![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LadyBug on May 5, 2008, at 23:16:25
I finally got up the guts to call my T to tell her I want to see her and if she agreed to schedule a time. She called me back and said I'd be glad to see you lets meet at our usual time on Tues. Let's plan on that, I'll see you then. (It was all through voice mail.)
So it's been 3 weeks since I left her office telling her my voice was paralyzed. She told me 2 different hurtful things. One that she had too much sympathy for me and the other was no more voice mails.
I have a few things I plan to tell her. One is that **I GET IT**!!!!!!! She had poor timing to what she said to me. So much has happened to me since I saw her, she'll probably not even care that I got a new job, that I've contacted an attorney about my divorce,that my husband is in jail. That part won't surprise her, as it didn't surprise me. I wonder if she even feels bad, probably not. It will be all my fault.
I'll let you know what happens tomorrow night when I have time to get on here after my appointment.
Ugggggggggg, what have I done? I know I have to go see her and talk this out with her. So much on my mind. You should see my journal. I've written a book the past month or so.
LadyBug
Posted by sassyfrancesca on May 6, 2008, at 8:10:28
In reply to Going to see my T, posted by LadyBug on May 5, 2008, at 23:16:25
Oh, dear Ladybug: I am so sorry about all that is going on in your life.
It's bizarre that any therapist could say they had TOO much sympathy for you?
What does that mean?! I would ask her to clarify that....does she mean she feels to close, etc., etc?
Hugs, Sassy
Posted by raisinb on May 6, 2008, at 9:14:21
In reply to Going to see my T, posted by LadyBug on May 5, 2008, at 23:16:25
Ladybug, that is really brave. I admire you for confronting it.
Is the appointment today? How will you prepare? Or will you? I hope it goes well and she can hear you.
Sometimes when my T and I are having problems, I go in knowing what I want to say, and before I start, I tell her that if she can hear what I am saying, without becoming defensive and arguing, that's great, but if she can't, then I will have to leave, and that's okay. I will just see her next time. Maybe you could try something like that.
Either way I hope it goes well. (((LB)))
Posted by rskontos on May 6, 2008, at 10:39:16
In reply to Going to see my T, posted by LadyBug on May 5, 2008, at 23:16:25
Goodluck Ladybug, I hope it goes well for you.
rsk
Posted by Dinah on May 6, 2008, at 12:02:08
In reply to Going to see my T, posted by LadyBug on May 5, 2008, at 23:16:25
I hope it goes well. It's not easy to let go of a relationship that important to you. I hope you find a way to keep either her in your life, or your positive memories of her in your life.
Posted by seldomseen on May 6, 2008, at 18:28:04
In reply to Going to see my T, posted by LadyBug on May 5, 2008, at 23:16:25
I hope it went well for you. Please post when you can.
Seldom.
Posted by LadyBug on May 6, 2008, at 21:23:52
In reply to Re: Going to see my T - how did it go? » LadyBug, posted by seldomseen on May 6, 2008, at 18:28:04
It went ok. I told her I had no negative feelings towards her and that I felt I had gained a lot of inner strength and done some pretty good things with that strength that had nothing to do with her. I probably don't have any insurance coverage for her visits now since I was on my husbands insurance and the visits were unlimited. Mine are limited on my insurance so I'm sure I've almost met my limit for the calendar year. So we talked some about termination. My husband no longer has a job etc..............
She denied saying that she was too sympathetic towards me. Um, I don't think she could get away with that. I know she said it and asked her to explain what she meant. She thought I needed to allow my daughter to grieve the adoption and I was taking over and letting my grief come first. I told her I did the best I could and nothing she did or didn't do could change the grief I had to feel then or even now.
I joked about the voice mail thing and told her that wasn't a problem. I don't need her anymore right??? That is the goal. The big terminate word.
I didn't schedule another appointment because I told her I want to think about how I'm feeling and if I don't have any insurance I can't come and see her right now. My insurance year starts over Sept. 1st. So I'm thinking..................................................and so on..........
Thanks for letting me sort this stuff out. I don't like how complicated it gets sometimes.
I'm not sure how I feel about her but it's at least better than it was. But what matters is how I'm feeling about myself. I need to stop thinking about what she thinks of me and I need to get over doing that asap.
LadyBug
Posted by Dinah on May 6, 2008, at 22:59:07
In reply to Re: Going to see my T- termination warning..., posted by LadyBug on May 6, 2008, at 21:23:52
I'm glad you're feeling better about her. In this sort of long term relationship, at least being able to keep good memories seems so important to me.
(Doesn't she realize that how you behave with her re. grief is not necessarily how you behave around your daughter? She's your therapist, not your daughter.)
I think it's good that you're not considering it final at this point. She's ok with that? Taking a break gives you a lot more flexibility to see how well you do without her.
Be easy on yourself if it takes a while for you to grieve the loss. It's only natural in any loss situation.
Posted by muffled on May 7, 2008, at 15:24:01
In reply to Re: Going to see my T- termination warning..., posted by LadyBug on May 6, 2008, at 21:23:52
Ladybug you are amazing.
Maybe this T is over for now, who knows. Play it by ear.
You have grown and survived SO much.
You have my utmost admiration.
Hang in there and I hope you post from time to time.
Its always good to see your name here.
((( LB )))
M
Posted by rskontos on May 7, 2008, at 16:57:54
In reply to Re: Going to see my T- termination warning..., posted by LadyBug on May 6, 2008, at 21:23:52
Wow Ladybug, you did great. You told her how you felt, and how empowered you felt, and shame on her to deny but wow you stood your ground. I am so awed by you. Me, I am so bad about ducking and running I should learn by your example. I am not feeling my t and now that is the way I feel, I should just say it stronger. I have told him I am not sure he listens well. Well he listens just no feedback lately. Anyway, I am thinking of telling him I want a break when I really want to stop and here you show me I need to be more grown up like you are. Maybe you could go with me. I need someone to hold my hand or wait in the car so I won't duck and run.
Anyway, I am amazed at the progress you have made in the short time I have known you.
You rock.
rsk
Posted by Annierose on May 7, 2008, at 17:39:09
In reply to Re: Going to see my T- termination warning..., posted by LadyBug on May 6, 2008, at 21:23:52
This reply is more about what I have found out about myself when I am angry with my therapist. This is just a thought and may not apply to your situation at all.
I am in therapy because I would like to improve my interpersonal relationships. Often, when my therapist and I reach an impasse, I react strongly, similar to you. I promised myself to hang in there during these sessions, even though a large part of me wants to bolt - quickly.
After the calm, I realize I misinterpreted something she said, or gave undue importance to a particular word or phrase, or instead of staying present in the moment, I ramped up my energy, putting my therapist in a position of defending herself (something she finds quite annoying). Anyway, what I am trying to say, instead of placing blame, "I said" and the "she said" back and forth, think about the how many years she has been there for you, knowing she wants only the best for you. Maybe it's a time to make peace with the situation and try to let in some of the words she is sharing as "her truth" of the situation. Maybe you can learn something about yourself.
Good luck. I know how painful this is. Leaving therapy is very tough, under any circumstances, especially this one.
Posted by LadyBug on May 7, 2008, at 19:09:06
In reply to Re: Going to see my T- termination warning..., posted by LadyBug on May 6, 2008, at 21:23:52
My new job is so busy I don't have time to get on line at work right now so I don't get online till night time.
But thanks to all of you!!! You have all given me some good thoughts and compliments. I've been through h*** lately and I'm happy to say I did it mostly without her help! I am feeling pretty confident about myself at the moment and that is a strange feeling for me. Usually I tell myself I'm a piece of sh**.I called and left her a voice mail telling her I may come in one more time and then take a break for the summer and then in Sept, I can start up again and go from there as far as continuing on or termination. I can't walk after all the years of working with her, 11 years to be exact, actually 11 years and 4 months!
I hope things can continue to get a little better for me in my life. I'm hanging on to my underwear right now financially. I didn't expect my (ex)husband to go to jail even though it didn't surprise me. He was at least giving me few hundred bucks or more each month to help me out instead of a formal child support situation. Now he's in jail and has no job I don't think I'll get anything for help. No job, no car, no place to live when he gets out and I'm not going to make anything right for him!!! But it makes it hard to go see my T because I don't have insurance coverage right now to see her and I don't have the money. She's given me a break before, but she didn't mention anything about doing that right now. That's ok.I called her and left her a voice mail and told her I would like to see her one more time and then maybe not again until September? I hate it. I wish she wasn't so important to me. I just need to keep telling myself I'm just fine, I don't need her, she doesn't give me what I think I need from her and that is to be loved. I know she does love me we've talked about it before but it's not the main topic for our meetings.
You guys have been amazing to me the past few months and I appreciate it so much. I've been pretty lost and been through so much I can hardly believe it. If I didn't know myself, and someone was telling me all this stuff had happened to them I'd think they made it up. Seriously, it's more than most people go through in their lives let alone in a few months time.
I have to be strong and keep growing. Life has to work out for me.
Hugs to all and Thanks again for being my babble friends
~LadyBug
P.S. at least I don't have to terminate here!!!
Posted by Happyflower on May 8, 2008, at 21:49:48
In reply to Re: Going to see my T- termination warning..., posted by LadyBug on May 6, 2008, at 21:23:52
Hi Ladybug,
Sorry for the late response, I have been out of town for a few days now. You do and feel what you need to. This won't be easy and you need to take care of yourself. I don't know why, but I see much happiness in your life coming. You are a sweet loving person and people like you don't stay alone forever. (((ladybug)))
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.