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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Blue Tulip on December 13, 2005, at 22:59:26
Hi,
I'm new here and this is my first post.
I've been reading posts on this sight for the last few days. There seems to be a lot of drama here but I am going to take a chance and post my story so you can get to know me a little.
I would like to share some of the things I am going through with others that understand "therapy issues". And hopefuly get some of your perspectives.
I'm a female,married with one child and have been in therapy with a male T for the last year.
My husband and I are also in marriage therapy to deal with our deteriorating marriage.The thing that I am interested in learning more about here is the relationship dynamics between a female patient and male T.
I have gotten to the point where feel like I am falling for my T.....hard.
I know this is something that happens to a lot of women. But it's the first time it is happening to me. I didn't expect this. I feel rattled but extremely alive.
So,.....here I am on a web site talking about it.
Because where else could I share these things safely?Blue Tulip
Posted by Shortelise on December 14, 2005, at 1:46:36
In reply to Falling for my T, posted by Blue Tulip on December 13, 2005, at 22:59:26
There is a book "In Session". The info is at the top of this, the psychobabble psychology page.
You might find it extremely helpful.ShortE
Posted by Tamar on December 14, 2005, at 4:28:41
In reply to Falling for my T, posted by Blue Tulip on December 13, 2005, at 22:59:26
Hello Blue Tulip, and welcome to Babble!
> I've been reading posts on this sight for the last few days. There seems to be a lot of drama here but I am going to take a chance and post my story so you can get to know me a little.
Hmm… the current drama is actually very unusual! I’m sure it will all calm down soon.
> I would like to share some of the things I am going through with others that understand "therapy issues". And hopefuly get some of your perspectives.
>
> I'm a female,married with one child and have been in therapy with a male T for the last year.
> My husband and I are also in marriage therapy to deal with our deteriorating marriage.
>
> The thing that I am interested in learning more about here is the relationship dynamics between a female patient and male T.What sort of things would you like to learn about?
> I have gotten to the point where feel like I am falling for my T.....hard.
Ouch! Yes, I’ve been there… Actually, I’m still there…
> I know this is something that happens to a lot of women. But it's the first time it is happening to me. I didn't expect this. I feel rattled but extremely alive.
I had no idea what was going on when it happened to me. I thought I’d fallen in love. And then it turned there was a special word for it. Ha! I’m rebelling by referring to all my previous experiences of falling in love as ‘transference’ e.g., “When I met my husband ten years ago and began to experience transference…”
> So,.....here I am on a web site talking about it.
> Because where else could I share these things safely?Yeah, it’s good to have the anonymity, isn’t it?
I think falling in love with a therapist can be a beautiful and wonderful thing. It can also be painful and frustrating. Have you told your therapist about your feelings? If not, do you think you will?
Tamar
Posted by allisonross on December 14, 2005, at 5:33:16
In reply to Falling for my T, posted by Blue Tulip on December 13, 2005, at 22:59:26
> Hi,
Hi, BlueTulip, and welcome: I have been in love with my t for over 2 years. We discuss it in depth. It isn't the Freudian transference stuff; if I had met him anywhere else, I would have the same feelings.
I could write a book on what has happened between us. He has feelings for me, also. We have discussed it. He says "as long as we discuss, it, it isn't dangerous"
He once said: "Who WOULDN'T love you"
It is a very painful situation, but I told him: "I would rather be in pain with you, than without you. I've only felt this way about one other man (not a t) in my life: authentic men; deeply intuitive, sensitive and real...they get it.
You may want to read: In Session: The Bond Between women and their therapists by Deborah Lott.....she says that "falling in love with your t, is one of the most painful situations." I know all about it!
Hugs and welcome, Ally
>
> I'm new here and this is my first post.
>
> I've been reading posts on this sight for the last few days. There seems to be a lot of drama here but I am going to take a chance and post my story so you can get to know me a little.
>
> I would like to share some of the things I am going through with others that understand "therapy issues". And hopefuly get some of your perspectives.
>
> I'm a female,married with one child and have been in therapy with a male T for the last year.
> My husband and I are also in marriage therapy to deal with our deteriorating marriage.
>
> The thing that I am interested in learning more about here is the relationship dynamics between a female patient and male T.
>
> I have gotten to the point where feel like I am falling for my T.....hard.
>
> I know this is something that happens to a lot of women. But it's the first time it is happening to me. I didn't expect this. I feel rattled but extremely alive.
>
> So,.....here I am on a web site talking about it.
> Because where else could I share these things safely?
>
> Blue Tulip
>
>
>
>
>
>
Posted by annierose on December 14, 2005, at 8:47:24
In reply to Falling for my T, posted by Blue Tulip on December 13, 2005, at 22:59:26
>>>Because where else could I share these things safely? <<<<
It's hard, but ideally it would be great if you were able to share these feelings with your T. Some T's are trained to work with/through these feelings, it's a part of the therapy process. What orientation is your T? Psychodynamic therapists (and others) expect strong feelings to emerge. I know how painful these feelings can be (experience them myself, slightly different form, I'm female w/a female T, but I feel so attached to her).
How often do you go?
For myself, I found talking about it here, gaining insight and knowledge, it was easier for me to talk about it in therapy. That being said, having talked about attachment and longing, etc. ... it's still painful. But at least it's something we continually come back to and chip away at this "need" (who knows what "it" is).
Posted by LadyBug on December 14, 2005, at 10:15:47
In reply to Falling for my T, posted by Blue Tulip on December 13, 2005, at 22:59:26
Welcome to Babble~~~
I agree that "In Session" is a great book for you to read. It helped me more than anything when I was struggling with the over powering feelings of "Love" towards my therapist. It can be a confusing and painful. I suggest you talk to you Therapist about your feelings. This is the only way you can work through them. It is a lot of work. You can get a lot of support here on Babble as well.
We are the experts!!! As least we understand what most of us go through in therapy.
LadyBug
Posted by Blue Tulip on December 14, 2005, at 10:41:50
In reply to Re: Falling for my T » Blue Tulip, posted by Shortelise on December 14, 2005, at 1:46:36
Hi Shortelise,
Thanks for your reply.
I've read In Session and understand the whole transference thing.
I guess I'm looking for a way to live during transference.
Blue Tulip
Posted by Blue Tulip on December 14, 2005, at 10:52:10
In reply to Re: Falling for my T » Blue Tulip, posted by Tamar on December 14, 2005, at 4:28:41
> I think falling in love with a therapist can be a beautiful and wonderful thing. It can also be painful and frustrating. Have you told your therapist about your feelings? If not, do you think you will?Hi Tamar,
Yes I have told him about my feelings. It took me about 6 months to get up the courage to tell him. I tried to keep it kind of PG-13 and didn't go in to detail about my sexual fantasizing and dreams but he made it clear that he understood that I was dealing with that. He was wonderful, it made me love him even more.
You are right, it is beautiful,wonderful,painful and frustrating all at the same time.
I'm trying to live with it, grow through it and not go crazy.
Blue Tulip
Posted by Blue Tulip on December 14, 2005, at 11:50:54
In reply to Re: Falling for my T » Blue Tulip, posted by allisonross on December 14, 2005, at 5:33:16
Hi allisonross,
Thank you for sharing your story.
When I first met my T I liked him OK but wouldn't have never given him a second look in real life.
Then like out of the blue he seemed like the most wonderful man on earth. So I guess it must be transference, but it sure feels like love.
I don't have any expectations about a personal relationship with him. I just want to learn how to live with this wonderfiul pain. The more I share with him the more I love him.
This seems like a place where a lot of you understand this type of relationship.
I hope that talking about it may help ease my pain some.
Blue Tulip
Posted by Blue Tulip on December 14, 2005, at 12:01:31
In reply to Re: Falling for my T » Blue Tulip, posted by annierose on December 14, 2005, at 8:47:24
Hi annierose,My T is a psychodynamic therapist. I see him once a week..
I have told him about my feelings and we talk about them but I sometimess wonder if that fuels the fire. I know it does for me, and he seems pleased when we go there.The longing I feel for him between sessions is my biggest challenge.
Blue Tulip
> For myself, I found talking about it here, gaining insight and knowledge, it was easier for me to talk about it in therapy. That being said, having talked about attachment and longing, etc. ... it's still painful. But at least it's something we continually come back to and chip away at this "need" (who knows what "it" is).
>I can tell you understand.
Thanks
Posted by Blue Tulip on December 14, 2005, at 12:04:29
In reply to Re: Falling for my T, posted by LadyBug on December 14, 2005, at 10:15:47
> Welcome to Babble~~~
> I agree that "In Session" is a great book for you to read. It helped me more than anything when I was struggling with the over powering feelings of "Love" towards my therapist. It can be a confusing and painful. I suggest you talk to you Therapist about your feelings. This is the only way you can work through them. It is a lot of work. You can get a lot of support here on Babble as well.
> We are the experts!!! As least we understand what most of us go through in therapy.
> LadyBugHi LadyBug,
Love your name.
Read the book.
Told my T.
Still love the guy.
Guess I'll stick around with you guys.Thanks everyone for being so kind.
Blue Tulip
Posted by allisonross on December 14, 2005, at 15:23:44
In reply to Re: Falling for my T, posted by Blue Tulip on December 14, 2005, at 11:50:54
> Hi allisonross,
Hi Miss Tulip!
You are so very welcome!
The minute I met my t (over 3 years ago), i felt that chemistry, attraction, etc....but said nothing for a year...it took all the courage I had to bring it up.
he loves authenticity, and being real, and he welcomed my thoughts, and handled my heart with extreme delicacy and sensitivity (still does)
We have discussed it so many times. i finally got the courage to tell him I thought he had feelings for me, also (another scary thing!!)...i won't go into details what he said here; but if you would like to know more; please email me: wacalice@aol.com
You might like to know I got in trouble for talking about my t here, and was told to put a trigger message on it. I like to tease, flirt and joke a lot (it's my inborn personality, free-spirit!), and some were offended because they thought their relationship with their t's was "sacred".
I will be performing (dancing) Flamenco for him (he speaks Spanish), and I resonate with what you said, about your t' "seeming to enjoy talking about your feelings, etc."
Mine certainly does; and he bends the boundaries, too...again, I wouldn't state what that is....here
He basically said "who WOULDN'T LOVE YOU??!!
That's cause men find me irresistable! LOl, LOL
Hugs n love to you......Ally
> Thank you for sharing your story.
>
> When I first met my T I liked him OK but wouldn't have never given him a second look in real life.
>
> Then like out of the blue he seemed like the most wonderful man on earth. So I guess it must be transference, but it sure feels like love.
>
> I don't have any expectations about a personal relationship with him. I just want to learn how to live with this wonderfiul pain. The more I share with him the more I love him.
>
> This seems like a place where a lot of you understand this type of relationship.
>
> I hope that talking about it may help ease my pain some.
>
> Blue Tulip
Posted by fairywings on December 14, 2005, at 19:04:15
In reply to Re: Falling for my T » Blue Tulip, posted by allisonross on December 14, 2005, at 5:33:16
> I told him: "I would rather be in pain with you, than without you.That's so beautiful ally.
fwHi blue, welcome to babble. i hope you can learn to live w/the feelings. sometimes feelings s*ck, but you sound like an incredibly positive person.
fw
Posted by Dr. Bob on December 15, 2005, at 9:20:17
In reply to Falling for my T, posted by Blue Tulip on December 13, 2005, at 22:59:26
> I'm new here and this is my first post.
Maybe, but I think not. If for any reason you feel you need to change your posting name, please follow these steps:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#names
I think you were blocked for 1 week before, so this time I'm making it for 2.
Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above posts, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by tarabara on December 15, 2005, at 19:49:14
In reply to Re: Falling for my T, posted by LadyBug on December 14, 2005, at 10:15:47
what i did because i didn't feel comfortable talking with my therapist about it directly is that i told him that i was having strong feelings for him but i described the more immediate feelings. i had an overall feeling of love and attachment but what i shared were the moments of rage i would feel at a certain comment he made or something he did that made me feel really good and we would go from there. it didn't phase him. he might have had an idea of what was going on. he knew i had profound feelings, i just never used the L word. the more i thought about it though, the more it shifted from "i hope he's wearing a blue shirt, it brings out his eyes..." to "why the %^#* was he 5 minutes late" and to embrace and explore the over the top emotions that he evoked in me. it has been really helpful in letting me examine my relationships with the male's in my life. anyway, you have to embrace it and figure out a way to use it. the fact that you have it means that you are feeling a genuine connection to your therapist. you really have to read the In Session book everyone is reccommending. it honestly made me feel not so crazy.
This is the end of the thread.
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