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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 6, 2008, at 12:50:32
In reply to Re: Slow Down! » llurpsienoodle, posted by JayMac on December 5, 2008, at 21:45:03
> Ll,
> I am most curious about how the joke your T made has effected you?Hi Jay, thanks for your response. I *have* been thinking a lot about that comment. I should put it in a bit of context. The professor that I contemplate asking for a letter of recommendation has expressed curiosity in my work, above and beyond what would be expected from someone in his role. For instance, he asked me for a copy of my dissertation abstract, and then responded back to my mailing of the abstract within 5 minutes with a little cartoon attached to the e-mail. That was strange. And then he asked me a couple other questions, like did I know such-and-such's theory? etc? This email showed complex thought, so he obviously put some effort into it. Again, irrelevant to course material, or my education. And he responds to my e-mails about due dates, etc. within minutes of getting them. Aside from this curiosity in my intellect, he doesn't show any interest in my person, that I'm aware of.
I have spoken about this with T, because it makes me feel uncomfortable. T asks "why does it make you feel uncomfortable?" "umm, because he's my professor?" "well, it's not a BAD thing that he could be interested in you" "huh? that would be immoral", I insist. "no, that would be natural", says T, "In fact, you could even try to explore it a little bit, rather than deny that sexual tension exists in this sort of relationship". oh dear, I'm thinking, what a mess. But then I thought, well, what's the harm? I can contemplate the possibility of being an object of interest, even though I feel like a lump of muffin. T is trying to say that I'm not totally unattractive. I guess this might be worth a try, if it will improve my self-esteem.
so, I give him updates on this professor every week. The latest bizarre thing he has said in lecture, or the feedback he has given me on assignments, which are to the point, but quirky, and humorous.
Ironically, this prof that I am uneasy about has showed more interest in my work than other professors, and thus knows more about me, so I'm probably going to ask him for a letter. Well, what's the harm? He can always say no. It would probably flatter him that I'm asking him.
>In my opinion, that was not the best comment he could have made. What did he say after that?
Well, he said "I couldn't resist", and then I took a moment to collect myself and changed topics to my work. I made a conscious decision not to pursue that joke. I didn't want to reinforce his bawdy sense of humor.
>Did he seem supportive? Or did he just leave you hanging with his joke? Joking can be great, but it sounds like his jokes are suggestive.
Oh, his jokes are suggestive, suggesting that I am a human being with a sexual side, as much as I would try to deny that I am anything but a nerdy brain. I try desperately to protect this sexual side, but the splitting off from my main personhood has become rather pathological.
> If I remember correctly (forgive me if I'm wrong), he has made inappropriate comments/jokes before?
>yep- you've got a good memory. and I'm sure that he will make further inappropriate jokes. Although I think he can control himself if I bring it to his attention that he shouldn't be amusing himself at the expense of my therapy. So far the jokes *haven't* been devastating, but they have been disruptive, i.e. preventing me from getting T's feedback about whether to ask this prof to write me a letter of rec.
> Take good care of yourself!
> Hugs!!
> JayMacThank you Jaymac, hugs back to you. I took a walk this am, so I guess that counts for taking care of myself, right?
-Ll
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 6, 2008, at 12:51:13
In reply to Re: Slow Down!, posted by Sigismund on December 5, 2008, at 22:55:05
> >If you were a possum, and just saw your friend get run over, what would you do?" I blurted out "I would probably go over and start eating him, because possums eat everything-- they're scavengers
>
> I saw some chooks on the road doing just that to one of their own.what in tarnation is a chook?
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 6, 2008, at 12:53:01
In reply to Re: Slow Down!, posted by Nadezda on December 6, 2008, at 11:54:44
> Well, I think he should have waited until you finished swallowing your mouthful of coffee, at the least. Very inconsiderate of him indeed.
>
> What do you make of these inappropriate jokes?
>
> NadezdaI kind of touched on it in my response to JayMac. I think he is trying to get me to lighten up about my own sexuality. Not to be so Victorian, etc.
-Ll
Posted by Phillipa on December 6, 2008, at 12:54:15
In reply to Re: Slow Down! » Phillipa, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 6, 2008, at 12:29:48
Lurpsie just kidding but hoped to help you feel better. Do tend to hop from subject to subject and love talking to even strangers. Love and glad your're better today. Phillipa
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 6, 2008, at 13:00:43
In reply to Re: Slow Down! » llurpsienoodle, posted by Nadezda on December 6, 2008, at 12:01:59
> Maybe you could have some contingency plans for times when you become a bit hypomanic. As long as it doesn't get out of control, though-- perhaps you can give in to it and enjoy being a bit of a "character". There are much much worse things.
>
It's hard to be a "character" when part of my self-image is being in control! I feel lost when I don't feel like I have a grip on what I will blurt out next. ugh.contingency plan. Well, I suppose I can suck on cough drops so that I won't be so tempted to fill up my mouth with inappropriate words expelled from the Tourettic parts of my mind.
> But if it starts to feel out of control, do you know what to do/take to slow it down? After all, it can swing a bit too far, and it's better to take preventative measures.
>
I think I will try a bit of medicating once I turn my papers in this semester. And exercising. Another thing that hasn't been helping is the lack of sleep. In this case, I think sleeplessness is both a cause and effect of the moodhyperactivity
> So far, I'd say you've been rather intriguing. I love your comment about the racoon-- the perfect astringent for your teacher's sentimentality.
>
you silly metropolitan! It's a possum, not a racoon!!! possums are the only marsupial in the US. They are very "unique". And kind of evil looking.
> I'll worry about you, a bit-- I'm not taking it so lightly. But do you think your H's being away is part of it.?Yes, probably. I definately went through a streak of rapid housecleaning and scurrying about as soon as he took off.
>> Two months isn't very long, by the way. I didn't know it had been as recent as that. What's been causing that?
I've kind of come to view it as a primary reaction to a sense of failure. I don't take criticism well at all. So, when I feel criticized, one of my very first and strongest feelings is to self-destruct. It's bad, I know, but that's my tendency.
>
> Nadezda
>
>Thanks for your concern.
hope you can get a little fresh air today, or at least fresh coffee...-Ll
Posted by muffled on December 6, 2008, at 19:52:37
In reply to Re: Slow Down! » JayMac, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 6, 2008, at 12:50:32
Luurps, thats interesting bout that prof....weird but kinda cool in a way.
Mebbe I kinda victorian in my sexuality sh*t, but is that so bad???
I know I am pathological to be honest, but just victorian isn't so bad.
I thonk some levity is good in T, and I just dunno how your T relationship is.
But sh*t, I'd be seriously pissed if a T made that comment to me.
Like I'd proly tell him to take hisself outside and f hisself.
But then I not had a T where I talked sex sh*t right?
My present T is just trying to help me get my scattered pieces together, let alone talk bout sex sh*t.
But thats just me.
Its proly OK for you, but at same time, it DOES seem to bug you some, so mebbe you can tell him to cool it some w/tyhe lockerroom humour....
Take care,
M
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 6, 2008, at 20:50:19
In reply to Re: Slow Down!, posted by muffled on December 6, 2008, at 19:52:37
> Luurps, thats interesting bout that prof....weird but kinda cool in a way.
It will be even cooler if he agrees to write me a letter!
> Mebbe I kinda victorian in my sexuality sh*t, but is that so bad???
only bad if it hurts your quality of life
> I know I am pathological to be honest, but just victorian isn't so bad.
I love victorian houses. and corsets, well, not really. just the idea of cleavage up to my chin. that sounds like fun. Now THAT kind of power
I can feel comfortable wielding around men. As long as my chastity belt is locked.
> I thonk some levity is good in T, and I just dunno how your T relationship is.
> But sh*t, I'd be seriously pissed if a T made that comment to me.
> Like I'd proly tell him to take hisself outside and f hisself.Muffled, and you would be justified. Personally, I think my T would respond well to that sentiment.
> But then I not had a T where I talked sex sh*t right?
> My present T is just trying to help me get my scattered pieces together, let alone talk bout sex sh*t.
> But thats just me.It's gonna take some time, once the pieces get assembled and the glue dries, then you can see if the parts still work :)
> Its proly OK for you, but at same time, it DOES seem to bug you some, so mebbe you can tell him to cool it some w/tyhe lockerroom humour....Yeah, it does bug me. Amuses me that he feels he can joke like that, but kind of offensive and childish at the same time. For a couple weeks last year he used the verb f*ck several times, and it was really vulgar. I asked him specifically not to say that word, and he said "well, what do you mean? you say 'f*ck' all the time. Does it bother you?" I explained to him that I say f*ck as an expletive, and he uses it as a verb. Since then he has been more delicate and nuanced when referring to sex. So, I think he is capable, he will just have to be told to exercise restraint. I'll talk to him on Monday.
> Take care,
> Mthanks for your ideas. Hope you have a nice sunset :)
-Ll
Posted by twinleaf on December 6, 2008, at 22:30:51
In reply to Slow Down!, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 5, 2008, at 16:41:16
I hate to throw any cold water on what *might* be a playful and helpful aspect of your therapy, but I really don't like the way your therapist jokes about sex with you. His comments would be considered light-hearted, friendly and complimentary if they occurred in "daily life" with a colleague. But in therapy, he should be handling this area with a lot of care and gentleness. He should be following your lead completely, so that you will be able to talk about your memories, feelings, concerns and fears, with him as an understanding, completely safe witness. Instead he sounds as though he's staying on the surface as one would in a social situation and sort of flirting.
If I've misinterpreted the whole thing, please forgive me. I do think there's a role for playfulness in dealing with sexual topics in therapy, but only after a lot of the shame and fear have been worked through.
Posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on December 6, 2008, at 22:45:18
In reply to the way he jokes..., posted by twinleaf on December 6, 2008, at 22:30:51
I was thinking the same as twinleaf, in fact it reminds me of my first T. It all seems fun and innocent at first, but it can cause a lot of harm. You wouldn't have written about it if it didn't bother you.
I am very open about sex, but there just are some people who one shouldn't engage in jokes about about sex especially in a professional relationship. Too much of a chance of things going VERY wrong.It is one thing if it was YOU who said the comment, but the fact that he did, and other similar comments, are out of line for a T. I would be concerned, and just because you are in the field, doesn't mean you can't be hurt from it or that he should treat you with less precautions.
Posted by Sigismund on December 6, 2008, at 23:32:14
In reply to Re: Slow Down! » Sigismund, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 6, 2008, at 12:51:13
>what in tarnation is a chook?
When spellcheck didn't recognise chooks (just as it always tells me to use z's instead of s's) I wondered if you would know.
But what do *you* call them?
Hens? Roosters? Fowls?
Posted by Sigismund on December 6, 2008, at 23:37:23
In reply to Re: the way he jokes..., posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on December 6, 2008, at 22:45:18
Re: his jokes.
I can't remember if they are about sex all the time or mostly.
Is that right?
I do remember that they are dry.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 7, 2008, at 6:28:49
In reply to Re: the way he jokes..., posted by Sigismund on December 6, 2008, at 23:37:23
Well, the ones I report lately tend to be about sex, so yeah, twinleaf and SSSS have a point, for sure. I will address it with him tomorrow.
As far as other jokes go. Well, there was one really funny one about a year ago. I was talking about how hard it is to refrain from doing disruptive stuff all the time. he said, "I know what you mean. On my lunch hour I walked across the bridge to the highway and found this perfect rock to throw down on the cars below, and it wasn't until I had it in my hand that I realized that I shouldn't be engaging in this type of activity" I wasn't really paying attention, but I looked at him and practically yelled "you actually picked up a rock, thinking you might throw it?" He said- no, I was joking. Wanted to make sure you were still with me.
There are political jokes too. And jokes about bosses. In general, though, I'd say about 95% therapy and 5% joking.
I use humor as a defense mechanism /coping mechanism, so this works out well.
-Ll
Posted by Sigismund on December 7, 2008, at 16:25:55
In reply to Re: the way he jokes... » Sigismund, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 7, 2008, at 6:28:49
The ones you mention always make me laugh anyway.
Posted by Nadezda on December 7, 2008, at 17:17:44
In reply to Re: the way he jokes... » llurpsienoodle, posted by Sigismund on December 7, 2008, at 16:25:55
Me, too.
Maybe that's why I find it hard to be discriminating about whether he should make them.
On one hand, sometimes it's just being silly, which can be good-- and not a diversion-- if there's been a lot of intensity and work for a while. Sometimes I at least need to feel a little lightness.
I can't imagine my T making those jokes. But it isn't his type of joke-- and he isn't much of a joker, even when we're getting along well. So maybe my lack of being disapproving is misplaced. I'm sure I would be taken aback by the jokes from him-- although not with everyone, I don't think. My T simply isn't given to that type of impulsivity (although he certainly given to others).
I don't know. Maybe I'm too willing to go along with the impulse of the moment myself. I've never been an achiever-type of person (very unfortunately) and I have that underachiever temperament-- of kind of wandering (or wavering, my first word) along the byways, rather than keeping to the difficult, but upward (or whichever-ward) path. So I really admire the tenacity of those who say, this isn't the work, this isn't a delving into the question, so don't distract us, please.
Of course, I also wasn't there. It could be that there's a lot more going on-- or a lot less going on-- at those moments than meets the eye.
Nadezda
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 7, 2008, at 17:37:04
In reply to Re: Slow Down! » llurpsienoodle, posted by Sigismund on December 6, 2008, at 23:32:14
> >what in tarnation is a chook?
>
> When spellcheck didn't recognise chooks (just as it always tells me to use z's instead of s's) I wondered if you would know.
>
> But what do *you* call them?
>
> Hens? Roosters? Fowls?Okay,
chick is the baby chicken
hen is the mama chicken
rooster (c*ck) is the daddy chickenJust so that we're clear on this-- do Australians have Kentucky Fried Chooks?
I ate at a KFC in China. It was pretty good, and I didn't even get food poisoning. Ice in the drinks too.
-Lloh, this is RIDICULOUS. I was using the word c*ck to describe taxonomy for god's sake. I mean G*d's sake.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 7, 2008, at 17:56:05
In reply to Slow Down!, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 5, 2008, at 16:41:16
Freaky! I just e-mailed prof my final paper at 6:33 and he replied at 6:36,
THIS is what I'm talking about.
>And in class yesterday, Prof put up a slide of a run-over possum and queried, "If you were a possum, and just saw your friend get run over, what would you do?" I blurted out "I would probably go over and start eating him, because possums eat everything-- they're scavengers". Another awkward silence. The professor looked at me and said "You need a shrink!" Well, it was a funny moment, but I kind of felt conspicuously psycho.
Well, in my email submission of my final paper, I quasi-apologized for the possum comment.
Prof wrote back that the possum comment was the highlight of the class, which would have gone much better with the liberal dosing of all with LSD.
This guy is twisted. he thinks *I* need a shrink?
I like twisted people.
My T says that normal, healthy, well-adjusted people are boring as hell.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 7, 2008, at 17:59:36
In reply to possum, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 7, 2008, at 17:56:05
Oh what the hell, I just realized that the last two posts were
chickens
and
possums
So, perhaps I'll share the ongoing destruction of the bathroom by the cats. They pulled the towels off the rack, dragged in my slipper and the kitten dragged in her queen-sized plush blanket. The kitten plays with the bath mats, and they're all wadded up.
Whenever I go in there, the little angels stare up at me with bucolic satisfaction, snuggled in their little plush-blanky-towel-wad up against the heating vent.
I've decided not to disturb their ecology until h comes home. He's a neatnik, and he's gonna FREAK out lol
-Ll
Posted by muffled on December 7, 2008, at 18:47:13
In reply to possum, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 7, 2008, at 17:56:05
Just cuz I like them :-)
Llurps, you just avoiding your papers! Get to work!
OK but I goto say, that professor is SERIOUSLY freaky ok?
Watch your step w/him.
Good luck on your writings.
M
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 7, 2008, at 19:06:31
In reply to Re: penguins!!!!, posted by muffled on December 7, 2008, at 18:47:13
Hey, I have finished 2 final papers today. Hard ones. Unfortunately I have run out of ideas for the 3rd one. It's about defiant children, and a very specific type of treatment for them. I'm supposed to write about this topic for at least 10 pages, but I'm only finding enough material to fill up 5 pages.
I'm gonna e-mail the (less-freaky) professor about this conundrum. Perhaps he will be merciful. It is in his best interests to read fewer pages, rather than many, IMO.
Meanwhile the Freaky Professor e-mailed me a response to the latest e-mail in which I say that I do not enjoy writing my own letters of reccomendation, merely to have the recommender change things a bit and sign off on it. It was written in approximately 90 seconds and outlines a specific cognitive therapy technique for overcoming my lack of self-esteem when writing about myself. He cites research and everything.
Does he do this for FUN? I decided not to respond to him anymore, because SOMEONE's got to have self-control. I have papers to procrastinate for God's sake. G*d's sake.
*******
cattle. I luv me some cattle. I was a cowgirl on an Estancia in Argentina. Actually I was a gaucha. I had boots and everything!crack! goes my neck. perhaps I should stretch?
-Ll
Posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on December 7, 2008, at 19:11:08
In reply to cattle! » muffled, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 7, 2008, at 19:06:31
I love how female dogs always piss on me. What a fun animal party, but nothing is like the fun of bitches playing while still trying to sink their teeth into your neck.
Posted by lucie lu on December 7, 2008, at 19:12:29
In reply to possum, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 7, 2008, at 17:56:05
I loved your possum comment!
A couple of years ago, when she was in middle school, my younger daughter had to do some testing by the school psych as part of her ADD thing. There was a question on the "social skills" section: if you saw a couple of younger kids having a fight and one was beating up on the other, what would you do? My daughter replied, I'd sit on him and call a therapist ;)
Can you believe that twerp marked her wrong for that answer?
Your prof sounds interesting, maybe even a little kinky.
Posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on December 7, 2008, at 19:15:28
In reply to BITCHES!!!, posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on December 7, 2008, at 19:11:08
Yeah, they are fun too, stubborn, what would the world be without *ss*s? I have seen a lot of *ss*s growing up around farmland. *ss*s of all kinds.
Posted by lucie lu on December 7, 2008, at 19:31:59
In reply to Then there are lot of *SS*S, posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on December 7, 2008, at 19:15:28
SSSS - I get that you are upset, although I'm not sure about the whys and wherefors. But I would note that what we write stays on these boards for a LOOOOOONG TIME. Maybe taking a deep breath would be a good idea, and I really mean that with all due respect and concern. I really don't think anyone is out to get you.Best,
Lucie
Posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on December 7, 2008, at 19:41:43
In reply to Re: Then there are lot of *SS*S » SlugSlimersSoSlided, posted by lucie lu on December 7, 2008, at 19:31:59
What are you talking about? I am just having fun talking about the animals I love. What is wrong with that? I happen to be a very big dog lover and *ss lover. So I have no idea what you are talking about. Are we only allowed to love certain animals on Babble, did I break a rule or something?
Posted by Sigismund on December 7, 2008, at 20:26:57
In reply to chickens! » Sigismund, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 7, 2008, at 17:37:04
Yes, we have chickens here too, though they are the little ones
>I ate at a KFC in China.
Good Heavens.
I've been known to seek out their toilets in Australia, but I find it too depressing overseas, where the rooftop gardens of old fashioned hotels make a sensible alternative, together with a relaxing G&T.
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