Posted by wishingstar on August 12, 2008, at 16:55:42
In reply to also.., posted by meme3842 on August 12, 2008, at 16:16:41
Thanks meme. I dont post often earlier (although I used to), so not random at all...
I guess I didnt give all the details as it's pretty complicated and more than most care to hear I'm sure. Current T isnt actually new at all. I've been seeing her almost two years. Briefly.... I'm 25 now. When I was 18-19, I saw a T who I really connected with. I'd seen many before but due to some family stuff/neglect, I'd never had a chance to bond with any of them, so she was the first I really did any work with. I went away to college and saw her some over a summer or two, and also a handful of times randomly throughout college, even though she was 2 hours away and I was seeing another counselor where I was living at college. About two years ago, a T I'd seen here in my town for about a year and a half terminated be in a rather traumatic way and I cycled into a few hospitalizations, etc. Old T (the one I'm wanting to see now) helped me through that while I settled into seeing the woman who is now my current T. I continued emailing regularly with old T and saw her once every few months. Then a year ago, she drew the boundary line and it stopped. She herself has stated that we have a special connection and I know she cares about me. She was very honest about it being difficult for her to draw that boundary and allowed it to be an open discussion, but there was no changing the decision, which I understood. I think it was done in a very healthy way overall. She's the best T (for me) that I've had and if I was able, I'd switch back to her full time. ANYWAY....
I'm currently feeling very unheard with my T and my pdoc here. I want to see old T once, and she has agreed, which a year ago she stated she wouldnt do anymore. Current T is afraid that I'm trying to run back to old T at the expense of working through stuff with current T and pdoc. Pitting them against each other I guess. Current T feels like my motivations are wrong. In truth, my motivations are in part to feel cared about and heard again. BUT, I think feeling that would give me some strength to continue working through everything with current T, and I dont think that's a bad thing. There's more, but my point is that current T did give her reasons for saying I shouldnt and her reasons are justified. Current T was okay with me emailing and talking with old T for the many months where I did a year or so ago, but when the boundaries were drawn, I think current T thought about it more and now is unsure. I dont think shes being controlling necessarily, (although I do feel controlled). Her reasons make sense. She isnt saying I cant, more that she really, really doesnt want me to. That's almost harder. I feel like I'll be "bad" and "in trouble" if I do go now.
I dont know what to do. I'll let you all know what I decide. My fear is that if I do go, and dont have the same positive feelings/experience with old T as in the past, I think I'd feel even worse and more lost than I do now. I dont think it'd happen that way, but it's a big risk.
poster:wishingstar
thread:845585
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080810/msgs/845739.html