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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by toetapper on October 10, 2008, at 23:13:13
I saw my pDoc first for meds and then for therapy for about two years while I was trying to deal with CSA. He videotaped me without my consent, had a substance abuse problem, had previously been sanctioned by the Medical Board, and crossed every single (sexual) boundary (short of actual consummation) there is. I'm talking calling me at 11pm for phone sex, that kind of thing. Then he dumped me. In one session. I walked the razor's edge for a year, nearly suicided more times than I want to admit, by the grace of God I held it together.
I filed a complaint against him, and held two appointments with the administrator at his clinic, to NO avail. He was the almighty pDoc, I was the crazy one. I walked away. The anger, and the hatred, were too much to carry.
I fully understand Lemonaide's motivation, and need, to resolve her situation in a way that is healing. I am here to say, in my case, it further traumatized me.
Honestly, I don't understand the rules of propriety here. I come here to read because it makes me feel less of a freak, but I often get my hands slapped when I try to contribute. I guess I cross too many of those invisible lines. Which I am about to do again.
I found, in my own work, that there is something SO POWERFUL, for victims of CSA, about that "relationship" with a T that you can NEVER TELL. That is FORBIDDEN. That is NOT ALLOWED. It carries so many of the same hallmarks as the abuse itself, it makes me sick to my stomach when I think about it. And that is what finally allowed me to heal. To FINALLY see the pattern of abuse. I guess, in a way, he "cured" me afterall.
There are several here who have managed to move past the abuse and heal in a positive,healthy way, and that is why I keep coming back, because I need to be constantly reminded, and reassured, that I am NOT the one who is crazy. And it is NOT my fault. And there is hope. If one is willing, if one is ABLE, to do the work. And boy oh boy is it work.
To those of you who are unflinchingly, and unfailingly honest, all I can say is you saved my life, and my sanity.
I haven't seen a T since him, and never will again, but I thank God every single day there are those of you who are blessed with a caring, competent T, and who are willing to share what you have learned through (and with) them.
Lemonaide, and everyone else going through the same thing, there is light at the end of the tunnel. You just can't see it through the fog of pain. But it's there.
Posted by DAisym on October 11, 2008, at 0:03:28
In reply to Disclosure and Reporting -- CSA/T/Suicide triggers, posted by toetapper on October 10, 2008, at 23:13:13
"I found, in my own work, that there is something SO POWERFUL, for victims of CSA, about that "relationship" with a T that you can NEVER TELL. That is FORBIDDEN. That is NOT ALLOWED. It carries so many of the same hallmarks as the abuse itself, it makes me sick to my stomach when I think about it. And that is what finally allowed me to heal. To FINALLY see the pattern of abuse. I guess, in a way, he "cured" me afterall."
This is so true - which is why working with an ethical therapist is so important. But how are we to know at the beginning who is and who isn't? I think that is why we must talk to each other and not keep our therapy such a secret. We are truly in that bind of being the patient - the one with "issues." It is an easy out for many therapists. Reminds me of all those "false-memory syndrome" folks - parents who used this to discredit the daughter who was finally telling. No one would make this stuff up and have to suffer through it again with telling.
I'm really sorry this happened to you. But I must point out that YOU obviously worked very hard to "cure" you - he gets no credit in my book.
Thanks for sharing.
Posted by lemonaide on October 11, 2008, at 5:37:13
In reply to Disclosure and Reporting -- CSA/T/Suicide triggers, posted by toetapper on October 10, 2008, at 23:13:13
Thanks Toe tapper, your post means so much to me. I am so glad you posted. Unfortunately, your experience in what happened when you reported it, is not all that uncommon. I hear it is like going through the abuse a 2nd time because you are made out to be the crazy one. To me it is the ultimate abuse of power when they use their power and influence to show they are sane ones, and not the client.
I also think about my future as a T, and somehow I can see it backfiring on me when I become a T because of our town and who he knows. I suppose I could practice in some other town not near by though.
I believe he took full advantage of my marriage problems, and my attraction to him.
I am trying to overcome all of the hurt and harm he caused. And not to diminish the harm he did to me, it does reflect some prior relationships I had with men when I was a teen, who took advantage of my situation. For some reason, I didn't go along with these situations. I fired my T and I broke of relationship with those who tried the same sort of thing.
I do believe I can move past this, but it is going to take some time for me to get the anger and sadness out. I hope Babblers can bare with me during this, it is going to be hard. I have a lady T who has some experience with dealing with clients who had unethical T's. There is another one in town I guess too, and we are a small city. This stuff happens way more than it should.
Toetapper, you are not crazy and neither am I.Can you reflect with what helped you move on? Maybe it would be helpful for me and others too.
Thanks again so much for your post, we don't know each other, but the fact you would take the time to post to Babble about this, means so much to me.
Posted by toetapper on October 11, 2008, at 21:57:43
In reply to Re: Disclosure and Reporting -- CSA/T/Suicide triggers » toetapper, posted by lemonaide on October 11, 2008, at 5:37:13
Lemonaide, I wish I could say XYandZ and have it be the answer. It is different for everyone. I, too, believe this happens a LOT. I allow myself to believe, mostly out of hope and maybe a little desperation, that unethical Ts are really just plain human, suffering from their own inadequacies and insecurities, who sometimes get in over their heads or get sucked into old patterns or whatever, rather than just plain evil.
Every single one of us engages in relationships that have elements of transference or counter-transference, yet the T relationship is the only one we label as such. No one accused me of marrying out of transference. No one suggested I accepted a job with the boss from hell out of counter-transference. And yet, both of those relationships, in addition to my T, in addition to my girlfriends, in addition to my parents and siblings, in addition to every friend (and lover) I've ever had, have elements of transference and counter-transference. And for me, that realization is what finally cut the string. And that awareness, more than anything (except the book The Courage to Heal, I'm sorry I don't know how to hypertext the link) came through this site. I mentioned in my OP that coming here, and reading the threads of similar situations, and more importantly reading the threads of what a healthy, healing, THERAPEUTIC relationship looks like, brought me to the undeniable realization that --warning: THIS IS MY OPINION OF MYSELF ONLY-- I make my own choices and my own decisions and am THE ONLY PERSON who has control over who I engage with, and how. I am responsible for what I brought to the table, for who I chose to engage with, and how I chose to engage, in every single one of those relationships. No one else.
Conversely, I AM THE ONLY ONE who can choose to engage differently.
In my particular case with my particular T, given this was NOT his first brush with unethical behavior, I did come to the conclusion he is a perverted, disturbed, dangerous man. And I did what I thought was most appropriate, I reported him. The absolute WORST part of my journey away from him was the additional abuse, and it was ABUSE, I suffered at the hands of those who were charged with protecting me, with hearing me. I WAS NOT HEARD. And for a victim of abuse, that is a death knell.
There is one other thing I want to be absolutely clear about, and that is this site. I do not participate or contribute, and maybe that means I don't get a vote. I ride the coattails of those (like you) who have the balls and the compassion to share little bits and pieces of yourself with, essentially, anyone who is interested. I owe my life to all of you, that is the truth. I don't think there is a person here who comes here to harm.
You are loved, and you are believed, and you are supported. And when you are ready, I hope you return.
Posted by antigua3 on October 12, 2008, at 11:23:23
In reply to Disclosure and Reporting -- CSA/T/Suicide triggers, posted by toetapper on October 10, 2008, at 23:13:13
You are so right about being abused the second time around. But the fact that you now recognize it is huge and you got yourself away from the situation.
I'm also w/you on the whole transference issue. I certainly had bosses from hell most of my career, but I didn't recognize that I was picking jobs that put me in that situation. I had choices, and I made several that re-enacted the abuse. No longer will I do that.
There's a little alarm that goes off in my head now when I start to recognize that what I'm headed into is a repeat of my past, and I try now to take a different direction. I'm not always successful, but each time I learn more about myself.
For me, I know I'm responsible for my own decisions, but sometimes I need help in making those decisions, and that's why I depend on my T so much. But I make more of those decisions on my own now--I don't need them to be pointed out quite so much, and frankly, that's why I'm thinking of quitting my pdoc, with her support so that I can separate out what is me and what is him.
You are much further along than I am, and I applaud your efforts.
Thanks for posting,
antigua
This is the end of the thread.
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