Posted by AdaGrace on October 17, 2004, at 12:58:36
In reply to I miss him, posted by dazedandconfused on October 16, 2004, at 11:14:31
Sometimes it seems as if we wear our hearts on our sleeves and they have them wrapped in a blanket and stashed in the basement. It's hard when you find you have opened up your heart when you told yourself you wouldn't do that anymore and once again get it slammed in the door. Because I love him, doesn't mean he has to love me back, write me back, or call me back....as it so obviously seem these days. Yet inside my heart, I know he does. On some level, I know he does. His way and my way of dealing with this is just so very different. Missing someone you love when they are still alive and apparently doing well is so much harder for me than missing someone who has passed on. Because there is no real substantial finality to it. There is still the chance of hearing from them again. There is still the hope of something anything from them in the future. A word from him would be so wonderful to me. To hear his voice on the phone in my ear, instead of in my head as it is these days......that would make my day. I crave for something, something to make me feel as if I didn't dream the entire thing up. Otherwise I know that I am the only one suffering and that really seems unfair to me. I know how you feel. I really do. It's the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my entire life. I didn't have a nervous breakdown when my mother dies, but I did when I lost the man I just knew was THE ONE. I'll never have that again, nor will I ever go searching for it again, and if it comes my way, I will turn around and run in the opposite direction. Never again will my heart be open for anyone to grab and twist. Sounds cynical and sounds like a bleak existence I know, but it's how I feel. Close it up, throw away the key. If you don't let it out, you can't be hurt. and Oh God do I hurt so very very bad. Keep talking to me, maybe we can help each other.
poster:AdaGrace
thread:403807
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041015/msgs/404138.html