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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by fallsfall on November 6, 2005, at 9:46:20
In reply to Re: I probably can, actually » Dinah, posted by All Done on November 5, 2005, at 23:37:02
Posted by LadyBug on November 6, 2005, at 10:13:13
In reply to Thinking of you today, Dinah (nm), posted by fallsfall on November 6, 2005, at 9:46:20
Hope all goes well and you come away feeling good about seeing him and the things you can talk about. I know this must be so hard. I wish you the best in what you have to deal with and I know it's not what you would have chosed to happen to you and your T.
Hugs
LadyBug
Posted by fairywings on November 6, 2005, at 10:51:05
In reply to Thinking of you today, Dinah, posted by LadyBug on November 6, 2005, at 10:13:13
Goo luck today Dinah. I hope you have a really good, and productive session.
fw
Posted by gardenergirl on November 6, 2005, at 14:44:22
In reply to Thinking of you today, Dinah (nm), posted by fallsfall on November 6, 2005, at 9:46:20
Me too.
Posted by 10derHeart on November 6, 2005, at 14:57:09
In reply to Re: Thinking of you today, Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on November 6, 2005, at 14:44:22
Posted by Annierose on November 6, 2005, at 16:09:45
In reply to Me three (nm), posted by 10derHeart on November 6, 2005, at 14:57:09
Thought about you all day.
I hope you left your session with him inside your heart, holding you.
Posted by Dinah on November 6, 2005, at 18:27:43
In reply to Re: Me four, posted by Annierose on November 6, 2005, at 16:09:45
It wasn't the stuff of legends. I think double sessions might be just too long. That level of intensity can only be sustained for at most a session and a half.
I can't say I wanted a good session, but in some ways it was very good.
It was so good to be talking to someone who understands me so well that I could talk the way I think, without interpreting it for outside my brain.
Someone who completely believed that T2 was indeed critical of my presentation, while managing to be completely uncritical and matter of fact about discussing why it might be.
Someone who understood it wasn't a therapist that I needed so much as a therapist/mommy, and who also understood that other therapists wouldn't know that, and normalizing my experiences with them.
He's more optimistic about our therapeutic future than I am, and he does have some contingency plans in case the precarious basis we see each other now collapses.
I came home and fell into one of the sleeps that I used to complain about, but felt soooo good after not having one for six weeks. Maybe they're not just "forgetting sleeps". Maybe they're "forgetting and restoring sleeps".
As to the actual content of the session, I don't remember.
Except that a couple of times he got mad, and did what I call "crossing his arms", which has nothing really to do with physically crossing his arms, but rather throwing up a wall. And when we talked about it, he pointed out that while he might do that, if I pointed it out to him he dropped the walls nearly as quickly as they went up.
And having that sort of discussion felt so reassuring.
I don't get it, I really don't. But I feel ok.
Posted by Dinah on November 6, 2005, at 18:31:42
In reply to Wan smile, posted by Dinah on November 6, 2005, at 18:27:43
And sending positive therapy vibes my way.
Posted by fairywings on November 6, 2005, at 18:41:09
In reply to Wan smile, posted by Dinah on November 6, 2005, at 18:27:43
It sounds like you two just connect and that is so wonderful. I'm glad it went well and that you had a restorative sleep afterwards. I hate it when I can't remember what we talked about, but I guess after 10 years the details are just details.
fw
Posted by happyflower on November 6, 2005, at 19:16:06
In reply to Re: Wan smile » Dinah, posted by fairywings on November 6, 2005, at 18:41:09
I am glad everything worked out so you could see him again. Sometimes I like to sleep after my appointments too. Sometime it is the only way to calm down my brain. :)
Posted by Dinah on November 6, 2005, at 19:23:42
In reply to Re: Wan smile » Dinah, posted by fairywings on November 6, 2005, at 18:41:09
Connecting didn't come easily for us. We worked hard at it.
Even today, when I was commenting on something he was doing, he admitted that it would take a session or two to get back to normal in connection. He said it was like going sixtyfive down the highway, then pulling over for six weeks, then getting back on the highway. That it would take a bit to get to cruising speed.
I guess I remember a bit more than I thought of what we said. I just don't remember it if I try.
I also remember complaining that right now, my connection to him hurt. And he understood, and understood my desire not to hurt, but he thought sometimes pain was good, because it resulted from the same connection that brought about growth and healing over the years. Then I got mad at him, because it wasn't *him* hurting. :(
Ah well. Darned if I know why I feel better. :)
Posted by Dinah on November 6, 2005, at 19:25:00
In reply to Re: Wan smile, posted by happyflower on November 6, 2005, at 19:16:06
I nearly always sleep after a session that had any depth to it. Sometimes just for a few minutes, sometimes for a couple of hours.
I had always thought that wasn't a good thing, but maybe I was wrong.
Posted by happyflower on November 6, 2005, at 19:30:40
In reply to Re: Wan smile » happyflower, posted by Dinah on November 6, 2005, at 19:25:00
I think therapy is very stressful even the good happy sessions. I think sleep helps you recover your mental ability. I think thats why people sleep every night to recover their brains from the day. I wouldn't worry about sleeping, unless you did it like 10 hours or so afterwards. :) In fact sleeps sounds so good right now, thanks for the idea! LOL Gotta get those kids to bed! :)
Posted by fallsfall on November 6, 2005, at 19:30:44
In reply to Wan smile, posted by Dinah on November 6, 2005, at 18:27:43
I'm glad that he was able to feel much like your therapist/mommy. I know how much you rely on that. You don't need to have your heart broken right now, so I'm glad that he didn't do that to you.
Peace is a wonderful thing.
Posted by ClearSkies on November 6, 2005, at 21:37:29
In reply to Wan smile, posted by Dinah on November 6, 2005, at 18:27:43
Dinah, it sounds like this was a positive experience, and that your T's comments about getting off and back on the highway ring very true.
I think your sleep afterwards has more to do with processing and restoring your thoughts than forgetting. Sleep is a powerful tool that our brains impose on us. It withholds it from us, it gives it to us too generously as well. Your sleep is serving a purpose, Dinah. Perhaps on a subconscious level that helps to heal you. I'm sorry it worries you.
Mostly I am glad that you were able to see your T again.
ClearSkies
Posted by gardenergirl on November 7, 2005, at 1:02:36
In reply to Re: Wan smile » happyflower, posted by Dinah on November 6, 2005, at 19:25:00
> I nearly always sleep after a session that had any depth to it. Sometimes just for a few minutes, sometimes for a couple of hours.
>
> I had always thought that wasn't a good thing, but maybe I was wrong.I do that too. My T sort of worried about it and wondered if it was "too intense" for me if I could not regroup without needing a nap. Cognitive psychology speculates that sleep might be useful in consolidating information into memory. Maybe we sleep in order to let what we said, felt, and learned percolate and gel? Or maybe it's a need for rest and restorative time.
I don't think it's a bad thing for me. I have the freedom right now to do it. If I had to rush back to work, I suppose I could manage it. I do wonder if I might tend to pull back towards the end of sessions, though, versus keep going til he says it's time to stop.
So, that's a very long way to say, I think it's just fine that you sleep after sessions when needed.
Glad you were able to reconnect and that you feel better.
gg
Posted by happyflower on November 7, 2005, at 9:25:47
In reply to Re: Wan smile » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on November 7, 2005, at 1:02:36
I hope therapy brought some peace to you for awhile. You are strong you can do it! A lot of us admire you around here on Babble. I know that I do. :)
Posted by Dinah on November 7, 2005, at 9:33:31
In reply to How are you doing today?, posted by happyflower on November 7, 2005, at 9:25:47
Kind of tired but good.
I'm glad to get all the input on after therapy sleep. I may have to revise my feelings about it.
I didn't really want to renew this connection. I can't help but think that it would cause me less pain to let it fade away. I still think the therapeutic relationship is doomed. He was surprised at that, which surprises me.
I see T3 for the first time tomorrow in person. I'm not entirely sure what to do about that. I guess at the moment it's best to keep it to adjunct sex therapy.
Sigh. This used to be such an easy happy part of my life.
Posted by happyflower on November 7, 2005, at 12:01:41
In reply to I'm feeling good today. » happyflower, posted by Dinah on November 7, 2005, at 9:33:31
I am glad you are feeling better today, even if you are tired. Maybe another nap would do! :) or some hot chocolate, the full fudgey, sugary kind with marshmellow cream on top or whipped cream, or ice cream is good too! :) or a shot of * something* . LOL
I sometime wonder too, if stopping therapy abuptly would be easier than once a month. It is like you have to start all over again, and then still go with the longings of in between session, and it is never enough. Therapy is hard, no doubt about it. Hang in there, okay? :)
Posted by Tamar on November 7, 2005, at 14:44:02
In reply to Wan smile, posted by Dinah on November 6, 2005, at 18:27:43
I’m glad your session went well. It sounds as if your therapist/mommy was there and that he understood you. It must have been quite a relief.
It’s good that he can drop the walls he’s thrown up if you point it out.
By the way, I always used to sleep after therapy. The length of time I slept depended on how intense the session had been. Once I had a really intense session and had to go to a meeting at work for the rest of the day. I don’t know how I got through it, but I didn’t get out of bed the whole of the next day. I think sleep helped me to get it all straight in my head. Sometimes I had really weird dreams…
I hope your appointment with T3 goes well. (I can’t help imagining the female terminator in that Arnie movie… I bet she’s nothing like that, eh?)
Posted by Dinah on November 7, 2005, at 17:45:17
In reply to Re: Wan smile » Dinah, posted by Tamar on November 7, 2005, at 14:44:02
I'll let you know what she's like. :) I have an image of her as a well groomed, but not trendy, woman, five to ten years older than me, with a no nonsense but not unkind demeanor. I don't think she's going to be effusive or in any way intrusive - more reserved. She appears to have a good sense of humor. I'm interested to see how close I am.
My therapist thought my "colleagues" here at Babble who thought I'd connect better with a male therapist might be right, because of my experiences with my mother and with the girls in school. And I have to admit that my first thought on meeting either of these women was whether they were the sort of girl who would have teased me unmercifully in middle and high school. And attractive well groomed women tend to intimidate me unless I know them. But I think that may be something I should work on. ?
On the other hand, I've thoroughly disliked three male mental health professionals, so it may not be totally gender related.
It felt sooo good to have someone understand me that well. I am so genuine with him, because it's his job to put up with me. Even my husband hasn't seen me as genuine as I routinely am with my therapist.
He didn't *feel* quite like himself. He usually has a real quality of stillness that he was missing this time. That's when he mentioned the need to reconnect. He felt fidgety. Which is odd, because he always fidgets. But usually he manages to convey stillness and receptivity even when he's physically restless. This time his physical restlessness seemed to go all the way down.
lol. I remember one of the topics was how much better I see him with my eyes closed. We were talking about the fact that T2 seemed to disapprove of my closed eyes and soft tone of voice. I don't understand how he can manage to say the exact same things she said without my being offended. I guess it's because his statements are made in the context of an accepting well-established relationship, while hers weren't.
Maybe there should be some sort of rule about how many sessions there need to be before a new therapist comments on stuff like that.
Can you tell I'm a bit nervous about meeting T3? T2 hurt. :(
Posted by fallsfall on November 7, 2005, at 23:06:04
In reply to I'm feeling good today. » happyflower, posted by Dinah on November 7, 2005, at 9:33:31
>I didn't really want to renew this connection. I can't help but think that it would cause me less pain to let it fade away. I still think the therapeutic relationship is doomed. He was surprised at that, which surprises me.
You need to act in your best interest. Even if it is hard to do.
Posted by daisym on November 8, 2005, at 0:01:48
In reply to Re: Wan smile » Tamar, posted by Dinah on November 7, 2005, at 17:45:17
I hope T3 doesn't hurt you. It must feel really hard to talk with your therapist about choosing a new therapist...and what that all might mean.
I'm glad you found some peace, you certainly deserve it. When do you see him again?
Posted by Dinah on November 8, 2005, at 9:31:59
In reply to Re: I'm feeling good today. » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on November 7, 2005, at 23:06:04
I'm not altogether sure what my best interests are.
If it's possible to keep the relationship going, maybe that's in my best interests.
I'm never quite sure if it's acceptable to use therapy as I do, having a therapist/mommy instead of a therapist.
His boundaries were back to ok. It seems to be phone or email where they get iffy. Usually in person, he adopts the therapist persona and the focus stay where it's supposed to be.
Posted by Dinah on November 8, 2005, at 9:36:34
In reply to Re: Wan smile » Dinah, posted by daisym on November 8, 2005, at 0:01:48
He honestly doesn't see it as meaning anything, unless I move. I don't get it. He admits that the relationship won't be the way it was. That I can't call him if I'm feeling bad and have him suggest an extra session. That if I want to see him more than once a week I need to drive three hours each way (2 1/2 at his driving speed, but 3 at mine), which makes it a full day proposition. But he doesn't see that as an insurmountable problem. Maybe it's a lack of commitment on my part that I do see it as a problem.
I find it a lot harder to talk with him about the possibility of moving. Because I don't really want him to be objective about it. :) And it's hard to take therapy out of the equation.
This is the end of the thread.
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