![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by wishingstar on August 11, 2008, at 18:47:38
Is it possible to be *too* honest in therapy/treatment in general?
Sounds like a crazy question doesnt it? The obvious answer is of course not. You should be 100% honest with your therapist/pdoc because how else can they help you?
WRONG. Wrong answer, apparently.
I just cant win!
Today I told my T all about my experience with pdoc-gone-bad last week when she told me I'm being evasive, not trying, etc. I posted above about it if anyones interested. T was very understanding and good about it. T suggested that perhaps because I've been honest with them and told them that sometimes I feel myself dancing around difficult topics, I've created a situation in which pdoc is more likely to doubt me and think I'm evading, whether I am or not. T said that almost all people do avoid somewhat sometimes, but by my being so open and honest and admitting that, it cast a shadow of doubt over some of what I said. T said that she has known me long enough she generally doesnt feel that way, but thinks pdoc may. I really do get the point and she's probably right, but I feel like I just cant win! They say to be as open and honest as you can. I tell T/pdoc my "tricks"/defense mechanisms because them knowing makes it more difficult to avoid and to continue old patterns (so I'd hoped anyway). In reality, it just makes them trust me less? I think I'm smart enough that I can pick and choose what I dont admit to/tell them to lessen any of those effects, but I shouldnt have to. I dont want to have to walk on eggshells with professionals I'm paying. I sometimes wish I could just have 0 insight and sit there confused all day in therapy. Just because my intellectual self is able to function fairly well, separate from my emotional self, doesnt mean I'm doing great.
Nothing I do is right. Part of me just wants to drop out of all treatment because obviously I'm doing it wrong anyway. I told T I feel like I'm doing it wrong and she sort of laughed. I'm serious!! I say something not-so-serious and she latches on. I say something very real and she ignores it in favor of other less-important side comment I made earlier. I know it's my responsibility to force topics. I know. But saying them is hard enough... why cant anyone meet me half way? Forcing topics just doesnt feel doable for me right now.
I left T today and was saying to myself, "see? I'm such a good girl. I play by the rules and talk about the easy things, just like you want. I'm a good girl in therapy, just like I've always been everywhere else." Yeah, talking about what happened with pdoc was important, but what about everything else?
I've been going to therapy on Mondays at 3pm for awhile now. She only sees clients Mon and Thurs. Tell me why today, at end when scheduling, she said she's all booked on Mon unless I want to come at 8am (she doesnt usually do 8ams, and I live 45min from her office)... and only had 10 or 11am open on Thursday. How did I get pushed out? In the past, before I had a set time, shes said "oh, 12 isnt good because I have someone who usually comes then" and that was fine. Why didnt she remember I come at 3? It's not really an verbalized official thing, but still.. I always come then, and until today shes always just said "same time?" when scheduling. Two weeks ago I missed an appt too because I was gone on Monday (my regular) and she couldnt fit me in on Thurs that week. I feel like, what do I have to do to make you notice that I'm not okay and be one of the important clients? In the last few months I've lost significant weight and GP recently diagnosed an eating disorder. That isnt concerning to her? I'm not having eating issues just to be concerning to her of course... but doesnt she see that it might mean something is wrong? Today I actually left and was thinking of making up a lie (like about self-injuring or something) to make her see that I'm serious and need help. I wont do that, but just the fact that I thought about it is crazy. They always say to use words rather than behaviors, but words get ignored and behaviors dont.
I feel like I should just give it up. Obviously I'm doing something wrong and right now, therapy is only making me feel 50x worse, not better. If I needed to feel unheard, I'd call my parents, and that wouldnt cost me anything! I just cant win.
I'm just ranting. Sorry.
Posted by wishingstar on August 11, 2008, at 18:54:47
In reply to I just cant win! (long again, venting), posted by wishingstar on August 11, 2008, at 18:47:38
Also, T doesnt want me to go see old T (the one 2 hours away) on Wed as planned. I'm planning to go only once. T feels like it's not a good idea for a few reasons and her reasons are definitely valid. However, I think I'm going to go anyway and possibly just not tell her. I NEED someone to hear me... for the good feelings that come from that, but for a bigger reason too.. because I feel like I'm hitting the end of my rope and starting to consider more self-destructive behaviors I havent engaged in in some time. I need one person to hear me, just once, to give me the strength to keep fighting this and to give me strength to continue working with current T to resolve this problem. Without a little booster, I'm really running out of fuel. I know that's probably wrong, but I'm starting to feel desperate.
Posted by obsidian on August 11, 2008, at 20:49:49
In reply to also... (brief), posted by wishingstar on August 11, 2008, at 18:54:47
hey,
just wanted to say that you aren't doing it "wrong"have you said to T "I don't feel OK" or some version of that?
Sorry you're not feeling well :-(,
sid
Posted by obsidian on August 11, 2008, at 20:54:43
In reply to Re: also... (brief) » wishingstar, posted by obsidian on August 11, 2008, at 20:49:49
I mean that time change
consistency is important
and geez, trying to remember my different types of defense mechanisms and crap would make me tired
I like my defense mechanisms..well some of them
Posted by wishingstar on August 11, 2008, at 21:24:36
In reply to Re: also... (brief) » wishingstar, posted by obsidian on August 11, 2008, at 20:49:49
Oh yes, I've said I dont feel okay.. it just never seems to matter.
When I said remembering defense mechanisms, I dont mean it in an academic, technical way. Not talking about psych terms of anything. Just "hey T, I tend to do this to avoid certain topics".. that sort of thing.
Thanks for understanding. Tonight, I'm really not feeling okay.
Posted by obsidian on August 11, 2008, at 21:41:01
In reply to Re: also... (brief) » obsidian, posted by wishingstar on August 11, 2008, at 21:24:36
((((wishy))))
you don't feel like she's getting it huh?
-sid
Posted by wishingstar on August 11, 2008, at 21:47:04
In reply to Re: also... (brief) » wishingstar, posted by obsidian on August 11, 2008, at 21:41:01
Thanks for the hugs... I teared up when I got this post. I dont. She just doesnt get it. I need SOMEONE and even my therapist just.. isnt hearing me. I feel totally alone. thanks sid.
> ((((wishy))))
>
> you don't feel like she's getting it huh?
> -sid
>
>
>
>
Posted by Phillipa on August 12, 2008, at 12:18:21
In reply to Re: also... (brief) » obsidian, posted by wishingstar on August 11, 2008, at 21:47:04
Late and hope it's not a private conversation but I know the feeling and quit theraphy and now being taken advantage of by H. Long story. Let us know how today goes. Phillipa
Posted by wishingstar on August 12, 2008, at 14:42:06
In reply to Re: also... (brief) » wishingstar, posted by Phillipa on August 12, 2008, at 12:18:21
Not a private conversation at all. Any comments from anyone are more than welcome, on this post and any other I make. :) I appreciate you commenting...
I have an appt at 11am tomorrow with old T but current T is pretty much insisting I not go. I guess I'm going to have to cancel it.
I also let current T know that next Thurs wont work for me and to let me know if she has any cancellations on Mon. She said she doesnt expect that she will. In reality, Thurs would work, but I'm mad and upset about being pushed off my day, especially when she knows I work a job that has a very crazy schedule (it's 8-5, but some days I'm in court, staying in office to answer phones, other things that arent negotiable)... I'm not cancelling Thurs to get back at her, because I know it wont matter to her, I'm just doing it because I need space. But anyway, it makes it another 2 weeks between sessions again. The last time, few weeks ago, wasnt by choice at all.
I want to see old T, but I dont know. Current T's reasons for me not going are valid. But what I'm really concerned about isnt whether it's good for me or not.. it's whether current T would be upset with me, feel like I was stepping on her feet, etc. She hasnt really given any answer to that either way. I dont want to be "bad" and go against the rules. I think I could handle the effect it'd have on me either way.
Oh well.
Posted by meme3842 on August 12, 2008, at 16:16:41
In reply to Re: also... (brief) » Phillipa, posted by wishingstar on August 12, 2008, at 14:42:06
Hi, Wishingstar
I don't post that much, so this might seem out of nowhere. But I can understand about wanting to see your other therapist. Given, that your new one hasn't really indicated why she is against you going to see your old therapist, I think you should keep the appointment and go. I understand that you don't want to step on her feet, but it's really not her place to tell you who you can or can't talk to. I did have a therapist who told me that I couldn't talk or see my old therapist, who I am still very much attached to. So that relationship didn't work at all, because she had made up some rules that suited her without any logic behind them. My current therapist knows that I talk and email to my old therapist, and she's okay with it. (I think she knows that if she tells me that I can't, I'll quit therapy with her.) And I tell her what I talk about my old therapist and use it to help me overall. In fact, the current therapist is on vacation, and I told her that I will just call the old one if I need anything. And she didn't seem bothered by it all. So that's just my rambling, but I feel that there is a reason why you want to see your old therapist, and it will keep bugging you until you do. So I say go ahead and do it, and how it helps or not. Meme
Posted by wishingstar on August 12, 2008, at 16:55:42
In reply to also.., posted by meme3842 on August 12, 2008, at 16:16:41
Thanks meme. I dont post often earlier (although I used to), so not random at all...
I guess I didnt give all the details as it's pretty complicated and more than most care to hear I'm sure. Current T isnt actually new at all. I've been seeing her almost two years. Briefly.... I'm 25 now. When I was 18-19, I saw a T who I really connected with. I'd seen many before but due to some family stuff/neglect, I'd never had a chance to bond with any of them, so she was the first I really did any work with. I went away to college and saw her some over a summer or two, and also a handful of times randomly throughout college, even though she was 2 hours away and I was seeing another counselor where I was living at college. About two years ago, a T I'd seen here in my town for about a year and a half terminated be in a rather traumatic way and I cycled into a few hospitalizations, etc. Old T (the one I'm wanting to see now) helped me through that while I settled into seeing the woman who is now my current T. I continued emailing regularly with old T and saw her once every few months. Then a year ago, she drew the boundary line and it stopped. She herself has stated that we have a special connection and I know she cares about me. She was very honest about it being difficult for her to draw that boundary and allowed it to be an open discussion, but there was no changing the decision, which I understood. I think it was done in a very healthy way overall. She's the best T (for me) that I've had and if I was able, I'd switch back to her full time. ANYWAY....
I'm currently feeling very unheard with my T and my pdoc here. I want to see old T once, and she has agreed, which a year ago she stated she wouldnt do anymore. Current T is afraid that I'm trying to run back to old T at the expense of working through stuff with current T and pdoc. Pitting them against each other I guess. Current T feels like my motivations are wrong. In truth, my motivations are in part to feel cared about and heard again. BUT, I think feeling that would give me some strength to continue working through everything with current T, and I dont think that's a bad thing. There's more, but my point is that current T did give her reasons for saying I shouldnt and her reasons are justified. Current T was okay with me emailing and talking with old T for the many months where I did a year or so ago, but when the boundaries were drawn, I think current T thought about it more and now is unsure. I dont think shes being controlling necessarily, (although I do feel controlled). Her reasons make sense. She isnt saying I cant, more that she really, really doesnt want me to. That's almost harder. I feel like I'll be "bad" and "in trouble" if I do go now.
I dont know what to do. I'll let you all know what I decide. My fear is that if I do go, and dont have the same positive feelings/experience with old T as in the past, I think I'd feel even worse and more lost than I do now. I dont think it'd happen that way, but it's a big risk.
Posted by Phillipa on August 12, 2008, at 19:47:13
In reply to Re: also.. » meme3842, posted by wishingstar on August 12, 2008, at 16:55:42
Wishingstar if that happened would it be that bad. Maybe you could let go then. And not always be thinking of old T and you were a teen then and now an adult with a lot of responsibility so you may decide on your own that you like the new T better . I say go too. Phillipa
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.