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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tamar on May 11, 2005, at 17:15:39
I’ve been feeling depressed all day. Had a big fight with my husband last night over something that should have been trivial (luckily the kids were asleep and didn’t hear the horrible things we said to each other).
I haven’t done any work at all today. I have a report due tomorrow and it’s only half written. And I just don’t feel like doing it tonight.
I thought I was getting over my feelings of missing my ex T. But today’s been pretty hard and I’ve missed him horribly. I’ve been feeling really empty inside. And I keep obsessing that my ex T is going to get a job in another city and then I’ll never be able to see him again. Not that I have any evidence for this, of course. It’s a rather unfounded fear. But I’ve been making a mental list of cities he could move to that would be near enough for me to see him. It’s nearly two months since I terminated and I can barely remember what he looks like. Sniff sniff.
Posted by messadivoce on May 11, 2005, at 17:52:54
In reply to Woke up this morning (cue blues chords), posted by Tamar on May 11, 2005, at 17:15:39
Tamar, I'm sorry you miss your T. Believe me, I can relate. I know how it feels to think you're "recovering" and then wake up the next morning feeling terrible. I've found it's just part of the process of termination. It's not fun. :-( Do you have any communication with ex-T? do you have a picture?
Hope you can make things better with hubby. Hugs to you.
Posted by pinkeye on May 11, 2005, at 17:53:53
In reply to Woke up this morning (cue blues chords), posted by Tamar on May 11, 2005, at 17:15:39
Oh. I am sorry you are feeling bad.
Did you make up with your husband? Would that help? If it is over trivial matter, maybe you should just give in and move on?
Did your ex T tell you that he is planning to move somewhere? Or is it just your fear? Even if he is here, will you be able to see him again? I haven't seen my ex T for more than a year and a half now, and I don't think I will ever see him again.
They seem to take up this huge, important place in our lives, and unfortunately, we don't take that same place in their lives. It is just the way things are. And you cannot do anything about it now.
But what you can do, is probably live up to what he taught you. I made a promise to my ex T that I will continue to live well, and will try to help others. And many days, when I miss him, remembering that promise helps me keep going. It is as if a way to connect to him. And even writing to other people in this board actually helps me. Can you do something like that?
Posted by sleepygirl on May 11, 2005, at 20:40:30
In reply to Woke up this morning (cue blues chords), posted by Tamar on May 11, 2005, at 17:15:39
hang in there, that's some tough stuff
I think I actually heard a blues chord, that was wonderfully descriptive.
Posted by Shortelise on May 12, 2005, at 1:36:25
In reply to Woke up this morning (cue blues chords), posted by Tamar on May 11, 2005, at 17:15:39
woke up this morning
had the t missing blues
couldn't pick up my toothbrush
couldn't put on my shoesuh-oh
woke up this morning
had those t missing blues
wouldn't wish this on an enemy
be the last thing in the world I'd chooseBought me a dress then I
bought me a car
then I went to the corner and I
sat in the baruh-oh
woke up this morning
had those t missing blues
wouldn't wish this on an enemy
be the last thing in the world I'd chooseI talked to the barmaid and I
talked to the drunks
They were all crazy, hey
they were all punksuh-oh
woke up this morning
had those t missing blues
wouldn't wish this on an enemy
be the last thing in the world I'd chooseSo I pulled up my socks and I
walked out the door
I started smiling
don't need him no more.No I don't need no t no,
don't need no t missing blues
wouldn't wish him on my enemy
be the last thing in the world I'd choose.
Posted by Shortelise on May 12, 2005, at 1:37:58
In reply to T missing blues » Tamar, posted by Shortelise on May 12, 2005, at 1:36:25
Posted by pinkeye on May 12, 2005, at 13:39:40
In reply to T missing blues » Tamar, posted by Shortelise on May 12, 2005, at 1:36:25
Posted by Tamar on May 12, 2005, at 13:53:30
In reply to Re: Woke up this morning (cue blues chords), posted by messadivoce on May 11, 2005, at 17:52:54
> Tamar, I'm sorry you miss your T. Believe me, I can relate. I know how it feels to think you're "recovering" and then wake up the next morning feeling terrible. I've found it's just part of the process of termination. It's not fun. :-( Do you have any communication with ex-T? do you have a picture?
Yes, you’re right. This termination process is hard work! I don’t have any contact with my ex-T and I don’t have a picture either. I really wish I had a picture, because I don’t remember faces too easily. I can remember exactly what his hands look like though :)
> Hope you can make things better with hubby. Hugs to you.
We’ve made up now. We just ignored it till it went away, so no doubt it will come back to bite us!
Thanks for the hugs. I really needed them!
Tamar
Posted by LittleGirlLost on May 12, 2005, at 13:59:27
In reply to T missing blues » Tamar, posted by Shortelise on May 12, 2005, at 1:36:25
I love it!! ;)
Posted by Tamar on May 12, 2005, at 14:02:58
In reply to Re: Woke up this morning (cue blues chords) » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on May 11, 2005, at 17:53:53
> Did you make up with your husband? Would that help? If it is over trivial matter, maybe you should just give in and move on?
That’s what I did. But it’s not really resolved. Oh well, maybe next time we fight about it I’ll be in a better frame of mind!
> Did your ex T tell you that he is planning to move somewhere? Or is it just your fear? Even if he is here, will you be able to see him again? I haven't seen my ex T for more than a year and a half now, and I don't think I will ever see him again.
As far as I know he has no plans to move. And when we terminated he said I could come back and see him in the future if I need to. But I suddenly realised that if I need to see him in a couple of years he might have moved to a new job somewhere else. And if he moved HE WOULDN’T TELL ME. It freaks me out a bit. I have this scary fear that I’ll need him in two years and I’ll try to contact him and someone will say, “Oh no – he went to work in [insert distant city] nine months ago.” Argh!
> But what you can do, is probably live up to what he taught you. I made a promise to my ex T that I will continue to live well, and will try to help others. And many days, when I miss him, remembering that promise helps me keep going. It is as if a way to connect to him. And even writing to other people in this board actually helps me. Can you do something like that?
That’s very true. I did say that I planned to work hard at not becoming depressed again, and it does keep me going. I feel I have a responsibility to myself to use what I learned in therapy to stay healthy.
Thanks pinkeye.
Posted by Tamar on May 12, 2005, at 14:05:27
In reply to T missing blues » Tamar, posted by Shortelise on May 12, 2005, at 1:36:25
I love it! It's just fantastic. I'm going to print it out and keep it on my piano and when I start missing my ex T I'll play it and sing along to myself!
Thanks so much!
Posted by pinkeye on May 12, 2005, at 19:26:20
In reply to Re: Woke up this morning (cue blues chords) » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on May 12, 2005, at 14:02:58
You never know what is going to happen in the future years from now.
So there is not too much value in worrying about what will happen.
And you don't have any control over it anyway. For all you know, you might completely forget your ex T by that time - or you might like someone else, or you might get to see him again in the future when you can afford more therapy.
I know it is hard to come to terms with things like that, and especially with Ts.. but that is the best you can do. Really there is not much you can do about it. The relationship is controlled by him. He lets you keep in contact or not, and if one person doesn't like to keep in contact, then what can you really do about it? And from his point of view, he probably has a family and a wife himself, as you do, and it is hard for him to perhaps keep in touch with every woman client that he meets. Atleast that is what I try to think when I feel bad about my exT.
Posted by sleepygirl on May 12, 2005, at 21:00:01
In reply to T missing blues » Tamar, posted by Shortelise on May 12, 2005, at 1:36:25
that song was brilliant!!
Posted by Shortelise on May 13, 2005, at 1:06:44
In reply to Re: T missing blues, posted by sleepygirl on May 12, 2005, at 21:00:01
I shall write the blues.
ShortE
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