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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by partlycloudy on April 25, 2005, at 9:12:54
It seems that my tolerance levels have plunged recently. I'm having a hard time with TV (violence and infomercials); traffic on the roads, expressing any kind of opinion here at babble without throwing a hissy fit. And yesterday I was at a baseball game where the benches were cleared by a brawl, and I could feel the heightened tension and violence in the air. I insisted that we leave the game before it was over because I was so uncomfortable.
Like all of a sudden my sensitivity has gone haywire, and I'm upset by many things that I usually give no second thought to.
I'm worried about being able to hack work. I'm having a hard time driving without being paranoid about the other drivers on the road and how safe I am. My depression hasn't evaporated as I had desperately hoped it would, and my anxiety is only held in reign with Klonopin, little chips of it throughout the day.
With my therapist I am working on being more assertive and feeling less threatened by the world around me, but it feels much worse lately. Like I really didn't want to go the baseball game, but felt obliged to because the tickets were free. My husband was pleased that I had "shown up", but I felt miserable that I was doing what was expected of me and not what felt safe.
I feel pretty messed up, and have - of course - been crying a lot. I just want this to be over - I want to feel some peace again.
Thanks for reading.
Posted by rubenstein on April 25, 2005, at 10:40:58
In reply to Why have I become triggery lately?, posted by partlycloudy on April 25, 2005, at 9:12:54
Your post really hit me, I too have been feeling very triggery and sensitive lately. I hope things will pass for you. Hang in there, I am thinking of you, Sorry for the lack of advice, all I can offer at this point is emphathy.
rachel
Posted by fallsfall on April 25, 2005, at 17:59:22
In reply to Why have I become triggery lately?, posted by partlycloudy on April 25, 2005, at 9:12:54
Sounds like anxiety to me.
Perhaps you are moving too fast towards being more assertive. Maybe there are reasons why being assertive is difficult for you that you don't understand yet.
Posted by partlycloudy on April 26, 2005, at 4:39:34
In reply to Re: Why have I become triggery lately? » partlycloudy, posted by fallsfall on April 25, 2005, at 17:59:22
Well, I know that the only time it feels "normal" (what a great word) to be assertive is when I'm hypomanic. Otherwise - when I'm depressed and anxious - it feels like I'm wearing someone else's skin and trying to act assertive. It does not feel genuine.
Posted by fallsfall on April 26, 2005, at 8:29:17
In reply to Re: Why have I become triggery lately? » fallsfall, posted by partlycloudy on April 26, 2005, at 4:39:34
This is the practice phase, and it won't feel right. But until you have done it and seen that it works out OK, it won't feel right. So there HAS to be that learning time in the middle when you are doing things that feel un-you.
When I was doing CBT, we would work on ADLs. I had a chart and I would record when I took my dogs for a walk, and when I vacuumed my house etc. The chart motivated me to do things that I didn't really "want" to do - because I knew that it would be good for me. But, even though it got me moving (somewhat), I was still just trying to please someone (in this case my therapist). I wasn't doing any of those things because *I* believed in them.
It wasn't until I switched therapists that I started to understand the real dynamics. I wasn't doing all those ADL things because if I did then I would have to stop being depressed and join the world. I am still afraid to be part of the real world. But the trick is to work on why that scares me - not why I don't vacuum my house. When we address why it scares me, then I naturally want to vacuum my house. Instead of forcing though a tiny hold in an obstacle, we remove the obstacle.
So you can "make" yourself be more assertive, but if you can understand why you *don't want* to be more assertive, then you can address that reason - and you won't have to *force* yourself to be assertive. You will no longer have a reason *not* to be assertive. It is really hard to get to those protected, buried reasons. But life is a lot easier if you can get them out of the way.
Good luck, PC.
Posted by partlycloudy on April 26, 2005, at 9:09:37
In reply to Re: Why have I become triggery lately? » partlycloudy, posted by fallsfall on April 26, 2005, at 8:29:17
> So you can "make" yourself be more assertive, but if you can understand why you *don't want* to be more assertive, then you can address that reason - and you won't have to *force* yourself to be assertive. You will no longer have a reason *not* to be assertive. It is really hard to get to those protected, buried reasons. But life is a lot easier if you can get them out of the way.
>
> Good luck, PC.Thanks! I already know why I am not comfortable being assertive - because I am terrified of conflict; terrified that I'll be found out to be a know-nothing poseur; to be quiet and subservient means that I can stay hidden and (safe) (don't cause waves) (must'nt complain or cry, nobody wants to see a sour puss).
My mom raised me this way.
pc
Posted by fallsfall on April 26, 2005, at 10:56:27
In reply to Re: Why have I become triggery lately?, posted by partlycloudy on April 26, 2005, at 9:09:37
> Thanks! I already know why I am not comfortable being assertive - because I am terrified of conflict;
Being assertive does not necessarily lead to conflict. Being assertive just makes sure that your interests are considered as well as the other person's.
And conflict is not necessarily a bad thing. You can learn to manage conflict so you can use it to your advantage. I'm guessing that in your past conflict was dangerous. But it may not still be dangerous today...
> terrified that I'll be found out to be a know-nothing poseur;
Not likely, from what I've seen of you! But I know the feeling...
>to be quiet and subservient means that I can stay hidden and (safe) (don't cause waves) (must'nt complain or cry, nobody wants to see a sour puss).
> My mom raised me this way.The world today is probably different from what your world was like when you were growing up. She taught you to survive in the world you grew up in. Maybe those guidelines don't work so well today.
Posted by partlycloudy on April 26, 2005, at 11:15:16
In reply to Re: Why have I become triggery lately? » partlycloudy, posted by fallsfall on April 26, 2005, at 10:56:27
Does anyone do any hardwire upgrades to help with this stuff?
Thanks for your insight, falls. I feel like I am tackling most of my therapy issues *ss backwards :-(
Posted by damos on April 26, 2005, at 22:24:15
In reply to Man, this is tough! » fallsfall, posted by partlycloudy on April 26, 2005, at 11:15:16
I think you're doing so well PC, and I admire your honesty so much.
Got to admit to hating the word assertive with a passion. Probably because it's always used in the sentence, "Your problem is you're not assertive enough." Most of the people who are held up to me as good examples are really just arrogant *ssholes (parden the language). For me it's more learning to "call" people when they overstep my boundaries and having the confidence to back by experience and intuition and say "Hang on, what about...", rather than just letting things slide. The biggest surprises have been that most people apologise when called on a boundary crossing becuase they just didn't know because I'd never said anything in the past. And once when I backed myself in a meeting a couple of people came up to me and actually thanked me afterwards. I was really careful to pick little things and am still slowly working my way up. Do I get it wrong - oh yeah, but the positive changes in the environment are worth it.
Fear of the world, this is a whole other kettle of fish. I was 38 before I initiated my first conversation with a stranger. Don't have any good advice for you here (if any of what I say can be called good advice). I started my adventures out into the world by becoming a regular at a coffee shop close to work and just getting to know the owners there by way of a smile to start then up to G'day and then added the weather etc, etc. It did wonders for my social confidence. I'm still hopeless in most situations but it's getting better, and if nothing else it's nice to have a safe place where you're always greeted with a smile no matter how you're feeling. The other big thing was my Tai Chi classes and just learning to interact with the other members of the class - it took two terms before I knew any of their names, let alone actually communicated beyond a nod of recognition. I think the thing for me was finding situations where I knew I was physically and emotionally safe and could let the rest happen in my own time. And where there was nothing huge at stake if I tried something and it didn't work. I don't need to give myself any more sticks to beat myself with.
Sorry to waffle on so long. Hope this has been of some use.
Hope things settle for you soon. I'll be sending you lots of positive wishes. Come and play with us in the park over on social, it'd be nice to see you there.
((((pc)))
Posted by Susan47 on April 27, 2005, at 8:32:12
In reply to Why have I become triggery lately?, posted by partlycloudy on April 25, 2005, at 9:12:54
Sweetie, correct me if I'm wrong but aren't you completely dry for just over two weeks? Haven't you given up a huge "coping" method just recently?
Posted by partlycloudy on April 27, 2005, at 15:16:52
In reply to Re: Why have I become triggery lately? » partlycloudy, posted by Susan47 on April 27, 2005, at 8:32:12
Yeah, but do you know how many times I've quit before this? LOL - it is a relief rather than an added pressure, believe me.
I am trying to be extra nice to myself. I think that I have been pushing myself to be "normal" - I take meds, therefore I can grocery shop type of thinking. Actually, grocery shopping stresses me out to the extreme. I plan my route in the store for minimal contact with other shoppers, insolent stocking clerks, and I try not to get behind mums with small children in the check out line.
I know it would be wise to scale my grand ideas of recovery back somewhat. I know that my stressors are made so much worse by what I think I Should Be Capable Of. (I am working on eliminating that "s" word from my vocabulary.)
thanks, Susan.
Posted by partlycloudy on April 27, 2005, at 15:19:07
In reply to Re: Man, this is tough! » partlycloudy, posted by damos on April 26, 2005, at 22:24:15
Damos, I agree with the others here - you are a gem :-)
I'm not quite ready for the playground, and the swings make me puke, but I am good in a sandbox and play well with others. Oh, and give me a set of monkey bars any day!
Posted by Damos on April 27, 2005, at 17:14:10
In reply to Re: Man, this is tough! » damos, posted by partlycloudy on April 27, 2005, at 15:19:07
Ahhh, now to practice what I preached over on 'write' and just say 'Thank you'.
I'm sure someone will have brought a bucket and a spade for the sandbox, and I can't believe we'd all forgotten about monkey bars. Thanks for reminding me pc it brought back some nice memories.
Posted by 10derHeart on April 28, 2005, at 10:02:17
In reply to Re: Man, this is tough! » partlycloudy, posted by Damos on April 27, 2005, at 17:14:10
>>Ahhh, now to practice what I preached over on 'write' and just say 'Thank you'.
Excellent :-) See, it's not so terribly hard...
(I know - IRL is totally different, but I have great faith in you.)Warmly, - 10derheart
Posted by Damos on April 28, 2005, at 17:14:14
In reply to Re: Man, this is tough! » Damos, posted by 10derHeart on April 28, 2005, at 10:02:17
> Excellent :-) See, it's not so terribly hard...
> (I know - IRL is totally different, but I have great faith in you.)
>
> Warmly, - 10derheartThanks 10derHeart it's so nice knowing your there.
LOVE>10derHeart<LOVE
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