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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 6, 2005, at 17:32:25
i am so confused, i had therapy today and i left feeling horrible. i didn't feel great to begin but i am feeling much worse now. i don't know what to do with myself, all i can do is cry! i am feeling so alone it is painful. it is like i have a hole in my chest/stomach...i dunno, i am really sad. does anyone have any advice? i thought theraoy helped you to feel better??
thank you
rain
Posted by Pfinstegg on January 6, 2005, at 20:29:48
In reply to anyone ever feel worse?, posted by rainbowbrite on January 6, 2005, at 17:32:25
It's happened to me,too, a lot more often than I would like. But I THINK I've learned that it happens when a very painful, unconscious set of feelings gets stirred up by the therapy- what therapy is suposed to do, of course, except that it's very hard to bear it! I'd say: respect those feelings, painful as they are, and talk about them as fully as you are able to- next time. Remember- there always is a next time.
Posted by messadivoce on January 6, 2005, at 20:40:56
In reply to Re: anyone ever feel worse? » rainbowbrite, posted by Pfinstegg on January 6, 2005, at 20:29:48
Oh yes, I have totally been there! It always happened when we dealt with difficult subjects that I hadn't talked/thought about for a long time. Going back to my T and talking about how horrible the whole thing made me feel is how I got through all of that. In fact, one of the forms I signed when I started therapy stated that I may feel worse before I feel better and that I understood that it was normal. I hope you get to see you T soon again.
Posted by ghost on January 6, 2005, at 20:47:43
In reply to anyone ever feel worse?, posted by rainbowbrite on January 6, 2005, at 17:32:25
i think that too. i'm paying this person to make me feel like *ss.
wtf.
blah.
Posted by LittleGirlLost on January 6, 2005, at 21:14:28
In reply to anyone ever feel worse?, posted by rainbowbrite on January 6, 2005, at 17:32:25
Oh Rain,
I can so totally relate. I'm there right now. Came home from therapy a little while ago, and feel as though I could die from the pain. For me, I'm not upset when I'm there (whole other issue!), but when I get home it's awful! I don't know if it's because I miss her? Or I get to almost feel like I have a caring mother for a little while and then I have to leave? I know thoughts, feelings, memories get triggered and stirred up while I'm there, but it seems like just her presense stirs up something deep inside that I'm not even in touch with. I just ache to be with her again.
I understand what you are going through. I really hurt.
LGL
> i am so confused, i had therapy today and i left feeling horrible. i didn't feel great to begin but i am feeling much worse now. i don't know what to do with myself, all i can do is cry! i am feeling so alone it is painful. it is like i have a hole in my chest/stomach...i dunno, i am really sad. does anyone have any advice? i thought theraoy helped you to feel better??
> thank you
> rain
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 6, 2005, at 21:41:59
In reply to Re: anyone ever feel worse? » rainbowbrite, posted by LittleGirlLost on January 6, 2005, at 21:14:28
I was so confused when i got home i sat through my session thinking about how screwed up i was and everything that came out of my mouth just made me feel worse. and my therapist did not really say much, the session was useless! I felt like it was such a waste of time. But at the same time i just wanted answers on how to feel better. i hate this so much! sometimes life hurts in ways that i don't understand. at the times when you need people most it often feels like there is noone there even if they are sitting right in front of you. I took some klonopin so i may be mixing up my thoughts, i needed to calm down. i can't believe how powerful therapy is!? anyone else experience the watching of the clock with their therapist? It makes me want to scream! Thanks so much for listening to me.
Posted by Angela2 on January 6, 2005, at 21:42:04
In reply to anyone ever feel worse?, posted by rainbowbrite on January 6, 2005, at 17:32:25
I know! It's like they expect you to talk because you're paying them, but then when you do, you just end up feeling worse. At least that's how it is for me sometimes. Hope you feel better rainbowbrite. Time heals, just give it time.
-Angela
Posted by Poet on January 6, 2005, at 21:51:12
In reply to anyone ever feel worse?, posted by rainbowbrite on January 6, 2005, at 17:32:25
Hi Rain,
I've left many times feeling worse. I blame myself which makes it even harder. Therapy is hard work, no doubt about it, but I've had times where I leave feeling better. That's what's good abou it.
My therapist watches the time, but doesn't make it obvious. Unlike my pdoc who has one clock that faces him and one facing the patient, we're both watching that clock.
Poet
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 6, 2005, at 22:02:31
In reply to Re: anyone ever feel worse? » rainbowbrite, posted by Poet on January 6, 2005, at 21:51:12
i am all over the place. i think it helps to write out my thoughts here. i am now questioning the qualifications of my therapist. how do you know that a therapist isn't helping? well what im mean is, i have noticed a level of awkwardness as i become more distressed in a session...how much time would most people give that before it becomes ridiculous (months)? it is about 50% good and 50% waste of time. but i think the waste of time is when i am actually trying to get somewhere (not sure about that though).
thanks
Posted by daisym on January 7, 2005, at 0:31:17
In reply to i am having such a bad night..., posted by rainbowbrite on January 6, 2005, at 22:02:31
I'm sorry you are struggling. I tend to think of the 24 hours after an intense session as a "therapy hang-over." For me it is an intense period of longing, usually for the connection I feel when I'm in a session. My therapist thinks I feel it so accutely after a powerful session because he feels there is a merging of selves that takes place between us but we have to separate at the end so I can leave. I feel so empty at those times. He always helps me figure out ways to take him with me, but it still hurts.
I think it is natural to question your therapist's abilities when you leave feeling bad. It is counter-intuitive to subject yourself to pain, even if some part of you knows you need to go through it to feel better. I'm not sure what you mean by awkwardness...does she seem unable to handle your tears or your anger? Your therapist should help guide you and keep you safe as you explore your own thoughts and feelings. I guess it also depends on their orientation. If she is constantly correcting negative thoughts and that seems to shut you down, she may have a philosophy that doesn't believe in exploring the past but rather in dealing with your current beliefs and feelings as they relate to your life now.
I'm not sure I'm being helpful at all as I write this. I guess I just want to share that therapy can and often does feel awful, but it isn't therapy that is causing the pain, but rather is allowing you to feel it fully. (My therapist would be shocked to see me write that.)
I hope you feel better soon.
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 7, 2005, at 10:12:31
In reply to Re: i am having such a bad night... » rainbowbrite, posted by daisym on January 7, 2005, at 0:31:17
I do feel better today, yesterday was a nightmare. I don't even understand why. but i am still questioning the therapeutic relationship i have, with awkward i mean that my T seemed very uncomfortable with my upset, didn't know what to say or do. i honestly think that is why i was so distraught last night. i put so much into a relationship to find that when i really need it most my T becomes uncomfortable and doesn't say anything (at all). it seems like i should know what to do but it isn't very often that i really NEED my T so i only am picking this up recently. that is when i think they should be most useful?? it is an awful feeling, T seems VERY green.
thanks for your support.
Posted by Dinah on January 7, 2005, at 19:51:49
In reply to anyone ever feel worse?, posted by rainbowbrite on January 6, 2005, at 17:32:25
Most of the time, therapy makes me feel better. Sometimes worse. I try to judge the times when I should delve more deeply. I misjudged big time wednesday and disclosed something new that got me all stirred up at a time when I really couldn't handle it.
You could talk to your therapist about ways to contain the pain. There are techniques to help pull you together before the end of the session, like winding down ten minutes early or having closing routines.
It helps a lot if you talk to your therapist about the problem.
Posted by gardenergirl on January 8, 2005, at 14:26:15
In reply to Re: anyone ever feel worse? » rainbowbrite, posted by Dinah on January 7, 2005, at 19:51:49
I agree with Dinah. My T was a bit surprised to hear how draining therapy sessions can feel to me. Which is kinda funny considering I know I brought up in the past the issue of whether things were moving too intensely given all that I have to deal with at the moment (school obligations).
I also had a client recently tell me she felt worse after a session. I was really really glad she told me, because I could not have predicted that and she did not appear to be as distressed as when she came in that day. That's very important information for the two of you to use in your treatment.
I hope you are doing better.
Gentle hugs,
gg
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 9, 2005, at 12:11:10
In reply to Re: anyone ever feel worse?, posted by gardenergirl on January 8, 2005, at 14:26:15
thanks gg I really needed a hug :)
I have been thinking about discussing it but it seems so strange to do. its as though im questioning my T's ability...actually i think i am.
are you a therapist? Im asking b/c I was wondering from the therapist perspective, how they would react to a situation which makes them uneasy, because of lack of experience, too new or some other reason. maybe that is too individual?? Or has anyone ever experienced this?thank you
rain
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 9, 2005, at 12:36:50
In reply to Re: anyone ever feel worse? » rainbowbrite, posted by Dinah on January 7, 2005, at 19:51:49
i think i am going to try to talk about it because at times i do feel like it ends very abruptly and it is particularly frustrating when im not doing well.
thank yourain
Posted by gardenergirl on January 9, 2005, at 12:39:12
In reply to Re: anyone ever feel worse? » gardenergirl, posted by rainbowbrite on January 9, 2005, at 12:11:10
> thanks gg I really needed a hug :)
> I have been thinking about discussing it but it seems so strange to do. its as though im questioning my T's ability...actually i think i am.I suppose it could feel like questioning their ability. But if you two are a team, you need input from both players, right?
> are you a therapist? Im asking b/c I was wondering from the therapist perspective, how they would react to a situation which makes them uneasy, because of lack of experience, too new or some other reason. maybe that is too individual?? Or has anyone ever experienced this?
I'm a trainee. I'm almost finished with my degree. I'm not sure exactly what you are asking above. I think anytime a client brings up something that I've never dealt with before, I make sure to discuss it with my supervisor. I also may look at the literature to get more knowledge about it. I suppose if something came up that I just wasn't comfortable working with or competent to treat, I would refer them to someone who was.
It sounds like you might be nervous about something you want to tell your T. Are you worried that it will hurt your relationship or that your T will react negatively?
Take care,
gg
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 9, 2005, at 13:22:41
In reply to Re: anyone ever feel worse?, posted by gardenergirl on January 9, 2005, at 12:39:12
>It sounds like you might be nervous about something you want to tell your T. Are you worried that it will hurt your relationship or that your T will react negatively?
Sort of. it is a fairly new relationship, but it has always been good, i thought. i also don't really generally get into anything in therapy, i think it becasue i need time to warm up.
i am ready now because i have some issues really stiring me up inside, but it feels like on the end of my T there is resistence to deal with it. Teh problem with this is that it is such a hard issue that it is something on don't want to make the target of a disscussion like this.
so i keep swaying away from it and coming back to it and just feel like my T has maybe never dealt with this or doesn't want to deal with it (my guess).
It feels like the more light hearted sessions are the prefered sessions on the end of my T. I am so worried about it and i don't feel there is much invested in me.
I guess inside i am hoping that there are consultaions going on with my Ts supervisor but for some reason i don't think there are, I don't even know if my T is supervised. I really don't know what to do. I feel so frustrated with this.
Another this is that a couple of times i have shared something that was really hard and in the following session my T has no idea what im talking about. once is ok i think, but 3 or 4 times is too many.
i am feeling so lost and alone with this. i desparately need help or ill never get to deal with my problem.
Thanks so much for your help
rain
Posted by gardenergirl on January 9, 2005, at 14:04:59
In reply to Re: anyone ever feel worse? » gardenergirl, posted by rainbowbrite on January 9, 2005, at 13:22:41
That does sound really hard. I wonder if it might help to get the ball rolling if you share with her what you just posted. That you feel like talking about something that's "deeper", but you aren't sure about her reaction.
I once had a big "secret" to tell my T. I was very ashamed of this secret, and I spent a few sessions telling him I had something to say, but I wasn't ready to say it yet, and I was afraid of his reaction. I think this helped me feel like it was okay to finally tell it, and it also gave him a head's up that something very important to me was coming up.
gg
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 9, 2005, at 14:39:39
In reply to Re: anyone ever feel worse?, posted by gardenergirl on January 9, 2005, at 14:04:59
i am sort of putting together in my mind that i should stop going to my T. See, i have actually revealled my secret but it didn't seem to be recieved well as with other issues that are deeper. It took so long to get it out and then with the negative reception i just dropped it. while i write i am realizing that this sounds ridiculous. im not sure why i have kept going. it doesn't feel like my T is comfotable or wants to have to deal with hard issues. I supose i should verbalize this first and see how it goes as hard as it will be, but other than that i think im through with therapy. i had a really bad experience last week and i feel slightly violated (mentally)after telling my T my deepest thoughts several weeks ago and now they are in a sense ignored. i don't think i can go thru that again.
I just needed to let that out.thanks
rain
Posted by gardenergirl on January 12, 2005, at 10:37:05
In reply to my last vent..... » gardenergirl, posted by rainbowbrite on January 9, 2005, at 14:39:39
I know you posted more in a new thread, but I just wanted to acknowledge your post here. It certainly does sound like therapy is really hard right now. And sometimes there is not a good fit between therapist and client, and changing is a good idea. The bottom line is what's best for you.
Take care,
gg
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 12, 2005, at 11:00:52
In reply to Re: my last vent..... » rainbowbrite, posted by gardenergirl on January 12, 2005, at 10:37:05
This is the end of the thread.
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