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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 18 to 42 of 42. Go back in thread:
Posted by allisonm on October 21, 2000, at 20:47:22
In reply to Re: Reasons to live, posted by Cass on October 21, 2000, at 16:44:52
Cass,
Maybe I am barking up the wrong tree. If so, you may box my ears.
I agree: Little pleasures are fleeting. I try to collect them and together -- when I take the time to really, really look at them -- they usually can outweigh the bad. Most of the time this means living in the present, which I find hard to do and something that I have to put my mind to to achieve and maintain. It's also something my doctor often suggests that I do, along with giving the good things more weight and the bad things less weight in my thoughts and life.
My disclaimer: That said, I'm feeling OK tonight. Tomorrow I might feel altogether differently. If I sound too chirpy, just ignore me. I understand how you feel.
When I am feeling well and even when I am not, I find that making "goodness" myself is the only way to have it with any regularity. The world is too big and too screwed up to expect "goodness" from it in any quantity, although sometimes I am surprised. But if I make it myself (there are myriad ways to do this if you put your mind to it) it always comes back to me -- in the most unexpected ways and often at times when it is most needed. I just have to keep my faculties about me, which can be very hard to do, especially when plagued with depression.
I make an effort to really observe those swans I was talking about. Many times I go by and see they're out there, like so many bobbing white fluffy pillows (albeit with very long necks). I'm too wrapped up in what happened at work, whether my job is in peril, what a hurtful jerk my dad is, what came in the mail, how much I miss my mom, how it might be nice to be in a relationship with someone but I don't trust anybody, or what a complete mess my house is. But then I make myself go outside specifically to look at the swans and then I try to count them. I remind myself how far they have come and how far they have to go and I marvel. But all of this is work. Some days, everything is work -- including counting swans. But sometimes I can turn it around and make goodness from it. If I'm lucky I'm not feeling so bad that I can't do it.
I wish for death when I am at the end of my rope. I have no hope in any state of mind, dead or alive, for a reunion with a larger goodness. Death simply is nothingness to me... I'm not going anywhere but in the ground or the sea, which sometimes has felt like an extraordinarily fine idea. But not right now.
Is there something in particular that has happened that is bothering you?
Take care.
Allison
Posted by Phil on October 21, 2000, at 22:57:05
In reply to Re: Reasons to live, posted by allisonm on October 21, 2000, at 20:47:22
Watching this World Series!!!
Posted by Racer on October 22, 2000, at 0:08:32
In reply to Re: Reasons to live, posted by Phil on October 21, 2000, at 22:57:05
The SF Giants are not playing, right?
And yet, somehow, you have a reason to live?
What a confused boy you must be...
(Not like I've got an opinion, right?)
And always remember:
PITCHERS GOTTA HIT!!!!!!!!!!
(National League all the way!)
Posted by pullmarine on October 22, 2000, at 0:15:59
In reply to Re: Reasons to live, posted by Phil on October 21, 2000, at 22:57:05
1. driving my shrink up the wall
2. shocking the hell out of puritans
3. feeding pork to muslims, jews and vegetarians.
4. exposing yourself in a school for the blind
5. shouting obsceneties in a school for the deaf
6. where there's pill there's a waybut now, on a more serious note,
1. Music.
2. people need me.
3. skiing
4. more music
5. people need me
6. still more music
7. the world needs psychos like me
8. if i die, there will be one less vote for the democrats.
9. spain.
10 france
11. french wine and smelly cheese
12. norwegian smoked salmon, sushi
13. music
14. people need me
15. if i die there will be one less vote for the democrats
16. puppies and kittens
17. rain drops on roses
18. brown paper packeges tied up with strings.
19 skiing.
20 driving my shring nuts.
21 giving support from u guys.
22. getting support from you guys.
23. if i die there will be one less vote for the democrats
24, sharing
25. warm milk and fresh cookies
26. champagne
27. practical jokes
28. pulling people's legs (specially my little nephew)
29. playng guitar on the treets of spain.
30 getting arrested for playing the guitar on the streets of spain.
31. giving presents.
32. learning new languages.
33. puppies and kittens.
34. music
35. meeting people.
36. discovering an unknown medieval city in europe while hitchhiking accros the old continent.
37. making love in the park
38. opium (always wanted to try it, and one day, I will.)
39. psycho babble
40. sticking flowers in my hairy chest and going for a walk.
41. wearing a skirt and combat boots and going for a walk.
42. walking aroung in a european country dressed like a soldier and playing with traffic.
43. getting drunk or stoned.
44. seducing young men.
45. being seduced
46. tiramissu
47. belgian chocolate.
48. writing songs, poems, stories.
49. making people laugh.
50 shaving my head.
51. swiming in the north sea on christmas eve.
52. almodocar
53. hal hartley
54. jean cocteau
55. barbar and serge gainsbourg and brassens
56 the beatles, the stones, the velvet.
57. satie, bach, vivaldi
58. billie holiday, chet baket, miles davis.
59. taking nude b/w pictures
60. printing pictures.
61. making real hot chocolate with real belgian chocolate.
62. eating a real dame blanche with a real italian expresso.
63. cafe con leche and tortilla de patatas
64. doing the pilgrimage to santiago de compostelle.
66. jj cale, bowie, edith piaf
67. playing chess or scrabble.
68. playing truth or dare or 'I have never___'
69. remembering good times.
70. getting laid
71. making love in a park
72. getting arrested for making love in a park
73. diving in a pile od dead leaves.
74. the smell of his/her cologne mixed with the smell of his/her sweat
75. shaving her legs
76. having her shave my face.
77. giving a massage after a J.
78. getting a massage after a j.
79. sitting by a fire
80 waking up alone miles from nowhere by a small river in the french drome.
81. meeting people on the streets of spain or the south of france.
82. being invited for thanksgiving.
83. getting phone calls.
84. giving phone calls.
85. getting intouch with long lost friends.
86. sexually harrassing your own cousin at a family wedding by pulling up her dress in public.
87. opening her bra while slow-dancing at the same wedding.
88. going to a demonstration for something you believe in.
89. dressing in drag.
90. racing downhill on a bike.
91. holding someone you love on a motorbike.
92. scooters in the winding roads of italy.
93. discovering new music, new sounds.
94. making passes
95. confusing people by making up weird stories.
96. acting strange on purpose
97. kissing che guevara
98. good tea
99. maurice ravel
100. driving my shrink up the wall
Posted by Rzip on October 22, 2000, at 0:39:41
In reply to Reasons to live, posted by Cass on October 20, 2000, at 20:24:09
You know. I just realized that Psycho-babble does give me one more concrete reason to live. You guys are in my thoughts constantly (which is good and bad). But, at least it is more appropriate to communicate through this service than... The first couple of days after I registered, I think I was desperate and obsessed with expressing myself and be accepted into this family. Now, I have calmed down a great deal.
To know that some of you regulars will always be there is a great comfort and support system for me.
Thanks,
Rzip
Posted by laural on October 22, 2000, at 3:10:46
In reply to Re: 100 Reasons to live, posted by pullmarine on October 22, 2000, at 0:15:59
1. because i like the wway youre doing when yoiur doing when your doing whaat your doing
2. pj harvey pj harvey pj harvey
3. so that if you find yourself in space in the near future you can hum "major tom" under your breath and make everyone uncomfortable
4. because you need to figure out what 637 * 58 is
5. so you can live to see genetically engineered plants make us their slaves
6. so that you can overcome your irrational panick at seeing spiders--ew!
7. so that you can dance on the grave of everyone who ever looked at you cross-eyed
8. so that you can learn to juggle knives and kittens while riding a unicycle blindfolded after drinking drano in the desert surrounded by scorpions
9. chorizo
10. so that you can interrupt *deep* conversations about tabula rosa with "but what *is* tabula rosa--I mean *really*?"
11. so that you can dress up like the sex kitten you are and then give a "youre such a loser" look at the guy who comes up and starts grinding on you at the dance club
12. so you can spray paint a big orange X on all the cars in the strip club parking lot and watch the divorce rate go up after the 10:00 news
13. so that you can live to become a heroin addict and die of an overdose--i know thats not funny, but it was my goal at one point and i really do have to laugh
14.so that you can finally make that sculpure out of all the cigarrette butts youve been collecting out on the back porch
15. youve got to find out if those bruises you wake up with on your arms in the morning are the result of alien abduction
17. because you have to find out if the baby is really dereks--man those soaps go on forever!
18. because the afterlife might really suck--like washington DC (i've never been there : ) )
19. because those beets won't pickle themselves
20. because scrubbing potatos might be really fun, c'mon
21. because you might come back as yourself
22. so that you can find out what happened to #16
23. oh, i give up, i'm starting to sound like those forward emails--just one thing though--
PJ HARVEY--havn't heard all of her new album but have all her others and can testify
Posted by allisonm on October 22, 2000, at 8:05:30
In reply to Re: 100 Reasons to live, posted by laural on October 22, 2000, at 3:10:46
101. pj harvey, pj harvey, pj harvey and John Parish
102. Radiohead
103. Neil Young
104. turning 39 next month and being able to hold an in-depth conversation on pj harvey with the 22-year-old intern in our office.
105. Listening to the new Radiohead CD ad nauseam at home, in the car, and at work and not having a husband around to bitch about it
106. The Meat Puppets and R.E.M.
107. Trent Reznor, Bob Mould, Brian Eno, Robert Fripp, Tom Waits, Gustav Mahler, Johannes Brahms, Frank Sinatra, Steve Reich, Benjamin Britten, Joseph Schwantner, Augusta Read Thomas, Courtney Love, Joni Mitchell, Dimitri Shostakovich, and Steve Earle
108. playing reyong in a Balinese gamelan ensemble
109. painting
110. flowers
111. my cats
Posted by Phil on October 22, 2000, at 9:08:08
In reply to Only one thing to say to you » Phil , posted by Racer on October 22, 2000, at 0:08:32
Racer, I'm not a big sports fan but I occasionally get caught up in the baseball playoffs.
Baseball, little league esp., was the best time of my life.
Racer, I just love your spunk; almost as much as I love to hear you talk horses.
Hell, there's a ton of reasons to live.
Phil
Posted by Greg on October 22, 2000, at 10:58:31
In reply to Re: Only one thing to say to you-Racer , posted by Phil on October 22, 2000, at 9:08:08
Phil,
After a 4 hour 51 minute contest fron boredom hell do you still feel the same? Should've been the Giants and my A's (and it will be next year). When our two teams get together we really "shake things up".
Have a peaceful day,
Greg> Racer, I'm not a big sports fan but I occasionally get caught up in the baseball playoffs.
> Baseball, little league esp., was the best time of my life.
> Racer, I just love your spunk; almost as much as I love to hear you talk horses.
> Hell, there's a ton of reasons to live.
> Phil
Posted by Cass on October 22, 2000, at 17:34:19
In reply to Re: Reasons to live, posted by Rzip on October 22, 2000, at 0:39:41
Jonathan Livingston Seagull.
Posted by shar on October 22, 2000, at 20:19:55
In reply to Re: 111 Reasons to live, posted by allisonm on October 22, 2000, at 8:05:30
Frankly, I'd really rather not live another day; haven't wanted to for many, many years.
However,
1) I don't go where I'm not invited (where suicide would take me).
2) Shadow my black lab
3) Lamar my collieA friend told my sister if my dogs ever died she better be on my doorstep within 3 seconds, new puppy in hand.
It is probably a very insightful statement on my friend's part. She says she never worries about me truly, as long as my dogs are 0k.
Shar
Posted by Phil on October 22, 2000, at 20:28:35
In reply to Re: Only one thing to say to you-Racer » Phil , posted by Greg on October 22, 2000, at 10:58:31
Greg, I didn't think that sucker would ever end but I'm just glad I can get into something right now. I look forward to next year!
Phil
Posted by shar on October 22, 2000, at 20:32:28
In reply to Re: Reasons to live, posted by Cass on October 21, 2000, at 16:44:52
Another problem is this: What if suicide does not unite one with god. That is one of the drawbacks of making the decision from this side of the event.
Shar> The problem is this. So many of life's little pleasures are fleeting. What I need is God (not Religion). But there is so little evidence of God(God = Goodness) in this world. Yes, I feel a sense of spirituality within myself, but I want that sense to be the overriding presense in my life. Don't say pray. I don't believe in a personal God. The appeal of death is that it unites one with God. It's not so much wanting death as wanting God.
Posted by Cass on October 22, 2000, at 23:09:22
In reply to What if....... » Cass, posted by shar on October 22, 2000, at 20:32:28
If God creates people only to have them suffer terribly through no fault of their own, then condemns them for killing themselves, who wants anything to do with that God? I don't believe in that God.
Posted by Racer on October 24, 2000, at 2:14:53
In reply to Re: What if......., posted by Cass on October 22, 2000, at 23:09:22
This may sound trivial, but there's a poem by Edna St Vincent Millay called The Suicide. It's one of the things which has stopped me now and again.
Read it, if you can, and see what it does for you. Maybe it won't help, maybe you'll find your reason to live is to stamp out Millay's poetry for ever and ever, but maybe you'll find it inspirational, too.
Posted by Racer on October 24, 2000, at 2:19:04
In reply to 3 Reasons to Live, posted by shar on October 22, 2000, at 20:19:55
Do you know, I once set myself up to commit suicide, made all my plans, wrote my notes, had a couple of drinks for courage, and locked myself into my tiny garage with the motor running.
Then realized my mistake: I hadn't made arrangements for my then only-cat. So, I called a girlfriend, and asked her if she liked that cat. She hemmed and hawed, and said something about 'he's alright, but I couldn't live with a cat like that...'
So, having a cat no one else liked saved my life once...
(He's still with me, and still fat, furry, and purring. And now at least one or two other people think he's OK, even if he's not well liked...)
Posted by shar on October 24, 2000, at 9:49:57
In reply to Re: 3 Reasons to Live » shar, posted by Racer on October 24, 2000, at 2:19:04
Racer -- I am certainly glad he wasn't a popular cat at that time!! Shar
> Do you know, I once set myself up to commit suicide, made all my plans, wrote my notes, had a couple of drinks for courage, and locked myself into my tiny garage with the motor running.
>
> Then realized my mistake: I hadn't made arrangements for my then only-cat. So, I called a girlfriend, and asked her if she liked that cat. She hemmed and hawed, and said something about 'he's alright, but I couldn't live with a cat like that...'
>
> So, having a cat no one else liked saved my life once...
>
> (He's still with me, and still fat, furry, and purring. And now at least one or two other people think he's OK, even if he's not well liked...)
Posted by noa on October 24, 2000, at 10:11:54
In reply to Re: 3 Reasons to Live » Racer, posted by shar on October 24, 2000, at 9:49:57
Makes me think of Phoebe's "smelly cat"
Posted by Christina on October 24, 2000, at 18:43:11
In reply to Re: 3 Reasons to Live » shar, posted by Racer on October 24, 2000, at 2:19:04
> Do you know, I once set myself up to commit suicide, made all my plans, wrote my notes, had a couple of drinks for courage, and locked myself into my tiny garage with the motor running.
>
> Then realized my mistake: I hadn't made arrangements for my then only-cat. So, I called a girlfriend, and asked her if she liked that cat. She hemmed and hawed, and said something about 'he's alright, but I couldn't live with a cat like that...'
>
> So, having a cat no one else liked saved my life once...
>
> (He's still with me, and still fat, furry, and purring. And now at least one or two other people think he's OK, even if he's not well liked...)
Posted by shar on October 25, 2000, at 11:56:14
In reply to Re: Only one thing to say to you-Racer » Phil , posted by Greg on October 22, 2000, at 10:58:31
I think if you want to talk sports (like the "World" Series where only US teams play) you should go to Sports-Psychos Babble. Many, and I mean several, of my favorite programs have been pre-empted by these overlong displays of poorly behaved men playing with balls!
Shar 8-)
> Phil,
>
> After a 4 hour 51 minute contest fron boredom hell do you still feel the same? Should've been the Giants and my A's (and it will be next year). When our two teams get together we really "shake things up".
>
> Have a peaceful day,
> Greg
>
> > Racer, I'm not a big sports fan but I occasionally get caught up in the baseball playoffs.
> > Baseball, little league esp., was the best time of my life.
> > Racer, I just love your spunk; almost as much as I love to hear you talk horses.
> > Hell, there's a ton of reasons to live.
> > Phil
Posted by Greg on October 26, 2000, at 21:14:54
In reply to Sports Psychos Babble, posted by shar on October 25, 2000, at 11:56:14
Shar,
Then I should send all 100 of my upcoming sports posts directly to your e-mail addy? Besides, I don't think pre-empting "Ricki Lake" and the "Simpsons" is something to get too upset about..... DOH!
I love you, man!
Greg> I think if you want to talk sports (like the "World" Series where only US teams play) you should go to Sports-Psychos Babble. Many, and I mean several, of my favorite programs have been pre-empted by these overlong displays of poorly behaved men playing with balls!
>
> Shar 8-)
>
>
> > Phil,
> >
> > After a 4 hour 51 minute contest fron boredom hell do you still feel the same? Should've been the Giants and my A's (and it will be next year). When our two teams get together we really "shake things up".
> >
> > Have a peaceful day,
> > Greg
> >
> > > Racer, I'm not a big sports fan but I occasionally get caught up in the baseball playoffs.
> > > Baseball, little league esp., was the best time of my life.
> > > Racer, I just love your spunk; almost as much as I love to hear you talk horses.
> > > Hell, there's a ton of reasons to live.
> > > Phil
Posted by quilter on October 26, 2000, at 22:18:46
In reply to Re: Sports Psychos Babble » shar, posted by Greg on October 26, 2000, at 21:14:54
Because the last time I tried to die, I woke up in the ICU with the feeling, no, the certainty, that I was still here because I still had Work to do.
The face of God I turn to most often is the creator. The incredible beauty and infinite variety that surrounds us is evidence, to me at least, of the care S/He takes in all things. I try to keep the thought that God created me for some purpose I do not yet understand in front of me. I know the care and thought that go into my quilts is microscopic in relation to our creator's so I must trust that even the smallest thread has significance to the whole work.
I have also learned that I need to shield myself from problems I can do nothing about, so I rarely watch the news or read about national or international affairs. Call me an ostrich but it has made my life less unbearable.
Quilter
Posted by Cass on October 26, 2000, at 22:42:09
In reply to Re: Reasons to live, posted by quilter on October 26, 2000, at 22:18:46
> The face of God I turn to most often is the creator. The incredible beauty and infinite variety that surrounds us is evidence, to me at least, of the care S/He takes in all things.
I sure see the beauty of god (or spirit) in Nature, but I see little evidence of it in society. It seems like people are becoming more and more shallow, cold, materialistic, egomaniacal, self-centered and ethically corrupt. I try to speak up about it when an appropriate occassion arises. That is one thing we can all do. If we see injustice, we can speak up. Even if we don't cure the injustice, it causes people to think. It doesn't make you popular, but it does lend to a clean conscience.
Posted by shar on October 27, 2000, at 1:12:45
In reply to Re: Sports Psychos Babble » shar, posted by Greg on October 26, 2000, at 21:14:54
I'm not talking about Limpsons or Icki Lake, I mean serious stuff, like X-Files. To bump that is almost a crime. Sports should be allowed on between the hours of 2 a.m. to 5 a.m. only.
xoxo
Shar
> Shar,
>
> Then I should send all 100 of my upcoming sports posts directly to your e-mail addy? Besides, I don't think pre-empting "Ricki Lake" and the "Simpsons" is something to get too upset about..... DOH!
>
> I love you, man!
> Greg
>
> > I think if you want to talk sports (like the "World" Series where only US teams play) you should go to Sports-Psychos Babble. Many, and I mean several, of my favorite programs have been pre-empted by these overlong displays of poorly behaved men playing with balls!
> >
> > Shar 8-)
> >
> >
> > > Phil,
> > >
> > > After a 4 hour 51 minute contest fron boredom hell do you still feel the same? Should've been the Giants and my A's (and it will be next year). When our two teams get together we really "shake things up".
> > >
> > > Have a peaceful day,
> > > Greg
> > >
> > > > Racer, I'm not a big sports fan but I occasionally get caught up in the baseball playoffs.
> > > > Baseball, little league esp., was the best time of my life.
> > > > Racer, I just love your spunk; almost as much as I love to hear you talk horses.
> > > > Hell, there's a ton of reasons to live.
> > > > Phil
Posted by angelrose on October 30, 2000, at 10:54:33
In reply to Re: 3 Reasons to Live, posted by noa on October 24, 2000, at 10:11:54
> Makes me think of Phoebe's "smelly cat"
Thanks, guys! This put a smile on my face.
I had forgotten about Phoebe's smelly cat! LOLIt is my first time reading these posts, good way to start my morning.
My most important reason:
Getting a hug and a real kiss from my 22 month old baby, and hearing her say for the first time I Love You.
WOW!
Reason #2-- you guys for this incredible board!
Reason #3-- drinking a Mocha with lots of whipped cream and a cigarette first thing in the AM
Reason #4-- Paris, the most beautiful city in the worldAngelrose
This is the end of the thread.
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