Posted by damos on April 26, 2005, at 22:24:15
In reply to Man, this is tough! » fallsfall, posted by partlycloudy on April 26, 2005, at 11:15:16
I think you're doing so well PC, and I admire your honesty so much.
Got to admit to hating the word assertive with a passion. Probably because it's always used in the sentence, "Your problem is you're not assertive enough." Most of the people who are held up to me as good examples are really just arrogant *ssholes (parden the language). For me it's more learning to "call" people when they overstep my boundaries and having the confidence to back by experience and intuition and say "Hang on, what about...", rather than just letting things slide. The biggest surprises have been that most people apologise when called on a boundary crossing becuase they just didn't know because I'd never said anything in the past. And once when I backed myself in a meeting a couple of people came up to me and actually thanked me afterwards. I was really careful to pick little things and am still slowly working my way up. Do I get it wrong - oh yeah, but the positive changes in the environment are worth it.
Fear of the world, this is a whole other kettle of fish. I was 38 before I initiated my first conversation with a stranger. Don't have any good advice for you here (if any of what I say can be called good advice). I started my adventures out into the world by becoming a regular at a coffee shop close to work and just getting to know the owners there by way of a smile to start then up to G'day and then added the weather etc, etc. It did wonders for my social confidence. I'm still hopeless in most situations but it's getting better, and if nothing else it's nice to have a safe place where you're always greeted with a smile no matter how you're feeling. The other big thing was my Tai Chi classes and just learning to interact with the other members of the class - it took two terms before I knew any of their names, let alone actually communicated beyond a nod of recognition. I think the thing for me was finding situations where I knew I was physically and emotionally safe and could let the rest happen in my own time. And where there was nothing huge at stake if I tried something and it didn't work. I don't need to give myself any more sticks to beat myself with.
Sorry to waffle on so long. Hope this has been of some use.
Hope things settle for you soon. I'll be sending you lots of positive wishes. Come and play with us in the park over on social, it'd be nice to see you there.
((((pc)))
poster:damos
thread:489172
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050420/msgs/490133.html