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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by StrawberriesYum on October 31, 2005, at 2:26:56
and my ologist approved. Hee. He says it's much better than the alternative, and once we have the bipolar under control (cause it's not, and never has been I'm just at the very beginning of therapies etc.), we can work on other stuff, like not using food as a reward, etc.
I don't know the board ettiquette yet, altho I've read FAQ and such, but anything about self-injury seems to sometimes get a trigger warning in the subject, so there you go.
Banana splits being better than cutting or trying to kill myself.
This is the second time I've done a week of banana splits. Both have coincided with likelihood I'd try to kill myself, and I tried to find even the littlest thing I could look forward to, that'd get me out of bed, and help me look forward to that THING rather than dying. If one is relishing the memory and anticipation of chocolate, caramel, nuts, bananas, and ice cream, you can't really be wanting to die because all that sensory stuff REALLY brings me into the moment, into the "living" of life. If that makes any sense.
But now "split" week is over, so I guess we'll see how I do. Plus, I tried to cut down to the vein on the right wrist on Friday night, but couldn't go much farther than my usual shallow "cutting" that I call more like scratching. The "cutting"/scratching, being a new development in my life, that I've only done like 6-7 times since I started this summer. My ologist appt. is on Tues, but I'm thinking about calling him tomorrow AM to see what he thinks about my half-donkeyed attempt (seems like everything I do is half-donkeyed . . . .)
Well, the bananas are gone but there's enough stuff for one more Sundae w/all the toppings, so guess what lunch is tomorrow . . . Hee!
Any ologist who approves of banana split therapy (at least compared to the seriousness of my other issues right now) is FINE by me. Hee!
Posted by fallsfall on October 31, 2005, at 6:44:16
In reply to I've lived on banana splits all week . . .(triggr?, posted by StrawberriesYum on October 31, 2005, at 2:26:56
My nickname here is "Ice Cream Queen". I recommend ice cream as the solution to all ills.
There was one time that I was ready to give it all up if it hadn't been for the chocolate (plus other good chunky chocolate things) ice cream in my freezer.
If Ice cream is what it takes to get you to a place where you can come up with other reasons to live, then eat away. It isn't a permanent solution, but sometimes what you need is a temporary bridge.
I also eat quantities of chocolate.
Falls (the IQC)
Posted by allisonross on October 31, 2005, at 15:51:27
In reply to I've lived on banana splits all week . . .(triggr?, posted by StrawberriesYum on October 31, 2005, at 2:26:56
> Hi, sweetie: Pretty new here.
I ALWAYS say: whatever works!
Banana Split Therapy; how bad could it be?!
and my ologist approved. Hee. He says it's much better than the alternative, and once we have the bipolar under control (cause it's not, and never has been I'm just at the very beginning of therapies etc.), we can work on other stuff, like not using food as a reward, etc.
>
> I don't know the board ettiquette yet, altho I've read FAQ and such, but anything about self-injury seems to sometimes get a trigger warning in the subject, so there you go.
>
> Banana splits being better than cutting or trying to kill myself.
>
> This is the second time I've done a week of banana splits. Both have coincided with likelihood I'd try to kill myself, and I tried to find even the littlest thing I could look forward to, that'd get me out of bed, and help me look forward to that THING rather than dying. If one is relishing the memory and anticipation of chocolate, caramel, nuts, bananas, and ice cream, you can't really be wanting to die because all that sensory stuff REALLY brings me into the moment, into the "living" of life. If that makes any sense.It does.
>
> But now "split" week is over, so I guess we'll see how I do. Plus, I tried to cut down to the vein on the right wrist on Friday night, but couldn't go much farther than my usual shallow "cutting" that I call more like scratching. The "cutting"/scratching, being a new development in my life, that I've only done like 6-7 times since I started this summer. My ologist appt. is on Tues, but I'm thinking about calling him tomorrow AM to see what he thinks about my half-donkeyed attempt (seems like everything I do is half-donkeyed . . . .)
>
> Well, the bananas are gone but there's enough stuff for one more Sundae w/all the toppings, so guess what lunch is tomorrow . . . Hee!
>
> Any ologist who approves of banana split therapy (at least compared to the seriousness of my other issues right now) is FINE by me. Hee!I suggest you get a lifetime supply of delicious food; you are a precious person on the planet. We don't want to lose you. Most people do what they need to to stay out of pain. I'm so sorry you are in pain.
Hugs n Love, Ally (wacalice@aol.com)
Posted by StrawberriesYum on November 1, 2005, at 1:23:13
In reply to Re: I've lived on banana splits all week . . .(tri » StrawberriesYum, posted by allisonross on October 31, 2005, at 15:51:27
Thank you so much for your kind words and understanding. It means alot to me, even though we are strangers as yet. I wish you well in your struggles, too.
I am in moderately less pain now than I was this last weekend, although still alot. I am nervous about tomorrow's ologist appointment, but the last two days things have happened, and things I've done, have helped me plug a little bit back into meaning, connection, and being and accepting myself, just a tiny bit.
But it's enough, for today. And starting on this board has been a little piece of the puzzle. Every piece placed makes the puzzle that much more stronger . . . .
So thank you, for being a piece in my puzzle. It seems to be one of those puzzles, that's two sided w/the second side being printed a different direction, in similar colors . . . Lol! Very difficult to do. Hee!
Posted by allisonross on November 1, 2005, at 8:36:50
In reply to Re: I've lived on banana splits all week . . .(tri, posted by StrawberriesYum on November 1, 2005, at 1:23:13
> Hey, there banana, strawberry gurl!
Thank you so much for your kind words and understanding.
You are very welcome!
It means alot to me, even though we are strangers as yet.
We won't be for long!
I wish you well in your struggles, too.
Thankyou, well life is a struggle for us humans ("most people live lives of quiet desperation")
>
> I am in moderately less pain now than I was this last weekend, although still alot. I am nervous about tomorrow's ologist appointment, but the last two days things have happened, and things I've done, have helped me plug a little bit back into meaning,Such as?
connection, and being and accepting myself, just a tiny bit.
>
> But it's enough, for today. And starting on this board has been a little piece of the puzzle. Every piece placed makes the puzzle that much more stronger . . . .
>
> So thank you, for being a piece in my puzzle.My pleasure! I am horrible at puzzles, LOL
It seems to be one of those puzzles, that's two sided w/the second side being printed a different direction, in similar colors . . . Lol! Very difficult to do. Hee!
I don't do cross-word puzzles (altho I love words), puzzles, card games.....anything that would bore or frustrate me! I try not to do anything I don't want to!! Life's too short!
Hugs n Love, Ally
Posted by StrawberriesYum on November 1, 2005, at 18:23:06
In reply to Re: I've lived on banana splits all week . . .(tri » StrawberriesYum, posted by allisonross on November 1, 2005, at 8:36:50
The things that helped me plug in a little bit, were my daughter got a very slight touch of the flu Sunday night, and threw up every now and then for 3 hours. She was very tired, and curled up on my lap, head against shoulder, and fell asleep. She's just turned 7. She hasn't cuddled in my lap like that since about 18 months old or younger.
I held her in my lap, asleep, for half an hour, and just the beauty of it, the comfort, the very physical affection and absolute childlike love and trust she showed as she held on and drifted off to sleep, were very . . . good for me. And while I was comforting her, I told her I'd always be there whenever she needs comfort. A minute later, I realized as I was still considering suicide, that that promise would be a lie if I ended my life.
A few other things included a phone call from my SIL, the good one (as opposed to the witchy one).
Thanks for wanting to know. Also, for the first time my ologist had to reschedule my appt. He called about 1/2 hour before, this morning, and sincerely apologized and seemed distressed that he had forgotten he'd be in a conference this week during our appointment time. We rescheduled for Thursday. I will listen to a couple of taped sessions, to kind of tide me over. He has encouraged my taping of our sessions. I love having access to these.
I did let him know about my "attempt" last Friday night, and let him know I seemed to be coming out of it. I related a few things. And he replied with something about it being good that I employed some coping skills to get through it. He seemed even more concerned, though, that we made sure to get me in on Thursday.
Anyhoo, I'm new so people probably don't care, but there's answers and an update. Lol. Oh, my daughter was fine for Halloween, thank goodness.
Posted by allisonross on November 2, 2005, at 7:31:14
In reply to Re: I've lived on banana splits all week . . .(tri » allisonross, posted by StrawberriesYum on November 1, 2005, at 18:23:06
> Hi, sweetie: The things that helped me plug in a little bit, were my daughter got a very slight touch of the flu Sunday night, and threw up every now and then for 3 hours. She was very tired, and curled up on my lap, head against shoulder, and fell asleep. She's just turned 7. She hasn't cuddled in my lap like that since about 18 months old or younger.
What a wonderful, loving feeling.
>
> I held her in my lap, asleep, for half an hour, and just the beauty of it, the comfort, the very physical affection and absolute childlike love and trust she showed as she held on and drifted off to sleep, were very . . . good for me. And while I was comforting her, I told her I'd always be there whenever she needs comfort. A minute later, I realized as I was still considering suicide, that that promise would be a lie if I ended my life.yes
>
> A few other things included a phone call from my SIL, the good one (as opposed to the witchy one).
>
> Thanks for wanting to know. Also, for the first time my ologist had to reschedule my appt. He called about 1/2 hour before, this morning, and sincerely apologized and seemed distressed that he had forgotten he'd be in a conference this week during our appointment time. We rescheduled for Thursday. I will listen to a couple of taped sessions, to kind of tide me over. He has encouraged my taping of our sessions. I love having access to these.I used to do that, and then my (now ex-husband) listened to them (he was always violating my boundaries), so I stopped.
>
> I did let him know about my "attempt" last Friday night, and let him know I seemed to be coming out of it. I related a few things. And he replied with something about it being good that I employed some coping skills to get through it. He seemed even more concerned, though, that we made sure to get me in on Thursday.
>
> Anyhoo, I'm new so people probably don't care,I am new too, but I believe everyone here, cares. I've been disappointed, because I posted a few intense messages, and only a few people responded, but I try to put it into perspective.
but there's answers and an update. Lol. Oh, my daughter was fine for Halloween, thank goodness.
Yes, whenever you feel suicidal, think of your daughter. perhaps keep a journal, and write down every time you feel this way, and what would happen to your daughter if you did that.
Someone once said: "suicide is a permanent solution to a a temporary problem."
Sounds like you have a good therapist; you hang in there, things CAN get better. Little baby steps, a little at a time.
Hugs, Ally (you can e-mail me, if you like: wacalice@aol.com
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