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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 27, 2008, at 7:21:34
It is now less than 3 weeks before my surgery -- just over 2 weeks until my last day at work. I have more to do than any human can possibly do and they continue to pile on, pile on, pile on. I'm at the breaking point and have had to call T the last two days. I have also cried both of those days, which is a rare occurrence for me.
Work has now teetered over the edge into abusiveness. It feels like they are just setting me up for failure, which is a huge trigger for me. And they aren't listening to me saying I can't possibly do this, please help, which is another huge trigger for me.
I don't know if I'm going to make it to surgery day. T told me yesterday that we have to figure out how to change the internal part of me that is so afraid to fail and so afraid to let people down so that I'm in the best possible shape for the surgery. I'm not sure we have enough time to do that.
I also tried to quit smoking and completely failed at that, too. And I'm very worried about what my finicky brain chemistry will do after the surgery (a hysterectomy). I won't know ahead of time whether or not they will take my ovaries and even if they leave them in, my ovaries could go into shock and not work for a while.
I'm afraid and frustrated and feeling like I have no power.
Posted by Dinah on March 27, 2008, at 10:30:10
In reply to Unbelievably stressed out, posted by TherapyGirl on March 27, 2008, at 7:21:34
I hate that powerless feeling. One of my healthier coping techniques is to try to figure out some way to regain some power, or at least the illusion of it.
That may be something as internal as radical acceptance. Or I can decide that as little as I like what's going on, I choose to stay in this position because the alternatives are worse.
So maybe this just isn't the right time for you to quit smoking. Instead of seeing yourself as a failure, maybe you can see it as taking care of yourself however you can at this stressful time? Of making a good decision for you *right now*. However much you might want to change that in the long term?
Or deciding at work that the conditions may be impossible, so all you can do is your best? And any failure comes not from you, but from the untenable position you've been put in?
Is there any viable way to set boundaries at work? To say not what you want them to do, but to clarify what you're able to do? I know it's hard at work, where the conditions can be unreasonable and employee wellbeing is not the foremost concern.
I know it's easier to say than do. I'm struggling with it myself right now.
I'm sorry about the surgery. :( Surgery is quite a stress in itself. You need to make taking care of yourself a priority, however difficult that may be.
(((TherapyGirl)))
I wish I had more to offer. I'm glad you have your therapist on your side.
Posted by Phillipa on March 27, 2008, at 12:12:32
In reply to Re: Unbelievably stressed out » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on March 27, 2008, at 10:30:10
Theraphy Girl. I don't want to sound negative but just have surgery myself. I hope you know how to relax as I don't even with meds. But they tell me the anesthesia stays in body fat for months and I've gotten very down. So just be prepared for not feeling that well for a while. Is it open cut or internal if you know what I mean the surgery that is? Love Phillipa
Posted by muffled on March 27, 2008, at 12:57:39
In reply to Unbelievably stressed out, posted by TherapyGirl on March 27, 2008, at 7:21:34
((((TG)))
sorry you feel bad :-(
It when we stressed that more stresses are worser than ever.
My friend had a hysterectomy and it went great, hell she pisses me off not having periods no more!!!!
As far a hormones she is doing fine, she feels OK.
Surgery and anesthetic these days is so much more high tech. And you are young, so it should all go very well.
As far as work, that sucks.
Is there a supervisor above you that you can talk to? Or another female to help?
You do have power....
Its just you so frazzled its proly hard to think and find it.
When we at stressed times our coping methods fall back some and we fall into some old patterns.
So I am glad you got T. I hope you can find SOME ways to feel calmer.
I really wish you could speak out at work somehow as that might be a load off your back.
Be safe, babble, lean of friends, do what you gotta do to safely get thru this rough patch.
This time WILL pass (just gonna have to trust me you are..)and things will get a little better.
Just keep going.
Breath.
My thots are with you.
(((TG)))
M
Posted by rskontos on March 27, 2008, at 15:14:48
In reply to Unbelievably stressed out, posted by TherapyGirl on March 27, 2008, at 7:21:34
Therapygirl, have them not completely take them. I think now that they are leaving a portion of your ovaries for the amount of hormones they produce. Have you researched this. If not, please please do so. I have a reason for telling you this. rsk
Posted by raisinb on March 27, 2008, at 18:57:19
In reply to Unbelievably stressed out, posted by TherapyGirl on March 27, 2008, at 7:21:34
Work stress is so hard--higher-ups often don't seem to care whether or not their employees are well and happy. All they care about is how much they can get from you, and whether or not you disarrange their lives or plans. And to have major surgery on top of that--it sounds terrible.
I was in a similar situation several months ago, with a very unfair, abusive supervisor and a hellish amount of stress over it, because my job is very important to me and it would be a huge loss if I lost it.
I don't have any huge wisdom, but try to remember what is important--your health, emotional and physical, and the people you care about and who care about you (who would probably continue to do so even if you lost your job). You can't be perfect all the time, and you can't give everyone what they want one hundred percent of the time. I hope things get better soon.
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 27, 2008, at 20:09:22
In reply to Re: Unbelievably stressed out » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on March 27, 2008, at 10:30:10
Okay, that was amazing. You said almost word-for-word what my T told me on the phone yesterday and this morning in my session. Only you said it for free. LOL
You really should do this for a living. And of course, both you and T are absolutely right. I'm trying to get there, but it's a struggle. I did make a 2-page list of all the jobs I'm supposed to finish by the time I leave for surgery and how long they are supposed to take and what deadlines there are. I emailed it to my supervisor and she said we would talk about it Monday. But it's not like there are a lot of people available to take some of it off my plate.
I'm really going to get out of there as soon as I can after the surgery.
Thanks for the support.
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 27, 2008, at 20:10:31
In reply to Re: Unbelievably stressed out, posted by Phillipa on March 27, 2008, at 12:12:32
Yeah, I've heard that about the anesthesia, too. It's internal. I have my pre-op on Monday and will be asking about doing it with an epidural. I guess we'll see what she says.
Thanks. Hope you are feeling better soon.
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 27, 2008, at 20:12:22
In reply to Re: Unbelievably stressed out, posted by muffled on March 27, 2008, at 12:57:39
Thanks, Muffly. I've missed "talking" to you. You are right, as usual. And I do have a supervisor and am trying to get *her* to speak up. I'll let you know how it goes.
I am looking forward to AFTER the surgery. It's the surgery itself and all the unknowns that I'm having trouble with.
How are you doing?
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 27, 2008, at 20:13:49
In reply to Re: Unbelievably stressed out » TherapyGirl, posted by rskontos on March 27, 2008, at 15:14:48
You're right, it's not automatic, and my plan is for them to leave them unless there is something wrong with them. But they can go into shock for weeks/months afterwards, so I'm a little worried about that. And just because my hormones have been so out of whack this past year, so I worry that this will create another big change I'll have to adjust to.
I appreciate your concern. I'm going to plan for the worst and hope for the best.
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 27, 2008, at 20:15:29
In reply to Re: Unbelievably stressed out » TherapyGirl, posted by raisinb on March 27, 2008, at 18:57:19
You are so right. And my immediate supervisor is fine, but a little non-confrontational, so while she supports me she doesn't speak UP to protect me. The Exec. Dir. is a horse's patootie. His plan is to use us all up and throw us out.
I appreciate the support more than I can express. I also hope your situation has gotten a lot better.
Posted by Phillipa on March 27, 2008, at 21:00:18
In reply to Re: Unbelievably stressed out » Phillipa, posted by TherapyGirl on March 27, 2008, at 20:10:31
Geez here I was a nurse and no one ever told me. Didn't work in OR maybe would have known if did. Hope you can have an epidural. Love Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on March 27, 2008, at 21:45:01
In reply to Re: Unbelievably stressed out » Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on March 27, 2008, at 20:09:22
lol.
Most likely your therapist says the same things my therapist says.
And after thirteen years (next Thursday) I've likely absorbed what he says.
Posted by raisinb on March 28, 2008, at 16:36:47
In reply to Re: Unbelievably stressed out » raisinb, posted by TherapyGirl on March 27, 2008, at 20:15:29
You are welcome :)
My situation did get better, and I found out many months later that my supervisor's partner had left her right about the time she was horrible to me. It does not excuse her behavior, of course, but it helped to know. The way that your supervisors treat you might have nothing to do with you.
I have to say, though, the only thing that helped me in the moment was deciding one night (my third sleepless anxiety-filled one in a row) that I was quitting because it wasn't worth living life like this. That gave me enough detachment to get through the hellish part and come out on the other side. Hopefully you won't come to that.
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 28, 2008, at 21:21:45
In reply to Re: Unbelievably stressed out » TherapyGirl, posted by raisinb on March 28, 2008, at 16:36:47
I know what you mean about the quitting. And it has already come to that for me, I just have to wait until after my surgery. But it does free up some emotion, doesn't it?
Thanks again for the support. I'm glad your situation got better.
Posted by muffled on March 28, 2008, at 22:50:19
In reply to Re: Unbelievably stressed out » raisinb, posted by TherapyGirl on March 28, 2008, at 21:21:45
This is the end of the thread.
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