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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Pandabear on February 3, 2004, at 19:59:35
I went to therapy yesterday and my therapist wants me to now write a paper discussing how i view myself, how i think others view me, and how they ACTUALLY DO view me. I was supposed to talk to the people closest to me and see how they perceive me. I had to have this done by wednesday but today i was interviewing one of my people and they said some things that I didnt like...(which i was prepared for) BUT, i already feel down on myself about the way that I have treated others in the past and now im hearing stuff that I already know about myself and it hurts me to hear it come from other people...I know how I am, I just hate hearing that other people think this about me. I didnt know that I was coming across this way. Granted I am NOT a bad person but I feel HORRIBLE. Anyway, my friend said that she thought i was too dependent on my therapist and I am...but, i have now heard this soooo many times and im too the point where i want to prove to others that I am not what they think that i am...(dependent) even though I am...This is what i have done...I cancelled my appts for the next three sessions. I figure that IM going to prove to others that I can go for a while without talking to my therapist. I hope i can, if not..im really going to go crazy...but I hope i can do this. I meet with my psych. on the tenth to evaluate my medicine and I want to try and talk to her about how overwhelmed I am...so i wanted to cancel every session until i meet with her. My therapist is wonderful dont get me wrong but, I REALLY dont want her to know how others view me...maybe im just chicken, but im just scared I guess. I hate being me. Im expecting that im going to get a call from my therapist wondering why ive cancelled the appts and I will deal with that as it comes but I wish that I was a different person..I cannot stand looking at myself in the mirror right now because all im seeing is a person that is annoying and it is so frustrating...yet at the same time, im trying to prove that I can go without speaking to my therapist and this is probably when i should be talking to her ...i dont know what to do...:(
Posted by fallsfall on February 3, 2004, at 21:04:50
In reply to Im so frustrated with everything!!!!, posted by Pandabear on February 3, 2004, at 19:59:35
I certainly can relate to wanting to prove to everyone that you aren't so dependent on her.
But I do think that this is when you need to talk to her most. My guess is that you won't be telling her anything she doesn't already know. The pain in these situations is that WE don't know these things yet. But now you do, and she can help you deal with that, and also help you figure out how to be more of the person who you want to be. She's on YOUR side.
Posted by Speaker on February 3, 2004, at 21:19:55
In reply to Re: Im so frustrated with everything!!!! » Pandabear, posted by fallsfall on February 3, 2004, at 21:04:50
I would say quit talkimg about your T and others won't have anything to say about how dependant you are. Keep going to see her...don't hurt yourself to prove to others! If you are too dependent that is something to work on and she can help you with that. Not going isn't going to help unless you just need to prove to yourself you can do it...you don't have to prove anything to anyone else. Take good care of you :)...we like you just the way you are.
Posted by gardenergirl on February 3, 2004, at 22:11:29
In reply to Re: Im so frustrated with everything!!!!, posted by Speaker on February 3, 2004, at 21:19:55
Pandabear,
Fallsfall and Speaker make excellent points. I would just add that your friends may not really understand what therapy is like. In some ways, you are supposed to be dependent, at least for awhile. It means you are engaged and working hard. But they may see it differently, because if they have not been to therapy, they don't understand what it takes to open yourself up to someone else and make yourself vulnerable.In some ways, it's really a gift that you give to your T to be open and dependent, as only you can be open about you. And it means that you trust her. I definitely would talk with her about it. I suspect it will help you with your feelings about it therapy.
Take care,
gg
Posted by Penny on February 4, 2004, at 8:42:57
In reply to Im so frustrated with everything!!!!, posted by Pandabear on February 3, 2004, at 19:59:35
I've gotten the "you're too dependent on your therapist" speech more times than I can count. My response was not, however, to see less of her, but to stop talking to 'them' (whoever was giving me the speech) about her.
I really really think that the people who are saying this to you don't understand therapy at all. Some of them may have even been in therapy, but until they've experienced transference to the level that many of us here on this board have, they can't possibly understand. And I think that by cancelling your sessions with your T, you are, in a way, perhaps giving them and their opinions (*opinions - not facts*) more power over you and your decisions than they deserve.
Do you feel dependent on your therapist? Do you feel a need to see her frequently? Do you trust in her treatment methods (at least most of the time)? Do you feel she has your best interest at heart? If so, then you need to follow your gut and try to not worry about what others - who aren't in that room with you! - say about your therapy.
I think, as GG said, that you should discuss this with your T. You said you've cancelled the appointments with her - have you actually spoken with her? And, if so, were you honest about why you were cancelling?
I know this is a difficult time, but it's times like this that you need her support more, not less.
P
Posted by lookdownfish on February 4, 2004, at 8:58:24
In reply to Im so frustrated with everything!!!!, posted by Pandabear on February 3, 2004, at 19:59:35
Why have you really cancelled the sessions? Is it the concerns about being too dependent on your therapist? Or is it the threat of having a session talking about how other people think of you, and exposing your faults? I also worry about being dependent on therapy, and I use this as an excuse to avoid having extra sessions that I know I need. This is self-defeating. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. You don't have to prove anything to them, just worry about looking after yourself. Exploring yourself in therapy is a sign of strength not weakness. I wish I could follow my own advice though.
Posted by Karen_kay on February 4, 2004, at 12:12:32
In reply to Im so frustrated with everything!!!!, posted by Pandabear on February 3, 2004, at 19:59:35
(((pandabear)))
I don't know how many of my friends have said, "I'm so tired of hearing about Bubba, can we please talk aobut something else?" And yet I persist on talking about him. When my mother came to visit me, I started discussing Bubba, my therapist and my boyfriend becames upset. My mother said, "When you find a doctor, nurse therapist, ect that helps you, that person means the world to you. It is very common that you talk about that person." If your therapist is helping you in some way, of course you are going to talk about him/her! That person is a huge part of your life!
I think it is very important that you continue seeing your therapist. Just because you talk about him/her doesn't mean you devote your life to therapy or the therapist in general. Actually, you gave me a great idea and I want to see how others view me as well! Thank you for that.
Not going to your appointments won't prove anything. Actually going and working on the things that you want to change about yourself says so much more about you as a person. You did a great thing. It's so hard to ask others what they honestly think. And it's even harder to try to change the things aobut yourself that you wnat to. I applaud you! Go to therapy (with a normal attachment) and change the things that YOU think are unhealthy. And if you friends think that you talk too much about your therapist, or are too dependent, tell them to start therapy and see how much they would be dependent on someone who changes their lives.
Remember, a certain amount of dependency is healthy. Ask your therapist if you have a healthy attachment. My friends think that I'm too attached, but according to my therapist, he wants to form a more emotional attachment... See, your friends aren't the experts..
This is the end of the thread.
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