Posted by muffled on September 16, 2005, at 11:54:42
In reply to Re: cutting***BIG trigger***, posted by B2chica on September 16, 2005, at 11:21:39
> yep, i'm a cutter. and i was clean for a couple months (longest in years) but i have cut a couple times. my problem is i have so much emotion (pain and hurt) that i want to do severe damage, those times i abstain which of course makes my depression worse. though three days ago i did cut a little and i was safe.
Good for you.
> i just feel like i'm walking straight up a steep hill against a 100 mph wind, i'm physically and mentally exhausted.
> i have no strength to hang on so i need someone to hold me up.I don't know how I can hold you up over the net, but I'll do my best. You can talk to me. The others are here for you too. You are by no means alone. We KNOW. We know how freaking HARD it can be.
But B2, you are special. I've seen stuff you've written to others and to me. You count. Its just hard right now, thats all. Oh man, when I was in the pit, I could just see nothing but black, I wanted out so bad, I was so confused, so tired. It was all black, there was no way out. BUT there WAS!!! I am out. Oh and B2, its so GOOD to be out. It seemed SO COMPLETELY impossible at the time.> i couldn't get in to see my pdoc till next thursday. i love him to pieces but his staff is not adequate. not good communication. pdoc told me he wants to see me asap like today, and that his secretary would call me to set up a time. they never called so i called this morning and they kept saying he was booked for about a month. i had to say several times that i talked to him yesterday ON THE PHONE and HE SAID to make appt. ASAP!!
> Finally they got me in next thursday. whole week away.Man, good for you AGAIN! You stood up for yourself, which in your state is WONDERFUL :)
You have a STRONG will.
A week seems like a long time, take it a bit at a time , its doable.
> i'm scared of this weekend. i mean right now, i think i'm ok, but i dont know what this weekend will bring.Man o man. Weekends are hard for me too. Is there some things you could plan to make the time go by faster? A really good book or 3? Walks somewhere nice? I know this is a little twisted and might not be good for all. But sometimes I go down town and see people who are worse off than me. At least I got a roof over my head. Sometimes I will talk to them, and these supposed useless marginal people can give me a gift with words. You have to be a little careful who you choose to talk to though.
> i know the hospital is always an option but...this fight is waring me out.
> thanks for all your support.
> b2c.Yeah. I understand. I always tell my T., that hosp. is last ditch for me. But it is a viable option if neccessary. A temporary roosting place.
To collect myself. To let myself rest a little.
You take care of yourself b2, and keep posting. Post anything and everything. Post what you need to make it thru. There is nothing stpid or crazy here. Its all stuff one or the other of us knows about. You'll be ok.
Muffled.
poster:muffled
thread:555592
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050912/msgs/555661.html