![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on February 14, 2008, at 12:29:10
Ugh. I'm having a rough week, in a lot of ways, and am supposed to be on an Internet break, but obviously that isn't as easy for me as I would like it to be.
Meanwhile, a couple of things have happened that have left me upset with a lot of people, but I think that's just an expression of my own internal turmoil.
Now I'm feeling as though it's time to add in the potatoes -- this stew is almost finished cooking, you know?
I don't even know what I'm hoping for by posting here, or why I'm doing it. What I want most of all is to go away for a while, get away from my life for a few days, not have to feel these walls closing in on me. It doesn't help that all the things I can think of to help are problematic -- I keep thinking of things I could do, like go shopping, but my agoraphobia means that I can only go shopping pretty far afield from here, so it's not as easy as running to the nearest Nordstom. I have some projects I want to tackle at home, but things keep going wrong -- the drill cr*pp*d out halfway through installing some lower cabinet sliding bins; the wax finish I was planning to use on some new paper drawers was dried out and wouldn't reconstitute; I ran out of sandpaper halfway through sanding some wooden organizers; and I generally feel pretty overwhelmed by all the things I have to get done. And I'm kicking myself for not using my time more wisely -- id est: not staying away from my computer when I could be doing something more productive.
Yesterday something happened with my husband, that left me unreasonably upset with him. I feel like an animal -- what happened frightened me a great deal, so I'm upset with him, even though I know it wasn't his fault. Still, I was so scared, so, the anger is heading in his direction. And I feel guilty about that. I'm feeling a little neglected by a couple of people in my life; I'm feeling frightened that I offended someone I care about over something truly stupid (I was in the ladies' room when the check came, and forgot to ask how much I owed until a few days later, and she's never responded to my question about what I owed or how we'd handle it. Like I said, stupid -- but I'm still frightened, since she hasn't answered that question even though we've spoken since then, that she's offended over it.) It's all stupid little things, but they've added up to hit a sort of critical mass for me, and I just want to run away from home.
Heck, Cirque du Soleil is right up the street, maybe I could run away and join the circus?
Posted by Poet on February 14, 2008, at 13:19:11
In reply to Upset with others, or me, or just fear?, posted by Racer on February 14, 2008, at 12:29:10
Hi Racer,
I'd run away with you to the circus, but being clumsy I don't think they'd let me do anything, but sell trinkets and treats.
I don't think you should worry about not splitting the bill with your friend. Since you've talked to her and she hasn't mentioned it, she must be okay with it. If I were you the next time you go out with her, grab the check and say this time it's on me. That way she'll know you remember not paying and want to make up for it.
Maybe you should talk to your T about how you're feeling upset with people and about the anger? I'm worried that you will turn it inward. Note to self, take own advice and stop turning it inward. End of note to self.
I'm glad you didn't take a babble break because I would have missed your great wit.
I'd come help you with the cabinet, but I have no patience and anger management issues. That reminds me the cap on my radiator coolant container is broken. I guess hitting it with a hammer until it cracked wasn't how to open it to add fluid. I know, take my own advice and don't take anger out on inanimate objects, husbands or cats.
Take care of yourself, okay?
Poet
Posted by rskontos on February 14, 2008, at 13:42:04
In reply to Re: Upset with others, or me, or just fear? » Racer, posted by Poet on February 14, 2008, at 13:19:11
Anger must be in the stars or heavens because I did the same thing. You know I really hate the phrase, "Hun (short for honey), you are over-reacting" Because one day, I am truly going to over-react and show everyone what it really, really means for me. Nevertheless Racer, Poet is right, you have tried with the friend, and either she is ok or she is a wants to stew over and in either case you offered. Case closed. And the next like Poet says, isn't Poet so wise, ( I mean this) pick up the tab next time. Or tell her next to your turn to go to the bathroom while I pay the tab and laugh and grab for the check.
Do not under any circumstance internalize this. Call your t, take it out on a pillow, or other soft object but don't take it out on your self.
You are a great person Racer. This is just one of those rough patches we all have!!
I bet I could find something useful to do in the circus so let me come too please....
rsk
Posted by ClearSkies on February 14, 2008, at 16:03:56
In reply to Upset with others, or me, or just fear?, posted by Racer on February 14, 2008, at 12:29:10
> Ugh. I'm having a rough week, in a lot of ways, and am supposed to be on an Internet break, but obviously that isn't as easy for me as I would like it to be.
>Thank heavens for this place (as I've told myself many times). I'm glad that you've broken your break, as it were, to reach out - that's what babble is for!
> Meanwhile, a couple of things have happened that have left me upset with a lot of people, but I think that's just an expression of my own internal turmoil.
>
> Now I'm feeling as though it's time to add in the potatoes -- this stew is almost finished cooking, you know?
>
> I don't even know what I'm hoping for by posting here, or why I'm doing it. What I want most of all is to go away for a while, get away from my life for a few days, not have to feel these walls closing in on me. It doesn't help that all the things I can think of to help are problematic -- I keep thinking of things I could do, like go shopping, but my agoraphobia means that I can only go shopping pretty far afield from here, so it's not as easy as running to the nearest Nordstom. I have some projects I want to tackle at home, but things keep going wrong -- the drill cr*pp*d out halfway through installing some lower cabinet sliding bins; the wax finish I was planning to use on some new paper drawers was dried out and wouldn't reconstitute; I ran out of sandpaper halfway through sanding some wooden organizers; and I generally feel pretty overwhelmed by all the things I have to get done. And I'm kicking myself for not using my time more wisely -- id est: not staying away from my computer when I could be doing something more productive.
>Oh, I'd go shopping with you in a heartbeat if I could! I never do that any more, and I miss it. And I know the frustration of home projects - I can't look at my stenciled kitchen walls without remembering the 6 months it took me to do them. Sometimes, it seems the stars just align themselves in order to keep us from getting the stuff done that we've been meaning to. I say - regroup and try again, but maybe in smaller bites. It's easier to take one small obstacle than 5 of them in a day, at least for me. Doesn't feel so much like a universal conspiracy against my personal productivity...
> Yesterday something happened with my husband, that left me unreasonably upset with him. I feel like an animal -- what happened frightened me a great deal, so I'm upset with him, even though I know it wasn't his fault. Still, I was so scared, so, the anger is heading in his direction. And I feel guilty about that. I'm feeling a little neglected by a couple of people in my life; I'm feeling frightened that I offended someone I care about over something truly stupid (I was in the ladies' room when the check came, and forgot to ask how much I owed until a few days later, and she's never responded to my question about what I owed or how we'd handle it. Like I said, stupid -- but I'm still frightened, since she hasn't answered that question even though we've spoken since then, that she's offended over it.) It's all stupid little things, but they've added up to hit a sort of critical mass for me, and I just want to run away from home.
>And what we feel is what we feel - it's not up to us to change what we're feeling, but it is our job to honour those feelings. You're frightened, you're angry, you're feeling many things - and all that adds up to wanting to run away. It's all a bit too much right now, and a circus sounds like a grand place to me!
> Heck, Cirque du Soleil is right up the street, maybe I could run away and join the circus?
(((((Racer))))) Please take good care, as you mean so much to your friend.
CS
Posted by DAisym on February 14, 2008, at 20:50:52
In reply to Upset with others, or me, or just fear?, posted by Racer on February 14, 2008, at 12:29:10
I have to wonder if you are being hard on yourself because you allowed yourself to feel proud recently. So now you might feel you have to live up to the "new and improved" you all the time. But if we flip the thinking, even though you got stalled along the way, think about how many projects you've started and how hard you are trying to get things done. And I think allowing yourself to post is positive as well - it has always been so hard for you to ask for support.
As far as offending friends - I doubt it. You cleared it up as soon as you remembered and most people accept that everyone has a brain f*rt now and again. So you aren't perfect? I don't want my friends to be around me - that is way too hard to be around. And you are allowed to be angry with your husband, that is what partners are for. You recognize and catch yourself so often, it is hard to believe that you are truly taking it out on him. But even if...he'll understand. He does love you. Say you're sorry if needed and let it go.
I hear the need to get away from it all. I think the circus is a lovely idea. But you have to have an act -- maybe we could ride the elephants...
Posted by Racer on February 14, 2008, at 22:30:59
In reply to Re: Upset with others, or me, or just fear? » Racer, posted by DAisym on February 14, 2008, at 20:50:52
> I have to wonder if you are being hard on yourself because you allowed yourself to feel proud recently.
That's an interesting idea, Daisy. I hadn't thought of it. I guess I wouldn't have thought of it, though, since I feel like such a pathetic loser. In fact, I didn't even remember feeling proud of myself for any reason lately, so thanks for reminding me.I guess somewhere between "I'm a pathetic, unlovable, failure at life" and the Helen Reddy song, there's a place where I can be sometimes capable, sometimes less so, sometimes vincible, sometimes not, and generally a human being, teetering on the seesaw of life.
I did realize that the car had something to do with it -- it's like a focal point for a lot of my angst. We talked about that in therapy today.
>
> I hear the need to get away from it all. I think the circus is a lovely idea. But you have to have an act -- maybe we could ride the elephants...
>
>Um, maybe you could -- I'd be much safer and more sure of getting the job if I asked to clean up after them...
Posted by Racer on February 15, 2008, at 15:16:04
In reply to Re: Upset with others, or me, or just fear? » Racer, posted by DAisym on February 14, 2008, at 20:50:52
> I have to wonder if you are being hard on yourself because you allowed yourself to feel proud recently.
Last night this percolated a bit. I wonder if this has to do with that abiding self-image as a screw-up thing? That my view of myself as being so fundamentally damaged that I can never be fixed might be disturbed by the recent spate of progressive moves? Maybe, since I was starting to feel stronger at my core, I'm reacting by leaping back into the protective shield of my familiar self-concept?
And maybe, when and if i ever feel stronger again, I'll learn some communication skills, too? (Bad day. Bad icky day...)
Oh, but straightened part of the friendships out -- dinner tonight, and we talked about what happened last week... We're OK... And I get to see another friend tomorrow, which will feel very, very good, and maybe make up for most of the ickiness of this past week.
Posted by gardenergirl on February 16, 2008, at 12:50:57
In reply to Upset with others, or me, or just fear?, posted by Racer on February 14, 2008, at 12:29:10
When I was a little girl, I read a book about another little girl who had amnesia and wound up taken in by the circus. She ended up riding back into her hometown on an elephant, and everything turned out happily ever after, as children's books often due. But I so envied her that time with the circus. :)
I'm sorry you're feeling crappy right now, but you know what? You seem pretty darned reflective and insightful about it all, and in a way that I think you'll find helpful. At least it looks that way here. I hope it feels that way, too.
Take care, my friend.
gg
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.