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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Happyflower on March 26, 2007, at 22:58:24
When I first started therapy, I had a lot of questions because I didn't know much about it or even knew anyone who ever had done it. But then I found babble, which was a good thing that helped me with some of the feelings I was having in therapy.
But then I went on a quest for knowledge about therapy and there is alot of stuff our there. But I believe I went diving into all the books, websites, ect. was because I didn't fully trust him. I had to watch every move, question if he was doing therapy "right", ect. I believe when I finally stopped doing the checking and trying to control what he did, I finally was able to relax, trust him, and trust his expertise. This is when the big changes really happened I believe. I had to let go of control of the process and instead of constantly questioning him, I spent the time working on myself, questioning myself and have faith and trust in him. In a sence, I didn't start working on myself until I was able to let go of the control.
Well this is what I have been thinking about, so I thought I would share my some of my personal experiences.
Posted by gazo on March 27, 2007, at 8:49:14
In reply to What propelled me to the end of therapy, posted by Happyflower on March 26, 2007, at 22:58:24
That is very good insight on your part. Don't you think though that having that info and checking also made it possible for you to hand over that control? As you said, we have a lot in common.. scary actually ;o)
i am reading and checking and reading. Like dinah said to me about herself, to do otherwise would mean the pod people would have to do a personality transplant. :D
Posted by scentedgarden on March 27, 2007, at 8:54:33
In reply to What propelled me to the end of therapy, posted by Happyflower on March 26, 2007, at 22:58:24
Thanks HAppyflower...for sharing all that with us... for sharing it with me, as I can only speak for myself really. I have to say i have bought over 50 books since i begun my journey...so you may have said something there which is of major significance to me... I'm still hurting mega style *tears now): but im still here trying to figure it all out...how i will ever cope with it all...all the pain... the hurt...the mistrust ...the mess... I guess i have to forgive and forget...but im not doing it well at all right now... So thanks for your sharing this as I need all the help i can get right now...and I think/feel what u said there is going to help me...
Also I was so pleased..delighted even when you thot of me buying the *lilly of the valley** flowers and for telling me you thot bout me...that was the nicest thin anyone has said to me in ages... come to think of it ...when you and IWS said I'm a gem that was also the nicest thing anyone said to me in ages... Im hurting so much right now, as my f*ckin lovely Therapist told me noone else would put up with me..! Who the h*ll does she f*ckin think she is!!!! sori am so angry I can hardly help it... I can't do much, just sleep and bathe if Im lucky, I go out once in a blue moon..tho i did go riding the other day... Anyway thanks again HAppyflower you're really kool these days, and I'm proud to know YOU..! All the very best wishes to you babe~! (hope you dont mind me saying babe its just a term of endearment but if you hate it i will retract it immediately... and replace it with Take care, tearful hugs from your freind, Sg
Posted by Happyflower on March 27, 2007, at 9:17:44
In reply to Re: What propelled me to the end of therapy » Happyflower, posted by gazo on March 27, 2007, at 8:49:14
I believe it fine to do some checking, but when the checking hinders your progress, because you are more concerned with how your T is doing therapy, instead of focusing on yourself and working on yourself. I feel as long as you spend as much time working on yourself as you do checking out all the resources, you should be fine. ;-)
Why spend over $100 bucks an hour, if you don't believe what your T is doing? It will take years to learn what your T did in all his training, if that is what you want to learn, then go to school so you can get a degree in counceling. You can read all the books you want, but it still won't be the same as what the T's learn and from their training. If you want to let them help you, you need to give up some of that control of having to know everything they are trying to do. I feel it is a waste of money to try to "outwit" your T, because they certainly don't care what you really think about how they do their job.
If I never took the leap of faith in my T , and trusted what he was doing was the best for me, I would be in therapy forever. Now maybe that is fine for some, staying stuck has it's benifits and payoffs, but I want to be out in the world doing something other than going to therapy every week and thinking about it all the time.
I love my T, but I am finding that real relationships in the real world outside of therapy, are more meaningful and can offer more. I don't want my T to be everything and all my support, or anyone else for that matter. Having real friends are so much better than therapy but one time in my life, my T was all I had, and it was fine at the time, but now I want more, I need more than what my T can offer me as a T. This is just what I feel after being in threapy for over 2 years, based on my experience, it isn't everyone's story, it is just mine. I have had a horrible past and a lot of issues to work out, but I am the one that did it, my T HELPED, but I did the work. A T can't fix your problems, only you can, so focusing on how your T is doing his job, will not get you anywhere. In a way it is like avoidance of yourself.
Posted by Happyflower on March 27, 2007, at 9:31:37
In reply to Re: What propelled me to the end of therapy, posted by scentedgarden on March 27, 2007, at 8:54:33
Hey Babe! LOL
Well your T needs a swift kick in the bootie! That was a cruel thing for anyone to say, but for a T, that is just uncalled for. I know you love your T, but you deserve much better for yourself. I hope you don't mind me being blunt in saying so.
I think it is fine that you bought all of those books as long as you are also working too. I did it too, almost a year, and it seemes like I was not focused on me, so it slowed me down.I guess part of the reason I am posting this is that I think it is important to hear stories of how someone overcame their past, and are doing well. We need first of all inspiration, and 2nd, I think it can be valuble on knowing how they got there. Not everyone is the same of course, but I feel a lot can be learned from those who made it. I am not there yet, but I feel I am close.
In fact I feel like ending therapy at the end of the summer instead of at the end of the year. I feel I am doing okay, and I will survive without my T . I love him, but I have to let go so I can live, and offer that love to someone who can return it back to me. :-)
Now in your case, you are being forces to let go, and that truely sucks, my heart goes out to you. I would be devestated if that happened to me. Gazo is going through an experience simulair to you right now. I hope you can find a new T, one that really wants to work with you, who can give you exceptance unconditionally. It breaks my heart to see what you are going through. But you can do better, I know you can.
Well this post is turning into a book, so I better stop for now. You are a gem, babe!
Hugs,
Happyflower
Posted by Happyflower on March 27, 2007, at 9:40:29
In reply to Re: What propelled me to the end of therapy » gazo, posted by Happyflower on March 27, 2007, at 9:17:44
I also want to say that some T's go to therapy too when they need to, and with all their training , knowledge and experience, they have to let it go too, in order for the T to help them. Sometimes T can see you in a way that you might not see yourself. So knowing all the therapy stuff, will not help, if you are not being objective about yourself. That is really hard to do because it is hard to really see yourself as others do. ;-)
Posted by Happyflower on March 27, 2007, at 9:53:52
In reply to Re: What propelled me to the end of therapy, posted by Happyflower on March 27, 2007, at 9:40:29
Another thing I wanted to say but forgot is that you have to be careful about those books. There is a lot of crap out there written by a lot of quacks. Anyone can find a book that goes against what their T is doing and just because they have a published book, it doesn't mean they know more or even the correct stuff. So, just be careful. There are T's that are quacks, but there is probably more authors who are quacks who put a lot of misleading, false stuff based on what they think, without any eveidence to back it up.
Posted by scentedgarden on March 27, 2007, at 11:33:02
In reply to Re: What propelled me to the end of therapy, posted by Happyflower on March 27, 2007, at 9:53:52
Thanks happy flower...now ur the gem too...!
great great gr8 gr8 posts...and ur reply to me ...I love it... I wont be geting any other T thoughas she is all I'm allowed... also she did give me the most unconditional love for 3 and half yrs...only turned into a cold bitch since New Year... and I guess its cos she feels so close to me that she thinks she can say those things and get away with it...our boundaries have always been blurred..now at the eleventh hour she is being Miss strict...thats what killing me...its just all too much..one thing on top the other... I want to shoot her...love her...f*ck her...and kill her... so just another day in paradise for me...hey ho... i was in the happiest place in my life before Xmas...now Im suicidal...gee how did that happen..? cos i was a sitting f*cking duck thats why...and she doesnt even see it...she's so wrapped up in pulling away so hard she can't see what she's doing or has done to me for the smoke and dust she has left in the trail>>> as she made the get away from best therpay mummy ever to cold hard clinical bitch...hey ho...!!! F*ck i just hate it all...and I'm in such pain ....and i cant tell her cos she refuses my calls...anyway her heards in cloud coo koo land...saying she aint done anyhting wrong...i hate it...why is always the people we love the most that hurt us so much... they say we alwys hurt the ones we love...so she must really hurt me...oops i mean love me...okay thats a jokeeveryone so dont need to go writing to me saying she doesnt love you ... I know!
sorry i had a wee rant there... thanks for everyhting once again happyflower... God bless your cotton socks! babe ,,,lol..how can i laugh with tears in my eyes...and snot running down my nose..? i donno but i do...lol...sori if that grosses you out.....lmao> im in no mood to care ....hahahah
Sgp.s. i love post that are books...as you know i write long ones too...lol... plus ur right about those authors who are quacks... and ur right about the therapist having to let go of all they know too in their own therapy...and i hope you do end your theerapy when you so desire...it will surely increase your sense of aunotomany...prob spelled that wrong....but you get my drift... play it again Sam... ** sam who's sam...? hhehehehe am just messing around now... cos i likes you and i feel like having fun with someone instead of crying for a change... and i feel you will appreciate my childlike humour..! thanks for being there Happyflower...your a ...play it again Sam -trumpet*** girl*** star.......Hugs 2u>>
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