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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Pandabear on April 6, 2004, at 18:38:59
I know that I tend to have a variety of issues to talk about on this website but, I seriously need advice..I hope no one minds. My issue is that I cannot seem to open up all the way with my therapist. It has nothing to do with her or the way she is helping me...it is all me. I feel as if Im afraid to be emotional. I have gotten emotional in front of her..but lately its like I spend a lot of time outside of therapy depressed and crying but when I am sitting in front of her, I cannot get emotional. She can tell though that I am about to get upset and so she will say something in regards to my feelings and then watch me to see if it strikes anything in me. Yet, all I can do is smile back at her. I need sooo much to be able to cry in front of her because I need to let go of what is bothering me but I cannot. It annoys me to know end. NO i dont want to be upset..but therapy is the place where you should be able to let it all out..and I cant.. yet If she saw me away from her office she would know how upset and worked up Im getting over things. Im doing pretty well right now but I want to be able to relax and show my feelings but I cant.. I know that she probably already knows that I am upset about things but I would like to be able to show her how upset I am..When I met with her and my pdoc I wanted so badly to break down and cry but for some reason I did not want my pdoc to see me upset....any suggestions or thoughts? does anyone else have this problem? Its so embarressing for me because I am an emotional person I just dont like showing it in front of people..yet I need to be able to do so with her...you know?? I have even come into her office in tears begging her to work me in to see me and yet when Im in her office...I cannot show that same emotion..even though I truly am upset..
Any words of wisdom would be great! Thanks...
Posted by DaisyM on April 6, 2004, at 19:00:50
In reply to Psychotherapy, posted by Pandabear on April 6, 2004, at 18:38:59
There is an early post from me somewhere about practically this same issue. I would get whammied after sessions (like hours later) with all the emotions and pain yet during the session, I would be mostly calm and together. I wanted to process these intense emotions WITH my Therapist, not later. Many wise friends here said a couple of things that really helped me and I'm going to borrow from them:
1) Just because you can't/don't cry in front of your Therapist doesn't mean you aren't feeling things intensely with her. You don't need to prove you are upset or depressed by crying. She knows that. She doesn't think you are making it all up. So crying outside of therapy is OK.
2) Try to think of it in a practical way -- you are paying to talk with her. Crying could get in the way to talking or working on issues. So crying outside of therapy is OK.
3)Some of what you are experiencing outside of therapy could be an attachment "thing". Meaning, you feel more upset and sad without your Therapist because you miss her. You feel more secure with her right now. This comes out as crying. So crying outside of therapy is OK.
4) Somewhere you may have been taught that crying is inappropriate. I heard a million times, "crying won't help anything" so it is really, really hard for me to let tears fall. I well up a lot and then immediately fall back on deep breathing to internalize those tears. It has nothing to do with trusting my Therapist. He tells me all the time it is Ok to cry, but I rarely, very rarely do.
5) Releasing tears any where is a release. They count. Don't minimize this release "just" because it wasn't with your Therapist.
I know how frustrating this can be. I had this great fantasy going for a long time that I would break down, cry it all out and then the sun would come out and I'd be "all better". Ask yourself why this has become such a big issue to you and what you hope will happen if you can cry in therapy. Maybe there is a way to get this need met besides tears.
Hope this helps. I wish I could hand you a hanky.
Daisy
Posted by Pandabear on April 6, 2004, at 19:14:14
In reply to Re: Psychotherapy (kinda long) » Pandabear, posted by DaisyM on April 6, 2004, at 19:00:50
thank you...:)
Posted by DaisyM on April 6, 2004, at 19:46:34
In reply to Re: Psychotherapy (kinda long) » DaisyM, posted by Pandabear on April 6, 2004, at 19:14:14
You are more than welcome. I don't know if any of it hit home or what...
Posted by fallsfall on April 6, 2004, at 21:15:02
In reply to Psychotherapy, posted by Pandabear on April 6, 2004, at 18:38:59
Sometimes I would get frustrated that I could think and feel about an issue in between sessions, but I couldn't quite explain it to my therapist because I couldn't get the emotions back in my session. I did find, though, that if I journalled in between sessions, and then read the journalling to her that I could get closer to getting the feeling back. It didn't always help, but it helped enough that I did it regularly.
But I do agree with Daisy that crying is not the ultimate goal in therapy.
Posted by Pandabear on April 6, 2004, at 21:38:39
In reply to Re: Psychotherapy » Pandabear, posted by fallsfall on April 6, 2004, at 21:15:02
I agree that journaling is very powerful. I have written so many and so many letters and just read them to my therapist..but she is wanting me to try and verbalize by speaking it rather than reading...and I do agree that crying is not a main goal of therapy..BUT, with me, I have held so much inside..I need to be able to cry with someone...but thats just me...I hope im making sense..my thoughts are all jumbled...<><
Posted by gardenergirl on April 6, 2004, at 22:13:06
In reply to Re: Psychotherapy (kinda long) » Pandabear, posted by DaisyM on April 6, 2004, at 19:00:50
Posted by tabitha on April 7, 2004, at 0:03:52
In reply to Psychotherapy, posted by Pandabear on April 6, 2004, at 18:38:59
I tend to suppress strong feelings in therapy too (and in group). I cry in sessions when I'm overwhelmed but usually I try not to show much feeling. I don't know exactly how to stop suppressing feelings, but I started noticing how I do it. Basically I tense up parts of my body and it stops emotions from flowing. So... the key would be to relax my body when emotions come up. You might start with noticing where in your body your feelings are manifesting (usually for me they're around my chest or throat area), then try to let them flow physically.
Posted by rainyday on April 7, 2004, at 7:04:44
In reply to Psychotherapy, posted by Pandabear on April 6, 2004, at 18:38:59
It helps me to close my eyes and talk to myself rather than my therapist. I have noticed that when I'm dredging up stuff from deep inside, I can't look her in the eye. Ashamed still, I guess. Don't try to force yourself - these things will take their sweet time, but they'll be expressed eventually.
Take good care,
rainyday
Posted by fallsfall on April 7, 2004, at 8:18:05
In reply to Re: Psychotherapy, posted by Pandabear on April 6, 2004, at 21:38:39
Reading my journalling is something I did with my old therapist. My new therapist wants me to be more "present" in the session - more spontaneous. This is incredibly hard for me. It sounds like your therapist is looking for this too. Occasionally, I will still read things, but I am trying not to rehearse my sessions, not to plan everything I will say. (I still read posts and journalling before I go in for my session, but then I put the papers down - I feel like I'm studying for a test!) I will say that therapy IS different when it is less planned.
I would recommend that you follow your therapists suggestions, and I bet that the things that you are worried about will resolve themselves if you do that. But, boy, is it hard!!!
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