![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 27. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by B2chica on September 16, 2005, at 8:58:35
i must be alive to feel better, i must be alive to feel better,i must be alive to feel better,i must be alive to feel better,i must be alive to feel better,i must be alive to feel better,i must be alive to feel better,i must be alive to feel better.
tears
b2c.
Posted by fairywings on September 16, 2005, at 9:09:35
In reply to i must be alive to feel better., posted by B2chica on September 16, 2005, at 8:58:35
Posted by cubic_me on September 16, 2005, at 10:00:04
In reply to i must be alive to feel better., posted by B2chica on September 16, 2005, at 8:58:35
Posted by muffled on September 16, 2005, at 10:15:05
In reply to i must be alive to feel better., posted by B2chica on September 16, 2005, at 8:58:35
> i must be alive to feel better, i must be alive to feel better,i must be alive to feel better,i must be alive to feel better,i must be alive to feel better,i must be alive to feel better,i must be alive to feel better,i must be alive to feel better.
> tears
> b2c.You might add....'this will pass''this feelings will pass'Try to remember other times when you haven't felt so bad. There HAVE been times. You have been there, you can be there again. This will pass. It WILL pass. Yes, you must be alive to feel better. Death brings pain to others. Its messy and not nice.
We are with you b2 :(
((((((((B2chica))))))))))
Muffled
Posted by muffled on September 16, 2005, at 11:12:10
In reply to Good girl. You remember that. » B2chica, posted by muffled on September 16, 2005, at 10:15:05
B2Chica, I think you said you were a cutter. Forgive me for not remembering, I'm sorry. I kick my *ss all the time about my memory. Anyhow, does cutting help at these times? Cutting isn't good, but its better than death. I view it as a coping mechanism that I use. Its not good, but until I have others, it will have to do. Its better than other things I might do.
For some reason I always stop before I get too far. I don't know what stops me. I just know that its enough, and I'm past the crisis.
For me, the bleeding is a visual form of the pain leaving my body. Like a old fashioned 'bloodletting'. Sometimes I take aspirin so I can bleed more, with much less damage.
The thing about it is, if you start to go into shock, or if you can't stop the bleeding you MUST phone 911. Make yourself a deal that you will do that, if it comes to that, ahead of time. Don't cut in a remote location. Have a phone nearby.
Cutting is not a good thing, BUT it can be carefully used as a tool IF you've got no other choices at that time.
Thats what I think. But thats just me.
I hope I'm not screwing anybody up.
I'm sorry.
But truly, it has saved me more than once.
Its better than being dead.
:(
Muffled.
Posted by B2chica on September 16, 2005, at 11:21:39
In reply to Re: cutting***BIG trigger***, posted by muffled on September 16, 2005, at 11:12:10
yep, i'm a cutter. and i was clean for a couple months (longest in years) but i have cut a couple times. my problem is i have so much emotion (pain and hurt) that i want to do severe damage, those times i abstain which of course makes my depression worse. though three days ago i did cut a little and i was safe.
i just feel like i'm walking straight up a steep hill against a 100 mph wind, i'm physically and mentally exhausted.
i have no strength to hang on so i need someone to hold me up.
i couldn't get in to see my pdoc till next thursday. i love him to pieces but his staff is not adequate. not good communication. pdoc told me he wants to see me asap like today, and that his secretary would call me to set up a time. they never called so i called this morning and they kept saying he was booked for about a month. i had to say several times that i talked to him yesterday ON THE PHONE and HE SAID to make appt. ASAP!!
Finally they got me in next thursday. whole week away.
i'm scared of this weekend. i mean right now, i think i'm ok, but i dont know what this weekend will bring.
i know the hospital is always an option but...this fight is waring me out.
thanks for all your support.
b2c.
Posted by shrinking violet on September 16, 2005, at 11:43:13
In reply to i must be alive to feel better., posted by B2chica on September 16, 2005, at 8:58:35
Posted by muffled on September 16, 2005, at 11:54:42
In reply to Re: cutting***BIG trigger***, posted by B2chica on September 16, 2005, at 11:21:39
> yep, i'm a cutter. and i was clean for a couple months (longest in years) but i have cut a couple times. my problem is i have so much emotion (pain and hurt) that i want to do severe damage, those times i abstain which of course makes my depression worse. though three days ago i did cut a little and i was safe.
Good for you.
> i just feel like i'm walking straight up a steep hill against a 100 mph wind, i'm physically and mentally exhausted.
> i have no strength to hang on so i need someone to hold me up.I don't know how I can hold you up over the net, but I'll do my best. You can talk to me. The others are here for you too. You are by no means alone. We KNOW. We know how freaking HARD it can be.
But B2, you are special. I've seen stuff you've written to others and to me. You count. Its just hard right now, thats all. Oh man, when I was in the pit, I could just see nothing but black, I wanted out so bad, I was so confused, so tired. It was all black, there was no way out. BUT there WAS!!! I am out. Oh and B2, its so GOOD to be out. It seemed SO COMPLETELY impossible at the time.> i couldn't get in to see my pdoc till next thursday. i love him to pieces but his staff is not adequate. not good communication. pdoc told me he wants to see me asap like today, and that his secretary would call me to set up a time. they never called so i called this morning and they kept saying he was booked for about a month. i had to say several times that i talked to him yesterday ON THE PHONE and HE SAID to make appt. ASAP!!
> Finally they got me in next thursday. whole week away.Man, good for you AGAIN! You stood up for yourself, which in your state is WONDERFUL :)
You have a STRONG will.
A week seems like a long time, take it a bit at a time , its doable.
> i'm scared of this weekend. i mean right now, i think i'm ok, but i dont know what this weekend will bring.Man o man. Weekends are hard for me too. Is there some things you could plan to make the time go by faster? A really good book or 3? Walks somewhere nice? I know this is a little twisted and might not be good for all. But sometimes I go down town and see people who are worse off than me. At least I got a roof over my head. Sometimes I will talk to them, and these supposed useless marginal people can give me a gift with words. You have to be a little careful who you choose to talk to though.
> i know the hospital is always an option but...this fight is waring me out.
> thanks for all your support.
> b2c.Yeah. I understand. I always tell my T., that hosp. is last ditch for me. But it is a viable option if neccessary. A temporary roosting place.
To collect myself. To let myself rest a little.
You take care of yourself b2, and keep posting. Post anything and everything. Post what you need to make it thru. There is nothing stpid or crazy here. Its all stuff one or the other of us knows about. You'll be ok.
Muffled.
Posted by B2chica on September 16, 2005, at 14:27:18
In reply to i must be alive to feel better., posted by B2chica on September 16, 2005, at 8:58:35
i just can't stay at work, crying and feeling tingly and heavy, can't think- luckily i don't have the energy to follow out any plan right now. i want to go crawl into my bed and stay there all weekend. maybe that's best.
thanks all.
b2c.
Posted by B2chica on September 16, 2005, at 14:33:08
In reply to i must be alive to feel better., posted by B2chica on September 16, 2005, at 8:58:35
don't you feel like your going to a fast food place, the admitting nurses certainly treat you the same...in and out service and judgement of me; like ordering curly fries with a diet soda.
yes, i'm here cuz i'd like a slow suicide and extra grieving (and a diet soda).-that's why i don't want to go. i feel like they think i'm faking, or over exaggerating, or attention seeking. i guess i am attention seeking though. i want attention so i don't act. well that makes me feel cr@ppy.
:(
b2c.
Posted by rubenstein on September 16, 2005, at 14:42:49
In reply to for those of you hospital goers, posted by B2chica on September 16, 2005, at 14:33:08
Posted by Tamar on September 16, 2005, at 16:46:27
In reply to i must be alive to feel better., posted by B2chica on September 16, 2005, at 8:58:35
Posted by 10derHeart on September 16, 2005, at 22:09:54
In reply to Re: cutting***BIG trigger*** » B2chica, posted by muffled on September 16, 2005, at 11:54:42
Posted by fairywings on September 16, 2005, at 22:35:45
In reply to for those of you hospital goers, posted by B2chica on September 16, 2005, at 14:33:08
that sucks i'm so sorry, how could they be so cold?
(((hugs)))
fw
Posted by muffled on September 17, 2005, at 0:22:58
In reply to for those of you hospital goers, posted by B2chica on September 16, 2005, at 14:33:08
> don't you feel like your going to a fast food place, the admitting nurses certainly treat you the same...in and out service and judgement of me; like ordering curly fries with a diet soda.
> yes, i'm here cuz i'd like a slow suicide and extra grieving (and a diet soda).
>
> -that's why i don't want to go. i feel like they think i'm faking, or over exaggerating, or attention seeking. i guess i am attention seeking though. i want attention so i don't act. well that makes me feel cr@ppy.
> :(
> b2c.I've only actually been admitted 2x or maybe 3? Its all so fuzzy. Been stashed in the 'safe' room in emerg. for HOURS a few times besides. I've had some EXTREEMLY nice nurses. One or two really stand out for me.
Some of them suck. No doubt, but I just focus on the good ones and ignore the bad ones.
I don't know that its wanting attention so much as you want HELP. Nothing wrong with that. Thats what the hospital is there for. If noone needed help now and again, they'd just close their doors! Their doors are still open so your obviously not the only one.
At our hospital they are generous with the mellowing drugs. Goto to keep the clientele quiet!
If you walk the halls at night they offer you MORE drugs. Its actually like a restful holiday in some ways. I call it my haldol holiday place! Fortunately I haven't had to have any 'holidays' in recent years, things have improved dramatically from where I was. They can for you too.
Take care. You made it another whole day!
Muffled.
Posted by happyflower on September 17, 2005, at 22:47:40
In reply to i must be alive to feel better., posted by B2chica on September 16, 2005, at 8:58:35
Hang in there B2! You can get through all of this! I am cheering for you, do you hear me? ((((((B2))))))))
Posted by cubic_me on September 18, 2005, at 9:28:48
In reply to Re: i must be alive to feel better., posted by happyflower on September 17, 2005, at 22:47:40
Posted by ghost on September 18, 2005, at 13:45:08
In reply to for those of you hospital goers, posted by B2chica on September 16, 2005, at 14:33:08
Posted by terrics on September 19, 2005, at 0:31:15
In reply to for those of you hospital goers, posted by B2chica on September 16, 2005, at 14:33:08
B2C, I have been hospitalized only 3 times in my life. That was between Feb.and April of this year. I was treated very kindly over all. Only one night nurse was a b.... She was really nasty and not very busy. I had taken an over dose of lithium. I got 2 or three bags of IV fluid and 32 ounces of liquid charcoal. By the time I got to the psych unit I was vomiting. That night nurse made me clean it up...Vicious woman. Oh well I did do something stupid. I hate to say this, but the other hospital I was in was like being on a relaxing vacation. Oh well I hope I am never that stupid again. terrics
Posted by fairywings on September 19, 2005, at 6:27:37
In reply to Re: those of you hospital goers/ major trigger*** » B2chica, posted by terrics on September 19, 2005, at 0:31:15
Hmmmm, I'd say stupid is pretty harsh terrics. you were obviously in a lot of pain to OD. That nurse shouldn't have made you clean it up, she wasnt' very sensitive to what you were going through. I'm hoping B2 is safe and feeling better.
fw
Posted by B2chica on September 19, 2005, at 9:27:52
In reply to Re: those of you hospital goers/ major trigger*** » terrics, posted by fairywings on September 19, 2005, at 6:27:37
man, just constantly reinforcing my view of this board. you guys are great. so supportive when i need it most.
i am feeling bit better despite cruddy sleep this weekend.
S. still on brain but it's like it's just there, not an action i'm 'ready to make' like before. i think the Rx hike is kicking in a bit.little teary but not hopeless like before.
thank you all so much for being here. i just can't believe i made it through this without going to ER.
now i need to learn how to deal with my anger. the only way i think i know how to show it is at myself. hope my T can help with this.-i'm mostly ok for now but, now i'm really stressing about next weekend. (post below)
Posted by B2chica on September 19, 2005, at 9:29:36
In reply to Re: those of you hospital goers/ major trigger*** » B2chica, posted by terrics on September 19, 2005, at 0:31:15
i think that is absolutely no excuse for her making you clean that up. it's not a plesant job but it's her's none the less. if you were there for bowel disterbances and were vomiting would they make you clean it up then???
sooo sorry terrics.
b2c.
Posted by gardenergirl on September 19, 2005, at 12:31:37
In reply to Re: those of you hospital goers/ major trigger***, posted by B2chica on September 19, 2005, at 9:27:52
Hi sweetie,
Keep hanging on, 'k?
((((B2chica))))
gg
Posted by B2chica on September 19, 2005, at 12:36:11
In reply to Re: those of you hospital goers/ major trigger*** » B2chica, posted by gardenergirl on September 19, 2005, at 12:31:37
Posted by Angela2 on September 19, 2005, at 19:21:32
In reply to thnx gg... (nm), posted by B2chica on September 19, 2005, at 12:36:11
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.