Posted by TherapyGirl on March 27, 2008, at 7:21:34
It is now less than 3 weeks before my surgery -- just over 2 weeks until my last day at work. I have more to do than any human can possibly do and they continue to pile on, pile on, pile on. I'm at the breaking point and have had to call T the last two days. I have also cried both of those days, which is a rare occurrence for me.
Work has now teetered over the edge into abusiveness. It feels like they are just setting me up for failure, which is a huge trigger for me. And they aren't listening to me saying I can't possibly do this, please help, which is another huge trigger for me.
I don't know if I'm going to make it to surgery day. T told me yesterday that we have to figure out how to change the internal part of me that is so afraid to fail and so afraid to let people down so that I'm in the best possible shape for the surgery. I'm not sure we have enough time to do that.
I also tried to quit smoking and completely failed at that, too. And I'm very worried about what my finicky brain chemistry will do after the surgery (a hysterectomy). I won't know ahead of time whether or not they will take my ovaries and even if they leave them in, my ovaries could go into shock and not work for a while.
I'm afraid and frustrated and feeling like I have no power.
poster:TherapyGirl
thread:820110
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080321/msgs/820110.html