![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kerria on March 25, 2006, at 13:12:36
Everything is so impossibly difficult. i left the a T- yes- the one that everyone here a while ago said that i should leave. Finally there was an extreme incident that demostrated his uncaring and any amount of dissociating couldn't get me over it and i left.
Now i can't find another T. It's so painful what happened- i need therapy to get me ove r the pain of what that T did to me. It's so hard now- i literally don't know what i'm doing on a regular basis. i have parts that live my everyday life and don't know them.
i'm in so much trouble with everything - with work. i almost can't get there at all. Once i'm there i think it's ok. i think i worked 10 hours last week because of being too upset to go in. A few hours a day. It's the busy season at work too.
i don't have anyone 3D that understands why i forget so much and do such a bad job with everything, am upset so much.My parts are acting like enemies, making it impossible to do anything- didn't get to hike today- so upset about cats and vet trip, H angry all the time for ? - every day it's a surprise. Makes my PTSD and DID so much worse. The pelvic pain surgery is coming up - i desperately need to be out of pain. Desperately. i feel like i was beat up.
i need an understanding T that can help me so badly. i called all the lists and all the Ts that the Ts on the list gave me to call. It's so hard to be rejected . So hard to keep on trying.What would you do if you were me?
Thank you for listening. please don't say, "You have to do things for yourself". i posted at another place, communuicating how hard it is- my dilemma on needing and not finding a T and someone said "You have to do the work yourself." Why would someone say that?Being alone and trying so hard to do everything has gotten me in so much trouble and so discouraged also.
What would you do if you were me now?
kerria
Posted by wishingstar on March 25, 2006, at 13:59:08
In reply to Left T - still can't find a T:(, posted by kerria on March 25, 2006, at 13:12:36
Hi Kerria, I'm pretty new here so I dont know the story about what happened with the last T.. so if what I say it totally off/not possible, then I'm sorry.
Sometimes if you call the local hospital, they will give you referrals of people in the community. Theyre usually pretty reputable that way.. not always (like with any other method), but it might be worth a try.
I've actually found almost all my Ts in the past in the yellow pages. I'm sure many people on here would recommend against it (for good reason), but I think its okay as long as you sort of interview them the first meeting and feel them out. I've never had any problems.
Im so sorry that person told you that you just "have to do the work yourself." It seems very insensitive and I'd wonder if that person has ever experienced anythnig like what you're experiencing. Obviously therapy is about "doing your own work", but it can be awfully hard without a T helping you along.
I hope this helped some. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.. it can be so hard when things go wrong in therapy relationships. Hang in there.
Posted by Racer on March 25, 2006, at 19:03:49
In reply to Re: Left T - still can't find a T:(, posted by wishingstar on March 25, 2006, at 13:59:08
Interview Ts, first on the telephone, then go to a session or two to see if they're good fits. That's the only advice I can give on how to make sure that a T is the right T for you.
But why are the T's you're calling not taking you on? Have they told you? If it's just a case of they're too busy, then I'd not worry too much about it.
On the other hand, I've been turned away by Ts when searching for one. In my case, it was because few Ts want to take on an adult with anorexia. They'd ask my height and weight, and tell me to look elsewhere. One even said, in tones fraught with nearly superstitious dread, "You know why no one will see you, right? It's because people with anorexia DIE!" Great, huh? Y'all won't see me -- because I need to be seen? If it's something like that for you, I would stop the next one who says it to you, explain that you are in need of a T and being turned away over and over. Who would this person refer you to, who might just choose to see you?
Also, do you have a pdoc? A good pdoc generally has a number of Ts they can refer to. It's worth asking. (In fact, you might call a couple of pdocs from the telephone book, even, to ask.) Also call your own GP, who may know some names.
I'm sorry you're in this state, and hope things get better soon. I did find a new T, by the way, and it was even worth the wait -- if one of those other Ts had taken me on, I'd have missed out on her. Maybe that will help give you enough hope to get through this search?
Posted by muffled on March 25, 2006, at 20:23:12
In reply to Left T - still can't find a T:(, posted by kerria on March 25, 2006, at 13:12:36
There's an ISSD website and I think they have a therapist search. It don't necc. mean they any good. But if they choose to list on the ISSD website one presumes they have some experience/interest in dissociation. So you could try that.
Sorry your struggling so Kerria.
You sound fairly coherent in your writing though, so I guess thats a good thing.
www.issd.org/
I think thats the web adress. Or you can type ISSD into your search.
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by kerria on March 25, 2006, at 22:40:58
In reply to Re: Left T - still can't find a T:(, posted by muffled on March 25, 2006, at 20:23:12
Thank you Wishingstar, Racer and Muffled.
i called every T in my state that was anywheres near enough on the ISSD and SIDRAN website. Also coontacted the hospital with the trauma disorder program and left a message twice and she never called back.
Yes- i think persons with my disorder struggle with living. Maybe that's why.
Everything is so hard for me now for so many reasons. i'm having fbs. i feel so hurt and that nobody cares / appreciates how much i struggle.
Posted by Dinah on March 26, 2006, at 2:18:45
In reply to Re: Left T - still can't find a T:(, posted by kerria on March 25, 2006, at 22:40:58
I'm so sorry, Kerria. It's a difficult situation to be in. I don't recall what it was that led you to leave him. Was it something that would make it impossible for you to return?
Is there a university near you? One with a psychology program? That might be a good place to start looking.
Posted by kerria on March 26, 2006, at 21:31:56
In reply to Re: Left T - still can't find a T:( » kerria, posted by Dinah on March 26, 2006, at 2:18:45
Thanks, Dinah, for writing.
i had to leave T - he wasn't warm or caring at all, understatement. So many incidents happened to show me and finally i had to stop seeing him. It's so traumatic to talk about again. i wrote about it earlier this month.
It was so terrible- when you have parts all parts have different attachments to T and hurt - i hurt in so many ways.
T doesn't care about me . i need him practically speaking- just to know what i'm doing. i don't know my parts. Going to therapy was the only communication i had with myself and it's so hard to lose it. T knows me more than i know myself- he was able to meet my parts, some through hypnosis - now i lose it all. i don't have co-coiousness. i don't know what i'm doing much of the time.
Inside hurts so so much. i feel so rejected by T also. i felt rejected all the while when i was seeing him too. i can't go back. Some hours i feel like i'm not going to make it and some hours it's ok. - back and forth all day, all week. It's about three weeks now.
i need to find a T. I tried all the sources i could think of. i feel so panicky that i haven't found a T yet. i hope that i can make calls again. i hope that i can make it.
It always hurts to read about other people and their Ts. i wonder why things are so hard for me.
About a week ago my T emailed- asked if i'd found a T. if i needed help.
i called back , saying that i didn't find a T and that i needed help. i waited hours for him to call back- i was so upset that day- it felt like i wasn't going to make it- i was in a terrible place, in crisis.T finally called back. He said he had no referrals. i cried and said what was happening then, falling so apart. He said "You could Call a crisis line but I know that wouldn't be a good option for you- " (he knows i would fall apart if i was in a hospital- because i don't have anyway to ground- my parts come because of where i am and who i'm with. i become so lost in a hospital- with no one to be, i lose my identity and become even more unstable- a complete mess.
It hurt so much that T said that to me then. T was always saying things to hurt me. That's why i have to not see him anymore.
How terrible that he would say that then. i almost thought i would never make it- i wanted to die so much.
i pulled it together to drive home and have been trying to keep making calls to find a T.T knows how hard it is for me. It hurts so much that he said that knowing it would make me feel even more hopeless.
It's so unfair to treat another human that way. Why is my T so cruel?
Please- if there's anyone reading that could help me, write. It's so hard for me to find a T. i have insurance, a disability case coming up. i need a caring T now. It's too long without a T. Please help.
Thank you,
kerria
Posted by kerria on March 26, 2006, at 21:40:02
In reply to Re: Left T - still can't find a T:(, posted by kerria on March 26, 2006, at 21:31:56
Posted by fallsfall on March 26, 2006, at 22:29:12
In reply to Re: Left T - still can't find a T:(, posted by kerria on March 26, 2006, at 21:31:56
It sounds like you are working very hard to find a therapist. I'm sorry you are in this position. I know that it is particularly hard to find good therapists for DID. I'm a firm believer that referrals are important - your chances of finding a good DID therapist from the phone book aren't so good. So here's a suggestion. Don't know if it would work...
Find someone who is very happy with their therapist (a friend? relative? neighbor? or get the best recommendation you can from a Dr. who knows you). Call that therapist and ask if they would be willing to help you find a therapist. This way, you can call someone who wouldn't see you as a patient (like the therapist of a good friend). Alternatively, do you know any therapists socially? If you have respect for their professional skills, you could use them, too. So at this point, your goal is not to find YOUR new therapist, just to find the best therapist that you can identify.
Call them on the phone and ask if they have a couple of minutes to give you some referrals. Give them a 5 minute summary of what your problems are. A good therapist is connected with others in the profession. They will know that So-and-So works with only easy cases, but that This-other-person really likes to work with the more challenging long term cases. You are hoping that this person can get you closer to the group of therapists who LIKE to work with us more challenging patients. It is possible that you would need to schedule a session with this first therapist in order to get them to give you enough time to get a good referral - it would be worth it.
So then you call whoever they suggest, and you do exactly the same thing. Ask THEM for a recommendation of who LIKES to work with DID. If THEY LIKE to work with DID, you will be able to tell that, and you can schedule an interview with them. If not, they might be one step closer to knowing who DOES like to work with DID.
The hope is that with each referral, you get closer to the group of therapists in your area who have experience with your kind of issues.
It may take a couple of rounds of phone calls. But understand that many therapists don't have the skills or desire to work with more long term patients. And that is just the kind of work they do. But there DO exist therapists who prefer long term patients with more significant issues. In the therapist world, they know who is in which camp. You just have to find an "in" with the right camp for you.
Once you have found the group of people who do want to work with you, then if you keep hearing one name come up, they would be a good one to try.
The goal here is to find the therapist that is a good FIT for you. Someone who likes to work with your kinds of issues. My guess is that maybe 10% of therapists are good with DID - that means that 90% aren't. Don't get discouraged when you talk to that 90% - your 10% is out there, but they are just harder to find. It is worth the effort to find one who is a good fit.
It sounds like you have the drive and capacity to do this kind of search. It will be worth it. Try to not settle for the first person who will see you. You can interview them, but don't just agree to start work with them just because they are a warm body.
I'm interested in the process of choosing therapists. I'd like to hear how your search goes.
Posted by TofuEmmy on March 27, 2006, at 7:20:37
In reply to Re: Left T - still can't find a T:(, posted by kerria on March 26, 2006, at 21:31:56
You could try the International Society for the Study of Dissociation:
On the left you'll see an option to find a therapist. Even if there isn't one close to you, you could call the closest and ask for a recomendation? em
Posted by kerria on March 27, 2006, at 7:57:00
In reply to Re: Left T - still can't find a T:( » kerria, posted by TofuEmmy on March 27, 2006, at 7:20:37
Thank you. i called every T on that ISSD list in my state and also all the Ts that those Ts gave me to call also.
Take care,
kerria
Posted by Dinah on March 27, 2006, at 9:19:05
In reply to Re: Left T - still can't find a T:(, posted by kerria on March 26, 2006, at 21:31:56
Are you sure he meant to be cruel?
I think if my therapist were to call and say the same thing, I would assume it meant that he still cared about me and was concerned for me, and maybe was giving me an opening to reconnect with him.
Of course, I wasn't on the phone with him and can't judge tone of voice, etc.
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on March 27, 2006, at 10:44:08
In reply to Re: Left T - still can't find a T:( » TofuEmmy, posted by kerria on March 27, 2006, at 7:57:00
Oh Honey, This situation just breaks my heart. This is so unfair. My idea isn't great, but it is something. You might try everything listed above before you try my idea b/c I don't know how well it will work...
Have you looked into people who study DID academically? Now not all of those folks see patients, but they might or they might have some ideas about professionals who would. If you feel comfortable babblemailing me your location, I could try to help, as I have access to academic journals, etc.
Another random thought...I know that psychoanalytic types tend to be more comfortable thinking abt and working with DID. They also tend to have a better grasp of how important/painful attachment to a T is. Perhaps you could find out if there is a professional organization of psychoanalysts in your area? Of course, this would also mean that YOU would need to be comfortable w/ psychoanalytic treatment. That's a totally different question...
Remember, this is not about anything being wrong with you as a person. This is about you suffering from a rare illness that many professionals don't know how to treat. You deserve love and warmth and quality care.
Best,
EE
Posted by kerria on March 27, 2006, at 16:28:26
In reply to Re: Left T - still can't find a T:( » kerria, posted by Dinah on March 27, 2006, at 9:19:05
It has nothing to do with tone of voice. There is a horrific history behind the therapy relationship from hell. T was there during a abusive inpatient stay and took the hospital's side against me. So many times T hung up on me and left me in a dangerous position. i never had a certain day and time- i just got squeezed in at a different day and time every week. After therapy i had to sit in the parking lot for hours crying, not wanting to resume my life. i already shared here about so many of the things. The last thing happened when i was so upset because i found that the surgery that was done was entirely unnecessary. It had nothing to do with the pain i have from a nerve disorder. i have a large lump from the laproscopy and i was telling him how bad i felt- that i was pushed into having this major gyn surgery - it left me with a big scar- the dr took out all everything- in case it was the cause of my pain. It wasn't. They were so rude to me in that office- and the surgery was so hard for me- i'm a s.a. and p.a. survivor. As i explained crying
There were people laughing- hospital workers fooling around and disrupting my session. T wouldn't tell them to be quiet. He doesn't even remember why i was crying. He defended the hospital workers. tears. my T never stood up for me, he never cared enough to.
There's a thousand other things- i dissociate and am used to a. relationships - why i stayed so long.
i hurt so much. all inside hurts so much. i hope we can find a caring T soon.It hurts so much when i read here about other people and their Ts . i'm happy for them but feel so hurt that my T could care less about me and what happens to me. i honestly know that he called to upset me more- to say things to deliberately make me feel even more hopeless- reminding me about how hard a time i have in the hospital at that moment was the worst thing he could have said to me. He knows i fall apart because my parts ground to the environment and to people and relationships. He will say things for the purpose of hurting me for no other reason but to hurt me.
we Need a caring , kind T soon.
kerria
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.