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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on December 1, 2005, at 13:26:37
Very mentally exhausting. I don't know if I can remember everything, we talked a lot. He noticed right away, I wasn't feeling too hot. He was at the gym today, and I wasn't, he asked me why I didn't go, and I said I didn't feel like it. Which was true, but I also didn't want to run into him this time.
He didn't look too good today, and I told him that he looked very tired. He asked was it because of his posture, he was sort of holding up his head, I said no, it was his eyes. He said he sleep fine last night then he dropped the topic. But his face was all puffy too, and I didn't want to tell him he looked like hell again, LOL, but he did. Then he straightened up his posture, lol.
Well we talked about why I was feeling so bad, and yes it was because of my DH. But he tried to guess, thinking I was thinking I was sad because it could be my last Christmas as a family. I said no I wasn't thinking that, (but thanks a lot for putting that depressing thought into my head). It was just too hard to keep up the act of happiness around the kids doing the traditional stuff.Then I asked him that one question about growing up in a house with parents with an unhappy marriage. He actually answered me. I asked about what age he realized they were unhappy. He realized it at a young age around 9 or 10 but he found a business card for marriage counceling (because he was snooping) LOL But he said younger than that he remembers them arguing out loud a lot and it would make him sad and he cried.
Then I asked him that it seems that he and his siblings are all well adjusted and sucessful, and do you think it is because his parents stayed together even if the marriage was bad. Well then he told me how "not well adjusted they are". Which by the way 2 other siblings in his family are T's and they have major problems too. WoW! Well then we went on to talk about kids in divorce situations, bad marriage families, and happy marriages.
We talked about mediacations for sleeping, and what to tell my doctor today at my appointment.
My T didn't say I was actually depressed, and I didn't ask. But he could tell I wasn't doing too well, at least compared to when he talked to me on the phone and at the last appointment.We mostly talked about marriage stuff and it took up the whole time, we even went over 15 minutes. No flirting today, all was serious. I didn't throw my panties at him either and we didn't talk about that. And no, I didn't tell him of my attraction, I don't think I could take it today even if there was time. I am sure he knows it.
We did agree to see each other in 2 weeks instead of once a month. I feel a little better, but just exhausted. I was teary eyed the whole time, but I didn't cry. He is really pushing me to after the holidays, to start giving my DH ultimatiums concerning our marriage. I just don't know if I can do that.
Well I am sure we talked about more stuff, I just can't remember. I think I am going to try to get a short nap before my doct. appointment.
Oh, by the way, I don't have to call him DR. B***** anymore, he wants me to call him by his first name. Talk later! :)
Posted by allisonross on December 1, 2005, at 13:39:10
In reply to I am back from therapy. Long post, I need a nap, posted by happyflower on December 1, 2005, at 13:26:37
Hi, sweetie: Been wondering how it went. I understand that feeling of mental exhaustion. Glad you will be seeing him more often.
I'm worn out just from reading and hearing and feeling your pain.
This will be my first Christmas alone.....can you imagine....31 years and now alone?
Oh, well, enough about ME, what do YOU think about ME?!
I've always called my t by his first name; and i LOVE his first name.....hang in there; I have some understanding of your mental state with the "husband."
Hugs n Love, Ally
Posted by Tamar on December 1, 2005, at 15:51:03
In reply to I am back from therapy. Long post, I need a nap, posted by happyflower on December 1, 2005, at 13:26:37
Thanks for the update, Happyflower. It sounds as if you worked really hard today. I’m not surprised you’re tired.
I’m so glad you’re going to see him in two weeks instead of waiting a whole month. I do think you need a bit of extra support at the moment.
Take care of yourself.
Tamar
Posted by happyflower on December 1, 2005, at 17:12:19
In reply to Re: I am back from therapy. Long post, I need a nap » happyflower, posted by Tamar on December 1, 2005, at 15:51:03
Well my GP doc prescibed me some sleeping pills to see if this helps my mood. It is the generic form of Restoril. Any know about it? He wants to see how this helps before he increases my Sarafem(low dose prozac) that I take every 2 weeks for my PMDD or bad PMS.
Oh, I remember more of therapy moments. I also talked about on how everybody is a *sshole and people just suck. LOL I said I bet he is even one, and he said he has been before, but most people think he is a pretty nice guy. (except for the people who thinks he is a *sshole) We talked about Mother Theresa and the Pope. LOL
So I talked about everything other than the pink elephant with poka dots in the room wearing panties! LOL Sorry I couldn't resist.
Then we talked about having affairs. He said married people should have affairs with married people and single people should have them with single people. When both are married, neither want to get caught and both are just as busy with their families on holidays. He was just kidding but he does have a point.
He even sang a winter in wonderland song because it was snowing outside, but I was in no happy mood for it at the beginning the session. He was joking a lot, but I wasn't in the mood, and he noticed my lack of normal humor. He got the point, LOL
He did tell me about his mothers passive aggressive things she used to do to his father that was kinda of funny. He said both of his parents were very good parents but just not a good marriage. But they have been married for over 60 years.
We also talked about I bought a box of condoms and put it in my DH's suitcase before he left for his trip overseas. Now I guess I was being passive aggressive, but I got my point accross since he does have a vacectomy.
Then my T was surprised that I pack my DH suitcase for him. I have always done this. He says his wife wouldn't pack his suitcase, how would she know how many pairs of underware he would need. (oh, boy, underware again, but he said it not me) Well duh! LOL One for everyday and a couple pairs for just in case. LOL
Then we talked about what I do and my DH do around the house and what he does and doesn't do around the house. I told him I didn't need to know he doesn't clean bathrooms. LOL But at least he knows how to do dishes and the laundry. LOL
Well I thought it was interesting that he noticed I wasn't there this morning. LOL What did he miss me or something? HeeHee!
Do your T's ever pressure you to do things? My T is really is kinda pressuring me to give my DH ultimatiums in my marriage at the begining of the year. I just don't know if I am up to it, and I am not ready to do it either. I told him today that I didn't really want to. Of course he wanted to know why. Well he said how can you be any more miserable than you are.
I said wouldn't just hiring a hitman be easier than confronting him again and making demands? He said no you can't do that. Well I kept going, I said (joking) that I could feed him a lot of really unhealty food and he would die sooner. He said I could buy him a skydiving suit for X-mas or I could buy his old motorcycle. LOL I guess we joked around a little today.He said it would really sad for me to stay in an emotionless, sexless dead marriage at my age. Boy am I still tired, I can't wait to try out my new meds. I am hoping for a great nights sleep. :) I need it. I am glad I have my T even though my stomach was in knots this time. But he really helped, it was one of the more serious sessions we have had. A lot of work this time. If you got to the bottom of this message, thanks for listening! :)
Posted by happyflower on December 1, 2005, at 18:53:57
In reply to back from docs, and more about therapy, posted by happyflower on December 1, 2005, at 17:12:19
Posted by Voce on December 1, 2005, at 20:41:15
In reply to back from docs, and more about therapy, posted by happyflower on December 1, 2005, at 17:12:19
HF, I hope you don't get upset when people comment on your therapy now, because you asked them to after all.....
<Then we talked about having affairs. He said married people should have affairs with married people and single people should have them with single people. When both are married, neither want to get caught and both are just as busy with their families on holidays. He was just kidding but he does have a point.>
Um, I guess. I don't see how this helps you therapeutically. Do you see this as a veiled invitation? Just curious.
<He even sang a winter in wonderland song because it was snowing outside, but I was in no happy mood for it at the beginning the session.>Sounds like he was happy to see you!
<He did tell me about his mothers passive aggressive things she used to do to his father that was kinda of funny. He said both of his parents were very good parents but just not a good marriage. But they have been married for over 60 years. >
Since my former T was NOT into self-disclosure, I know I would have been uncomfortable with this. But then again, didn't you ask him?
<Do your T's ever pressure you to do things? My T is really is kinda pressuring me to give my DH ultimatiums in my marriage at the begining of the year. I just don't know if I am up to it, and I am not ready to do it either. I told him today that I didn't really want to. Of course he wanted to know why. Well he said how can you be any more miserable than you are.>
My T never pressured me. Of course, had he done so, I would have reacted with BACK OFF BUSTER (transference relating to my dad). But I don't think a T should be pressuring you to give up on your marriage if you're not ready....he's supposed to help you weigh the implications of divorcing or staying. Sounds like he cares about you and doesn't want you to have to be in this unhappy marriage, but that is only his personal opinion after all. His professional opinion is what you need, IMHO, and the fact that he is pressuring you to leave your hubby, coupled with his attraction to you, doesn't that seem a little interesting?
<He said it would really sad for me to stay in an emotionless, sexless dead marriage at my age.>
Yeah....but that's sad for anyone at any age. He may feel that it's sad, but only you can make the decision, you know? I guess if a T of mine was saying that, it would make me uncomfortable.
This is just my $.02!!! I hope you're not pissed off at me. You are a really different person than I am (I can just tell by reading your posts) and what is good for me may not be good for you. That's my disclaimer. In the end, I know you are a smart, savvy woman and will do what is best!!!
Posted by happyflower on December 1, 2005, at 21:31:43
In reply to Re: back from docs, and more about therapy, posted by Voce on December 1, 2005, at 20:41:15
> HF, I hope you don't get upset when people comment on your therapy now, because you asked them to after all.....
Yes, I know I opened myself for that one, but it is okay, I feel a little better tonight. And no, I am not pissed at all at you. You were honest but yet sensitive and I appreciate that! :) Okay, now to your questions....
> <Then we talked about having affairs. He said married people should have affairs with married people and single people should have them with single people.
> Um, I guess. I don't see how this helps you therapeutically. Do you see this as a veiled invitation? Just curious.
No, I didn't see this as a veiled invitation. I am the one that brought it up. Can I still stay married for financial reasons and family reasons but get what I don't have on the side. I know that sound unethical and I don't normally appove of affairs, but it was something I wanted to know if it would work if I didn't want to get a divorse, but yet was still unhappy. But he talked about if I got caught, on how I would be viewed, and since it was against my morals, I probably couldn't keep it a secret. Thats why he said the thing about married couples. They are in the same boat, so it would be easier than a single person who always want more from the married person. I don't think he is in favor of me having an affair while married.
Since my former T was NOT into self-disclosure, I know I would have been uncomfortable with this. But then again, didn't you ask him?
I wasn't uncomfortable with this, I do know a lot about him already, so it didn't surprise me. I asked him about what it felt like to him as a kid to have parents that were unhappily married, but he added this information on his own. This is nothing compared to other stuff he had disclosed about himself. I am okay with it, it helped me build a bond with him and keep him off a pedistal.
> My T never pressured me. Of course, had he done so, I would have reacted with BACK OFF BUSTER (transference relating to my dad). But I don't think a T should be pressuring you to give up on your marriage if you're not ready....he's supposed to help you weigh the implications of divorcing or staying. Sounds like he cares about you and doesn't want you to have to be in this unhappy marriage, but that is only his personal opinion after all. His professional opinion is what you need, IMHO, and the fact that he is pressuring you to leave your hubby, coupled with his attraction to you, doesn't that seem a little interesting?
I don't believe he is pressuring me to leave my DH, but he is pressuring me to issue ultimatiums to my DH that we need to do something to make our relationship better, or it will not survive.He has been like drilling this into my head for last couple of months. I am the one in the beginning who said that I didn't belive in divorce. Well now I am so unhappy, I don't know what I believe anymore, and it is making me depressed, so he is urging me to do something to help me. I am just not ready to tear up the house yet. I need to feel stronger.
> <He said it would really sad for me to stay in an emotionless, sexless dead marriage at my age.>
>
> Yeah....but that's sad for anyone at any age. He may feel that it's sad, but only you can make the decision, you know? I guess if a T of mine was saying that, it would make me uncomfortable.I think he is saying this because he really cares about me but I know it is my decision. My T can't make me do anything I don't want to do.
I was uncomfortable most of the session, but not what he was saying, more of what I was feeling. The truth hurts, and I can't hide from it anymore unless I just want to feel worse.
> This is just my $.02!!! I hope you're not pissed off at me. You are a really different person than I am (I can just tell by reading your posts) and what is good for me may not be good for you. That's my disclaimer. In the end, I know you are a smart, savvy woman and will do what is best!!!Thanks Voce, I am glad you responded and it was worth more than 2 cents! :) I guess people are afraid to post about my situation, it makes me sad, but I am sad anyways, so thats that.
Posted by Poet on December 1, 2005, at 21:56:39
In reply to back from docs, and more about therapy, posted by happyflower on December 1, 2005, at 17:12:19
Hi Happyflower,
Does your T prefer boxers or briefs? Just curious. My T and I talk about politics alot, but I can't imagine talking about panties.
It sounds like you covered quite a bit in your session. Besides joking around, you talked about your DH and marriage problems.
I hope your sleeping pill works. I take Ambien just about every night. Speaking of which...
Poet
Posted by Tamar on December 2, 2005, at 3:56:27
In reply to back from docs, and more about therapy, posted by happyflower on December 1, 2005, at 17:12:19
Hi Happyflower,
> Oh, I remember more of therapy moments. I also talked about on how everybody is a *sshole and people just suck. LOL I said I bet he is even one, and he said he has been before, but most people think he is a pretty nice guy. (except for the people who thinks he is a *sshole) We talked about Mother Theresa and the Pope. LOL
I guess most people can be *ssholes from time to time... I reckon people are more likely to be nice to me if I’m nice to them, but it doesn’t always work. I reckon real *ssholes spend their lives feeling miserable, hard-done-by, and disempowered. That’s why they behave so badly whenever they get the chance to exercise a little power over other people. When they’re not infuriating us we should probably feel sorry for them. Well, that’s my theory for the day.
> So I talked about everything other than the pink elephant with poka dots in the room wearing panties! LOL Sorry I couldn't resist.
Tee hee. There will be time to talk about the undressed elephant another time, perhaps when you’re not feeling quite so down.
> Then we talked about having affairs. He said married people should have affairs with married people and single people should have them with single people. When both are married, neither want to get caught and both are just as busy with their families on holidays. He was just kidding but he does have a point.
I think he’s right. Married people should never have affairs with single people. It’s the path of disaster. But I also reckon that having an affair when you’re in an unhappy marriage is probably not the best idea either. Yes, you could stay together for the sake of the kids, and find a relationship elsewhere, but what if you fall in love with the new guy and want to leave your husband for him? Then it’s even more complicated. The only way I reckon it could work would be if you found a friend to satisfy your sexual needs: someone you definitely won’t fall in love with. But I still think it has to be a married friend and not a single one, and someone who is in a similar situation to yours. And if anyone else found out they probably wouldn’t understand. It's not an ideal solution, is it? But then, I'm not sure an ideal solutions exists...
> We also talked about I bought a box of condoms and put it in my DH's suitcase before he left for his trip overseas. Now I guess I was being passive aggressive, but I got my point accross since he does have a vacectomy.Did he say anything about it?
> Then my T was surprised that I pack my DH suitcase for him. I have always done this. He says his wife wouldn't pack his suitcase, how would she know how many pairs of underware he would need. (oh, boy, underware again, but he said it not me) Well duh! LOL One for everyday and a couple pairs for just in case. LOL
My mother always packs for my father. I reckon *he* wouldn’t know how many pairs of underwear he’d need! But I don’t think I’ve ever packed for my husband except for a surprise trip I planned once…
> Well I thought it was interesting that he noticed I wasn't there this morning. LOL What did he miss me or something? HeeHee!
I’m sure he looks out for you when he goes… he’s used to seeing you. Of course he’d notice if you weren’t there!
> Do your T's ever pressure you to do things? My T is really is kinda pressuring me to give my DH ultimatiums in my marriage at the begining of the year. I just don't know if I am up to it, and I am not ready to do it either. I told him today that I didn't really want to. Of course he wanted to know why. Well he said how can you be any more miserable than you are.No, my therapist would make suggestions and if I didn’t take them he didn’t push it. If he suggested anything more than once I knew he really thought I should do it. So I tried to take that stuff seriously.
I think the trouble with an ultimatum is that you have to follow through on the threat. I suspect your therapist imagines your husband will respond to an ultimatum by straightening himself out, but of course you have to consider the possibility that your husband will not respond the way you want. So you do have to be emotionally ready to carry out whatever action you have said you will take.
I was thinking… did you say once that your husband is quite a bit older than you? Is there any chance that his behaviour could be related to physical issues like erectile dysfunction or prostate problems? I have heard of men becoming sexually and emotionally withdrawn because they can’t face dealing with it. But I’m sure you’ve thought of this already…
How was your new medication? I hope you had a good night’s sleep!
Tamar
Posted by happyflower on December 3, 2005, at 20:55:11
In reply to Re: back from docs, and more about therapy » happyflower, posted by Tamar on December 2, 2005, at 3:56:27
I can't say on the boards what my DH comment were when he found the condoms, but I did get my point accross. If we ever have sex again, I don't want any nasty viruses.
You are right about the ultimatiums, I am not ready to follow through with them if I make them, so what's the point of doing that.
My Dh health is just fine, it was the first thing me and my T talked about. He wakes up arroused, so thats not the problem.
By the way the last couple of nights I have slept very well. The first time in weeks. It has improved my mood a lot. Thanks again for your support. Oh, by the way, what do you think of my T winking at me at the gym today? LOL
Posted by Tamar on December 4, 2005, at 17:00:04
In reply to Re: back from docs, and more about therapy » Tamar, posted by happyflower on December 3, 2005, at 20:55:11
> I can't say on the boards what my DH comment were when he found the condoms, but I did get my point accross. If we ever have sex again, I don't want any nasty viruses.
Yeah, it’s not worth the risk, if you think there’s any chance he might be messing around.
> You are right about the ultimatiums, I am not ready to follow through with them if I make them, so what's the point of doing that.
Unless you can come up with an ultimatum that you *can* follow through…
> My Dh health is just fine, it was the first thing me and my T talked about. He wakes up arroused, so thats not the problem.
Hmmm… that does seem to rule out a physical cause of erectile dysfunction.
> By the way the last couple of nights I have slept very well. The first time in weeks. It has improved my mood a lot. Thanks again for your support.
Glad you’re sleeping and feeling better!
> Oh, by the way, what do you think of my T winking at me at the gym today? LOL
I think he’s a naughty naughty man! Mind you, I wink at people all the time, so I shouldn’t really comment. What did you do? Did you wink back?
Posted by happyflower on December 4, 2005, at 19:04:40
In reply to Re: back from docs, and more about therapy » happyflower, posted by Tamar on December 4, 2005, at 17:00:04
>> I think he’s a naughty naughty man! Mind you, I wink at people all the time, so I shouldn’t really comment. What did you do? Did you wink back?
>
So are you a naughty naughty women? LOL I was caught off guard with his wink, I am not sure if I even smiled, but I did look away. It was a strange moment, I don't know what I exactly did. LOL I am lucky I didn't fall off the elipitical machine!
Posted by Tamar on December 4, 2005, at 20:00:38
In reply to Re: back from docs, and more about therapy » Tamar, posted by happyflower on December 4, 2005, at 19:04:40
> >> I think he’s a naughty naughty man! Mind you, I wink at people all the time, so I shouldn’t really comment. What did you do? Did you wink back?
> >
> So are you a naughty naughty women?I cannot tell a lie… :)
> LOL I was caught off guard with his wink, I am not sure if I even smiled, but I did look away. It was a strange moment, I don't know what I exactly did. LOL I am lucky I didn't fall off the elipitical machine!
Hmm… I don’t know what an elliptical machine is, but it sounds like a euphemism for something! As in, “What’s the strangest place you’ve ever been winked at?” “Well, that would definitely be the elliptical machine…”
Posted by happyflower on December 4, 2005, at 20:23:57
In reply to Re: back from docs, and more about therapy » happyflower, posted by Tamar on December 4, 2005, at 20:00:38
Well you don't know what an elipictical machine is and I don't know how to wink> LOL
This is the end of the thread.
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