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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on January 25, 2006, at 14:30:35
How can a T know where you comming from if she from a different world. I think my T is more gentille. I come from the streets. I dunno if she can understand really?
Has she seen evil? How can a person understand bout it less you seen it? There's no description, doesn't bear thinking of even. So sometimes I wonder. Do they even need to 'get' you? I lost.
Thanks for any replies.
Muffled
Posted by muffled on January 25, 2006, at 14:31:55
In reply to I got a question tooo..., posted by muffled on January 25, 2006, at 14:30:35
Posted by cricket on January 25, 2006, at 15:38:07
In reply to I got a question tooo..., posted by muffled on January 25, 2006, at 14:30:35
Hey Muffled.
I owe you an e-mail. I'll get it out soon.
Anyway, yes my t and I have had major issues with this.
We both come from very different worlds.
And yes, I think it is difficult for him to understand sometimes. He has a tendency to think some things are big deals (like being heckled on the subway) when they are nothing to me.
Other things like growing up on government cheese or being evicted from an apartment he has no idea about.
Also, I think there was a lot of jealousy on my part too.
He seemed to have all of these things and choices which only money and a high position can get you.
But then I had this dream one night. It went like this.
I was living in this one little room - just big enough for a bed. I was sleeping. My t comes in and wakes me up. My first narcissistic thought was I just woke up I can't talk to you I need to take a shower I need to brush my teeth.
Then as I was rushing off to do that, I thought but why is he here it must be something important.
So I go back to my little room and my T is now in my bed and he is sick, like dying sick. He is curled into a fetal position and is moaning in agony. He has stripped down to his underwear and it is threadbare and none too clean either. He looks incredibly frail and skinny.
Instead of being disgusted I felt this heart crushing compassion for him. I wanted to gather him up in my arms.
So even though this was all a dream and I am sure means a bunch of other things, since that time I haven't focused so much on our differences and realize that he suffers, has suffered, will suffer. Just like me.
So maybe your T is the same way. She might not get the specifics of your situation but she gets the essence of it, I bet.
Posted by happyflower on January 25, 2006, at 17:54:36
In reply to Re: I got a question tooo... » muffled, posted by cricket on January 25, 2006, at 15:38:07
Hi Muffled,
I think it depends on the T. A lot of T's get in this line of work because they also have the same issues and they they want to help people, but it doesn't make them better or more objective though in my opinon.
My T has a ton of living experiences, being poor, being well off, he worked in a prison(the one Martha Stewart attended), he seems well rounded.
I am not sure if they need to have experienced our stuff in order to help you. But I do think the more they work with people of all walks of life the better they are in relating to different clients. ( this is true for anyone, really)
I think most clients that see my T doesn't know his history (he seems clean cut now) but there is more to him than what is on the surface. (believe me! LOL)
Posted by James K on January 25, 2006, at 22:28:22
In reply to I got a question tooo..., posted by muffled on January 25, 2006, at 14:30:35
Some therapists have helped me see what is right and normal because they didn't experience it and can't understand experiencing it. And shock and outrage that I had to experience it.
When I say it really wasn't that bad, that's just how it is, they say NO! that isn't how it is, and it is bad.
That's way better than a therapist who can top your story. (you run into those in substance abuse groups).
James K
Posted by LegWarmers on January 25, 2006, at 22:35:06
In reply to I got a question tooo..., posted by muffled on January 25, 2006, at 14:30:35
> How can a T know where you comming from if she from a different world. I think my T is more gentille. I come from the streets. I dunno if she can understand really?
> Has she seen evil? How can a person understand bout it less you seen it? There's no description, doesn't bear thinking of even. So sometimes I wonder. Do they even need to 'get' you? I lost.
> Thanks for any replies.
> MuffledI experienced the same feelings, you could just tell that my experiences in life were very different from my t's and my T use to not always fully understand where I was coming from. It was a really awkward moment, but I finally said something about it...it no longer makes a difference, I no longer wonder if my T can understand what things might have been like for me etc. Talking about it was really helpful.
But even if you don't talk about it, i tihnk they figure out where we are at pretty quickly and have the skills to work with that. We all have quite differnet backgrounds so t's need to get accustomed to many.
Posted by pegasus on January 26, 2006, at 10:15:41
In reply to Re: I got a question tooo... » muffled, posted by cricket on January 25, 2006, at 15:38:07
Wow, cricket, that was really beautiful. When I get jealous of people who have it better, I'm going to think about your dream.
peg
Posted by muffled on January 26, 2006, at 14:02:52
In reply to Re: I got a question tooo... » muffled, posted by cricket on January 25, 2006, at 15:38:07
> I owe you an e-mail. I'll get it out soon.
**no sweat. I'm a bit off myself anyways.
>
> Anyway, yes my t and I have had major issues with this.
**:-(
> We both come from very different worlds.
And yes, I think it is difficult for him to understand sometimes. He has a tendency to think some things are big deals (like being heckled on the subway) when they are nothing to me.
**HA!LOL! Give me a good heckle anyday! Thats just entertainment. Snort!
>
> Other things like growing up on government cheese or being evicted from an apartment he has no idea about.
**:(
>
> Also, I think there was a lot of jealousy on my part too.
He seemed to have all of these things and choices which only money and a high position can get you.
**I had a good home life. Didn't do me much good though.
>
> But then I had this dream one night. It went like this.
>
> I was living in this one little room - just big enough for a bed. I was sleeping. My t comes in and wakes me up. My first narcissistic thought was I just woke up I can't talk to you I need to take a shower I need to brush my teeth.
>
> Then as I was rushing off to do that, I thought but why is he here it must be something important.
>
> So I go back to my little room and my T is now in my bed and he is sick, like dying sick. He is curled into a fetal position and is moaning in agony. He has stripped down to his underwear and it is threadbare and none too clean either. He looks incredibly frail and skinny.
>
> Instead of being disgusted I felt this heart crushing compassion for him. I wanted to gather him up in my arms.
>
> So even though this was all a dream and I am sure means a bunch of other things, since that time I haven't focused so much on our differences and realize that he suffers, has suffered, will suffer. Just like me.
>
> So maybe your T is the same way. She might not get the specifics of your situation but she gets the essence of it, I bet.
>
Whoah. Dunno where you got that from. WOW!
I learn some seriously good stuff here. This is real big for me, in a good way.
Huge.
Helps tons.
Thanks Cricket :-)
Muffled
PS- mebbe can I show this to her?(after I cropped all identifying info off!!)
Posted by muffled on January 26, 2006, at 14:04:09
In reply to Re: I got a question tooo..., posted by happyflower on January 25, 2006, at 17:54:36
Posted by muffled on January 26, 2006, at 14:06:49
In reply to Re: I got a question tooo... » muffled, posted by James K on January 25, 2006, at 22:28:22
> Some therapists have helped me see what is right and normal because they didn't experience it and can't understand experiencing it. And shock and outrage that I had to experience it.
>
> When I say it really wasn't that bad, that's just how it is, they say NO! that isn't how it is, and it is bad.
>
> That's way better than a therapist who can top your story. (you run into those in substance abuse groups).
>
> James K***Good point. I'm the same way. 'Stuff' isn't bad. It just IS, and thats all.
Take care James, I know you struggling w/your demons. Stay dry.
Muffled
Posted by muffled on January 26, 2006, at 14:08:32
In reply to Re: I got a question tooo..., posted by LegWarmers on January 25, 2006, at 22:35:06
Posted by Tamar on January 26, 2006, at 18:16:50
In reply to I got a question tooo..., posted by muffled on January 25, 2006, at 14:30:35
> How can a T know where you comming from if she from a different world. I think my T is more gentille. I come from the streets. I dunno if she can understand really?
It’s a good question.
> Has she seen evil? How can a person understand bout it less you seen it?
I think most Ts have seen evil, even if they haven’t seen poverty. And I think we live in a culture where evil and poverty are seen as equivalent. I’d agree that poverty *is* evil (I think no one should live in poverty) but I don’t believe poverty *makes* people evil (I don’t think people are bad because they’re poor). Bad rich people have the capacity to hurt so many more people than bad poor people… And there are plenty of rich people who commit horrible crimes…
>There's no description, doesn't bear thinking of even. So sometimes I wonder. Do they even need to 'get' you? I lost.
I think they can get more than we realise sometimes. They just need to be able to think outside their own experience. And we never know what they’ve been through. At my school (in a poor area) I was sometimes bullied by the other kids. But at my sister-in-law’s school (in a very rich area) she said the teachers grabbed her by the hair and banged her head against the table. My teachers would never have done that.
They don’t always know exactly what we’ve been through. But I think they can still be effective therapists… Just my two cents.
Tamar
Posted by muffled on January 26, 2006, at 22:45:57
In reply to Re: I got a question tooo... » muffled, posted by Tamar on January 26, 2006, at 18:16:50
Posted by cricket on January 27, 2006, at 9:30:18
In reply to Re: I got a question tooo... » cricket, posted by muffled on January 26, 2006, at 14:02:52
> PS- mebbe can I show this to her?(after I cropped all identifying info off!!)
Of course Muffled. Whatever helps.
This is the end of the thread.
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