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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by daisym on July 1, 2005, at 1:13:06
I made it through the first week. It was tougher than I thought, probably because this is a horrible week (I knew it would be) and next week doesn't look much better. So many things are happening that I can't fix or make better. And, "hang in there" makes me want to scream because nobody seems to understand how hard that really is. The biggest stress is a disaster at work. Even my husband said tonight, "like it or not, you are now a virtual island. This is falling directly on you and it will probably cost you most of your friends." (because I work with most of my friends.) All I asked him for was a hug and I got his non-comforting synopsis of what is happening and then an hour on how bad all this stress (his job and mine) is for his health. Just in case I didn't feel guilty enough.
It magnifies how alone I feel, because I had opened up to two close friends over the past few months and now those doors are closed again. Which is frightening in some ways. On the other hand, the thought sneaks in that there are now less people that would actually care if I truly can't "hang in there." I keep pushing this thought into one of the back corners of my mind, along with the other waves of anxiety and sadness that come up. Monday at 4:45 and today at 2 were the absolute worse times. Monday would have been when I was ending a session and today at 2 is when I should have been starting. I felt absolutely terrified for a few minutes and had to remind myself that this won't last forever and he is coming back. This morning I went through an hour of being really angry that he left me at such a bad time and that I had let myself get this attached. I vowed to cut back on the frequency of contact until after he gets back from his next week off in September. That way maybe it won't hurt so much or feel like such a long stretch of time. I'll be used to the stretches between visits.
Truthfully though, it is probably just as well that my therapist is away this week. I haven't had time to go to sessions anyway. In fact, I already left a message saying I was tied up Tuesday and Wed so I can't see him until Thursday. So now it's another whole week.
I want to thank everyone again for so much support and good wishes. I hope you all know how important and special you are to me.
And I'll sign this MUCH LOVE
Daisy
Posted by fallsfall on July 1, 2005, at 7:24:44
In reply to One week down, posted by daisym on July 1, 2005, at 1:13:06
Thanks for letting us know how things are. They sound pretty tough. WE are trying to know how tough they are for you. It sounds really awful. I'm so sorry that you IRL friendships will be effected by these work issues. That's not fair. And it doesn't help you to see that you are more than your work (which you truly are).
At least now your husband seems to understand that YOU ARE having some stress. Even though his response is to analyze how your stress is effecting him... But he hasn't even recognized that you might be having stress yourself in the past.
We are here. We care about you. We value you. We are glad that you are part of Babble.
I know how very hard it is for you to keep hanging in there, but (selfishly) I'm glad that you are. Let us know how we can help.
(Congrats on the first week!!!)
(((((...Daisy)))))...
Love,
Falls
Posted by cricket2 on July 1, 2005, at 10:00:30
In reply to One week down, posted by daisym on July 1, 2005, at 1:13:06
Daisy,
Glad to hear from you. Work stress s***s. It really does.
If I may be bold, I would say try to get to see him when he gets back on Tuesday or Wednesday. Try to make the time for yourself. Of course, I think that he will call you anyway to say "get yourself back here" in some much more therapisterly way of course.
Daisy, I wish I knew what it was like to get attached. But both because of who my therapist is, and who I am (mostly who I am, I suspect) I don't. So I can't say I know exactly how you feel. But all that aside, my instinct tells me that it's all okay. You will outgrow it in due course and because you've had this attachment you will come out the other side so much stronger (stronger than I will ever be).
So that's my two cents. I hope work eases up for you.
Posted by Poet on July 1, 2005, at 17:19:53
In reply to One week down, posted by daisym on July 1, 2005, at 1:13:06
Hi Daisy,
((((((((DAISY)))))))))))) I wish I could give you a physical hug to make up for the one your husband couldn't give you. I normally (like any part of me is normal) don't do physical hugs, but for you I will hug you tight.
I wish I could help you get through all this, too, but just remember that we're here when you need to vent, need hugs, need friends. Okay?
Poet
Posted by Jazzed on July 1, 2005, at 21:40:46
In reply to One week down, posted by daisym on July 1, 2005, at 1:13:06
I'm glad to hear you made it this far daisy, I know it hasn't been easy. I'm also glad you're so busy, that will help the time go by so much easier.
Jazzy
Posted by daisym on July 1, 2005, at 23:09:17
In reply to Re: One week down » daisym, posted by fallsfall on July 1, 2005, at 7:24:44
I think it is really hard to feel like I'm more than my work. What I do is who I am...so when I can't do it well, who am I?
My husband told me tonight that he thinks I share more about what is going on with me with my therapist than with him. I said this is true to some extent but not the day to day stuff. He said he thinks it is wrong for me to be sharing my life with someone else, he thinks that is what husbands (and/or wives) are supposed to be for. And, "didn't you ever consider how it makes me feel to know you talk about our personal stuff...This is why I hate psychiatrists." I was speechless, I don't even know how we ended up in this discussion. I said, "are you asking me to quit?" He mumbled something about he shouldn't have to ask and stalked off.
*sigh* It is really hard to defend therapy when you aren't getting any. I don't even know how to make this better for him. I guess I thought he had come around to understanding how important it is.
The planets must be lined up against me this past week. I'm wondering whose Karma I stepped on.
And, Thursday feels so, so far away.
Thanks for the support. I'm trying not to curl up and die inside but it is really hard. And the fact that it is hard makes me hate myself more. Does that make sense?
ug
Posted by daisym on July 1, 2005, at 23:16:55
In reply to Re: One week down, posted by cricket2 on July 1, 2005, at 10:00:30
I don't know Cricket, this attachment/dependency has been going strong for at least a year. I want to yank myself back but I can't seem to find a middle ground. I'm either connected fully or not. We've talked a bunch of times about how the younger parts of me are totally connected and need him, but the adult/gate-keeper is suspicious and keeps testing and is very protective of how much to let him in. Especially with adult-type feelings in the room.
I didn't want to cancel my appointment on Tuesday but I have this really big (horrible, awful, very bad - Alexander-type)meeting Wednesday night and I just can't let down until after that is over. I MUST stay closed up and protected or these people will eat me alive and I will go off that suicidal deep end. I'm as sure as my shoes are red. I'm afraid if I see my therapist all the longing and stress of the past two weeks will surface and I'll be too vulnerable to protect myself. Or worse, I'll be furious with him and then not feel like I can reach out for his support. It is much better for me to stay away a few more days.
Thanks for the support. I hope you are right about coming out stronger.
Posted by daisym on July 1, 2005, at 23:20:37
In reply to Re: One week down, posted by Poet on July 1, 2005, at 17:19:53
Thanks Poet. I'm honored that you are willing to hug me. And very touched.
I know you guys are here. It is hard to write about my feelings because it hurts to think about them. I really do need a few days at Camp Comfort. Do we have to be diplomatic there? Or can we just tell people to "go away now?"
I'm trying to stay connected at least to you guys. But it feels like I'm saying the same thing over and over again. Sorry...I don't mean to be so negative.
Posted by daisym on July 1, 2005, at 23:23:48
In reply to Re: One week down » daisym, posted by Jazzed on July 1, 2005, at 21:40:46
You'd think being this busy would help, wouldn't you? But I still glance at the clock and my heart drops and my stomach lurches because I'm supposed to be somewhere else. And I want to be somewhere else.
Working 70 hours a week is an old bad habit. I absolutely know I'm hiding from the stress at home and inside myself by keeping myself buried. This is how I crashed in the first place.
I can recognize this...how come I can't not do it yet?
Posted by annierose on July 2, 2005, at 6:16:01
In reply to Re: One week down » fallsfall, posted by daisym on July 1, 2005, at 23:09:17
Sounds like your husband feels hurt by your connection with your T. I think that is typical, to an extent. Our therapists are so important, a solid source of support. And our husbands feel left out.
Over father's day weekend, my mom-in-law, who is a psychologist, was discussing a family member's troubles (in general terms of "I feel so sorry for what xyz is going through). I mentioned that she had changed p-docs based on her husband's opinion that she wasn't getting better. My m-i-l reacted strongly. "Spouses should NEVER interfere with their therpists. It's such a special relationship and takes years to build, and they aren't inside the room and ...." I forget the rest. I was surprised at how quickly and strongly she reacted. And my husband gave me a look that seemed to say, "Is she trying to tell me something about you?"
Later that evening when we were alone, I told my husband that I do not speak to my m-i-l about my therapy. But I do understand what she was trying to say. That sometimes I feel I need to defend my need for going (3 x a week) and I shouldn't have to. Although he'll never understand why, he should support my decision.
Daisy, one week down, another to go. You're at the half way point. I hope you don't have to cancel your other appointments due to work. You'll feel better going.
Annierose
Posted by Dinah on July 2, 2005, at 10:19:52
In reply to One week down, posted by daisym on July 1, 2005, at 1:13:06
I can understand wanting to stay in totally rational grown up Daisy mode until after the horrible meeting. And I find that I do get that way when my therapist goes away, even for a little while. And that I don't really come out until a while after he gets back.
Work sounds horrible. And your husband's assessment of it a bit less than helpful. And then he wonders why you bring stuff to your therapist instead of him? My husband mutters now and again, but it only takes one instance of taking my problems to him and he's ready to hand off to my therapist again. And actually his mumblings are that I don't get all "better".
I'd love to try to get together this weekend. I'm trying to work long work hours, but I'm not so good at that.
(I am so upset about the way our vacations fall this year, first his for a week then mine for a week that I wish I could cancel mine. Darn non-refundable reservations.)
Posted by happyflower on July 2, 2005, at 19:08:22
In reply to One week down, posted by daisym on July 1, 2005, at 1:13:06
Posted by pinkeye on July 2, 2005, at 21:32:40
In reply to Re: One week down » fallsfall, posted by daisym on July 1, 2005, at 23:09:17
I had the same issue with my husband.. He was extremely jealous and possesive of me sharing things with a male psychiatrist.
Then I stopped telling him that I still wrote to him. And I didn't defend psychiatrists in front of him. That is what helped.
If you can't see your therapist without your husband's knowledge, one thing to do would be to not talk about your therapy sessions with your husband. Don't share anything on what you say or what you are working on. Or maybe say something like your therapist is like your dad or something or like your pastor. Try not to call your therapist from home when your husband is around. Also telling your husband about things that bother you (csa) in more detail might also make him empathize with you.
> My husband told me tonight that he thinks I share more about what is going on with me with my therapist than with him. I said this is true to some extent but not the day to day stuff. He said he thinks it is wrong for me to be sharing my life with someone else, he thinks that is what husbands (and/or wives) are supposed to be for. And, "didn't you ever consider how it makes me feel to know you talk about our personal stuff...This is why I hate psychiatrists." I was speechless, I don't even know how we ended up in this discussion. I said, "are you asking me to quit?" He mumbled something about he shouldn't have to ask and stalked off.
Posted by cricket2 on July 3, 2005, at 7:42:33
In reply to Re: One week down » cricket2, posted by daisym on July 1, 2005, at 23:16:55
Okay, I take it back about seeing him before your horrible work meeting. Because unfortunately I understand about the therapy opening us up and not being able to protect ourselves in toxic work situations.
At my last session, my therapist started to ask me about work, where problems abound for me too, but my therapist doesn't know about them. What happened was that one of the kids slipped out and said much to my embarrassment, "I don't like those stupid people."
My therapist backed off (perhaps because he knew he was going on vacaction) and started a conversation about my son which brought me back to my adult self.
Take care. I'm logging on a bit this weekend so post away if you want to talk
Posted by Jazzed on July 3, 2005, at 12:34:37
In reply to Re: One week down » Jazzed, posted by daisym on July 1, 2005, at 23:23:48
> You'd think being this busy would help, wouldn't you? But I still glance at the clock and my heart drops and my stomach lurches because I'm supposed to be somewhere else. And I want to be somewhere else.
>
> Working 70 hours a week is an old bad habit. I absolutely know I'm hiding from the stress at home and inside myself by keeping myself buried. This is how I crashed in the first place.
>
> I can recognize this...how come I can't not do it yet?I'm so sorry Daisy, I figured it would be good to be busy, but it definitely does NOT sound good at all. 70 hours a week is way too much, but I understand what you're saying. I hope somehow the time goes by more quickly until he gets back.
(((hugs)))
Jazzy
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