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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by WaterSapphire on September 23, 2008, at 9:06:02
I am sorry but I am full of shame and constant stress. Every day has lost it's meaning and I have to keep on finding a reason to bother with things cuz stress is eating me alive. Most people in general who do not understand me would probably say well you are not working so what do you have to be stressed about. I have not been able to work since 1999. I get stressed out over anything and everything now. It started back then along with health problems (chronic infections), and muscle weakness. Now I feel like I am a robot, stressed, messed up, pitiful excuse for a human being. I am still waiting for our bleep bleep bleep car to be done. It wouldn't have been fixed at all except for the sheer kindness of my grandmother. But then my dad tells me yesterday the breaks had to be fixed too and that he would have to find some way to pay for it. NOW, I am going to have to add that to the gosh only knows how much money I owe him. He hasn't asked for a penny, but that in itself does not replace the guilt that I feel. Let me tell you guilt and stress can be like poison eating you from the inside out. I have to find a reason to go on sometimes. WHY am I like this? I hate myself right at the moment. I am tired of feeling badly all the time too about everything I say and everything I do. I don't know what else I can possibly do anymore. Life has it's stressors. I cannot rid my life of all stress. I cannot rid my life of myself. WHY can't I just get a new brain and body.
I just want to scream...
Posted by Dinah on September 23, 2008, at 11:59:58
In reply to Stressed,full of shame,beyond repair (TRIGGER?), posted by WaterSapphire on September 23, 2008, at 9:06:02
I do understand. My husband gets angry over some of the stuff that may look like laziness to him. He has no idea of what it's like from the inside. And it's hard not to internalize some of those messages.
I know it sounds strange to say, from someone who just posted that they'll never be well, but... Well, acknowledging and accepting what is is important and necessary. It keeps us from beating ourselves up over what really can't be changed. But the acceptance isn't to give up exactly. It's to figure out what is possible, and to do what can be done.
Mind you, my strength of will is very low. It's easier for me to say that than it is to do it.
I don't know your relationship with your grandmother or your father. But is it possible that your gifts to them may not be monetary, but may be valuable anyway?
Posted by JayMac on September 23, 2008, at 13:42:05
In reply to Stressed,full of shame,beyond repair (TRIGGER?), posted by WaterSapphire on September 23, 2008, at 9:06:02
I know the feeling: stress, more stress, extreme stress.
Hugs!!!
Posted by WaterSapphire on September 23, 2008, at 21:54:47
In reply to Re: Stressed,full of shame,beyond repair (TRIGGER?), posted by JayMac on September 23, 2008, at 13:42:05
Thank you both for the support. Maybe I will write more tomorrow. I am bushed lol...
Peace and hoping for stress to be reduced for all of us for sure....
Posted by JoniS on September 24, 2008, at 9:09:09
In reply to Stressed,full of shame,beyond repair (TRIGGER?), posted by WaterSapphire on September 23, 2008, at 9:06:02
WaterSapphire
Very sorry for your stress and yucky feelings. I can relate. I'm struggling with life right now so I cant say much, but hang in there. I wish you well.
BTW what does "WaterSapphire" mean?
Joni
Posted by Cal on September 24, 2008, at 10:31:31
In reply to Stressed,full of shame,beyond repair (TRIGGER?), posted by WaterSapphire on September 23, 2008, at 9:06:02
(((Watersapphire))
Posted by Phillipa on September 24, 2008, at 12:44:29
In reply to Re: Stressed,full of shame,beyond repair (TRIGGER?), posted by Cal on September 24, 2008, at 10:31:31
Water Sapphire hope you continue writing on this thread and feel better today. I do know the feeling. Love Phillipa
Posted by onceupon on September 25, 2008, at 9:18:49
In reply to Stressed,full of shame,beyond repair (TRIGGER?), posted by WaterSapphire on September 23, 2008, at 9:06:02
Oh, I know this feeling. I think. It feels impossible to escape sometimes. Since it's usually hard for me to feel compassion for myself when I'm in this place, I'm gonna go ahead and assume that it's hard for you too (excuse me for making such bold assumptions). So I'll send some your way instead. And hold you in my thoughts. Hope that's OK.
Posted by WaterSapphire on September 26, 2008, at 10:42:53
In reply to Re: Stressed,full of shame,beyond repair (TRIGGER?, posted by onceupon on September 25, 2008, at 9:18:49
Hey everyone else....Thank you so much for your kind words. We are going through a lot right now and having too many ups and downs and I am not handling everything that well. I am doing what I can I guess.
Watersapphire means iolite which is a sem-precious gemstone. The Vikings sometimes used it in navigation on their ships. Luv you guys...Hopefully my prayers will make a difference someday for everyone here...Chelle
This is the end of the thread.
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