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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by seldomseen on February 15, 2008, at 19:56:22
Yet so hard for me to describe the good ones. As i've indicated before, I'm in the process (or at least thought I was) of terminating.
However, I have had a terrible time at work, trying to meet this massive deadline with just one roadblock after another being thrown up in my way. The last three days prior to the deadline, I basically cried about every 30 minutes or so, but managed to keep going. The stress was unbearable.
The day after the deadline - which MIRACULOUSLY - I met, I had a therapy appointment.
I had bottled so much up - just putting it off until my deadline was met - like heath ledger dying - that really bothered me, but anyway... Walking into my therapist office was like walking back into my one true home. My therapist gave me the biggest hug, he knew that I had really been through the ringer but had come out the other side. While we were hugging (which is okay now, but it didn't used to be) I felt myself just melting and he just held me as I cried.
We had a really good session and I left feeling a lot better. It was obvious that I still have some issues to work out, so we decided that quitting therapy may not be the best thing for me right now.
It was one of those landmark session that changes the course of therapy. I really needed it.
Seldom.
Posted by Dinah on February 15, 2008, at 20:06:42
In reply to It's so easy to describe bad therapy days., posted by seldomseen on February 15, 2008, at 19:56:22
That sounds so wonderful. I could use a session like that. :)
I know this probably shows some issues of my own, but I'm happy for you that termination is off the table for now.
I feel the same way about my therapist. I guess sometimes I don't feel like I need him much anymore, but when I need to feel safe, his office is where I want to crawl. I don't know if I'll ever understand why, but it's true nonetheless.
I'm so glad you had a really good session.
Posted by DAisym on February 15, 2008, at 20:31:10
In reply to Re: It's so easy to describe bad therapy days. » seldomseen, posted by Dinah on February 15, 2008, at 20:06:42
I'd say you did a really awesome job here of describing a good therapy day! And congratulations on making that deadline.
I'm jealous that you got a hug but happy for you. I can see it in my mind's eye - all that stress finally off and those tears of relief. What a nice place to let it all out.
I like your phrase "landmark session." I want to borrow it, OK? There really are those sessions that tell you, "yes - I'm in the right place" and "yes - I'm working with the right person." I'm glad you had one of those.
So - how will you spend the weekend, post-deadline? Sleeping? Shopping? Baking? Please don't say cleaning.
Posted by Phillipa on February 16, 2008, at 0:12:22
In reply to Re: It's so easy to describe bad therapy days., posted by DAisym on February 15, 2008, at 20:31:10
Well you won't hear cleaning from me. I hope mine is nice this week as surgery. Lucky and glad you had a great session. Love Phillipa
Posted by seldomseen on February 16, 2008, at 9:35:29
In reply to Re: It's so easy to describe bad therapy days. » seldomseen, posted by Dinah on February 15, 2008, at 20:06:42
Yeah, termination is off the table. It was obvious that I still had some issues to work through.
The whole time I was going through all of this stress and anxiety - both from my accident and from the deal at work - I had just kept most of bottled up. I Minimized it the whole time and it very nearly killed me.
I realized that if I had fully acknowledged what all was going on with me, that I was mortally afraid that I would just go under. The little bit I was able to admit, I did so on this board, but to no one else. It just reminded me too much of the seige of my childhood.
So even though I was crying every 30 minutes or so, "everything was just fine, I'm handling it wonderfully and getting this done it all that matters".
Yeah, we've still got a lot of work to do.
I think my therapist's office will always be home to me. My boundaries have never been violated there and any problems are worked out in a rational manner. Despite all the insanity that has been shared in that room, it's still the most sane place I know of in the world.
Plus I genuinely like my therapist and he genuinely likes me too.
Posted by seldomseen on February 16, 2008, at 10:04:24
In reply to Re: It's so easy to describe bad therapy days., posted by DAisym on February 15, 2008, at 20:31:10
Please use landmark session at will.
The hug? Well, it took a lot of work for me to get to the place where that was alright and for it to be alright in the therapy.
My therapist and I went through some pretty tough countertransference and transference respectively. He admitted as much as did I.
We both agreed a long time ago that if the therapy was to continue that both of us would have to maintain and respect the boundaries that made therapy possible. We both agreed that my job in therapy was to do the work required to get better. His job was to help me with that work.
My feelings for him didn't change anything and vice versa. They were there in the room with us and were good. Obviously, he is a very experienced therapist.
I think the feelings that both of us had (have) are still there, but we have developed so much safety between us that aren't going to explode into something that is bad for both of us.
The hug was completely safe and that's what made it feel so good.
I don't know if you follow basketball at all, but Michael jordan used to play at UNC-Chapel Hill and his coach was Dean Smith. When Jordan's father died, he came back to Chapel Hill for an unrelated reason. When he saw Dean Smith, he started to cry - they both did. It was a mutual recognition of the pain Michael had been through, coupled with the safety and intimacy that they felt for each other.
Jordan later indicated that around Dean he didn't have to put up the front that everything was okay, that Michael was "the man" and was in charge. He could be Michael Jordan the human.
I think my experience in this last therapy session was a lot like that.
Posted by gardenergirl on February 16, 2008, at 13:18:17
In reply to It's so easy to describe bad therapy days., posted by seldomseen on February 15, 2008, at 19:56:22
That sounds so comforting and real.
congrats on the deadline.
gg
Posted by Phillipa on February 16, 2008, at 18:49:30
In reply to Re: It's so easy to describe bad therapy days. » DAisym, posted by seldomseen on February 16, 2008, at 10:04:24
Funny my husband was in UNC same time as Jordan. He went to school with him. Phillipa
Posted by MissK on February 16, 2008, at 21:13:00
In reply to Re: It's so easy to describe bad therapy days. » DAisym, posted by seldomseen on February 16, 2008, at 10:04:24
>My boundaries have never been violated there
>We both agreed a long time ago that if the therapy was to continue that both of us would have to maintain and respect the boundaries that made therapy possible.
These sound like contradicting statements.
>He could be Michael Jordan the human.
If you still have some issues to resolve, then I hope continued therapy will help. I hope too there are others, or that you may find in others, in your life with whom you can just be human.
Posted by seldomseen on February 16, 2008, at 21:47:21
In reply to Re: It's so easy to describe bad therapy days. » seldomseen, posted by MissK on February 16, 2008, at 21:13:00
I don't think they are conflicting statements at all because we addressed the problem before it was a problem.
It helped me to establish that I could set boundaries and have them respected. It was a huge part of my therapy and the translation of it into the real world.Right now the only person that I feel as though I can be human around is my therapist (at least in this particular instance). That's one of the issues that I want to work on. Developing enough trust in others to allow myself to be "me" around them.
It sounds so simple doesn't it? Why would one even need a therapist for that? For me it isn't. I'm just grateful for now that I have my therapist modeling for me that it CAN be okay.
The translation of that modeling into the real world will take time.
Posted by Dinah on February 16, 2008, at 21:57:17
In reply to Re: It's so easy to describe bad therapy days. » MissK, posted by seldomseen on February 16, 2008, at 21:47:21
> The translation of that modeling into the real world will take time.
It can happen though. Even if it takes time. I was talking tonight about ego strength, and remembering that my therapist had thought poor ego strength was one of my issues. He never sat down and said "ok, here's how we're going to work on ego strength." And if he did, it wouldn't have worked. But over time he talked to me about my reactions, and said a lot of the same things, and eventually I started to live what he talked about.
Not that I'm perfect with it. But my lapses are briefer than they were.
I'm guessing trusting is the same way with you. Over time the experiences you have with your therapist will become part of who you are and how you define yourself. And then it will be generalizable.
Posted by seldomseen on February 18, 2008, at 6:53:10
In reply to Re: It's so easy to describe bad therapy days. » seldomseen, posted by Dinah on February 16, 2008, at 21:57:17
When I look back on my therapy, there has been so much that I have already translated into the real world.
I think the fall off the horse and the head injury, coupled with work stress really sent me back into my turtle shell, which just flummoxed my therapist I think.
This last session highlighted this relapse very clearly. As scary as it may be, when I am at my most vulnerable, that's when I need to reach out the most.
I think it is very easy for me to forget, or at minimize the fact that there are people that love me and care for me a lot.
Why did I sit in the emergency room by myself for 6 hours with bleeds in my brain? Why did I internalize all of this work stress and not reach out for help?
But he had to point it out to me before I saw what I was doing. Both my therapist and I then kinda sat there like "what the hell?"
Anyway, next time I will probably realize what's going on and catch myself.
Seldom.
This is the end of the thread.
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