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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Pandabear on February 28, 2004, at 12:28:07
This might seem like a crazy question but,has anyone felt that when they are doing better..they become scared because of not knowing how to go about living as a better healthier person? Here is my explanation...tell me if im not making any sense...i hope I am...I have been in therapy for a while and when I first started in therapy I was a wreck. Now however..Im probably the best I have ever been. Im less depressed, my mood is under control, and Im taking better care of myself. Now that this is happening though, I am scared. I have never felt this good and Im not used to feeling like this and Im scared. I have been learning to depend less on others and more on myself..I have always suffered with co-dependency issues and so it is kind of hard being this independent...I feel like now that my life is better, its going to fly by. I have always been afraid of growing older and moving on with my life and yet when Im depressed and not doing well..it is like MY time stands still and Im stuck in one place..but NOW it is like im moving on ...WHICH IS A GOOD THING..but, Im scared. I feel like im alone and on my own and I dont want to be. Has anyone felt this way ..that they dont really know how to function as a "well" indiv? Dont get me wrong...I am extremely happy that im doing so well ...and I do want to be better...but I dont know what to do now that I am!
Posted by obSession on February 28, 2004, at 14:11:26
In reply to doing better but .....scared, posted by Pandabear on February 28, 2004, at 12:28:07
I understand what you saying....i mean if i had to be doing much much better it would feel totally wierd to me and wouldn't feel right...i would feel like now what? as mental health and being "messed up" has almost been a part of my identity so it would feel wierd to me...im only imagining but hopes this makes sense to u.
Posted by gardenergirl on February 28, 2004, at 14:28:40
In reply to Re: doing better but .....scared, posted by obSession on February 28, 2004, at 14:11:26
Pandabear,
I think this is quite common. I have seen it with a number of my clients. I think I've even been through it myself a bit, but I need to get better, I think, before it hits me for real.I think the conflict is between the old, known way of life and the new, unknown. The unknown is always scarier than the known. Some also wonder if the new, good feelings will last, as they have been in pain for so long. The longer you are feeling good, the more it will begin to feel natural, I believe. But it takes courage and strength to take this risk. I believe you have that, as everyone who remains in therapy beyond the initial stage must have courage to face their "demons."
Congrats for doing better!
gg
Posted by B2chica on February 28, 2004, at 16:10:49
In reply to Re: doing better but .....scared, posted by gardenergirl on February 28, 2004, at 14:28:40
> Pandabear,
> I think this is quite common. I have seen it with a number of my clients. I think I've even been through it myself a bit, but I need to get better, I think, before it hits me for real.
>
> I think the conflict is between the old, known way of life and the new, unknown. The unknown is always scarier than the known. Some also wonder if the new, good feelings will last, as they have been in pain for so long. The longer you are feeling good, the more it will begin to feel natural, I believe. But it takes courage and strength to take this risk. I believe you have that, as everyone who remains in therapy beyond the initial stage must have courage to face their "demons."
> Congrats for doing better!
> ggBoy gg, you hit the nail right on with everything you've said! It's all i've ever known. This last cycle of highs and lows were my worst ever (that's why i got the Dx) and i scared myself. But taking the meds/or not taking them scare me to. Sometimes i worry that they'll take "me" away (the meloncholic me, and the energized me) and put some dull drone in it's place. and i guess to some extent they will. And even if it does work i DO wonder if it will last.
The thing is -i don't mean to be a stereotype here but i do get very creative at the beginnings of both polar realms (once i reach the peak it sucks but..). I don't want this to go away.
Man, i am so glad i found this place. I've never met so many people that Truly understand how i'm feeling!
B2c.
Posted by Pandabear on February 28, 2004, at 16:30:01
In reply to Re: doing better but .....scared » gardenergirl, posted by B2chica on February 28, 2004, at 16:10:49
Thanks gg for what you said....I agree that the longer I feel well the more it will appear normal...I hope...but if not..i know my therapist will be there to catch me if I fall...thanks again.
Pandabear
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on February 28, 2004, at 17:56:30
In reply to doing better but .....scared, posted by Pandabear on February 28, 2004, at 12:28:07
Panda, I've been going through the same thing. I started therpay last July and was a complete wreck - I was on the verge of divorce, I hated myself, I was depressed, anxious, and a hypochondriac. I had been living like that for about a year before I decided what I really needed was a therapist and not another unnecessary medical test.
I have come a long way since then and feel really good. I've been doing so well in fact that I am now on "maintenance" as my T calls it, seeing him twice a month instead of every week. Then I'll eventually go down to once a month. And then, well, I don't want to think about it.
But I am so afraid of a relapse. My T and I discussed this at our last session and he of course says this is completely natural. I'm also beginning to see depressive and self-destructive behavior in other people and I find it so hard not to inform these people they would feel so much better if they saw a therapist! I think this is a good sign. I see people behaving/reacting/thinking the way I used to and feel grateful I am not there anymore.
But I'm still scared about this "new me." I'm sorry, I have no advice, but thought I would tell you you are not alone in this.
Posted by Pandabear on February 28, 2004, at 18:34:15
In reply to Re: doing better but .....scared, posted by Miss Honeychurch on February 28, 2004, at 17:56:30
It was so good to read this. I started therapy 2 years ago going once a week..(which I thought at the time was wayyy to much...Then I backed to once every three weeks..(once a month) ...then...i crashed and had to start going twice a week....and now im doing once a week....I cannot think a bout going back to once a month...but I know its coming. I dont think im ever going to leave therapy...living literally right across the street...I will be able to get help if I ever need it...which is a good thing...
You are not the only one who is seeing behavior in others and wishing that they would see a therapist...my mom is one that I see that needs a therapist..but she is too scared of them. She believes that only "crazy" people see therapists...and the fact that im seeing one..for depression and anxiety and ocd and hypomania...is very odd..*she doesnt really see everything that has been happening to me..she just thinks im being rude to her and that I am just having mood swings...well, I was..but it wasnt normal..and now I am doing something about it...But yes, I do see many people that I wish were in therapy..and actually, my sister is one that suffers from depression and she has been on meds longer than me and she doesnt take it reguarly like she should so the times when she should be feeling good..she is depressed and I want to just shake her and tell her to take the medicine and that she will feel so much better..but of course ..i cant. I also see certain people and feel that I know exactly what is wrong with them. I have learned so much from my therapist..and she has inspired me to become a therapist...(its only a dream..im not going to go back to school) but what I have learned and am learing is great and its funny to me that I can see someone and know possibly what is "wrong" with them...like my mom...If I was able to ..i know exactly what I would diagnose her with...and I could have never known if I hadnt gone to therapy...but I cannot fix my mom...I can only fix myself..and this is something I have had to learn for myself.. you cannot change anyone..they have to change themselves....hard to learn.
Thanks again for telling me im not alone...I thought I was being weird and I hesitated about posting about it. Im going to bring it up with my therapist and see what she thinks about me being scared...im sure she has heard it before from someone else...:)
Posted by Crooked Heart on February 29, 2004, at 6:15:18
In reply to Re: doing better but .....scared, posted by gardenergirl on February 28, 2004, at 14:28:40
> Pandabear,
> Some also wonder if the new, good feelings will last, as they have been in pain for so long.That's so true! I'd just like to add that for me the new feelings haven't always stayed all the time by any means, but even when they left me I knew that they could come back. I knew that another way of being was now possible for me, if you see what I mean? Now, when I do have a 'relapse' I find that doing the little looking after oneself things(for me the most important of those is getting a good night's sleep) helps me to get back towhat I now think of as 'normal'.
Just in case that's of any help.
> Congrats for doing better!>
> ggYou said it!
Posted by Pandabear on February 29, 2004, at 19:55:35
In reply to Re: doing better but .....scared » gardenergirl, posted by Crooked Heart on February 29, 2004, at 6:15:18
I have no doubt that my normal feeling will not last...I have received not so good news this weekend and I know it is something that is going to mess me up..I have major issues to deal with within this year and they will ALL set me back..but until then...im going to focus on how good im doing :). Im NOT going to obsess over them...at least not at this moment..I want to enjoy myself while the good feelings last. And you are right about the good nights sleep..I have started taking seroquel at night to make me sleep and I know that that is part of the answer to why im feeling so much better. I also believe that it is both medicines that im taking...I believe that they are finally starting to work for me..which is a good thing. This is the first time in my life that I have actually been feeling good about waking up to start the new week. I feel so confident in myself...and I cannot wait to talk to my therapist on wed and to see what she thinks about the "new me"...:) I guess im not as scared as I thought i was!!! I think that because my meds are working so well..its helping me to worry LESS and so even if I am the least bit anxious..I can deal with it without really getting messed up about it...which is a good thing..I havent been obsessing over ANYTHING for over a week..and it feels great. Yeah i still want to talk to her but im not agonizing over not getting to talk to her when i want...I just remember that she is always going to be here for me and that I will get to talk to her soon enough..and that is good enough for me. :) Hope you have a great week.
Take Care,
Pandabear <><
Posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2004, at 0:06:18
In reply to Re: doing better but .....scared, posted by Pandabear on February 28, 2004, at 16:30:01
> Thanks gg for what you said....I agree that the longer I feel well the more it will appear normal...I hope...but if not..i know my therapist will be there to catch me if I fall...thanks again.
> PandabearYou just sound so hopeful! That's really great, I'm glad.
gg
Posted by Crooked Heart on March 1, 2004, at 13:59:32
In reply to Re: doing better but .....scared » Crooked Heart, posted by Pandabear on February 29, 2004, at 19:55:35
Panda I'm so pleased for you. And waking up feeling good on Monday morning - can it get any better?!
You have a good week too and look after yourself :) (((Panda)))
Posted by terrics on March 1, 2004, at 14:54:22
In reply to doing better but .....scared, posted by Pandabear on February 28, 2004, at 12:28:07
I think perhaps part of therapy is learning how to function with your new found health. Enjoy it. Take a trip with a friend and enjoy life.
We all still have to do the day to day things like paying bils, cooking, doing dishes etc. But when you have the good side too I think your life is in balance. Good luck. The journey never ends. terrics
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