![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 21 to 45 of 47. Go back in thread:
Posted by antigua3 on November 25, 2008, at 9:32:13
In reply to Re: Hmmm....., posted by onceupon on November 25, 2008, at 9:08:05
My T is in her 60s probably and is always dressed to the nines, hair and makeup too. Always wears pants or nice pants suits and isn't afraid to wear a beautiful cream colored one in the winter.
She's tall and wears high heels all the time.
Her desk is a mess, and she's a mess, and says she looks forward to being with her patients because it means she doesn't have to think about her own things!
Totally compassionate, never forgets anything and doesn't take notes. Calls anytime I need her, even if it's midnight.
She laughs a lot and has the greatest way of tying things together at the end that I would never think were linked.
I wouldn't have posted, but this thread made me sad. My T called me late last night to tell me her beautiful dog had died. I don't like dogs, but I loved hers. She was a T's dog all the way. She would come sit on my feet when she knew I was having a hard time, and if my T had been away, she could be as pesky as child who missed her mother. She would always greet me when I came in and would sit w/me while I waited for my T, and we would talk a little. I grew up w/a horribly mean German Shepherd my dad had when I was a girl so it took me a while to warm up, but we developed a nice relationship.
My T and I are friends although we are different too.
She is the best and I'm feeling so badly about her losing her precious pet.
antigua
Posted by twinleaf on November 25, 2008, at 9:34:19
In reply to Re: Golden retriever..., posted by lucie lu on November 25, 2008, at 8:16:40
He's slender and fit-looking, about 5'10", 65 years old, but looks more like early 50's. He has sandy-grey hair, but not much of it except around the back of his head. His face is handsome- not very many wrinkles. He has rather thin lips, a wonderful smile; his best feature is his eyes. They are blue-grey, with a very penetrating gaze, and capable of expressing many different feelings, from empathy, concern and sadness to joy, humor and affection. His voice is deep but rather quiet.
Knowing that he was president of our city's psychoanalytic society, and that he held other national, and even international analytic positions, I was pretty sure he would always be wearing a business suit and tie- not at all! He walks from his home to his office, a distance of about three miles, so his regular office attire consists of running shoes, chinos and a sweater. As I walk into the office, there is always a ski parka and backpack hung up on pegs. But every Friday, he does wear a suit or jacket and tie, plus beautiful Italian loafers. I've never asked, but I think that's the meeting day at the analytic center. I like how informal he is; I am, too. On days when I don't have to dress for work, I also wear running shoes, slacks and a sweater.
As to who he really is, as a person, he is still something of a mystery to me. I feel there's a lot which he is very willing to show me, but many other aspects which I can only speculate about. What comes to my mind first is that he is tremendously honest. He will never say anything unless it is completely true, and he trusts himself enough to say spontaneous things- that they will be absolutely true, and that they will probably be helpful to patients struggling with connection and attachment.
He is also very optimistic. A lifetime of work with hospitalized as well as less ill patients does not seem to have discouraged him. This basic attitude can be so helpful- I know he's not going to crumble when I show him the worst aspects of myself. In fact, he sometimes reminds me that it is "wonderful" to be able to bring those things into therapy because then I won't have to be alone with them.
He doesn't reveal much about himself, but occasionally something startling happens. Recently I mentioned that I was reading Nabokov's "Speak Memory" for the second time. He said, "I am, too" We gaped at one another for a few moments and then started laughing!
As a therapist, he focusses on keeping me steadily in mind as I'm speaking. He only rarely gives detailed verbal interpretations.
He also uses his body language, not in a calculating way, but just as part of his response to me. Often he will start leaning forward in his chair during tough moments for me. The unspoken message always is, "I'm here with you- you're not alone with it any more."His office is a mixture of cluttered and interesting. He has an open laptop on his desk showing a lovely snow scene of the Rocky Mountains, but the desk itself has lots of papers and open calendars. There are two large bookcases- the one near me seems to have as many works by Shakespeare. Tolstoy, etc. as it has analytic texts. There are some unusual pictures on the wall- for example, an enormous one of a manual typewriter.
I'd say he was not especially demonstrative or outgoing, but he's not reclusive either-kind of in the middle. Is there anything I don't like about him? No. But I wouldn't mind redecorating his office and making it really pretty!
Posted by Wittgensteinz on November 25, 2008, at 14:57:25
In reply to what he's like..., posted by twinleaf on November 25, 2008, at 9:34:19
My T is in his late 60s. He's a retired professor and has written quite a number of books on Freud, analysis, dreams, existentialism... in Holland he's well known - probably one of the most well known analysts. A while ago he had an interview on the radio and they announced him as the country's leading expert on Freud. Is that a good thing?! I only know this through things I have read about him - he is very humble and modest about himself. He doesn't have any certificates hanging on his walls and doesn't like to be referred to as Dr. or Prof.
So, he's about my height (5"7), slim build, spectacled, grey hair and not much of it - not really an imposing character. Gentle and soft in his movements and in the way he holds himself. His eyes are dark brown. He's not a fashion guru - he'll sometimes be wearing a tweed suit - other times he's wearing jeans and a pull-over. On occasion he's worn this terrible blue and brown shirt which I assume he got during a visit to Africa - I always have to stop myself giggling when I see it - it clashes so badly!
His room is packed full of books - mostly analytic books and in several different languages. He speaks quite a number of languages and often quotes things in Latin, French, German or Dutch. He's very well read, which I like. Besides all the books, he has a lot of interesting objects collected from his travels or presumably gifts from his patients. He has a lot of interesting paintings/drawings decorating the walls both in his room and in the hallway. One of my paintings hangs framed on his wall - I gave it to him a while ago as a gift and to my surprise he had it framed. He also has a desk with a computer and a typewriter! The back window looks out onto his garden. There are always fresh flowers in a vase in the middle of the room. The room has double-doors to make sure nothing can be heard from the hall. There are two red chairs orientated at 90o from one another - in theory it's possible to kick him from where I sit although I haven't yet felt the need to put that to the test! On the other side of the room is a real Freudian divan - in the same deep red upholstery. I've only tried lying down a couple of times but it was too soon or just not right - I might try it again one day.
As for his manner - he divulges some details of himself but he isn't overly forthcoming - he'll share something if he feels it will help me in some way. He listens extremely attentively and like others have described, he will adjust his body posture in reference to the intensity and subject matter of the session. Once or twice I've seen him mimicking my posture - perhaps a coincidence. He doesn't give lengthy verbal responses and doesn't overload me with questions - he's comfortable with my silences too. I like this approach.
He has a high opinion of me and my capabilities - it can feel good but it can also feel like too much at times - I don't want to disappoint him. He truly feels like an ally to me. He's not a cuddly bunny - we shake hands when meeting and departing but no hugs or anything like that. He is very quick to reply to mails or requests to see him for an extra session. If I wrote to him now for example, to ask to see him tomorrow, he'd most likely arrange it.
I've enjoyed discussing art and travel with him - two interests we share in common. He's lent me art books and he's read books of mine in order to help me. One time I was hungry during a session - my stomach was rumbling so he went and got me an apple and said something like "Freud did the same with the Wolf man"! I also recall a time when I admitted to trying cocaine once as a student and afterwards worrying how that revelation would change his view of me - again he said something to the effect of "well, Freud had his thing with that too, you know". When he heard I was in the hospital he came within the hour to see me and talk to the doctors there. He is very dedicated. Something I really like about him is the way he makes me feel equal to him - we can share things on an equal level. I respect him deeply but I don't feel he looks down on me. Perhaps this is because I know he also had a very difficult time of things when he was my age - perhaps some of the same struggles - he really knows how it is for me, in that respect. Diagnoses are not important to him - he sees me as me.
I came across his CV once - it had been accidentally published on-line (I wasn't intentionally 'spying' on him but happened across it while in search of his post code, which I needed for something). To my amazement he'd initially trained for the Catholic priesthood then at 25 or so abandoned that path altogether and later went to Paris, the Sorbonne to study psychology and started his analysis. He's no longer religious as far as I'm aware. I've not asked much on it - it wasn't supposed to have been on-line in the first place and he was grateful I told him so he could have it removed.
He's quite an active man - cycles a lot, goes for a long walk each Thursday, takes a swim each day in the summer in a local lake etc.
Overall, he's a very genuine, dedicated man and I'm fortunate to have him as my T.
Sorry this is too long - well it gives an impression of him.
Witti
Posted by JayMac on November 25, 2008, at 16:04:42
In reply to So here he is..., posted by Wittgensteinz on November 25, 2008, at 14:57:25
Wow, I've enjoyed all your posts!
My T is sweet. Sometimes she is soft spoken. If I mention a subject I know she likes, she perks up and her eyes get wide. She is a little bit vertically challenged. I'm sure I could easily pick her up. She is intelligent. She doesn't know how to turn off her cell phone so it frequently rings during our time together. She always apologizes though.
She told me early on that she struggled with the same "diagnosis" that I had when I first started seeing her. She's sensitive. She makes me laugh. I make her laugh.
When she's cold she wraps a blanket around herself. The first time she did this, it made me feel like we were in a living room and just so happened to be talking about my life.
She always wears black or other dark colors. She used to be the "shawl" queen, but she's let go of that. She often wears the same shoes. Her toes are cute (sorry I have a thing for feet, I find them facinating, I swear it's not sexual....most of the time, lol).
Her office is eclectic. She has the most RANDOM pictures and paintings in her office. She has a Freud action figure in her office. Her office has WAY too much furniture.
She's addicted to tea (in my opinion). We both have a sweet tooth. We wakes up hours before dawn to write. She's inpatient. Yet, she's a psychoanalyst, which intails years of work with one patient!!! Lol.....that makes me laugh. She's proud of her accomplishments and likes to display them. She went to the same grad school that I'm currently attending. I learned I was accepted about a month into therapy and she gave me a hug (the only hug we've shared thus far).
She's stubborn!!!! And so am I!! I became aware of this very early on. We started arguing about something. I laugh at her and she doesn't take offense. She is proud, but not stuck up. She's artistic. She's VERY sarcastic. She's impulsive.
She is who she is.
Posted by Dinah on November 25, 2008, at 17:28:01
In reply to Re: Golden retriever..., posted by lucie lu on November 25, 2008, at 8:16:40
Whoops. I misunderstood. It was so like what I was thinking about 10der's therapist. Sheepdogs are so reserved and cautious under that fuzzy exterior, and I think they'd make for the more challenging type of therapist. Analyst maybe. They're the best listeners around, and have that intense gaze, and are inquisitive, energetic and totally focused. So I read her post and thought hmmm... more like a retriever. :)
Is your therapist like 10der's? Or does it resemble a golden retriever in other ways? The dependable child's companion? The quick responsive obedience Golden? The lively bouncy splash-in-mud-puddles Golden? The up for anything anytime Golden? The lying by the fire Golden?
Have I mentioned I'm a doggy person?
Posted by Dinah on November 25, 2008, at 17:35:53
In reply to Re: I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists » Dinah, posted by seldomseen on November 25, 2008, at 7:10:01
A lot of your description reminded me of my therapist. A lot. I know my therapist would love your therapist's office.
But I mis-guessed again. For some reason I thought he was tweedy and absent minded.
This time when you mentioned his liking to discuss sex, a different picture came to mind. Is it that he thinks this is an area that you need to address, and that you won't address without prodding?
Mine does that with some topics. Not with sex so much. As we've gotten to know each other better, I think he finds discussing sex more difficult. Like talking about it with your daughter I expect.
Posted by Dinah on November 25, 2008, at 17:37:18
In reply to Re: I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists, posted by sassyfrancesca on November 25, 2008, at 8:10:33
I sometimes wonder if they teach voice in therapy school. I know my therapist's voice must be a huge asset to him. He's got the type of voice radio people have. I tell him he could read books on tape for extra money.
Posted by Dinah on November 25, 2008, at 17:44:02
In reply to Re: Hmmm....., posted by antigua3 on November 25, 2008, at 9:32:13
I'm glad you did post!
I think I'm going to bookmark this thread until I have everything firmly cemented in mind. I'd always thought of your therapist as short and plump and stereotypically maternal. :) Don't ask me where I come up with these mental images, but I'm glad to be able to substitute something more accurate.
I'm sorry about your therapist's dog. The hypnotherapy therapist had a poodle in her office. I certainly enjoyed having something to focus on to set me at ease. I'm sure it is a difficult time for her. Losing a furry friend can be like losing any other friend.
Posted by Dinah on November 25, 2008, at 17:53:27
In reply to what he's like..., posted by twinleaf on November 25, 2008, at 9:34:19
I think that may be more or less what I imagined with your therapist. I didn't realize he was so fit, but my dominant impression of him was a very expressive face, and it sounds as if I'm right about that.
Did you ever ask him about his office? My therapist's old main office was soft and while he had a lot of items that somehow connected in his mind to therapy, the main theme was Native American. Then he had the picture of the pigs. Made no sense at all. When he moved, what he bought seemed very art deco, and he kept the Native American, and lost the pig. So I finally asked about it and he muttered something about a gift, and was unusually reticent on the symbolism. His part time office is lush tapestry and velvet. I think it reflects his personality more than the others, and I'm terribly uncomfortable there. I don't like sofas you sink into.
Posted by Dinah on November 25, 2008, at 17:56:52
In reply to So here he is..., posted by Wittgensteinz on November 25, 2008, at 14:57:25
I'm liking the impression you gave. He sounds like someone I'd respect a lot.
I'd love to have a view of a garden. That would be so peaceful. Maybe with a water feature of some sort. My therapist's first office was very peaceful.
Posted by Dinah on November 25, 2008, at 18:02:45
In reply to Re: So here she is... » Wittgensteinz, posted by JayMac on November 25, 2008, at 16:04:42
My impression took a few twists and turns. She sounded so comfy and nurturing like cinnamon or vanilla, then a dash of earthiness entered the mix, then a hint of the bracing scent of mint. :) I think your last sentence sums up the package well.
Posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on November 25, 2008, at 18:17:19
In reply to I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists, posted by Dinah on November 24, 2008, at 20:29:20
Well I have only been seeing my lady T for a couple of months, but I think I got a good feel for her.
She says she believes in lifetime therapy, and believes that therapy is a partnership you do WITH the client, while the client is in complete control. She is into holistic stuff for the spirit or energy of the body. Today I saw what looked like a big joint rolled up on her window sill, and it was actually something she burned (sage) to get out the negative energy in the building. She is "all about EMDR" she says. I would say she is around 30yrs. old, nice blue eyes, and nice smile. She has lots of books, a nice blend of all sorts of stuff. She says she is a feminist, well I know she is for Obama since I came at the wrong time for my appointment on voting day, and she was wearing a Obama shirt. haha! She runs a rape crisis center in town. That is all I know, other than being an angel for me.
Posted by lucie lu on November 25, 2008, at 19:51:57
In reply to Re: I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists, posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on November 25, 2008, at 18:17:19
> Well I have only been seeing my lady T for a couple of months, but I think I got a good feel for her.
>
> She says she believes in lifetime therapy, and believes that therapy is a partnership you do WITH the client, while the client is in complete control. She is into holistic stuff for the spirit or energy of the body. Today I saw what looked like a big joint rolled up on her window sill, and it was actually something she burned (sage) to get out the negative energy in the building. She is "all about EMDR" she says. I would say she is around 30yrs. old, nice blue eyes, and nice smile. She has lots of books, a nice blend of all sorts of stuff. She says she is a feminist, well I know she is for Obama since I came at the wrong time for my appointment on voting day, and she was wearing a Obama shirt. haha! She runs a rape crisis center in town. That is all I know, other than being an angel for me.Hi SSSS,
Welcome back, HF. I am really happy to hear about your new T and that she's been so good for you. You were over-due for getting a good T! I like your description of her, she sounds really lovely :)
Take care,
Lucie
Posted by llurpsienoodle on November 25, 2008, at 20:24:32
In reply to Re: Hmmm..... » onceupon, posted by 10derHeart on November 24, 2008, at 23:22:53
Okay,
So, I'm late to this thread (you all have been BUSY!!!) and I don't have the energy to read all of the responses.If you met my T, you'd notice that he has a cup of coffee in the am, and a water bottle in the pm. unless it's a bad day-- then he has a bottle of gin (just joking) a cup of coffee in the afternoon.
His home office is sparse- just a chair, his little footstool, a filing cabinet, a couch, and an end table. maybe some sailboats hanging on the wall. He has sailing decorations everywhere. He likes boating, so I hope this convention takes place on the water somewhere.
His work office, however is kinda chaotic. There is a half-opened cordless phone carton on the bookshelf, the same place it has been for over a year. I want to move it and see if he notices. I swear, not a THING has moved on that shelf EVER!.
You might recognize him as the one with kinda Euro-funky glasses (a recent acquisition) and often wearing rather flattering clothes, including black trousers and sweaters in the cooler months and sometimes jeans and loafers and turtle necks. And of course-- boating clothes in the summer- nice blue shirts and dockers and boat shoes. he gets tan legs too. (he has skinny legs, and his legs always show above his socks when he sits down).
You couldn't really figure out his age immediately. He acts kind of childish and kind of wise. He's a tease and an anchor. Maybe somewhere between 60 and 70? But he's very fit and often talking about cholesterol and such. He was worried about the caloric content of Tgiving (the radio said 4000???!!!) and I looked at him head to toe and said "you obviously have nothing to worry about" We were standing next to each other, as I was leaving the room. I felt it appropriate, given that we had spent a few minutes talking about how my mom's weight fluctuates wildly between 200 and 300lbs. Apparently he had envisioned her as a more "slight" figure. hmph!
He would inevitably start some kind of political discussion and tell a politically incorrect joke. I believe he and Sigismund would enjoy going on a road trip together.
When I told him "you KNOW you're jealous of my family, and wish that you could spend Thanksgiving with them instead of me". He kind of laughed, but actually I could tell that he really WOULD like to spend time with my family at thanksgiving, especially given the fact that the brothers have already bought 200$ worth of tequila. Ole!
He really enjoys engaging in the psycho-babble though. His wife is a therapist and his dad too... and I believe many friends. Makes me wonder what kind of life that is. So, he'd fit right in at the conference.
He might wonder what all of these 'holistic' and 'alternative' therapists are all about. He's very old-school. a veteran of the veteran's administration, with a lot of very colorful clients, many who have been seeing him for years.
and he would probbly bitch about how much a bottle of water costs, or a cab fare, or a _____. he's a big cheap-*ss. He would deny it, of course, but he also told me once about how his wife accused him of being cheap, and he seemed genuinely puzzled. I didn't want to hurt his feelings and tell him that he was indeed cheap. I figure if he's lived this long and doesn't know himself, he's not exactly going to take my opinion seriously.
okay, I go to bed now. wiped OUT. I think I got up 19 hours ago, and had class, and meetings and more meetings and appointments. I have to pack and clean the house (and the litter box GAG!!) tomorrow.
Sorry if this post was completely off topic. I do a crappy job depicting this complex person-- my T.
He is definitely not to be sugar-coated.
-Ll
Posted by workinprogress on November 25, 2008, at 21:26:43
In reply to I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists, posted by Dinah on November 24, 2008, at 20:29:20
I've been recently trying to participate more in Babble, rather than just reading. This post intrigues and intimidates me. When I think of what I'd write and read what you've all written, I realize I don't know her well enough to describe her at all.. in any "real" sense. But, I finally decided that I do know what she is to *me* and that's what matters.
So. My T. She's 45 and funky funky funky. She's hip and cool and totally has her own style.
******* this post was interrupted by a call from T- she called to check in on some relationship troubles I alluded to in a call to her today******
She wears lots of funky boots and mostly black and sometimes, especially early on, I thought- what is she wearing? But it's a special, unique style. It's a style that belies what a quintessential loving MOM she is. And that's who she is to me. She's nurturing, loving, deeply feeling, practical, wise, accepting, and empathetic. She loves me because I'm me. She is at times forgetful, but always remembers the important stuff. She loves coffee, but has stopped drinking it- except when she asks for a sip of mine. She is outside the box. She keeps the most important boundaries in tact, but will tell me she loves me, hugs me every time I see her, holds my hands, looks into my eyes, responds to my emails, calls me back, listens to my calls every day (I had a hard time with out of sight doesn't mean out of mine, so I came up with calling her and leaving her a message every day- that's when my anxiety settled down, it's when I let her in, it's when I finally started to trust her). She notices me. She cares.... deeply. I AM one of her kids.
But, back to her. She's smart, she's political. She's opinionated. She's a lefty and an environmentalist. She's bold. I think she gets herself into trouble with her subversive side and her mouth. She's not "polite" certainly. She is so grounded and centered and self assured that I would be happy to be anywhere close.
I think I'm still too in love to find many real faults. She's often late, but she'll go over. She has done so much overtime for me- phone and email, that I would never complain. And she'll jump out of the box for me. We had a picnic to celebrate our one year anniversary. She's giving me a recipe for thanksgiving and making one of mine (since it's my favorite holiday I proposed it as a way of sharing).
Whatever I need... she's there. And I know she always will be... finally I know. But more than anything, she loves me. Best thing she ever said:
me: I love you T
her: Oh sweetpea, I love you too.
Posted by 10derHeart on November 25, 2008, at 21:52:51
In reply to Re: I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists, posted by workinprogress on November 25, 2008, at 21:26:43
That post was beautiful, touching...made my chest hurt, in an aching but still kinda good way.
Sounds like you have a true match in a therapist...just *the* one for you.
I'm glad you overcame the intimidating aspect and gave in to the intrigue so you could share that with the board. Hope you stick around :-)
Posted by lucie lu on November 25, 2008, at 22:39:20
In reply to Re: Golden retriever... » lucie lu, posted by Dinah on November 25, 2008, at 17:28:01
> Is your therapist like 10der's? Or does it resemble a golden retriever in other ways? The dependable child's companion? The quick responsive obedience Golden? The lively bouncy splash-in-mud-puddles Golden? The up for anything anytime Golden? The lying by the fire Golden?
>
> Have I mentioned I'm a doggy person?I'm a dog person too. I'm a herding breed myself - a borderline collie :)
I would describe my T as a golden retriever, sort of a cross between Old Yeller and Lassie. Smart, gentle, loyal, brave, regularly saves his charges from wolves, hogs, marauding bears and other dangers. Speaking of Old Yeller, I wonder if my T has had his annual rabies shot?
Posted by workinprogress on November 25, 2008, at 22:43:48
In reply to Re: I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists » workinprogress, posted by 10derHeart on November 25, 2008, at 21:52:51
> That post was beautiful, touching...made my chest hurt, in an aching but still kinda good way.
>
> Sounds like you have a true match in a therapist...just *the* one for you.
>
> I'm glad you overcame the intimidating aspect and gave in to the intrigue so you could share that with the board. Hope you stick around :-)
>
>
Thanks 10der. Thanks for noticing. It was heartfelt certainly. I think she saved my life... not from anything intense, but from not living really, not being me. She helped me find me... for that I will always be grateful.
Posted by 10derHeart on November 25, 2008, at 22:48:20
In reply to I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists, posted by Dinah on November 24, 2008, at 20:29:20
I love this thread, Dinah.
I have no idea exactly why, but I've been unsettled, worried, confused and more and somehow, this thread is really therapeutic for all of that.
Babble never ceases to amaze me.
hmmm....
Posted by DAisym on November 25, 2008, at 23:10:29
In reply to Re: I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists » workinprogress, posted by 10derHeart on November 25, 2008, at 21:52:51
This is a very intimidating thread for me for reasons I'm not sure of.
My therapist is somewhere between 45 and 65 - it is impossible to tell based on what he looks like. My best guess is that he is near 60. He has been a therapist for nearly 30 years and is considered an expert in relationships and in individual trauma therapy. I have no real idea how tall he is - not too tall but not short either. Sometimes he feels so big and other times not - it is a therapy-space thing for me. He has a medium build, dark hair with gray sides and wears rimless glasses. He dresses nicely but come on - this is California - it is all about casual. So slacks, collared shirts, no ties, no jackets. I love that he wears purple a lot. He fidgets in his chair. He is rarely distracted.
He has a great voice - full of emotion. He is very smart and sarcastic. He likes Celtic music and Shakespeare and James Hillman. He is reserved and thoughtful. He almost never talks about other clients or himself, unless I ask a question. His approach is mostly psychoanalytic but with some gestalt/existentialism thrown in.He believes in attachment therapy and told me once that he has always believed that it is all about the relationship, before that was the "in" thing to believe. He is amazingly creative in his ability to show he cares and to stay connected.
He is Jewish and not afraid to talk about God. He is almost, to use Dinah's word, unflappable. His anxiety comes through when I'm suicidal, which he freely admits. He owns his mistakes and apologies when he thinks he should. He opens conversations. He calls to check in. He gets emotional. He makes himself as available as possible and yet takes really good care of himself. He believes in boundaries. He does not hug.
And yet, despite not hugging, he is really warm and I usually feel really held and cared for. And he is hilarious - and so real. Yesterday he said, "that bring up really sh&tty feelings, doesn't it?" Totally. I like that he swears sometimes. He does ask a lot of questions, but they are the right questions. He loves stories about my kids and cheers when something good happens for them. He thinks I work too hard and is always encouraging me to find my inner-b&tch and learn to say no. He gets mad for me, but never at me. I've never heard him yell but he says he does. He takes my side often, even while encouraging me to look at the other side. He is protective of all the parts and pieces.
I'm not a dog person so I have no idea what kind of a dog he would be.
Posted by workinprogress on November 25, 2008, at 23:14:37
In reply to Re: I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists, posted by 10derHeart on November 25, 2008, at 22:48:20
> I love this thread, Dinah.
>
> I have no idea exactly why, but I've been unsettled, worried, confused and more and somehow, this thread is really therapeutic for all of that.
>
> Babble never ceases to amaze me.
>
> hmmm....Me too. And 10der, I hadn't connected you to your above post. Of course you should still get to participate. Your T will always be in your heart, regardless of whether you're seeing him or not. And that doesn't make him any less important. In fact, being able to conjur him up is probably crucial to your well-being. That's part of it right, internalizing them. Seems you've done a pretty good job...
And I loved this re your granddaughter:
She looks all somber, pats me, looks worried, sometimes tears up herself....but feels like she "gets" it. Like we don't *do* anything about crying - it just is. For me, that's cool. Why not, right? Who are better experts on strong emotions and tears than toddlers?!!! But I digress terribly.
****
Kids are the best. I learned "mirroring" from my 6 month old (now 10) "adopted" niece (my best friend's kid).
thanks for sharing. And yes you're special, but not in any sort of way to feel bad about.... My T and I joke about me being a "special needs kid" (my words) for making her work overtime. In the end she said that most importantly I'm not, that I'm just getting the best deal. But she jokingly refers to the short bus every once in a while...
Hang in there 10der!
Posted by seldomseen on November 26, 2008, at 6:07:20
In reply to Re: I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists » seldomseen, posted by Dinah on November 25, 2008, at 17:35:53
"At least I never dug Trudy up and stuffed her."
"I've always been proud of you for that."that's one of my favorite lines from Monk! I can't believe i missed that in your original post.
Anyway, if my T were a dog he would be a bloodhound (without the drooling, but he's definately a tracker and a howler).
I'm unsure where his desire to talk about sex comes from. I can't imagine that his motives are selfish, but you really never know.
S
Posted by lucie lu on November 26, 2008, at 11:51:24
In reply to Re: I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists, posted by DAisym on November 25, 2008, at 23:10:29
> This is a very intimidating thread for me for reasons I'm not sure of.
Despite the difficulty of capturing the complexities of a person's essence, most of the posts here have done an excellent job at doing just that. I have felt hard-pressed to meet the level of some of these very eloquent posts. They have been very moving.
> My therapist is somewhere between 45 and 65 - it is impossible to tell based on what he looks like. My best guess is that he is near 60. He has been a therapist for nearly 30 years and is considered an expert in relationships and in individual trauma therapy. I have no real idea how tall he is - not too tall but not short either. Sometimes he feels so big and other times not - it is a therapy-space thing for me. He has a medium build, dark hair with gray sides and wears rimless glasses. He dresses nicely but come on - this is California - it is all about casual. So slacks, collared shirts, no ties, no jackets. I love that he wears purple a lot. He fidgets in his chair. He is rarely distracted.Similar but no wearing purple - hey, this is the East Coast. Thin black rims on glasses, hair gray and very curly (Jewish 'fro?), salt-and-pepper closely cut beard, which he grew a couple of years ago. He had more hair on top when I started seeing him, now pretty much smooth on top except for sides and back. Used to crack his knuckles when I'd produce difficult or very painful material. About 6', med build, looks like he used to be athletic, a few years older than me (I'm mid-fifties). Sometimes wears suits or jacket and tie when he has to (consults? court? new clients?), but prefers casual - cords, chinos. Has a disreputable looking, beat-up black leather jacket hanging up discreetly behind the door. Similar level of experience and attentive.
> He has a great voice - full of emotion. He is very smart and sarcastic. He likes Celtic music and Shakespeare and James Hillman. He is reserved and thoughtful. He almost never talks about other clients or himself, unless I ask a question. His approach is mostly psychoanalytic but with some gestalt/existentialism thrown in.He believes in attachment therapy and told me once that he has always believed that it is all about the relationship, before that was the "in" thing to believe. He is amazingly creative in his ability to show he cares and to stay connected.
If he is sarcastic, he keeps it away from me. Has a very soothing voice, when I'm really upset, it quiets even more, almost a hypnotic whisper - very, very calming and soothing. Same beliefs about attachments, therapy orientation etc. Also reserved and thoughtful.
> He is Jewish and not afraid to talk about God. He is almost, to use Dinah's word, unflappable. His anxiety comes through when I'm suicidal, which he freely admits. He owns his mistakes and apologies when he thinks he should. He opens conversations. He calls to check in. He gets emotional. He makes himself as available as possible and yet takes really good care of himself. He believes in boundaries. He does not hug.
Except for the God part, pretty much identical. He does not believe in God, and thinks anything "mystical" is a waste of time and psychic energy; human beings are multi-dimensional enough. I would consider him a secular humanist. Well-boundaried, inwardly anxious (doesn't show anything but steadiness at the time) only when I've been in really tough shape. Always follows through. Never, in six years, double-booked an appt or even been more than 5-10 min late. Although our sessions sometimes have run over. Always calls if he thinks he will be late, e.g. by 15 min. Always reschedules. Only cancelled due to sickness a couple of times, although I've cancelled a few times due to illness and he's always rescheduled. He will give me extra sessions or phone contact if I ask for it and if he has time available. He is unbelievably constant, and I have many times commented on how I can't believe anyone can be so consistent as he has been. It's quite a record. He is very dependable.
> And yet, despite not hugging, he is really warm and I usually feel really held and cared for. And he is hilarious - and so real. Yesterday he said, "that bring up really sh&tty feelings, doesn't it?" Totally. I like that he swears sometimes. He does ask a lot of questions, but they are the right questions. He loves stories about my kids and cheers when something good happens for them. He thinks I work too hard and is always encouraging me to find my inner-b&tch and learn to say no. He gets mad for me, but never at me. I've never heard him yell but he says he does. He takes my side often, even while encouraging me to look at the other side. He is protective of all the parts and pieces.
He is extremely self-disciplined, so I can allow myself a great deal of freedom and still feel safe. But he is always warm and accepting to me. His general acceptance of things and people is a major value of his that has been transmitted to me. A calming life perspective, I find. He is very protective of me and validating. I know he cares very much about me and my life and is committed to my therapy. He takes this commitment very seriously.
To me, he is pretty amazing. I have never experienced that level of constancy and commitment before. He is a great T - I lucked out when I was referred to him by my DD's T, who is a friend of his. I will always be grateful.
> I'm not a dog person so I have no idea what kind of a dog he would be.
As twins separated at birth, both must be Golden Retrievers :)
Posted by Annierose on November 26, 2008, at 13:27:03
In reply to I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists, posted by Dinah on November 24, 2008, at 20:29:20
Physically - my t is in her early 50's, pretty with a petite frame. Although she probably weighs under 100 pounds (easily) she appears quite physically fit and strong. She has reddish blond hair and a giant warm smile w/perfect white teeth. Her body language is relaxed and calm - doesn't move around her chair or office. And her facial expressions rarely invite surprise or discomfort. Everything is taken at as if it is perfectly normal.
I rarely sit up these days, but I hear a lot of expression in her voice tonality --- whether it's curiosity, happiness, surprise ...
She is comfortable with the silence that surrounds me at times. Other times, I sense she wishes she could help me express in words what I hold back. She is patient.
It means so much to me that she runs on time, 99.5% of the time and is never sick.
Her office is clean and organized but lacks style. Her waiting room could also use a make-over and a fresh stack of magazines. I don't think style is big on her priority list. Her personal style is plain and I imagine (although I have no reason to know this) but I would guess she makes some of her clothes. I'm sometimes surprised by the combination of separates she puts together ... she dresses sometimes folksy and sometimes business casual.
I like it when she can take my side on something and get angry with me. I like it when I tell her that I find something she is doing differently is helpful, and then I see her trying to move in that direction. I love that she wants me to get stronger and happier. I love that she doesn't answer my questions with another question. She always tries to answer. I love that she sometimes takes a pause before answering because I used to tell her "be careful in how you answer" because I held onto every word. I love that I know she is 100% answering honestly even though I may not feel it is true (if that makes sense). I love it when I say something funny and she laughs out loud.
Her attention is in that room with me the entire time. And for that, I am thankful.
Posted by Dinah on November 27, 2008, at 20:05:52
In reply to Re: I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists, posted by Annierose on November 26, 2008, at 13:27:03
I've been caught up in the vortex of holiday preparations, but I've really enjoyed reading the descriptions. It's amazing how much a verbal sketch can capture the essence. :)
I'm sorry if the exercise was intimidating in any way. It wasn't meant to be. I really appreciate the answers. I feel like I'll better be able to picture the therapists in my mind.
Short of having that Babble therapist's convention...
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