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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by dazedandconfused on October 16, 2004, at 11:14:31
I emailed him last Tuesday simply asking if we were still in contact. Haven't heard from him and probably won't. The rejection is the hardest. Why do I crave someone who has been so cruel to me?
I am missing him today. Just missing the way it used to feel...a long time ago.
I miss him.
dazed
Posted by Jai Narayan on October 16, 2004, at 11:41:15
In reply to I miss him, posted by dazedandconfused on October 16, 2004, at 11:14:31
I am so sorry you find yourself missing someone you wonder why you miss.
It's hard to let go...
I held onto someone on some level for 2 decades. There was some magic there that I have never had again? He wasn't good for me either on the day to day level. I couldn't live with him but boy could I love him...
it's one of the mysteries of this life.
take care
Jai
Posted by AdaGrace on October 17, 2004, at 12:58:36
In reply to I miss him, posted by dazedandconfused on October 16, 2004, at 11:14:31
Sometimes it seems as if we wear our hearts on our sleeves and they have them wrapped in a blanket and stashed in the basement. It's hard when you find you have opened up your heart when you told yourself you wouldn't do that anymore and once again get it slammed in the door. Because I love him, doesn't mean he has to love me back, write me back, or call me back....as it so obviously seem these days. Yet inside my heart, I know he does. On some level, I know he does. His way and my way of dealing with this is just so very different. Missing someone you love when they are still alive and apparently doing well is so much harder for me than missing someone who has passed on. Because there is no real substantial finality to it. There is still the chance of hearing from them again. There is still the hope of something anything from them in the future. A word from him would be so wonderful to me. To hear his voice on the phone in my ear, instead of in my head as it is these days......that would make my day. I crave for something, something to make me feel as if I didn't dream the entire thing up. Otherwise I know that I am the only one suffering and that really seems unfair to me. I know how you feel. I really do. It's the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my entire life. I didn't have a nervous breakdown when my mother dies, but I did when I lost the man I just knew was THE ONE. I'll never have that again, nor will I ever go searching for it again, and if it comes my way, I will turn around and run in the opposite direction. Never again will my heart be open for anyone to grab and twist. Sounds cynical and sounds like a bleak existence I know, but it's how I feel. Close it up, throw away the key. If you don't let it out, you can't be hurt. and Oh God do I hurt so very very bad. Keep talking to me, maybe we can help each other.
Posted by dazedandconfused on October 18, 2004, at 8:08:12
In reply to Re: I miss him » dazedandconfused, posted by AdaGrace on October 17, 2004, at 12:58:36
AdaGrace,
It seems strange to have this much pain over something like this doesn't it? I try to be rational and just accept that he doesn't care about me the same way I care about him. Sounds good...but it still hurts. I recently found out that he has started dating someone and even that hurts. Coincidentally, that is about the time he quit returning phone calls/ emails.Were you depressed before all this happened? Were you depressed when you met him? What about during the relationship?
Sadly, I have suffered from depression all my life. With him, I briefly perked up for a while, but the depression afterwards, along with the guilt has nearly killed me. Unbelievable as it may seem, the true relationship only lasted a few months, and I am still paying for it six years later. God, if I could do things over again.
Keep posting. Your posts really help and I know what you are going through.
dazed
Posted by dazedandconfused on October 18, 2004, at 8:11:07
In reply to Re: I miss him, posted by dazedandconfused on October 18, 2004, at 8:08:12
Posted by AdaGrace on October 18, 2004, at 9:05:17
In reply to Re: I miss him, posted by dazedandconfused on October 18, 2004, at 8:08:12
I lost my mother a few years before I met this man, and was under tremendous stress due to the family strain and loss of true loving contact with them for the first 13 years of my marriage. That I truely do blame on my husband. I allowed it to happen, but he caused it. He took me away from everything I was familiar with and molded me into what he wanted and I let him. WHen my mother died I was distraught over the loss of her but also the loss of an adult relationship I missed out on with her. That's when the drinking started.
Posted by dazedandconfused on October 18, 2004, at 9:10:19
In reply to Yes I was depressed before » dazedandconfused, posted by AdaGrace on October 18, 2004, at 9:05:17
I can imagine how hard that must be on you. I honestly believe these relationships are a symptom of the depression (ie; it wouldn't have happened) if I wasn't depressed). As well as the depression caused by being rejected and feeling guilty.
I have been in therapy for four years...I get better but I always slide back. What about you?
dazed
Posted by AdaGrace on October 18, 2004, at 10:38:31
In reply to Re: Yes I was depressed before, posted by dazedandconfused on October 18, 2004, at 9:10:19
I just started therapy (3 visits) and don't really know if it is helping or if I even like it. Would rather the T was a woman, maybe would relate better to me. Not sure.
Posted by Rhapsody on October 19, 2004, at 19:22:26
In reply to I miss him, posted by dazedandconfused on October 16, 2004, at 11:14:31
You are being a needy, desperate woman and betraying your vows at the same time. Stop belittling yourself with that type of behavior and direct your attention to your dear husband.
There are many things you can do.
Write your husband love notes.
Buy him a new after-shave or a gift he would like.
Make a delicious meal for your husband.
Give him a massage.
Get a nice hair cut and go out on a date with your husband.
Buy some lingerie to surprise your husband.
Tell your husband that you love growing old with him.
Find things to do to have a blast with your husband!You can do it! :o)
> I emailed him last Tuesday simply asking if we were still in contact. Haven't heard from him and probably won't. The rejection is the hardest. Why do I crave someone who has been so cruel to me?
>
> I am missing him today. Just missing the way it used to feel...a long time ago.
>
> I miss him.
>
> dazed
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 20, 2004, at 0:56:30
In reply to Re: I miss him, posted by Rhapsody on October 19, 2004, at 19:22:26
> You are being a needy, desperate woman and betraying your vows at the same time. Stop belittling yourself with that type of behavior
Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down -- even when you mean well.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by AdaGrace on October 20, 2004, at 7:13:57
In reply to Re: I miss him, posted by Rhapsody on October 19, 2004, at 19:22:26
Rhapsody,
I know that you are trying to help, but I think that I agree with my therapist on this. Doing for others does not necessarily help someone with incredibly low self esteem. I have that problem and after the few talks with dazed, I think there are some self worth issues at play with her as well. It's hard to feel anything good for yourself when you feel you have played the part in a horrible crime, and to suggest that you "do something good for your husband" might not be the ticket to success here. I am sorry if this sounds like I am berating you, really I am not. I just want to try to explain to you that there is more to this story and perhaps your advice might actually work, but it could also make her feel even worse about herself and feel that she should constantly "do good things" for others in order to atone her sins. I don't feel that is the case. We have to love ourselves and we are not responsible for other people's happyness. I do believe that.Dazed, please tell me you are okay. I sent you a babblemail. If you want to talk, I'm here. I understand.
Posted by Rhapsody on October 20, 2004, at 11:27:38
In reply to Re: I miss him » Rhapsody, posted by AdaGrace on October 20, 2004, at 7:13:57
Hi AdaGrace,
I understand where you are coming from. It was my hope that Dazed would put the energy into saving her marriage rather than engage in behaviors that make her feel worse or guilty (as Dazed stated).
> Rhapsody,
> I know that you are trying to help, but I think that I agree with my therapist on this. Doing for others does not necessarily help someone with incredibly low self esteem. I have that problem and after the few talks with dazed, I think there are some self worth issues at play with her as well. It's hard to feel anything good for yourself when you feel you have played the part in a horrible crime, and to suggest that you "do something good for your husband" might not be the ticket to success here. I am sorry if this sounds like I am berating you, really I am not. I just want to try to explain to you that there is more to this story and perhaps your advice might actually work, but it could also make her feel even worse about herself and feel that she should constantly "do good things" for others in order to atone her sins. I don't feel that is the case. We have to love ourselves and we are not responsible for other people's happyness. I do believe that.
>
> Dazed, please tell me you are okay. I sent you a babblemail. If you want to talk, I'm here. I understand.
Posted by dazedandconfused on October 20, 2004, at 12:28:02
In reply to Re: I miss him, posted by Rhapsody on October 19, 2004, at 19:22:26
Rhapsody,
I am well aware that my behavior is needy and desparate. It does not help to have it pointed out to me. In my first post I noted that I was seeking SUPPORT.Frankly, I am doing the best I can.
Feel free to post if you can be supportive. Otherwise, in order to protect my already fragile selfworth,,,please don't post such things to me again.
dazed
Posted by dazedandconfused on October 20, 2004, at 12:31:00
In reply to Re: I miss him » Rhapsody, posted by AdaGrace on October 20, 2004, at 7:13:57
AdaGrace,
Thanks for your support. It is true. My self esteem was never that high (despite having relatively high achievements) but it is in the toilet now. And yes, having Rhapsody call me needy and desparate (which I already call myself) doesn't help.Thanks for your support.
dazed
Posted by Rhapsody on October 20, 2004, at 13:08:21
In reply to Re: I miss him, posted by dazedandconfused on October 20, 2004, at 12:28:02
I apologize Dazedandconfused. I did not mean to upset you. I wish you all the best.
> Rhapsody,
> I am well aware that my behavior is needy and desparate. It does not help to have it pointed out to me. In my first post I noted that I was seeking SUPPORT.
>
> Frankly, I am doing the best I can.
>
> Feel free to post if you can be supportive. Otherwise, in order to protect my already fragile selfworth,,,please don't post such things to me again.
>
> dazed
Posted by AdaGrace on October 20, 2004, at 14:08:42
In reply to I miss him, posted by dazedandconfused on October 16, 2004, at 11:14:31
If it makes you feel any better I think I may be a stalker after reading up on it. Constant phone calls and messages. The background checks I did. Reading his hometown newspaper. The only thing I haven't done is follow him around or park outside his house. I would though, if I lived in the same part of the country that is.
Posted by AdaGrace on October 20, 2004, at 14:11:26
In reply to Re: I miss him--To AdaGrace, posted by Rhapsody on October 20, 2004, at 11:27:38
I read your post as if you were talking to me, and to be honest, I felt the way I thought Dazed would and apparently did feel. Sometimes being in the same shoes tells us how it feels to wear them.
Posted by dazedandconfused on October 20, 2004, at 16:27:40
In reply to Re: I miss him, posted by AdaGrace on October 20, 2004, at 14:08:42
Hi Ada,
Thank you so much for your support. It really helps. I probably would be stalker if I were geographically closer also.dazed
Posted by dazedandconfused on October 20, 2004, at 16:28:20
In reply to Re: to Dazedandconfused, posted by Rhapsody on October 20, 2004, at 13:08:21
Rhapsody,
Apology accepted. I trust that your intentions were good.dazed
Posted by Kay-Len on October 21, 2004, at 19:17:50
In reply to Re: I miss him, posted by dazedandconfused on October 20, 2004, at 16:27:40
Dazed it's encredible ....after just a little ..venting I guess??..I can relate to what you are going through and just about everyone!!...Why in the world haven't I ran for my life already???...is that how you feel kinda???
Kay-Len
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