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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by curtm on June 15, 2006, at 22:48:24
I don't have any deep information to give. If I did, I might know more about why I feel this way.
"Why do I need so much attention yet at the same time I want to be left alone?"
Anyone feel this way?
Anybody have any insight whatsoever?
Posted by llrrrpp on June 15, 2006, at 23:02:20
In reply to Please, anyone help me, posted by curtm on June 15, 2006, at 22:48:24
hi,
I feel that way.
Seriously- I want zero social or intellectual stimulation one minute. Complete apathy. And then add another layer of? something like mourning/loneliness.I isolate myself, and then when nobody calls me or e-mails me, I feel rejected. Actually, I'm the one who rejected them in the first place. It's completely illogical.
Here's my nugget of infantile/naive insight: Somewhere I learned that I don't deserve to be happy. So I try to set up situations where I won't be happy (like setting up a whole weekend around a house-arrest-like isolation). Then I add insult to injury and try to punish myself by telling me that I'm a miserable loser because nobody likes me enough to call me. All the while, there's another urge that someone needs to be taking care of me- why won't any one call me and ask me how I am today? They don't call because I'm a loser, because I'm so low. And so on and so forth... It's like some kind of vicious conflict.
The key is to recognize when you're doing the rejecting (i.e. by isolating yourself) and to separate that from the situation when someone is actively rejecting you. Passive rejection is rare. You're probably oversensitive to it. I hope your brand spankin' new T can help you figure out why you set up this belief system and how to recognize its flaws...
best of luck to you C
yours,
l
Posted by sleepygirl on June 15, 2006, at 23:16:07
In reply to Please, anyone help me, posted by curtm on June 15, 2006, at 22:48:24
it's the damn approach-avoidance thing!! We may feel it necessary to both approach (because we need the support of people) and simultaneously avoid (because people can be aversive-or downright crappy)
-it's a catch 22, damned if you do, damned if you don't, etc, etc
Posted by curtm on June 15, 2006, at 23:33:17
In reply to Re: Please, anyone help me » curtm, posted by sleepygirl on June 15, 2006, at 23:16:07
Posted by llrrrpp on June 16, 2006, at 7:12:18
In reply to Re: Please, anyone help me » curtm, posted by llrrrpp on June 15, 2006, at 23:02:20
Posted by Tamar on June 16, 2006, at 10:36:14
In reply to Please, anyone help me, posted by curtm on June 15, 2006, at 22:48:24
Posted by 10derHeart on June 16, 2006, at 12:24:19
In reply to Re: Please, anyone help me » curtm, posted by sleepygirl on June 15, 2006, at 23:16:07
Posted by fairywings on June 16, 2006, at 18:00:51
In reply to Please, anyone help me, posted by curtm on June 15, 2006, at 22:48:24
(((curt))) If I'm reading this the right way, I often feel that way too. I want attention from certain people only, but I want to do the things I want to do, and be left alone to do them, and not have anyone interfere. Do you feel alone? I know you've talked about friends, so I guess you don't isolate, do you?
One of my problems is that I want have the love and attention of certain people, but I don't want to deal with some of the problems that go along relationships. I'm afraid I'll end up old and lonely, but I'm afraid of real intimacy, other than with my husband, and he's not in my face - so I can do things and not be bothered sometimes. But then again, sometimes I want him to be more available than he is, and then I'm upset bec. I'm not getting what I want. It's such a vicious cycle.
Any of that ring true for you too?
fw
Posted by Fall Girl on June 18, 2006, at 22:41:00
In reply to Please, anyone help me, posted by curtm on June 15, 2006, at 22:48:24
Hello, curtm. Fall Girl here. I can tell you that I have felt just that way about as long as I can remember: needful of attention and craving to be left alone at the same time. I haven't encountered all of the answer yet, but the little bit I have may help. The ardent need for attention came from a neglectful if not abusive childhood, during which I was forced to "disappear", to become "invisible" in order to survive. The wish to be left alone really comes from the same place. I only knew how to be invisible (Borderline Personality) and the demands of relating are exhausting, overwhelming, and totally not immediately understood by my brain or person. That's my story. Does it resonate with you at all? FG
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