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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by bottomfeeder on December 3, 2006, at 23:47:01
I hope this doesn't trigger anyone.
I sometimes self injure. I told my T about it quite a while back. She has never asked me about it again and she didn't ask me to tell her if/when I did it again. My T knows I have been having a difficult time with things lately, but she doesn't know I have been self-injuring more than usual. I want to tell her, but I'm not sure she wants to know.
I was just wondering how other Ts handle SI? When you first told them, did they want you to tell them when you do it again? Or did they leave it up to you and not ask about it anymore unless you bring it up on your own?
Posted by frida on December 4, 2006, at 7:42:07
In reply to Does your T ask? ***SI trigger***, posted by bottomfeeder on December 3, 2006, at 23:47:01
Hi, I self injure sometimes too. I've told my T, and sometimes I tell her that I feel the urges, but I don't always tell her every time I do it. Sometimes I wish she'd ask me...She doesn't pressure me to tell her, but I am sure it would be Ok if I could tell her. Maybe you can ask her if it's okay ? How did she respond when you first told her?
My T understood why..I was scared of her seeing it as a sign of weakness - but she doesn't.
Sometimes she asks me how my nights have been, and often mentions how I punish myself, but it's hard to mention when I do it.I hope you can bring this up to her, it might be relieving to you to tell her and know how she feels about it...it's good to be able to share this without keeping it so secret.
Stay safe,
Frida
Posted by wishingstar on December 4, 2006, at 9:52:08
In reply to Does your T ask? ***SI trigger***, posted by bottomfeeder on December 3, 2006, at 23:47:01
I have a history of SI. I havent done it in awhile, but the urges are still there. My new T knows all about that, and asks sometimes how that's going. Usually if I say I havent, she says good - a "good! I'm proud of you!" sort of good. It feels really nice. She hasnt specifically asked me to tell her if I do, but I think shed want to know. I'm not sure if I'd be able to do it or not though, at least without her asking. My old T never asked, but if she found out I had, she always asked to see. I really hated that.
I think this question might be a good thing to ask your T. I might just say something like, "do you wnat me to tell you when i'm SIing, or is that too much detail?" I think you'll be able to see how she feels from her reaction. And really if she isnt able to deal with your SI, you need someone who can.
Posted by muffled on December 4, 2006, at 10:40:34
In reply to Does your T ask? ***SI trigger***, posted by bottomfeeder on December 3, 2006, at 23:47:01
The SI thing is hard. I have been thru that fairly thoroughly with my T.
She respects that its a coping mechanism that I have used "sucessfully" for a great many years. It has saved me from greater harm. She said that she hates that I hurt myself, but respects my need to do so. And that we need to replace that coping mechanism with better ones that are less damaging to me. If she sees a bandaid or an injury, she will ask. Sometimes she just 'checks in' to see if I been doing it much lately. She doesn't ask everytime. She will ask where, and if its taken care of properly(though not so much anymore cuz she knows I do good wound care). But she NEVER will out and out ask to see it. She would look if I showed her, cuz she tough, but I don't show her, cuz I know it would hurt her heart to see it.
I am a Mom, so she has presented it to me as what if my kid were doing it, and I turned it round and sked if it were HER kid doing it....We had quite different responses to it!It was actually a very interesting conversation to me. I should open my mouth more often!LOL!
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by B2chica on December 4, 2006, at 11:09:01
In reply to Does your T ask? ***SI trigger***, posted by bottomfeeder on December 3, 2006, at 23:47:01
i haven't SI'd in a while but used to frequently and severly at times. when i was seeing a great T, i told him initially, he told me he didn't have a lot of experience with that but if i did he really wanted me to tell him. because he wanted to talk about it in session. he also would at times give me alternative to do and let him know if they worked, some of them really worked well.
i think especially if you are doing it more often, things are going on that you need to talk. if she is unresponsive to you telling her this i think maybe you need to find someone who will be.
this is a very important aspect of you emotions and needs to be addressed.
just be aware that there are some T's that just don't deal with SI and don't want to. hopefully your's is not that way, and just being aloof about it because they want you to feel unjudged and open to talk with them about it.remember, just becareful with yourself, clean your wounds well and go to ER if necessary.
i hope you resolve why you're increasing your SI soon.
cares
b2c.
Posted by inimitable on December 4, 2006, at 11:42:28
In reply to Re: Does your T ask? ***SI trigger*** » bottomfeeder, posted by muffled on December 4, 2006, at 10:40:34
i have to say that i think you should defintely tell you T. if this is a problem in your life, you need to be able to talk about it with your T. T's are not there to feel "comfortbale" talking about something. they should be prepared for anything.
i know with my T, he knew i had a problem with SI in the past, but i told him i hadn't done it for a long time (and i hadn't) but then, about a month ago, i did SI again, and he knew i have been having a rough time these past few months, and actually i've gotten closer to my T, through this hard time of mine, but i have to admit, i didn't WANT to tell him that i cut myself, for the first time in...gosh, two years? i was ashamed because i didn't think i did a very good job of cutting myself (so it was pointless), but also because he was seeing the true side of me, and i guess i was scared of him getting a different idea of who i am. but he still accepts me, even though i told him.
anyways to cut to the point, you should tell your T, when you feel ready to tell her, of course, but you should end up telling her, because it's a problem in your life, is it not?
good luck!!!!!*inimitable
Posted by bottomfeeder on December 4, 2006, at 19:34:21
In reply to Re: Does your T ask? ***SI trigger***, posted by inimitable on December 4, 2006, at 11:42:28
Thanks guys! All your advice has helped me out. I want to tell her. I see her later this week and I plan to put that at the top of my list of things I need to talk about. I'll be sure to update and let you all know how it goes.
When I first told her she suggested a book...the name of which escapes me at the moment. I read the book, but we never really discussed anything much. She asked me if the book helped me. I've read that some people see SI manipulative (sp?), but I haven't a clue as to how my T feels about it. I don't think she would ever ask me to show her when I SI, although I probably would if she asked.
Posted by bottomfeeder on December 8, 2006, at 15:43:25
In reply to Does your T ask? ***SI trigger***, posted by bottomfeeder on December 3, 2006, at 23:47:01
It was hard to bring up the SI again after it had been so long since talking about it last. So I brought up the book that she had let me borrow before and that was how I told her basically. Her response....she said I should take the book and read it again. She said SI was not okay, etc. She wasn't mean about it. She wanted to know the location of the injuries. I asked her why the location mattered. She said it matters, but didn't want to tell me why. I'm not sure what that means. Any suggestions as to the importance of where you SI????? We didn't say much more about it since I didn't bring it up until late in the session (typical of me). I hope we can discuss it further when we meet next.
Posted by Dinah on December 9, 2006, at 9:17:51
In reply to Update....kind of...***trigger***, posted by bottomfeeder on December 8, 2006, at 15:43:25
I'm not sure of the significance of where. Where is usually a totally practical choice for me.
I'm glad you felt safe enough to talk to her about it. My therapist has a thoroughly negative attitude about it too, and since I impulsively promised not to do it, he's pretty disapproving of my few slips. But he still manages to be helpful. Usually.
Posted by wishingstar on December 9, 2006, at 9:31:48
In reply to Update....kind of...***trigger***, posted by bottomfeeder on December 8, 2006, at 15:43:25
My guess it that she was asking where and said it matters because she wanted to assess the danger. My therapists in the past have usually done that, and if I've cut on my wrists (I usually dont) they proceed to tell me how it's dangerous, etc etc. I think thats why some Ts ask to see also.. to assess how likely you are to REALLY hurt yourself, even on accident. I dont know why shed refuse to tell you if that was the reason.
I'm worried that it doesnt sound like your T either has experience with or is ocmfortable in dealing with SI. I guess if it were me, "go read the book again" wouldnt have felt very helpful. I'm all for reading.. I've probably read every SI book out there. Those books are helpful, but I feel like there's a piece (a large one) to be gotten from actual therapy - books are intellectually informative and speak in pretty general terms, whereas therapy is obviously about YOU and YOUR situation/feelings, etc. Does she want to talk more about it in depth later? I hope she does.
Congrats on being able to bring it up her again though! I'm proud of you for doing that. I'm sure it was very hard and I'm glad she was at least somewhat receptive.
Posted by B2chica on December 11, 2006, at 11:07:35
In reply to Update....kind of...***trigger***, posted by bottomfeeder on December 8, 2006, at 15:43:25
i Really agree with wishingstar. i would be a little weary of the 'help' you will get from this T from her response. reading the book AGAIN... why, maybe discussion of the book in session, or bringing in questions or comments you had about the book or segments would be better suited.
also, it is important to know where the SI is taking place like WS said to assess danger, but also there could be reasons you choose certain areas of your body. Remembering old injuries, some people choose reproductive areas, genital and such not only is there a high area of infection but there would be serious SA or body image issues behind this...but i disagree with her not telling you. she should say that they are important for what you will talk about in session. she may not tell you exactly but something would have been nice. i don't like a T who keeps all the info to themselves and leaves you the unwitting patient. i feel it really needs to be a partnership, you share, they help.
i also agree that it doesn't sound like she has much experience just from the way she handled it.and i don't think any T thinks SI is 'ok', nor do the injurers, but it happens for reasons, reasons that do need to be explored.
But i too give you BIG applause for talking to her about this. it's a sensitive and intimate part of us (those that SI) and not one we share (common misconception of wanting attention). So to open up and talk is a big step. take it slow, and remember you have just as much right to ask her questions too, find out if she does have experience working with people who SI. question why she want you to read the book again...is there an area she wants you to pay attention too? if so, she should TELL you, not just say 'read it again'.
and i too have read several books and did like the ones i read probably the one i really liked most was called "Cutting: understanding and overcoming self-mutilation" by steven levenkron.there shows the many reasons why we SI.
Good luck and Very Good on opening up Bottomfeeder.
b2c.
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