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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LittleGirlLost on September 24, 2007, at 20:13:04
I know I don't post often, but I really need help with something. I'm not sure how to word it, so I hope it doesn't come across offensive at all, as that is most certainly not my intent.
::::Deep breath:::: Where do I begin?
Ok, like the subject says, "Does Babble ever interfere with therapy?"
Several weeks ago, my therapist and I got "off track". I don't feel like getting into the specifics as it is quite long, so hopefully it won't be necessary in order to get my point across in this post. But what bothered me even more was that I found myself thinking, "so-and-so's therapist would have said this", or "so-and-so's therapist would have said/done this." It's bothering me that I am comparing her to some of what I am reading here. It's also been a few weeks, and we are still not back on track yet. The misunderstanding was pretty bad, and I'm just "not feelin' it now" and honestly, that worries me.
You see, I come from a family where we did not (and still don't) talk about things. While I may not post much on Babble, I do read; and in doing so, I finally worked up the nerve to try to bring up something with my therapist that I thought was pretty big. Somehow there was a miscommunication, or misunderstanding, or something, so naturally I felt embarrassed (about my feelings) and completely shut down and considered that topic off limits -- but it shouldn't be! Now I can't get past this! I feel like I finally start to bring up something deep and I'm shunned. I'm embarrassed to talk about it further; nor do I want to. But how do I get past it? Me, the non-talker, feels that the only way is TO talk about it, but last week my therapist made a comment which led me to believe that she thinks it will take time "and I'll just get past it". Quite frankly that kinda concerns me as it seems backwards!
I'm really worried. :(
But also, my point with the possible Babble interference is, I wonder if I'm making this worse because I'm kind of comparing how she handled it to how other therapists would have, and I feel disappointed?
Posted by Racer on September 24, 2007, at 22:01:10
In reply to Babble interfere with therapy?, posted by LittleGirlLost on September 24, 2007, at 20:13:04
My T has misfired a few times, and it is hard to get back on track afterwards. In my case, since a lot of what we're working on has to do with me feeling (and often actually BEING) unheard, it's kinda like recreating the original traumatic environment, if that makes sense.
When it happens, I try to remind myself of what's been good with her -- which helps. I also look at talking to her about it as being good practice of holding my boundaries in general. Sometimes I can bring it up, other times I can't. A couple of times it's been a few weeks or so before I can get past it.
And when something is really important to me, I'll preface talking about it by saying something like, "I'm afraid of this being a misfire between us, and I really need you to hear what I'm saying here." So far, it has worked with my T -- maybe because it's so rare that I do it.
As for Babble interfering with therapy, I've found the reverse in my case. If I hadn't had Babble, I couldn't have done what we're doing now -- too scary. I think that part is very individual.
So, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it!
Posted by muffled on September 24, 2007, at 22:06:56
In reply to Babble interfere with therapy?, posted by LittleGirlLost on September 24, 2007, at 20:13:04
> It's bothering me that I am comparing her to some of what I am reading here. It's also been a few weeks, and we are still not back on track yet. The misunderstanding was pretty bad, and I'm just "not feelin' it now" and honestly, that worries me.
**LOL. Not to laugh, but there's that old saying 'the grass is always greener on the other side'...
I think its GOOD to see how other T's work. Cuz then we can always suggest such stuff to our T's. Not to say they'll go for it, but it can be a topic that will bring up other stuff.
I think my T does stuff thats great and wouldn't trade her for nothing, yet i KNOW she has her shortcommings. But I think ALL T's WILL have shortcommings cuz they HUMAN!
So to me, it goes back to 'fit'. What fits for the client. My T fits cuz she is calm, laughs, very patient, pretty open, strong, no scared of me, don't give up on me etc. I wish she knew more bout dissociation :-(, but right now, I need steadfastness, and she is that.
> You see, I come from a family where we did not (and still don't) talk about things. While I may not post much on Babble, I do read; and in doing so, I finally worked up the nerve to try to bring up something with my therapist that I thought was pretty big. Somehow there was a miscommunication, or misunderstanding, or something, so naturally I felt embarrassed (about my feelings) and completely shut down and considered that topic off limits -- but it shouldn't be! Now I can't get past this! I feel like I finally start to bring up something deep and I'm shunned. I'm embarrassed to talk about it further; nor do I want to. But how do I get past it? Me, the non-talker, feels that the only way is TO talk about it, but last week my therapist made a comment which led me to believe that she thinks it will take time "and I'll just get past it". Quite frankly that kinda concerns me as it seems backwards!**Sigh, thats LOUSY when stuff like this happens :-(
And the ONLY answer I have found is SIGH, to talk about it. I am a non talker too. So I usu bring in a babble post to show her. Its been very useful.
> I'm really worried. :(**Try not to worry too much :-( But I feel for you.
> But also, my point with the possible Babble interference is, I wonder if I'm making this worse because I'm kind of comparing how she handled it to how other therapists would have, and I feel disappointed?
**Well IMHO I find babble ADDS to my T. In a GOOD way. Sometimes its hard to be here. Sometimes its triggering. But on the whole it is helpful for me, and very informative.
So I expect all our human T's have dissapointed us at times.
So, mebbe take in your post? Or write out your thots for T to read?
This needs to be dealt with all right.
These are my thots.
Take care,
M
Posted by Daisym on September 25, 2007, at 0:02:16
In reply to Babble interfere with therapy?, posted by LittleGirlLost on September 24, 2007, at 20:13:04
I think it is pretty normal to wish for things that we hear about others getting. Sometimes I wish my therapist gave hugs...but most of the time I'm really OK with the fact that he doesn't and why he has made that choice. But when I read about someone who has that kind of amazing experience and then gets the hug...well, it stings a little.
But I don't think it takes away from the relationship I've built with my therapist. It just informs me of what I'd want - and it is something to bring up. Because then you can explore why you want this or that.
Most of the work in therapy happens during repairs. Ruptures are painful but how we work through them teaches us so many things. But it is important that you persist with what you need to talk about, and not shut down just because you think she doesn't want to talk about it. Keep saying, "this is important to me."
I'm sorry things are hard. I hope it gets better soon.
Posted by LittleGirlLost on September 25, 2007, at 12:37:37
In reply to Re: Babble interfere with therapy?, posted by Racer on September 24, 2007, at 22:01:10
Thanks for responding, Racer. I get what you're saying and can relate to feeling (and being) unheard. It's good that you can remind yourself of what's been good with your therapist; maybe I should try that, because lately I'm feeling like everything's been shot to heck. (black and white thinking much? <g>)
lgl
Posted by LittleGirlLost on September 25, 2007, at 12:59:55
In reply to Re: Babble interfere with therapy? » LittleGirlLost, posted by muffled on September 24, 2007, at 22:06:56
> I think its GOOD to see how other T's work. Cuz then we can always suggest such stuff to our T's. Not to say they'll go for it, but it can be a topic that will bring up other stuff.
> I think my T does stuff thats great and wouldn't trade her for nothing, yet i KNOW she has her shortcommings. But I think ALL T's WILL have shortcommings cuz they HUMAN!
> So to me, it goes back to 'fit'. What fits for the client. My T fits cuz she is calm, laughs, very patient, pretty open, strong, no scared of me, don't give up on me etc. I wish she knew more bout dissociation :-(, but right now, I need steadfastness, and she is that.**I agree with you Muffled. All T's will have shortcomings, because they are human; she's so much as told me that. She's not perfect, I know; nor does she want to be. She always said that she would never hurt me intentionally, and I believe that, but I just wish this never would have happened because now I don't know how to deal with it. We fit, I know we do; but right now it feels like we don't. Does that mean we no longer do? I don't know.
I'm glad your T fits for you. :)
> Well IMHO I find babble ADDS to my T. In a GOOD way. Sometimes its hard to be here. Sometimes its triggering. But on the whole it is helpful for me, and very informative.**I agree that it's helpful. I'm thinking I shouldn't have used the word "interfere" as that seems to have a negative connotation. Even though I no longer post as much and have become more of a wallflower (boardflower? lol), just reading here encourages me to stretch beyond my comfort zone (albeit a very slow process for me!).
> This needs to be dealt with all right.
**I know it does. I just feel so removed from it. I need to talk about it and I don't even want to, but is that the stubborn part of me? But I'm embarrassed to talk about it! I tried once, and look what happened. I'm hurt and I'm angry, and i'm not supposed to get angry. :(
Thank you for your thoughts, Muffled.
lgl
Posted by LittleGirlLost on September 25, 2007, at 13:19:28
In reply to Re: Babble interfere with therapy? » LittleGirlLost, posted by Daisym on September 25, 2007, at 0:02:16
> But I don't think it takes away from the relationship I've built with my therapist. It just informs me of what I'd want - and it is something to bring up. Because then you can explore why you want this or that.
**So when I feel that angry part who just wants to shut down (which it must be because "I'm" not supposed to get angry), I totally want to get in her face and show her some posts and say, "look at what X's therapist said, look how wonderful", yeah then this whole blow-up would never have happened. ugh! I'm embarrassed to even admits this, and that's why angry part just shuts down and doesn't say anything.
> Most of the work in therapy happens during repairs. Ruptures are painful but how we work through them teaches us so many things. But it is important that you persist with what you need to talk about, and not shut down just because you think she doesn't want to talk about it. Keep saying, "this is important to me."
**I know that things are usually better after something like this; I just hope we can get through it. I don't know how TO get through it though. Yes it's important to me, and yes, I do need to talk about, and I should talk till I'm blue in the face if I want. But I've always felt that my feelings were so insignificant, that it's hard to say now that "this is important to me". (Plus I'm battling the stubborn one!)
I was embarrassed to bring this topic up with her to begin with, then to have a misunderstanding is even more embarrassing. In order to clear it up, we'd have to go back to the original conversation and risk my embarrassment again. I don't know that I want to, and when I saw her last week, I can't get it out of my head that she wasn't too encouraging. I just don't know.
I see her tonight, and although I'm nervous, I don't even feel like going. :(
Thanks for your input, Daisy.
lgl
Posted by JoniS on October 1, 2007, at 13:37:56
In reply to Babble interfere with therapy?, posted by LittleGirlLost on September 24, 2007, at 20:13:04
Hi LGL
I was wondering how your therapy session went. Of course you may have decided that you're better off not mixing Babble & t, which is understandable. If you feel like t will be better for you is you stay away from Babble, then you need to do whats best for you.
I just thought I would add to other's posings that Babble has helped me quite a bit in my t. I have been able to see where I am somewhat "normal" in how I feel in certain circumstances, and I've also gotten the courage to say some difficult things in t because of Babble. I've received a lot of encouragement from others here, and even getting aonother viewpoint regarding my T has helped.
But we are all different and so I believe if you think it interferes with your therapy, then maybe you should avoid Babble.
I wish you the best!
Joni
Posted by LittleGirlLost on October 4, 2007, at 14:37:38
In reply to Re: Babble interfere with therapy? » LittleGirlLost, posted by JoniS on October 1, 2007, at 13:37:56
Hey Joni!
Thanks for checking back with me. :)
Sometimes I'm not so good with words, so I'm not sure how to word this. I think I goofed in my original post. I didn't mean "interfere" in a bad way, but that's probably how it came out. I think Babble certainly contributes, encourages, and supports, a lot! I know I've been encouraged/inspired just by reading without even posting. (Basically I stopped posting, because I never felt like I fit in, but that's a whole 'nother story!) Though if I were to pick a negative aspect I found, it's that I found talking about therapy and my therapist (too much), while helpful, and "normalizing" for me, also caused me to feel sad and miss her (even more). I think it was making me... I dunno, obsess?
In any case, when I wrote my original post, I was in a real bad place, and just reaching out. I was angry at my therapist and realizing that I was comparing her mess up to the perfection that I read about other's T's. --No offense meant by that!
So to update: :)
I guess my stubborn part needed to be stubborn, angry, hurt for a few weeks. Then I saw her last Thursday and she (without realizing it, I'm sure) said something totally unrelated, but it was just so perfect that it kinda restored my faith. I realized I needed to talk about this and I was finally ready. So, we did (or started to anyway) on Tuesday and it went well. She was so gentle and understanding; as usual, but even moreso - I can't describe it. Without my ever shedding a tear, she knew just how sad I was. Everything just felt right. I'm still a little nervous, we'll see how tonight goes.Thanks for asking about me, Joni.
lgl
Posted by LittleGirlLost on October 7, 2007, at 10:59:31
In reply to Re: Babble interfere with therapy? » JoniS, posted by LittleGirlLost on October 4, 2007, at 14:37:38
This is the end of the thread.
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