![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tamar on June 29, 2005, at 15:11:44
I been feeling so disconnected the last couple of days. I don’t feel much connection to the people in my life. At the same time, I’ve been very triggerish. I can't get enthusiastic about anything and I'm pretty irritable.
I can’t seem to access my ex-therapist-space either; whenever I think about him I feel next to nothing. I had found a point where thinking about him was mostly pleasant and hardly painful at all, and now it’s gone.
I’ve managed to get a lot of work done, but I’m not sure I like the price I’m paying for it.
I’m afraid it might be a signal of depression. It probably isn’t, but I'm afraid because I don’t feel ready to go back to the dark place… Does it sound like depression? Or do I just need a few early nights?
Posted by pinkeye on June 29, 2005, at 15:17:49
In reply to Feeling disconnected, posted by Tamar on June 29, 2005, at 15:11:44
Anything else changed?? Any fights? Or were you trying to access some memories? Are the kids ok?
The numbness about your Ex T is understandable.. It happens to me many times as well.. usually when I am hurting more, I go numb sometimes.
Posted by Tamar on June 29, 2005, at 15:25:58
In reply to Re: Feeling disconnected » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on June 29, 2005, at 15:17:49
> Anything else changed?? Any fights? Or were you trying to access some memories? Are the kids ok?
Good question. I haven't had any fights (don't have the energy!). Kids are fine. But this has been going on since Monday and there were a few unpleasant surprises at work on Monday. A couple of my colleagues lost their jobs (or rather, their contracts weren't renewed) and I work quite closely with both of them, so that was quite a blow.
> The numbness about your Ex T is understandable.. It happens to me many times as well.. usually when I am hurting more, I go numb sometimes.
Maybe that's it. I've never experienced it with my ex-T before, so it's a bit scary. But maybe it's temporary.
Thanks, pinkeye.
Posted by pinkeye on June 29, 2005, at 15:30:36
In reply to Re: Feeling disconnected, posted by Tamar on June 29, 2005, at 15:25:58
You aren't good in asking for help are you? You give lot of help, but never seem to ask for help or quickly dismiss it ?? Why?? (Just curious - don't have to answer if you don't feel like)
I think losing couple of close colleagues could have been hard..It probably makes you wonder about your own job and future.
Posted by Dinah on June 29, 2005, at 15:49:34
In reply to Re: Feeling disconnected, posted by Tamar on June 29, 2005, at 15:25:58
It happens to me sometimes, as you've probably read. And it always scares me because I feel like it's permanent. So far it hasn't been.
I know from my husband's experience that layoffs at work are very traumatic for everyone involved. I'm guessing that would be enough of a trigger to put you into a self protective mode. It hurts to see people you care about let go. It hurts to wonder if it will ever happen to you. Loss hurts. And one way to deal with loss is to cut yourself off from feeling.
Do you think it might help to encourage yourself to grieve over the losses? Or at least give yourself time to adjust to it, and realize you aren't going to be yourself for a while.
((((Tamar))))
You are such a rock around here. Are you maybe trying to be a rock at work and home as well?
Posted by Mandy on June 29, 2005, at 16:59:22
In reply to Re: Feeling disconnected » Tamar, posted by Dinah on June 29, 2005, at 15:49:34
I feel like I could have written your message. All I have been thinking lately is "Is this as good as it gets" because it doesn't feel very good. I have a great husband, my kids are grown, I should be enjoying life but lately, I just mope around. I can't tell if I am going back into depression, and if I am, I am tired of experimenting with drugs to get me out of the bleakness. This came on so suddenly that it really kind of amazes me.
Posted by pinkeye on June 29, 2005, at 19:06:32
In reply to Feeling disconnected, posted by Tamar on June 29, 2005, at 15:11:44
Also another thing that I remembered you when I read Courage to Heal other than the sandwich example which I gave above.
Basically, the book said, if you are eating a sandwich, you cannot prevent your stomach from digesting it. So it said, that when you are raped or abused, you cannot stop yourself from experiencing some pleasure - that is the basic functionality of your sexual parts, and you cannot stop that - anymore than you can stop your stomach from digesting a sandwich.
I was thinking that suppose we are forced to drink a poison, our stomach is still going to digest it and our blood stream is going to absorb it right? Can you hate your body for that? Similarly, think of the rape and the associated guilt that you have over your body. It was fed a poison, but it did what it was always supposed to do - to react.
Posted by Jazzed on June 29, 2005, at 21:38:08
In reply to Feeling disconnected, posted by Tamar on June 29, 2005, at 15:11:44
I'm sorry you feel this way Tamar. I agree with Dinah, it's so hard to see someone you care about lose their job, hard not to experience sadness or depression. I know irritability,
feeling unenthused, and feeling easily triggered is a sign for me to take a step back, and take care of me, or depression starts.Hope you start feeling better,
Hugs!
Jazzy
Posted by alexandra_k on June 30, 2005, at 3:24:05
In reply to Feeling disconnected, posted by Tamar on June 29, 2005, at 15:11:44
Ok so maybe this is just me but... are you due for your period??? I have recently discovered that the times I most feel disconnected, flat, panicky etc are about when that is due.
I get afraid that when I feel flat the downward spiral is beginning again too. I think most people who have hit bottom worry about that. It is hard because sometimes one just seems to come right, othertimes it takes a while, and rarely, very very rarely it doesn't seem to... But it is hard to know which.
I think it is really hard about your friends not getting their contracts renewed. There seems to be a lot of that going around at the moment. It is hard though.
Take it easy on yourself.
Do something nice.
I hope you feel better soon.
Posted by gardenergirl on June 30, 2005, at 6:24:04
In reply to Re: Feeling disconnected » Tamar, posted by alexandra_k on June 30, 2005, at 3:24:05
Very good point, alex. I get much more sensitive and depressed just before my period. Everything seems so much worse. I hate that! At least now that my cycle is a bit more regular, I can do a reality check to see if that might be contributing.
Darned hormones....
gg
Posted by pinkeye on July 1, 2005, at 14:13:48
In reply to Feeling disconnected, posted by Tamar on June 29, 2005, at 15:11:44
Posted by 10derHeart on July 1, 2005, at 22:32:09
In reply to Tamar - are you allright?? (nm) » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on July 1, 2005, at 14:13:48
Posted by daisym on July 2, 2005, at 0:14:07
In reply to Feeling disconnected, posted by Tamar on June 29, 2005, at 15:11:44
I'm sure the issues at work are tied into this, survivor's guilt and all that.
But I also wonder if the conversation we had last weekend didn't bring to the surface some old issues, at least temporarily. You were really deeply thinking and sharing (for which I'm really grateful)and I imagine that some of those things are still sensitive when touched.
I hope you aren't slipping back but it seems that your awareness will help you not slide in so deep. Let me know if I can help.
Daisy
Posted by Tamar on July 3, 2005, at 12:57:31
In reply to Re: Feeling disconnected » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on June 29, 2005, at 15:30:36
> You aren't good in asking for help are you? You give lot of help, but never seem to ask for help or quickly dismiss it ?? Why?? (Just curious - don't have to answer if you don't feel like)
It's true: I find it hard to ask for help. I guess I feel uncomfortable about drawing attention to myself or something like that.
> I think losing couple of close colleagues could have been hard..It probably makes you wonder about your own job and future.
Yes, it's true. There are a lot of job losses in my institution at the moment, and I do wonder if mine is safe.
Sigh. No one is actually threatening my job at the moment, so I guess I'll just keep going and hope for the best.
Thanks, pinkeye.
Posted by Tamar on July 3, 2005, at 13:04:58
In reply to Re: Feeling disconnected » Tamar, posted by Dinah on June 29, 2005, at 15:49:34
> It happens to me sometimes, as you've probably read. And it always scares me because I feel like it's permanent. So far it hasn't been.
You are so right. It does feel as if it's going to be permanent. But I seem to be coming out of it now.
> I know from my husband's experience that layoffs at work are very traumatic for everyone involved. I'm guessing that would be enough of a trigger to put you into a self protective mode. It hurts to see people you care about let go. It hurts to wonder if it will ever happen to you. Loss hurts. And one way to deal with loss is to cut yourself off from feeling.
I hadn't realised it, but I think you're right: I was cutting myself off from feeling.
> Do you think it might help to encourage yourself to grieve over the losses? Or at least give yourself time to adjust to it, and realize you aren't going to be yourself for a while.Yes, I think grief would be appropriate. And that takes time and energy. I guess I just need to accept that I need to take that time to grieve before I can move on. I expect myself to be superhuman but I guess I'm not!
> ((((Tamar))))
Thanks for the hugs. Here are some for you too: ((((Dinah))))
Posted by Tamar on July 3, 2005, at 13:08:09
In reply to Re: Feeling disconnected, posted by Mandy on June 29, 2005, at 16:59:22
> I feel like I could have written your message. All I have been thinking lately is "Is this as good as it gets" because it doesn't feel very good. I have a great husband, my kids are grown, I should be enjoying life but lately, I just mope around. I can't tell if I am going back into depression, and if I am, I am tired of experimenting with drugs to get me out of the bleakness. This came on so suddenly that it really kind of amazes me.
I'm sorry you've been feeling bad too. It's frightening when it comes on suddenly, isn't it? If you don't like meds, I hope you can find another way to deal with it. Are you in therapy?
Posted by Tamar on July 3, 2005, at 13:11:08
In reply to Re: Feeling disconnected » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on June 29, 2005, at 19:06:32
> Also another thing that I remembered you when I read Courage to Heal other than the sandwich example which I gave above.
>
> Basically, the book said, if you are eating a sandwich, you cannot prevent your stomach from digesting it. So it said, that when you are raped or abused, you cannot stop yourself from experiencing some pleasure - that is the basic functionality of your sexual parts, and you cannot stop that - anymore than you can stop your stomach from digesting a sandwich.
>
> I was thinking that suppose we are forced to drink a poison, our stomach is still going to digest it and our blood stream is going to absorb it right? Can you hate your body for that? Similarly, think of the rape and the associated guilt that you have over your body. It was fed a poison, but it did what it was always supposed to do - to react.That makes sense. It's sometimes difficult to separate the shame from the pleasure. I wish I could just erase the whole thing. But I guess there's no point wanting the impossible!
Posted by Tamar on July 3, 2005, at 13:13:20
In reply to Re: Feeling disconnected » Tamar, posted by Jazzed on June 29, 2005, at 21:38:08
> I'm sorry you feel this way Tamar. I agree with Dinah, it's so hard to see someone you care about lose their job, hard not to experience sadness or depression. I know irritability,
> feeling unenthused, and feeling easily triggered is a sign for me to take a step back, and take care of me, or depression starts.
>
> Hope you start feeling better,
> Hugs!
> JazzyThanks Jazzy. You're right; I need to look after myself for a while. I am going to take tomorrow morning off and buy shoes I don't need with money I don't have. Tee hee!
Posted by Tamar on July 3, 2005, at 13:17:02
In reply to Re: Feeling disconnected » Tamar, posted by alexandra_k on June 30, 2005, at 3:24:05
> Ok so maybe this is just me but... are you due for your period??? I have recently discovered that the times I most feel disconnected, flat, panicky etc are about when that is due.
I realised I had no idea when my period was due and I panicked a bit because I've recently had a baby (unplanned) and if I get pregnant again, Bad Things will happen. Maybe my period is due; it would explain a lot!
> I get afraid that when I feel flat the downward spiral is beginning again too. I think most people who have hit bottom worry about that. It is hard because sometimes one just seems to come right, othertimes it takes a while, and rarely, very very rarely it doesn't seem to... But it is hard to know which.
>
> I think it is really hard about your friends not getting their contracts renewed. There seems to be a lot of that going around at the moment. It is hard though.
>
> Take it easy on yourself.
> Do something nice.
> I hope you feel better soon.Thanks Alex.
Posted by Tamar on July 3, 2005, at 13:23:23
In reply to Re: Feeling disconnected » Tamar, posted by daisym on July 2, 2005, at 0:14:07
> I'm sure the issues at work are tied into this, survivor's guilt and all that.
>
> But I also wonder if the conversation we had last weekend didn't bring to the surface some old issues, at least temporarily. You were really deeply thinking and sharing (for which I'm really grateful)and I imagine that some of those things are still sensitive when touched.I think that might be true. Certainly I was feeling quite triggerish. I found it a very helpful conversation, but I guess it could still have been more challenging than I realised at the time.
I guess I'd still rather engage with all that than close it off, even if it affects me fairly profoundly. I'll be monitoring my responses next time!
> I hope you aren't slipping back but it seems that your awareness will help you not slide in so deep. Let me know if I can help.
> DaisyThanks Daisy.
Posted by Tamar on July 3, 2005, at 13:52:56
In reply to Re: Feeling disconnected, posted by Tamar on July 3, 2005, at 13:23:23
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.