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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lovelorn on November 28, 2007, at 10:24:12
I've recently joined the Babble site and it is so nice to be amongst others that understand and talk about the therapy process. I've been going just over a year at once a week for the first 8 months, then once every two weeks this past five months. I am thinking of resuming again to once every week as I find I want to speed the process up of getting over my problems. My therapy was precipated by a mental breakdown over 14 mths ago now. I've been on Zyprexa three times now. Hate the medication. Anyway, my question is: why is it that it seems you get worse before you get better and how long before it does get better. I am finding that it is almost paralyzing to always have your issues open. Yes, there has been some improvements on certain issues but I am beginning to question whether it is so smart to always having your issues open in therapy. How many times do you have to breakdown in mind and emotion - how does that help after a while is what I think I am asking. Since being in therapy it almost feels I am more f'd up. It has helped but at the same time it feels like it has made me worse. Compared to some I'm only just beginning - I don't want to think about doing this for years and years. Any insights from those that have gone through this and that can explain how it is good to be so emotionally and mentally opened up and broken down in therapy would be appreciated. I actually have a session today and am going to ask my therapist exactly this. I need this to start making sense, making sense to continue to put myself through this. Will report back on what she says. Anyone ever felt like that? And good luck to all going through the same thing. It isn't an easy road to take doing therapy. Tks.
Posted by Phillipa on November 28, 2007, at 14:14:45
In reply to Therapy, posted by lovelorn on November 28, 2007, at 10:24:12
Just started theraphy again and will look for another therapist again as this one only sees me one time every three weeks. And I always feel worse when leaving. Geez all the urinary testing tomorrow and then her. Don't want to see her so understand. And have no idea how long it takes to get better. Years? I guess it depends on what you're dealing with. Phillipa
Posted by Muffled on November 28, 2007, at 14:33:18
In reply to Therapy, posted by lovelorn on November 28, 2007, at 10:24:12
I'm not so smart. But WELCOME! to babble.
But anyhow, I think for me the choice was, do I want to keep on living like I have been?or mebbe even dying? and wrecking my kids? etc?
So I have chosen therapy to try and undertsand all my wrong thinking, and to figger out my confusion etc.
I am doing way better in so many ways.
I think some of the prob, is for some of us, it takes SO LONG for us to trust our T's. To really trust them. And even at that it comes and goes. Then there'ds breaks in T for holidays etc, and that just breaks up the connection and it takes several sessions to reconnect.
And for me, the stuff is so old and deep and ingrained, its a slow go.
I feel that what I ahve gained from T so far has been very useful.
I dunno bout the next phase.....
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by star008 on November 28, 2007, at 15:02:22
In reply to Therapy, posted by lovelorn on November 28, 2007, at 10:24:12
There is nothing easy about therapy and having issues opened up. It is so hard and in the beginning you do feel really f..ed up..I think that you do have to go through that nasty stuff because the stuff that stays buried is the stuff that causes you problems. No one can tell you how long it takes.. I wanted to know aht too but it is different for everyone.. There is nothing quick about thrapy for me but some people can work out thieir issues and move on relatively quickly.. It all depends on the person and the issues..Good luck and don't give up.. It is hard but you can get through it
Posted by lovelorn on November 28, 2007, at 17:33:39
In reply to Re: Therapy » lovelorn, posted by Phillipa on November 28, 2007, at 14:14:45
Hi Phillipa
Yes, well I did ask the therapist how long it can take and she said for some a year, for others two years or more. It's not a question of not wanting to see her, it's more a question of how smart it is to always be opening your wounds. It seems even after a year the main wound has yet to heal. I think we are getting there though.
Posted by lovelorn on November 28, 2007, at 17:40:53
In reply to Re: Therapy » lovelorn, posted by Muffled on November 28, 2007, at 14:33:18
Hi Muffled,
Thanks for the welcome. I've read your posts with interest. I can relate to the idea of a child inside. I've had issues with that in the past. I think it was in my early twenties that I broke down and cried for the child in me. My issues now go before a certain age where there are no memories or words. Was separated from both parents when young and lived in foster homes. There was some abuse in the homes, etc. My main issue is the separation from my mother. Anyway, I do trust my therapist. It took me a while to admit to some things but I'm getting there now. The biggie was telling her of some regression that I've been experiencing and which is really screwing me up right now and is what we are working on. Getting deep now to the main issue. When I get out of the sessions lately it seems I feel worse now than before. I have to believe it is for a good reason why we are going there. It seems too like once it's been opened up, you have no choice but to keep on going even if it screws you up for a while.
Posted by lovelorn on November 28, 2007, at 17:50:18
In reply to Re: Therapy, posted by star008 on November 28, 2007, at 15:02:22
Hi star,
Well, today was a hard session. I did tell the therapist that I want to make more sense in having to visit those nasty areas. She didn't give me such a clear cut answer. It was a hard session today - we talked about the image of a container to put some of the more painful issues, etc. I told her the way I've been feeling it's not just the issue or feelings but all of me that seems to be needed to be put in a container, that it is all encompassing at times, that it is all of me that is "the issue". She said something today that really hit me hard and I've been feeling teary most of the afternoon since the appointment. Starting to feel a bit better now. I know tonight when I go to sleep I will be doing a lot of processing based on today's session. Well, I asked to increase my sessions to once a week again. I am hoping and wanting that I will be one of the quick resolvers. We are down to the really main issue now and I just want to fix as much as I can about it. It's hard and frustrating at times and I just want to get back to some sense of stronger, former self. So much has changed since I've started therapy. It's like getting to know yourself brand new and so much of what you were in the past doesn't seem there anymore. Look forward to more discussion now and again here. As noted, it is nice to have a place to talk about these things.
Posted by antigua3 on November 28, 2007, at 19:43:47
In reply to Re: Therapy » star008, posted by lovelorn on November 28, 2007, at 17:50:18
Welcome to Babble!
First, I want to say that I think you're very brave for being able to open up and get to the core issue--I'm there but still struggling. It's true that nobody else can tell you how long it will take, or why we all seem to suffer so much when we start letting it out.
for me, it comes in bursts--the breakdowns are further apart now when I discuss the hard issues because I've learned better coping skills, and while it's scary how intense they can still be, they don't last as long. It has been a very long process for me, and I hope you're one of the luckier ones who can move faster.
But please, always keep in mind your own safety--inner safety, too. I always want to push forward, but sometimes I'm not careful enough and I push to go beyond what I'm capable of handling, and then I'll have a really big crash. So be careful and don't be in too much of a rush (like I am!).
My T says that we just have to trust ourselves, and our bodies, to go at the right pace.
I wish you the best of luck, and again, welcome
antigua
Posted by lovelorn on November 28, 2007, at 20:12:08
In reply to Re: Therapy » lovelorn, posted by antigua3 on November 28, 2007, at 19:43:47
Hi antigua,
That's a good point that you mention of pushing ourselves. I tend to go into the therapy sessions with the objective that I have to fix myself as fast as possible. That I am there for that purpose, so let's get on with it. lol. What happens though is that as you address one issue more things come up, etc. and so, yes, there is a kind of pacing that goes on even if you want to go faster. It seems of late though I am feeling more angry with myself for letting myself constantly being open and feeling weak from that, that I have a sense to want to get to the core issue. In the past year, we've dealt with a lot of the abuse issues from the homes I lived in and yes, I am seeing (and I think the therapist too) what my core issue is and am getting right at it, and its the hardest and most potentially destructive emotionally and mentally part. After 37 years and a mental breakdown 14th months ago of being affected (I see now how much so), I just want this 'problem' to end and get on with my life and plans which it seems I can't do in my current state. It does take time. My therapist is good in not letting me get too ahead of myself but it's been hard-going sometimes, doing this and working and being a mom. So I can relate to many here in those respects as well.
Thanks for the welcome.
Posted by rskontos on November 29, 2007, at 11:14:56
In reply to Therapy, posted by lovelorn on November 28, 2007, at 10:24:12
Welcome Lovelorn. I should have answered yesterday when I was having a great day. I would have probably answered differently.
Yes I think you will have highs and lows due to the sensitive nature of what you are opening up about. I guess to me you have to do this because the hurt is locked up inside and must be released and given a voice. When you think about it no one through time has liked being repressed. Our inner kids or the hurt we carry inside needs to escape. Whenever that hurt is held inside it will erupt. If you felt the need to go to a therapist then I think you have to continue to see where it leads you. I also now think that people who have the capacity for being healthy seeks therapy. HOw many of us on Babble know or have family member we think need to have therapy but never seek it.? You are opening up because you have a need. You are a strong person. I admire how you openly admitted your breakdown. That was a brave and powerful thing you did. You own it it doesn't own you. That is what I think we have to do with these hurts inside us that are driving us so much. Own them so they don't own us anymore. So that can take a year maybe longer.
I had a previous post written but close it before I sent it and it was lost. What is said was I have a friend a doctor that in my mind has her blank together. She has a thriving business and two good kids and a nice husband. She told me, I knew she went to therapy, that she has been in therapy for 17 years. She went in because in her words she lost it. It blew me away. I thought she went in for her controlling mother. She told me this because I am feeling pressure from my husband and neuro to make PROGRESS in therapy. I get the question all the "Are you feeling like you are making progress". So what do you then do, wonder am I? I told my husband no I wasn't I just wanted to spend his money frivoulously. (cant spell it). Then seriously I told him what my friend said who he thinks has it together and he hasn't asked me that since.
I guess my point in this long post, sorry is it will take as long as it does to clean out that hurt. After all how long did it take to get there. In my case since I was a baby dealing with a missintunement mentally ill mom who had lots of lovers but didn't love her babies. Lots of junk in my trunk too.
Take care lovelorn, we will all be strong and well one day.........I am certain....rk
Posted by lovelorn on November 29, 2007, at 14:37:13
In reply to Re: Therapy, posted by rskontos on November 29, 2007, at 11:14:56
Posted by lovelorn on November 29, 2007, at 14:55:39
In reply to Re: Therapy, posted by rskontos on November 29, 2007, at 11:14:56
Hi rk,
Oops, previous post was a mistake with nm.
Thanks for the welcome. Lots of junk in my trunk. lol. I like that.
That is something about your friend. Goes to show that what appears on the outside is not always the whole story. Before I had my breakdown, many would have thought I had it quite together and was strong. I was strong, but my foundation was not. That is what I am working on now, the foundation. When you are down there for so long (it seems) you do wonder if you will get strong again.
For me I am dealing with what I term a hole - the separation from my mother when young. As with you, this is the part of myself before words - it's all just emotion and feelings and hurt and lonliness, and this is where the regression occurs too. My T calls it emotional memory. We have those emotional memories even if we don't have the visual memories or words for it. Anyway, I was telling her how it was so difficult of late to even get out of bed and get outside and get to work, etc., feeling so weak and walking around as with a big, gaping wound. She said to me that she was glad I came that day, yesterday. That hit me really hard and I balled my eyes out. Was a hard session with what we talked about. I did a lot of processing as I went home after work yesterday and when I went to bed. I notice today feeling a bit stronger, after having felt so weak and the hole thing, etc. I think you mentioned the feelingo of being powerless. I get that too when I go to certain places and deal with certain emotions. I have to deal with that powerlessness feeling and it frustrates me that I have to go there so often of late, it seems and so why I question how smart is it to keep on doing that. And yet, it's times like this when I feel a bit stronger and after doing some processing I see how the therapy does it work - still, I do question how much more I can do that to myself, to break down in mind and emotion, to deal with that hurt and muck that is there and that comes out. I am realizing it's not enough to know and understand what your issues are and where they came from. Somehow, I expected that that should be enough to fix yourself. But it doesn't work that way, there are feelings and pain to be felt and all that. I just wonder sometimes when is enough, enough. How many times do I have to go there! lol. Anyway, I have a session next week and am looking forward to discussing some of what I've processed for myself with my T.
Posted by rskontos on November 29, 2007, at 16:40:41
In reply to Re: Therapy » rskontos, posted by lovelorn on November 29, 2007, at 14:55:39
Lovelorn, I am finding some of those answers this week myself. For the first time, I can see some of the answers. I finally feel like there is something new in store for me. For so long, I never saw myself doing anything. You know how girls dream and plan their weddings not me. I couldn't dream or plan anything as safety first at my house. You never knew when the shoe was going to drop and you needed to run. Running for me was into my head not physically. My younger sister ran away from home physically. I found the ability to hide inside from all the people I didn't trust. My mother and father first then others later. It was necessary as breathing. So I never thought about the future as the present was always so unsafe. It wasn't until my daughter went to college things unraveled for me BIG time. All my mechanics for coping/living started failing me and my panic attacks became actual and uncontrollable. It got to the point I asked my friend I mentioned for a recommendation to a therapist. When I talked about my junk in my trunk whew it sounds crazy to me much less to anyone else but I still say own it or be owned by it. Still half way through my life I just went along with life and never tried to think about what I want afterall I didn't know who I was I never had a chance to discover that person I was too busy making sure I was safe and my sisters and hiding the secrets. I lost the time as parts of me took over while I hid in my head and my life went on but I wasn't at the helm I was a passenger in my own ship. So this week finally I feel like I am owning a small part. Now I have loads of junk to deal with and my voices are buzzing so much people have to talk loud to me so I hear them. I will deal with them at my own pace but again I need to be in control. I think sometimes that is why they hit me with the emotions so hard cuz I don't listen....I understand I don't think I even have a foundation but I must as I have two children who are doing pretty good even with me as a mom. And like you I am working on the foundation with needs a major overhaul as I never had the opportunity to ever create one before. I too fooled the world into thinking I was strong. One of my peeps is strong and she fooled the world when I checked out.
For the first time I feel stronger and that I will have a better future. I feel like some good is in store. First time ever I have had that feeling. I hope it sticks around since my memory is toast right I might forgot how this feels.......lol
I wasnt separate from my mother physically but she wasn't there mentally. And there were times whoa you wished either she was gone or you were........let's just say she could make Cruella deVilla look kind and pleasant and sweet. I can't remember warm fuzzies from her..sad huh. But a child still loves mom....
I believe those break down and rebuilding are necessary in the healing process. I am not sure I can express why just that somehow I can see how they are and that over time it will get less and less or easier. I think it helps you process things yourself just like you said. Prior to T I know I couldn't process things alone and now I do. That is progress maybe that is how it helps.
Take care,
rk
Posted by star008 on November 29, 2007, at 17:59:47
In reply to Re: Therapy » star008, posted by lovelorn on November 28, 2007, at 17:50:18
Time will give you the answers you are looking for..Well, they might not be clear then either..lol.. But with time you will see how things are going to go for you. If it takes longer than you think it will that is just the way it is. My therapy has taken far longer than I ever thought it would.. I have been going for years abd years!!! I don't know where I would be if I never started at all.. It is hard to tell. I might have gone along and lived my life or I might be dead.. Just don't know. I hope you resolve quickly too.. It is possible i9f you don't have alot of "stuff" to work on.
Posted by lovelorn on November 29, 2007, at 19:21:45
In reply to Re: Therapy, posted by rskontos on November 29, 2007, at 16:40:41
Thanks for sharing your story, and I do hope you will find the answers you are seeking. I have found so many when talking in therapy. I've always believed the answers are always there inside you and the therapy facilitates getting at them. Of course, some things may never be explained completely. I think the idea though is to get to enough where you are in a healthy place.
Yes, I am not sure how to explain why it is necessary to break it down and rebuild up - it is process that's hard to take and make sense of sometimes. I guess though you measure it in progress, progress on how things affect you less and progress on how things affect you more for a little while until they too get fixed.
You take care too.
Posted by lovelorn on November 29, 2007, at 19:24:35
In reply to Re: Therapy, posted by star008 on November 29, 2007, at 17:59:47
Well star, all I know is after the breakdown therapy was absolutely needed. It's gotten me through when I had days and days and days wondering if I could get through.
Posted by antigua3 on November 30, 2007, at 6:58:17
In reply to Re: Therapy, posted by rskontos on November 29, 2007, at 16:40:41
I just wanted to say that I can relate to the "not planning" as you mentioned. To me, that has always represented hope, which I don't believe in for me (but certainly for my children, etc.) because as you say, I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. And it seems to me, that it always does. But that just could be my perception, of course, but there is a truth to it. I guess my pdoc would refer to that as my "black and white thinking." I'm not sure I believe him, but we're working on it.
take care,
antigua
Posted by star008 on November 30, 2007, at 16:34:39
In reply to Re: Therapy » star008, posted by lovelorn on November 29, 2007, at 19:24:35
Hang in there and let me know how you are doing.. Don't give up when therapy gets rough.. I hope you resolve soon but take it as it comes.. My therapy just opened up one thing after another and here I am..
Posted by rskontos on November 30, 2007, at 16:47:10
In reply to Re: Therapy » rskontos, posted by antigua3 on November 30, 2007, at 6:58:17
Antigua, for me I think the only reason I have begun to feel anything and I am only guessing is I learned things about my mother I never knew and I finally feel like her hold over me was broken. She was (is has been deceased for 20 years) very ill. She was ill before she had children and never got any help. So it was hard being her child. And even in death she held a strong power over me. Just about 3 weeks that was finally broken. I didn't know about the power until it was broken and now I see many things I did not before then. So alot has begun to be clearer and why I am like I am makes more sense and why I am a real person inside. So I would say that right now I wouldn't call it hope yet but just a feeling I never had before. I can't even name it yet. It is too new.
Don;t you hate those shoes........waiting to drop or dropping they are the enemy......
take care of yourself too.
rk
Posted by antigua3 on November 30, 2007, at 19:07:21
In reply to Re: Therapy..antigua, posted by rskontos on November 30, 2007, at 16:47:10
You put that very well. That's what I need--my father's power over me needs to be broken (or, better stated--I need to break that power). He, too, is dead, and has been for 16 years, but I still carry his power over me around with me.
How did you do this? Just finding out about her past? I already know about my father's past, so that won't do it for me, but hmmm... you've given me something to really think about.
thanks,
antigua
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