Posted by WaterSapphire on September 23, 2008, at 9:06:02
I am sorry but I am full of shame and constant stress. Every day has lost it's meaning and I have to keep on finding a reason to bother with things cuz stress is eating me alive. Most people in general who do not understand me would probably say well you are not working so what do you have to be stressed about. I have not been able to work since 1999. I get stressed out over anything and everything now. It started back then along with health problems (chronic infections), and muscle weakness. Now I feel like I am a robot, stressed, messed up, pitiful excuse for a human being. I am still waiting for our bleep bleep bleep car to be done. It wouldn't have been fixed at all except for the sheer kindness of my grandmother. But then my dad tells me yesterday the breaks had to be fixed too and that he would have to find some way to pay for it. NOW, I am going to have to add that to the gosh only knows how much money I owe him. He hasn't asked for a penny, but that in itself does not replace the guilt that I feel. Let me tell you guilt and stress can be like poison eating you from the inside out. I have to find a reason to go on sometimes. WHY am I like this? I hate myself right at the moment. I am tired of feeling badly all the time too about everything I say and everything I do. I don't know what else I can possibly do anymore. Life has it's stressors. I cannot rid my life of all stress. I cannot rid my life of myself. WHY can't I just get a new brain and body.
I just want to scream...
poster:WaterSapphire
thread:853599
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080920/msgs/853599.html