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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by JLynn on November 15, 2005, at 12:25:20
I just finished my T appointment this morning and I am so kicking myself. I have been reading all these posts about feelings about your T and needing to know how the feel about you and I just keep thinking about it. This is something I struggle with and have never been able to discuss. I hate all the feelings I have for my T I guess because I don't understand them and it's so weird because I don't have those types of feelings for anyone else. I just don't understand my feelings for her. And I know it would help if I could share them with her, but how can I do that??? I worry that it would make her so uncomfortable and that she will have her guard up even more. And maybe she will terminate me or think I am some kind of freak. It's so unfair because I DON'T want to have these feelings. I don't want to care about her at all. I don't want to miss her or need her or let anything she says have any affect on how I feel. I want her to mean as little to me as I mean to her. I want her to be just another appointment that I have to go to each week. It makes me wish I had never started T in the first place. This just eats away at me. She tried to get me to talk about what was bothering me today, but I just couldn't do it. She asked me what I was so afraid of and I said "everything". So I wasted another day and I'm so mad at ME!!!
Posted by Annierose on November 15, 2005, at 13:05:03
In reply to wasted day in T, posted by JLynn on November 15, 2005, at 12:25:20
Jlynn-
I do hope you try again next time you see her. When you write that you worry it may make her uncomfortable, I think that's projection ... it makes you uncomfortable, and I do understand that feeling all too well. Yes, it is hard to do. It makes me feel so vulnerable, but I know that hard parts of therapy can be the most rewarding.She probably knows how much you do mean to her. She won't freak out. You will feel good for bringing it up. Your T will help you understand them and I promise, you won't feel weird.
You also said "I don't want to have these feelings." But you do. So it will be good to talk about them with someone that does care and can help. I'm not saying it's easy. I struggle too. But I don't regret feeling love for my T or discussing it with her.
Good luck and please try again at the next session. And if you do, please post and let me know how it went.
Posted by antigua on November 15, 2005, at 14:16:06
In reply to wasted day in T, posted by JLynn on November 15, 2005, at 12:25:20
Maybe you could try writing it down and giving it to her? If she's like most caring Ts, she will be thrilled that you feel this way, because it means progress. Or send her a note or email before you go so she will already know when you get there next week.
best,
antigua
Posted by muffled on November 15, 2005, at 15:21:40
In reply to Re: wasted day in T, posted by antigua on November 15, 2005, at 14:16:06
> Maybe you could try writing it down and giving it to her? If she's like most caring Ts, she will be thrilled that you feel this way, because it means progress. Or send her a note or email before you go so she will already know when you get there next week.
> best,
> antiguaYeah. I send my T faxes, then I can't get them back!!!!Not that i've sent a fax saying I care cuz i'm trying really hard not to!!!
Muffled.
Posted by JLynn on November 15, 2005, at 19:29:58
In reply to Re: wasted day in T, posted by muffled on November 15, 2005, at 15:21:40
I do want to talk to her about this. I know I need to so that I can stop thinking about it so much. And maybe she needs to know. I'm not sure where to start or how to say it. Any ideas on how to start a deep conversation like this?
Posted by annierose on November 15, 2005, at 20:21:06
In reply to Re: wasted day in T, posted by JLynn on November 15, 2005, at 19:29:58
How to start? Let's see. I can't remember how I ventured down this path. I know I told her that she was important to me in last year's holiday card. But that was easier than in person. I think I said, "Therapy is so hard because you are so important to me. I think about therapy and what you may say all the time." Something like that. It wasn't deep or profound, just popped out. I didn't think about it beforehand. That day's session just lended itself to that conversation.
She was supportive. And I continue to talk about my feelings about and around her all the time. It isn't easy.
Posted by rubenstein on November 15, 2005, at 21:24:39
In reply to wasted day in T, posted by JLynn on November 15, 2005, at 12:25:20
I totally understand what you are feeling. I have deep rooted feelings for my T too and I am always afraid to talk to him about it. It has gotten easier over time. Today we had a really good session. I wish you the best. These feelings are so hard. I feel for you.
rachel
Posted by Dinah on November 15, 2005, at 21:25:15
In reply to Re: wasted day in T, posted by JLynn on November 15, 2005, at 19:29:58
Maybe you could think of it more as laying the groundwork than as a wasted session? It's rare that those sort of conversations just pop out fully formed. But you identified your desire to talk about it and realized that it was something you wanted to do. That's progress.
I'm not sure how one goes about having that discussion. I did it in such small increments that I'm not sure I'd recommend my approach to anyone. By the time I was fully open about how much he mattered to me, it was almost boring because we'd skirted the issue so many times. Definitely anticlimactic.
Posted by daisym on November 16, 2005, at 19:16:30
In reply to Re: wasted day in T, posted by JLynn on November 15, 2005, at 19:29:58
I think because of the way my therapist works, he called it out at the beginning. Like if I said, "I don't want to ask Sue for help" he would ask -- "it seems like you don't like asking me for help either, is that true?" I sort of learned how to put some of this into words.
I might go in and say, "I'm finding what I'm feeling about therapy confusing. It isn't just the issues we are working on, I'm surprised at how important this time and you, have become, and how much brain space you take up now. Do you find this happens with many of your clients?"
These conversations are hard. But it will probably help you if you don't have to keep those walls up to protect yourself from caring. Good luck!
Posted by Augustina on November 18, 2005, at 14:26:47
In reply to Re: wasted day in T » JLynn, posted by daisym on November 16, 2005, at 19:16:30
Daisy,
I just read your suggestion to JLynn and thought how helpful this would be to me too. I too could probably benefit from opening up a therapy session in a similar fashion. My T session yesterday left me feeling a little frustrated, sad, mad, and a little tired about the whole therapeutic process. I just felt like my T was very disconnected from me. Anyways, thanks for your helpful suggestion.
Posted by muffled on November 18, 2005, at 15:04:47
In reply to wasted day in T, posted by JLynn on November 15, 2005, at 12:25:20
was really there at my last appt. So at least we wasted each others time together! It wasn't a total waste. Always comforting to connect, even sort of connect, or even to just visually see her. NOT that I will allow attachment. Hmmmmmmm.
Muffled.
Posted by JLynn on November 19, 2005, at 8:57:44
In reply to Neither me OR my T... » JLynn, posted by muffled on November 18, 2005, at 15:04:47
I see my T on Tuesday and I am going to try very hard to bring this up somehow. I will post an update then and let you all know how it goes. Thanks for the support I really appreciate it!!!
Posted by muffled on November 23, 2005, at 12:29:43
In reply to Thanks Everyone and....., posted by JLynn on November 19, 2005, at 8:57:44
> I see my T on Tuesday and I am going to try very hard to bring this up somehow. I will post an update then and let you all know how it goes. Thanks for the support I really appreciate it!!!
This is such a busy place ! Mebbe I missed your post. So how did it go?
Muffled
Posted by JLynn on November 24, 2005, at 2:54:28
In reply to Re: Thanks Everyone and..... » JLynn, posted by muffled on November 23, 2005, at 12:29:43
*sigh* Well I couldn't do it...not this time anyway. I will get there...I will tell her. I thought it was going to be another unproductive day, but near the end I was able to open up a bit. Mostly about how hard the holidays are going to be. I wish I could just skip holidays altogether. They are just so hard. I swear I sounded like a little kid with all the "I don't want to" and being stubborn crap. I wanted to stomp my feet and say "It's not fair!" Because it's really not....its so not fair. My eyes were filled with tears, but I didn't 'really' cry. And I dont think I have ever cried in front of her it's like I can't. I think if I ever started I couldn't stop. Sometimes I wish I could even though it usually makes me so tired I really need some kind of release. She asked what she could do to make me feel more comfortable and trust her and open up more and I couldnt really think of anything. I just don't know. I wish it didn't have to be so hard.
Posted by muffled on November 24, 2005, at 13:08:05
In reply to Update, posted by JLynn on November 24, 2005, at 2:54:28
> *sigh* Well I couldn't do it...not this time anyway. I will get there...I will tell her. I thought it was going to be another unproductive day, but near the end I was able to open up a bit. Mostly about how hard the holidays are going to be. I wish I could just skip holidays altogether. They are just so hard. I swear I sounded like a little kid with all the "I don't want to" and being stubborn crap. I wanted to stomp my feet and say "It's not fair!" Because it's really not....its so not fair. My eyes were filled with tears, but I didn't 'really' cry. And I dont think I have ever cried in front of her it's like I can't. I think if I ever started I couldn't stop. Sometimes I wish I could even though it usually makes me so tired I really need some kind of release. She asked what she could do to make me feel more comfortable and trust her and open up more and I couldnt really think of anything. I just don't know. I wish it didn't have to be so hard.
***Bummer. Oh well it'll come eventually. I still don't even know how I feel about my T. I think I am doing everything in my power to remain aloof. I dunno. I'm not in a very good place right now with her so I think we gonna have to have a chat soon, it can't go on like this. Comfortable?????Gack!Don't I wish. If you find something that works for you let me know!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sigh. Its hard, its incredibly frustrating, and scarey, and confusing. But then so was my life. It really is much better than it was.
I can be so normal. I can be such a freak.
Sigh.
Moving ahead, ever so slowly.
Take care JLynn.
Thanks for update.
I don't feel so alone.
Muffled
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