptal I could actually retrieve words again. What a difference.
Wait a minute, are we still being "social"? I wouldn't want to be sent over there...
Prozac
How much are you on, how long did it take to work? Do you get hypomania at all?>been the major support for all the drug companies the last couple of years,
oh ho, there...it depends on how old you are! I bet I could give you a run for your money! And I bet you've never been on the "Pill"! Gotcha!
Ok, I suppose you could argue that it's not psychoactive but it can be used for that...>I tend to cycle every 3 or 4 days.
Man! You never get more than that? That really bites. What happened with the other ADs you've been on? Going back on Prozac, for me, is like going back to the beginning, but now that I have 2 MS on board, it seems different. I just don't trust anythiong anymore. Not depressive negativity, just realism unfortunately...>90% of my life in the depressed state.
How have things changed over the years?
>
>sensitive for whatever reason which, in my case, has been a curse.How come? I love a sensitive man...mine is sensitive but not "depressed sensitive" and it's so refreshing.
>more peaceful place have been highly sensitive.
I agree. And you put it rather eloquently. Wait a minute- that was sensitive of you! Sorry...
>Right now though I long to be insensitive!
Oh we can work on that!Hang in there,
Karen
> Peter
>
>
Posted by Peter S. on December 17, 2002, at 16:58:55
In reply to To the sensitive guy... » Peter S., posted by Kar on December 16, 2002, at 23:23:02
Hey Karen
I'm glad you like sensitive guys and glad you found one! I really think a certain degree of sensitivity is great, but it can be a real drag if you mix it with depressive tendencies (as in my case). When I'm depressed my self esteem sinks into a pit- I find it very difficult to relate to women in this state.
>Why'd you end up on Tri AND Lamic? Were you on tegretol before?
Never been on tegretol. I ended up trying Lam because everything else wasn't working and was leading to cycling. Lam worked great-then faded.
Do you work?
Currently looking and it's driving me slowly but surely over the edge-I'm out of money! I've got a second interview on Thursday for a job that I want and I'm on pins and needles.
> Prozac How much are you on, how long did it take to work? Do you get hypomania at all?Now on 20mg but it is causing cycling- not really hypomania- to tell you the truth I'm not sure whether I get hypomania or I just have a "normal" mood- whatever that is. I've never gone on shopping binges or anything.
>> >I tend to cycle every 3 or 4 days.
> Man! You never get more than that? That really bites. What happened with the other ADs you've been on?They either didn't work or caused cycling.
> >90% of my life in the depressed state.
> How have things changed over the years?Since discovering anti-depressants I've been cycling a lot more I guess which is better than being depressed all the time.
Anyway, glad your combo seems to be working- I'm dropping the trileptal because it's been making me feel horrible.
As for my sensitivity- I think a lobotomy might fix it. I'm going to try and go down to Mexico and get me one.
Cheers,
Peter
Posted by Kar on December 17, 2002, at 23:47:22
In reply to Re: To the sensitive guy..., posted by Peter S. on December 17, 2002, at 16:58:55
>I find it very difficult to relate to women in this state.
I can relate to that...>Lam worked great-then faded.
THe dreaded fade-effect. I asked my pdoc why and he just tells me that I'm "subtherapeutic". It's b.s.>driving me slowly but surely over the edge-
Ok, not surely. There's a guard rail , I'm sure, and it'll bounce you back onto the road. then you'll be shaken but will make it safely home.
You'll be in my thoughts...I've got a second interview
OMG, it's coming up, huh? Good for you for getting out there. I can't do it yet. Too inconsistent. You go!
>
>hypomania or I just have a "normal" mood
Same here. Been good for a whole 1 week but wonder...where are we headed from here? So tiring, so frustrating.>I've never gone on shopping binges or anything.
Me at 16, Macy's with Mom's charge card...$600 or so. Days long gone but I still like to shop (wisely now! :))> Anyway, glad your combo seems to be working- Thanks but I'm only tapping on wood because it's too soon to knock. jeez, you'd think with 3 (well know 2)ms on board your cycling would be more under control. Damn!
>think a lobotomy might fix it
But then you'd lose your sense of humor too! mr. flat affect! There must be another way!!! How 'bout just a transplant like in Young Frankenstein?. I could go with you...
Good luck with the interview!
Posted by Peter S. on December 18, 2002, at 15:08:32
In reply to Lobotomy Schmotomy » Peter S., posted by Kar on December 17, 2002, at 23:47:22
Karen,
Thanks very much for the support!
I may just put off the lobotomy. I can't really afford it right now anyway. I may try to apply for a government grant or financial aid later. I could make it into a research project- of course after the procedure I'd have to have someone complete the write-up for me since I'll probably be a little impaired.
> >I find it very difficult to relate to women in this state.
> I can relate to that...
>
> >Lam worked great-then faded.
> THe dreaded fade-effect. I asked my pdoc why and he just tells me that I'm "subtherapeutic". It's b.s.
>
> >driving me slowly but surely over the edge-
> Ok, not surely. There's a guard rail , I'm sure, and it'll bounce you back onto the road. then you'll be shaken but will make it safely home.
> You'll be in my thoughts...
>
> I've got a second interview
> OMG, it's coming up, huh? Good for you for getting out there. I can't do it yet. Too inconsistent. You go!
> >
> >hypomania or I just have a "normal" mood
> Same here. Been good for a whole 1 week but wonder...where are we headed from here? So tiring, so frustrating.
>
> >I've never gone on shopping binges or anything.
> Me at 16, Macy's with Mom's charge card...$600 or so. Days long gone but I still like to shop (wisely now! :))
>
> > Anyway, glad your combo seems to be working- Thanks but I'm only tapping on wood because it's too soon to knock. jeez, you'd think with 3 (well know 2)ms on board your cycling would be more under control. Damn!
>
> >think a lobotomy might fix it
> But then you'd lose your sense of humor too! mr. flat affect! There must be another way!!! How 'bout just a transplant like in Young Frankenstein?. I could go with you...
> Good luck with the interview!
>
>
Posted by Gabbix2 on December 18, 2002, at 17:04:40
In reply to Re: Lobotomy Schmotomy, posted by Peter S. on December 18, 2002, at 15:08:32
Peter although I agree with Kar, if you do decide to go ahead and do the deed... Don't go to MEXICO or any discount LOBOTOMY SURGEONS.
My ex-fiancee did that before we moved in together, and it only partially worked.
He was wayyyy more stupid, but just as grouchy as ever :(
Seriously though
good luck on the interview.
Posted by Gabbix2 on December 18, 2002, at 17:15:54
In reply to Re: Lobotomy Schmotomy, posted by Peter S. on December 18, 2002, at 15:08:32
Peter I do agree with Karla,
however in case you do decide to give in,
DON'T go to Mexico, or ANY BACK ALLY SURGEONS>Take it from one who knows.
My former fiancee did that at my behest because we were going to move in together and he was kind of an ass. It worked but only part way, he got waYYYY more stupid, but was just as cranky as ever.uh oh, I'm now vorried and vundering if yoking about lobotomies is verboten.
Dr. Bob
I started a new medication, sorry,
its true, I really did, Wellbutrin and I'm a bit buzzedSincerely
Oh geez who am I posting as?oh yeah
Gabbix2(a very sorry joke)
Posted by Gabbix2 on December 18, 2002, at 17:18:06
In reply to Re: Lobotomy Advice, posted by Gabbix2 on December 18, 2002, at 17:15:54
I did reload the page and my post was NOT there
so I re wrote it.
Posted by Dinah on December 18, 2002, at 18:17:38
In reply to Re: Lobotomy Advice, posted by Gabbix2 on December 18, 2002, at 17:15:54
Just make sure you monitor yourself, Gabbi. I did every bit as badly on Wellbutrin as Effexor. Not to say you won't have a great experience, but given your reaction to Effexor, it might be wise to have your roommate keep an eye on you.
An ever-cautious,
Dinah
Posted by Gabbix2 on December 18, 2002, at 18:55:04
In reply to Egads! Be careful! » Gabbix2, posted by Dinah on December 18, 2002, at 18:17:38
Thanks Dinah,
I'm already cutting back, it reminds me an awful lot of Effexor which makes perfect sense to a lay-person like me, but not my DR.
It does increase noripinephrine and dopamine
the Paxil incrases serotonin, add that together and it theoretically could be EFFEXOR!I've advised my roomates.
You know, I don't much like this.
Thanks Dinah.
Posted by Dinah on December 18, 2002, at 21:33:11
In reply to Re: Egads! Be careful! » Dinah, posted by Gabbix2 on December 18, 2002, at 18:55:04
I think pdocs need their heads examined. Mine put me on Effexor after a disastrous Wellbutrin/Luvox experience. I even questioned the wisdom of it.
I'm glad you're taking care of yourself, Gabbi. It's a shame that we have to, isn't it?
Posted by utopizen on December 25, 2002, at 23:28:19
In reply to Re: Tsk Tsk Tsk » Gabbix2, posted by Dinah on December 18, 2002, at 21:33:11
I want a lobotomy, I always did- how much do they go for? I hope my insurance could pay for it. I have some mild social anxiety and I pace around sometimes when I'm bored. Maybe a lobotomy would work on me. Speaking of which, anyone else pace? It really doesn't set me far apart from an Asperger's person, only I have a high degree of insight into others (which isn't helping my social anxiety).
Posted by Ritch on December 27, 2002, at 14:15:48
In reply to How much is a lobotomy nowadays?, posted by utopizen on December 25, 2002, at 23:28:19
> I want a lobotomy, I always did- how much do they go for? I hope my insurance could pay for it. I have some mild social anxiety and I pace around sometimes when I'm bored. Maybe a lobotomy would work on me. Speaking of which, anyone else pace? It really doesn't set me far apart from an Asperger's person, only I have a high degree of insight into others (which isn't helping my social anxiety).
I think that only the government knows for sure how much a lobotomy costs (Now I've got Ramones music playing in my head). I doubt if insurance would cover it, and if they did it would probably be easy to find out how much :) Pacing? Yeah, I am a pacer. I've got the taut leg musculature of a feral cat! I think I burn a few thousand calories a week doing precisely that. When I was going to school and had to sit down (and be captive) that translated into restless legs and fidgeting and pencil tapping, chewing, etc. Do Asperger folks pace a bunch? I hadn't heard of that. .. .. .. ..
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