Posted by muffled on November 24, 2005, at 13:08:05
In reply to Update, posted by JLynn on November 24, 2005, at 2:54:28
> *sigh* Well I couldn't do it...not this time anyway. I will get there...I will tell her. I thought it was going to be another unproductive day, but near the end I was able to open up a bit. Mostly about how hard the holidays are going to be. I wish I could just skip holidays altogether. They are just so hard. I swear I sounded like a little kid with all the "I don't want to" and being stubborn crap. I wanted to stomp my feet and say "It's not fair!" Because it's really not....its so not fair. My eyes were filled with tears, but I didn't 'really' cry. And I dont think I have ever cried in front of her it's like I can't. I think if I ever started I couldn't stop. Sometimes I wish I could even though it usually makes me so tired I really need some kind of release. She asked what she could do to make me feel more comfortable and trust her and open up more and I couldnt really think of anything. I just don't know. I wish it didn't have to be so hard.
***Bummer. Oh well it'll come eventually. I still don't even know how I feel about my T. I think I am doing everything in my power to remain aloof. I dunno. I'm not in a very good place right now with her so I think we gonna have to have a chat soon, it can't go on like this. Comfortable?????Gack!Don't I wish. If you find something that works for you let me know!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sigh. Its hard, its incredibly frustrating, and scarey, and confusing. But then so was my life. It really is much better than it was.
I can be so normal. I can be such a freak.
Sigh.
Moving ahead, ever so slowly.
Take care JLynn.
Thanks for update.
I don't feel so alone.
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:578959
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051118/msgs/581872.html