![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 27, 2007, at 12:24:08
I saw my old T today at the gym, and I just felt sad. He did look at me this time, he didn't look good, I think he might finally realize how he impacted me. His look was the look of concern and he seemed scared. But he also looked exhausted too. He even seems sad, there were no smiles in those eyes. Maybe it was a reaction to how I looked, I don't know.
When I told him I never thought I would use EMDR because of HIM, he looked at me, and looked down in my goodbye session. I think he finally knows how hurtful he was.
I think the intensity of my emotions were gone that day because of the EMDR treatment my new T gave me, but I also felt exhausted emotionally and physically. I think I may have come across as angry with my words, I don't believe I said them in that tone, maybe just a "hurt" tone of voice or a dead tone, but my words were honest on how I felt. I just wish all of this didn't happen.
He took advantage of my trust and hurt me, and that is hard to just get over. But with my new T, I think I will be able to. I hope.
Posted by RealMe on August 27, 2007, at 21:53:06
In reply to saw my old T, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 27, 2007, at 12:24:08
I know exactly what you mean. My last visit with my therapist I told him I had to dissociate and look at a spot on the wall when he was getting annoyed with me and telling me it was okay to dissociate ( I told him the week before). So then he agreed it was not okay if I was feeling so traumatized by what he was saying. I wanted to come twice per week too, and he said no that he thought it would not be good for me. Anyway, when I left I went to shake his hand goodbye, and he grabed my upper arms with his hands as if he was going to give me a hug, and he sort of had tears in his eyes. I think he realized he had made a major blunder with me from way back and not just the last few sessions. I just wrote on Ll's message about triggers that I dreamed about him last night, and when I ran into him and caught his eyes to say hi, he just looked down and did not acknowledge me. I wonder if he has had people quit on him before or that often, especially people he has been seeing for two years. I wonder what he would do if I really saw him. It is doubtful I will though his office building is only about three blocks away from my T's office building. On Wednesday's when I see my T is one of the days I used to see my old T, and I have wondered if I would see him if I went into the old buidling. I never will, though.
RealMe
(Oz)
Posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 28, 2007, at 6:02:13
In reply to Re: saw my old T » Happyflower 1 :-), posted by RealMe on August 27, 2007, at 21:53:06
Wow, Real Me,
I am not sure what to say. I think T's can be defensive about us quiting, and give reasons for their behavior, to have us come back to work with them. But when we actually quit for good, when we are clearly not done with therapy, has to hurt a little for them and their ego I think, especially if they have seen us for a long time.
I think my T felt bad when he saw me, not because it was me, but because when I went to the goodbye session, I said what he did to get fired, so he had to think about that some, and realize things.
I remember when I would get upset before at him, and didn't quit, he seemed so relieved and said he was glad I didn't fire him as he would say.
I am glad I did have the last session. I think it helped that I had a new T on my side too. The fact he knew it wasn't recommened by my new T to have a last session with him because he might become defensive. My T had to think, wow, was it really THAT bad, that a T would not want my client to see himself. Plus the fact I had to do EMDR because of what happened, I think really made him think about what he did. I am sure it won't be the last EMDR session either about this because I keep getting angrier about it the last couple of days.
My T told me that he did hug clients at the end sometimes,and if I terminated regularly, I am sure he would have if I wanted. But once I got there, I didn't want him to touch me, so I just walked out the door and said Bye. He was kinda choked up.
Thanks RealMe, it helped to hear your story about this.
Posted by honore on August 28, 2007, at 13:13:20
In reply to Re: saw my old T » RealMe, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 28, 2007, at 6:02:13
Happyflower, you've done a lot in leaving your T and finding a new T who can reach you in deeper and clearer ways. I really admire how much you could grow, despite all the anguish and disappointment and even disillusionment that you faced in doing so. The things you wrote about your old T, above, are so insightful and so full of a kind of ability to be honest about what happened-- there's nothing bad or corrosive about that. It's an example of how much someone can accomplish and how much awareness even of one's own distortions when one is very involved with someone can be constructive, not a source of further self-hatred. And of it's especially good that you can also acknowledge your attachment to your old T, and how valuable it was-- how sad you are to let the good parts of the relationship go. It's not that it's black and white-- the complexity is so important.
I'm particularly impressed with your realization that you didn't and couldn't trust your old T-- and that ultimately you can't do the work you need without that trust. To have found a new T, and to have made the transition is remarkable-- even if you may at some point seem some of his limitations too-- you'll be ready to accept and work with them-- and perhaps to see them also as opportunities for growth. But I'm especially happy that you've found someone who makes you feel warm, and cared for, and given new strength.
I anyway got nothing but a sense of hope for myself in my own future progress from all that you said-- not in any way anything bad, or destructive.
(((HF)))
Honore
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.