Posted by lovelorn on November 29, 2007, at 14:55:39
In reply to Re: Therapy, posted by rskontos on November 29, 2007, at 11:14:56
Hi rk,
Oops, previous post was a mistake with nm.
Thanks for the welcome. Lots of junk in my trunk. lol. I like that.
That is something about your friend. Goes to show that what appears on the outside is not always the whole story. Before I had my breakdown, many would have thought I had it quite together and was strong. I was strong, but my foundation was not. That is what I am working on now, the foundation. When you are down there for so long (it seems) you do wonder if you will get strong again.
For me I am dealing with what I term a hole - the separation from my mother when young. As with you, this is the part of myself before words - it's all just emotion and feelings and hurt and lonliness, and this is where the regression occurs too. My T calls it emotional memory. We have those emotional memories even if we don't have the visual memories or words for it. Anyway, I was telling her how it was so difficult of late to even get out of bed and get outside and get to work, etc., feeling so weak and walking around as with a big, gaping wound. She said to me that she was glad I came that day, yesterday. That hit me really hard and I balled my eyes out. Was a hard session with what we talked about. I did a lot of processing as I went home after work yesterday and when I went to bed. I notice today feeling a bit stronger, after having felt so weak and the hole thing, etc. I think you mentioned the feelingo of being powerless. I get that too when I go to certain places and deal with certain emotions. I have to deal with that powerlessness feeling and it frustrates me that I have to go there so often of late, it seems and so why I question how smart is it to keep on doing that. And yet, it's times like this when I feel a bit stronger and after doing some processing I see how the therapy does it work - still, I do question how much more I can do that to myself, to break down in mind and emotion, to deal with that hurt and muck that is there and that comes out. I am realizing it's not enough to know and understand what your issues are and where they came from. Somehow, I expected that that should be enough to fix yourself. But it doesn't work that way, there are feelings and pain to be felt and all that. I just wonder sometimes when is enough, enough. How many times do I have to go there! lol. Anyway, I have a session next week and am looking forward to discussing some of what I've processed for myself with my T.
poster:lovelorn
thread:797429
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071120/msgs/797639.html