Posted by kerria on March 26, 2006, at 21:31:56
In reply to Re: Left T - still can't find a T:( » kerria, posted by Dinah on March 26, 2006, at 2:18:45
Thanks, Dinah, for writing.
i had to leave T - he wasn't warm or caring at all, understatement. So many incidents happened to show me and finally i had to stop seeing him. It's so traumatic to talk about again. i wrote about it earlier this month.
It was so terrible- when you have parts all parts have different attachments to T and hurt - i hurt in so many ways.
T doesn't care about me . i need him practically speaking- just to know what i'm doing. i don't know my parts. Going to therapy was the only communication i had with myself and it's so hard to lose it. T knows me more than i know myself- he was able to meet my parts, some through hypnosis - now i lose it all. i don't have co-coiousness. i don't know what i'm doing much of the time.
Inside hurts so so much. i feel so rejected by T also. i felt rejected all the while when i was seeing him too. i can't go back. Some hours i feel like i'm not going to make it and some hours it's ok. - back and forth all day, all week. It's about three weeks now.
i need to find a T. I tried all the sources i could think of. i feel so panicky that i haven't found a T yet. i hope that i can make calls again. i hope that i can make it.
It always hurts to read about other people and their Ts. i wonder why things are so hard for me.
About a week ago my T emailed- asked if i'd found a T. if i needed help.
i called back , saying that i didn't find a T and that i needed help. i waited hours for him to call back- i was so upset that day- it felt like i wasn't going to make it- i was in a terrible place, in crisis.T finally called back. He said he had no referrals. i cried and said what was happening then, falling so apart. He said "You could Call a crisis line but I know that wouldn't be a good option for you- " (he knows i would fall apart if i was in a hospital- because i don't have anyway to ground- my parts come because of where i am and who i'm with. i become so lost in a hospital- with no one to be, i lose my identity and become even more unstable- a complete mess.
It hurt so much that T said that to me then. T was always saying things to hurt me. That's why i have to not see him anymore.
How terrible that he would say that then. i almost thought i would never make it- i wanted to die so much.
i pulled it together to drive home and have been trying to keep making calls to find a T.T knows how hard it is for me. It hurts so much that he said that knowing it would make me feel even more hopeless.
It's so unfair to treat another human that way. Why is my T so cruel?
Please- if there's anyone reading that could help me, write. It's so hard for me to find a T. i have insurance, a disability case coming up. i need a caring T now. It's too long without a T. Please help.
Thank you,
kerria
poster:kerria
thread:624509
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060325/msgs/624956.html