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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by seldomseen on November 20, 2008, at 16:22:47
Because I'm just about ready to do it.
My therapist has been really off lately and frankly, I'm just tired of bending to him.
It is impossible to re-schedule an appointment with him or ask for an additional appointment. Unless, of course, you show up with a 1000 check which I did once and *magically* there was seemingly all the time in the world.
Before I left for my trip, I asked him to call me if there was a cancellation. I called him today again to remind him, and he said that someone had cancelled, but that he had offered it to someone else and was waiting to hear back from them. I guess he just forgot about me.
I do wonder if we are getting close to something and I'm just getting ready to run (like I always do), but there is a little voice that's saying "it's time to go".
Seldom.
Posted by Dinah on November 20, 2008, at 16:44:05
In reply to I need someone to talk me out of quitting therapy., posted by seldomseen on November 20, 2008, at 16:22:47
Wow. Injudicious of him. :( I seriously doubt he would have advised you say that to someone.
My therapist is a total idiot at times, and I get pretty angry. Not to mention hurt.
This sounds so different than what you've been conveying in general that I have to think quitting isn't the best choice at this time. Not that I don't understand the impulse upon such a monumental misjudgment. Not to mention his forgetting to put you first.
I suppose it would be possible to think that perhaps someone else was ahead of you in the cancellation list. That may be too charitable tho.
Can you go to your next session and bless him out so thoroughly that you'll be the very last patient he ever forgets from this point forward? I've done that, with decent if not perfect success.
After you're no longer so angry with him, you'll be able to assess quitting more logically.
Posted by lucie lu on November 20, 2008, at 16:55:55
In reply to I need someone to talk me out of quitting therapy., posted by seldomseen on November 20, 2008, at 16:22:47
Posted by seldomseen on November 20, 2008, at 18:17:56
In reply to Re: I need someone to talk me out of quitting therapy., posted by Dinah on November 20, 2008, at 16:44:05
Oh, I don't know if I'm mad at him or not.
I'm tired. I'm tired of the therapy and tired of the work.
I'm tired of him just not thinking at all it seems unless I push him into it.
I will also admit that I'm upset over something that one of my friends said. She is a psychiatrist. She said she really liked treating women with post-partum depression because they get better.
Me? I've been going 8 years and still freak out over a locked therapy door.
I've been working on this relationship for 8 years and I still feel very unsure about it.
I've been dreaming again, isolating again and a helpline I have developed most likely completely forgot about me.
All relationships aside, I've paid this man close to $55,000 and he forgets about me.
BTW that's 1/2 a house where I live.
I would like to say something like "oh well, but I'm sure it will be fine"
But I don't feel that way at all. I feel like this is the end - either of my rope or my nerves. It's definately the end of something.
Seldom.
Posted by Dinah on November 20, 2008, at 18:25:55
In reply to Re: I need someone to talk me out of quitting therapy., posted by seldomseen on November 20, 2008, at 18:17:56
I could have written that.
All of it.
:(
But again, this is pretty sudden isn't it? And you're tired from your trip, and if you aren't angry with him you sure have reason to be.
Posted by Dinah on November 20, 2008, at 18:35:04
In reply to Re: I need someone to talk me out of quitting therapy., posted by seldomseen on November 20, 2008, at 18:17:56
What I was saying about my therapist and that book. It explained that the passivity I sometimes am annoyed with actually has a theoretical basis.
At the risk of inflating myself beyond my worth, I think we have some common ways of thinking and responding. Could it be that either because of their training or because of sheer native genius on their parts, our therapists have chosen to take a different role than might be considered more usual in therapy? I know my therapist would rather force me into the lead role in therapy. And as much as it annoys me, at times I do see the benefit of it.
Forgetting you... Well there's no possible decent explanation for that. I hope there's been a misunderstanding. My therapist forgets me too. :(
Posted by softheprairie on November 20, 2008, at 20:28:45
In reply to Re: I need someone to talk me out of quitting therapy., posted by seldomseen on November 20, 2008, at 18:17:56
I don't think I could keep seeing him, with him behaving like that. I would probably tell him I'm terminating because I didn't feel there was sufficient rapport between us, and I might (if I had the guts to), tell him of some of the other peeves you bring up. I imagine I'd take a little break from therapy and then look for another therapist.
It sounds like you have some middle class resources, so you can afford to choose. I think I would only put up with him if I had to, as in, if he worked for a community mental health center and I couldn't afford anything else. But, that doesn't seem to be your case. I would think there would be many other therapists in your area who would want to see you, and would treat you more respectfully.
> Oh, I don't know if I'm mad at him or not.
>
> I'm tired. I'm tired of the therapy and tired of the work.
>
> I'm tired of him just not thinking at all it seems unless I push him into it.
>
> I will also admit that I'm upset over something that one of my friends said. She is a psychiatrist. She said she really liked treating women with post-partum depression because they get better.
>
> Me? I've been going 8 years and still freak out over a locked therapy door.
>
> I've been working on this relationship for 8 years and I still feel very unsure about it.
>
> I've been dreaming again, isolating again and a helpline I have developed most likely completely forgot about me.
>
> All relationships aside, I've paid this man close to $55,000 and he forgets about me.
>
> BTW that's 1/2 a house where I live.
>
> I would like to say something like "oh well, but I'm sure it will be fine"
>
> But I don't feel that way at all. I feel like this is the end - either of my rope or my nerves. It's definately the end of something.
>
> Seldom.
>
>
Posted by Phillipa on November 21, 2008, at 0:36:56
In reply to Re: I need someone to talk me out of quitting therapy., posted by softheprairie on November 20, 2008, at 20:28:45
You know thinking back only therapist I've seen for any length of time was at a center with a sliding scale seems for me the upscale ones don't need the money. At least the ones I had here kind of acted like it was a hobby. Acted bored and couldn't see you but once every three weeks so no more. I do wonder with the economy if some have changed attitudes as I feel theraphy would go before food for a lot of families. Something for me to think about. Love Phillipa
Posted by seldomseen on November 21, 2008, at 5:41:47
In reply to Re: I need someone to talk me out of quitting therapy. » seldomseen, posted by Dinah on November 20, 2008, at 18:25:55
but still feel like quitting.
I think the best thing for me to do would be to bring this feeling up to him.
I think some of my concerns/complaints are legitimate, some may even be quit worthy.
What I'm absolutely sure about is that these breaches are traumatizing to me.
No one is perfect, and no relationship is perfect but we've got to figure out a way to minimize these traumas. They (obviously) cause me a lot of stress and disrupt the therapeutic relationship.
If my primary concern in therapy now is attachment, it really undermines my efforts if he forgets about me, locks me out and isn't available.
Frankly, my therapy is already quite sexual (in words not actions) so all he needs to do is start hitting me and it's my parents all over again.
AS much as I value him, this has got to be fixed.
Seldom.
Posted by Dinah on November 21, 2008, at 12:27:46
In reply to Well, I slept on it - trigger perhaps, posted by seldomseen on November 21, 2008, at 5:41:47
> I think the best thing for me to do would be to bring this feeling up to him.
I agree completely. What you decide from there may depend on how he responds.
> I think some of my concerns/complaints are legitimate, some may even be quit worthy.
Absolutely.
> What I'm absolutely sure about is that these breaches are traumatizing to me.> No one is perfect, and no relationship is perfect but we've got to figure out a way to minimize these traumas. They (obviously) cause me a lot of stress and disrupt the therapeutic relationship.
I agree completely. That's part of long term therapy, that if one party does things that consistently harms the relationship (*especially* the therapist), they need to do something to show genuine regret, take responsibility, and come up with a way to address the issue.
> If my primary concern in therapy now is attachment, it really undermines my efforts if he forgets about me, locks me out and isn't available.
>
> Frankly, my therapy is already quite sexual (in words not actions) so all he needs to do is start hitting me and it's my parents all over again.That statement concerns me a bit. Especially since you say he's going through a divorce? Do you think the sexual element is to benefit you or to benefit him at a time when his personal life is iffy?
> AS much as I value him, this has got to be fixed.
>
> Seldom.It does. It might mean he needs supervision or therapy himself right now. His personal troubles may be interfering with his ability to be there for you, and as I told my therapist, that really is not acceptable. Not in therapy.
Posted by Dinah on November 21, 2008, at 12:29:39
In reply to Re: Well, I slept on it - trigger perhaps, posted by Dinah on November 21, 2008, at 12:27:46
I think I confused your therapist with someone else's therapist, and I apologize for that. Dratted memory. Sometimes there seems to be a theme running through a board, and right now it seems to be long term therapists messing up.
But what I said still holds.
Posted by JayMac on November 21, 2008, at 13:53:32
In reply to Well, I slept on it - trigger perhaps, posted by seldomseen on November 21, 2008, at 5:41:47
ALL of your concerns are legitimate!
IMO, you need a T who is responsive and is looking out for your best interest. Yes, they make mistakes here and there, but he should apologize and then ask how his actions effect you.
You are worthy of a great T!!!
Hugs =)
Posted by seldomseen on November 21, 2008, at 15:53:46
In reply to Re: Well, I slept on it - trigger perhaps, posted by Dinah on November 21, 2008, at 12:29:39
No worries about the confusion. While I don't think there is upset with his marriage, both of his parents have died this year.
It's hard to fathom how that must feel for him and that it is not affecting his ability in some ways. But the availability is a long term problem, as is my feeling that he is just "phoning it in".
Perhaps it is because I have been with him so long, and know what he is capable of, that the absence of him in the room is that much more pronounced. This benign neglect is intolerable.
Regarding the sexual nature of my therapy. I, too, have wondered exactly who is benefitting most from our discussions. It is very easy to take certain statements and actions out of context however. Suffice it to say that I am convinced, thoroughly and completely, that he is going to stay in his chair - as am I.
When I brought to his attention one aspect of those sexual discussions that was particularly upsetting to me, he explained his position and stopped immediately.
I still wonder if the desire to bolt is coming from a place of fear.
But fear of what? Fear of being hurt? That ship has already sailed. He has already hurt me. So I guess it is a desire to escape any more hurt. But is that even possible?
Seldom.
Posted by seldomseen on November 21, 2008, at 15:54:48
In reply to Re: Well, I slept on it - trigger perhaps » seldomseen, posted by JayMac on November 21, 2008, at 13:53:32
THanks JayMac. I think we are all worthy of a great therapist.
Seldom.
Posted by seldomseen on November 21, 2008, at 15:59:32
In reply to Re: I need someone to talk me out of quitting therapy., posted by softheprairie on November 20, 2008, at 20:28:45
I do have some resources to put towards therapy - as long as it continues to be helpful - which it hasn't been lately.
I do plan to bring up my concerns in therapy, and even use the word termination. He'll probably fall out of his chair, as I haven't talked about quitting in over 6 years.
He might actually agree that it is time for me to move on.
We'll see.
Seldom.
Posted by seldomseen on November 21, 2008, at 16:03:45
In reply to Re: I need someone to talk me out of quitting therapy., posted by Phillipa on November 21, 2008, at 0:36:56
While I do have the resources to put toward therapy, that does not mean that I haven't sacrificed for it. It's not like I have 600-700 extra dollars just lying around the house every month. It's one of my biggest expenses.
Even when I was a graduate student, I found a way to pay for it.
And will continue to do so, if my therapist will just come back.
Seldom.
Posted by Dinah on November 21, 2008, at 16:34:56
In reply to Re: Well, I slept on it - trigger perhaps » Dinah, posted by seldomseen on November 21, 2008, at 15:53:46
> But the availability is a long term problem, as is my feeling that he is just "phoning it in".
>
> Perhaps it is because I have been with him so long, and know what he is capable of, that the absence of him in the room is that much more pronounced. This benign neglect is intolerable.
>
> And will continue to do so, if my therapist will just come back.As you might recall, I had a similar problem recently. I posted that I couldn't go through it again. And I wouldn't.
I meant it.
My therapist was "absent" for a year. It made me frantic to reach for that space where he normally is, and find it empty. And to have him insist that he really was there when I knew he wasn't. When it looked to happen again, I knew I couldn't take going through that again.
My therapist pulled it together for me. He was able to drag himself into the room, if only to argue with me. He wasn't his best for a bit, but he was *there*.
I couldn't tolerate it if he wasn't. It makes me far too anxious.
I hope your therapist is also able to fix whatever is wrong on his side, and be fully present for you again.
This is the end of the thread.
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