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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on December 23, 2003, at 17:42:03
He still hasn't decided whether to see clients next week or not. And I refuse to sit like some lovelorn swain waiting for my beloved's call. How pathetic is that! If he can't be professional enough to know three days in advance if he'll be seeing patients, he can stick his appointments where the sun don't shine.
I think I'll try to cancel tomorrow too, because I don't want an acrimonious session right before the holidays, and I'm feeling really acrimonious.
Posted by Karen_kay on December 23, 2003, at 19:12:32
In reply to Told my idiot therapist to scr*w next week, posted by Dinah on December 23, 2003, at 17:42:03
Good for you! I wouldn't want my whole life to revolve around his schedule either, especially if he couldn't plan it in advance. About the appointment tomorrow, are you sure you want to cancel? It may be good to have an appointment right before Christmas. Just think of the family, the alcohol, the kids, OH MY! I almost wish I had an appoinment. I take that back :) Start off with your frustration, then move on fast. Good luck with the decision you make...
Posted by Dinah on December 23, 2003, at 19:16:28
In reply to Re: Told my idiot therapist to scr*w next week, posted by Karen_kay on December 23, 2003, at 19:12:32
But if he fights with me tomorrow, I'm going to make his life a misery. I just will absolutely refuse to talk about that topic. :(((((
Posted by Karen_kay on December 23, 2003, at 20:49:54
In reply to Re: It's too late to cancel :( » Karen_kay, posted by Dinah on December 23, 2003, at 19:16:28
You sound like me :)
Posted by naiad on December 23, 2003, at 22:41:54
In reply to Re: It's too late to cancel :( » Karen_kay, posted by Dinah on December 23, 2003, at 19:16:28
Dinah,
Your therapist has a lot of nerve! This is not right! I am feeling outraged at him! I took your advice and gave my therapsit a piece of my mind (okay, it was pretty mild but I did build up some steam)and it felt GREAT! I also think it was honest commmunication. So , I know you can do the same. Good luck!
Naiad
Posted by shar on December 24, 2003, at 15:48:35
In reply to Told my idiot therapist to scr*w next week, posted by Dinah on December 23, 2003, at 17:42:03
D,
>And I refuse to sit like some lovelorn swain waiting for my beloved's call.
That sentence has a nice ring to it! I believe, tho, you'd have to be a lovelorn maiden, cos a swain is a male (boy, lad, male servant, shepherd). I truly hope I haven't offended you by pointing out the usage; it's all those Renaissance Faires I perform in....Hope you have great holidays,
Shar
Posted by Dinah on December 24, 2003, at 19:01:25
In reply to Re: Told my idiot therapist to scr*w next week » Dinah, posted by shar on December 24, 2003, at 15:48:35
Hey Shar. No, I'm not offended, but I did know from my (embarassed blush) love of regency romances and Roberta Gellis novels. Although I was too mad to think it out clearly, I think I didn't want to use more realistic romantic imagery.
Renaissance Faires! That sounds like such fun! I've been to a few and thoroughly enjoyed myself. And I really really want one of those (ok, here I am totally at a loss for the correct term) beaded headpieces for the ladies?
Posted by Dinah on December 24, 2003, at 19:02:18
In reply to Inconsiderate therapist!, posted by naiad on December 23, 2003, at 22:41:54
Posted by Dinah on December 24, 2003, at 19:10:55
In reply to Re: It's too late to cancel :(, posted by Karen_kay on December 23, 2003, at 20:49:54
Just when I was angry enough with him to shake my shameful dependence, he goes and not only apologizes but also shows a great deal of insight and skill. Sigh...
I wouldn't talk about it, because I didn't want things to go wrong on the last day before the holidays. And he understood that and said that whether we talked about it or not everything would be fine. Then since I wouldn't talk about it, he talked to me. He apologized, explained the dilemma he was in and how unsure he was as to how to best proceed, and asked me how I would like him to handle it if it came up again. He told me it was perfectly ok if I was really mad at him. Then he quite correctly and gently pointed out that I appeared to be just as angry with myself as I was with him, for wanting to see him while he appeared to be dangling me along. And he let me change the topic till I was ready to discuss it a bit.
We had a nice gentle session exchanging stories about our childhood Christmases and Santa Claus. And he'll be in town the first part of next week so we have an appointment for Tuesday morning.
He makes it soooo hard for me to stay mad at him.
Posted by Karen_kay on December 24, 2003, at 20:30:45
In reply to Re: It worked out fine, dratted man, posted by Dinah on December 24, 2003, at 19:10:55
Don't you hate it when they do that? Just when it it time for you to be angry, and rightfully so, they go and pull all the tricks they can think to take the anger away. Just drives you crazy! You sit with the anger forever, it seems, and just when you are about ready to burst, he has to appologize! It is just not fair! But, at least you saved face! And you do have an appointment next week, in his messy office none the less, but still you have an appointment. I'm glad it worked out. And you received a sincere appology in the process. How great is that? I'm sure he learned a valuable lesson in the process--not to keep YOU hanging!!!
Posted by Dinah on December 24, 2003, at 21:23:12
In reply to Pulled a rabbit out of hat, eh? » Dinah, posted by Karen_kay on December 24, 2003, at 20:30:45
I wish I could believe he's learned the lesson, but I doubt it. This isn't the first time this has come up, and I don't think it'll be the last. :( The other times ended with him not being available, I think. So perhaps I should just assume that I don't know means no.
But he does have his moments of being a very good therapist. Drat it.
Posted by sb417 on December 25, 2003, at 9:52:25
In reply to Told my idiot therapist to scr*w next week, posted by Dinah on December 23, 2003, at 17:42:03
> He still hasn't decided whether to see clients next week or not. And I refuse to sit like some lovelorn swain waiting for my beloved's call. How pathetic is that! If he can't be professional enough to know three days in advance if he'll be seeing patients, he can stick his appointments where the sun don't shine.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Hi Dinah,
I think some therapists wait to see how many patients cancel. If nearly everyone else cancels, perhaps the therapist doesn't feel it's worth his while to go into the office for just one or two patients. I know that my therapist has a country/weekend home that is about two hours from the city where his office is. If most of his patients cancel before a major holiday, he will change his mind at the last minute and decide not to drive in. I hate to put it in these terms, but I guess he figures it's not "cost-effective."
Posted by naiad on December 25, 2003, at 18:03:08
In reply to Re: I'm glad it worked for you! (nm) » naiad, posted by Dinah on December 24, 2003, at 19:02:18
Dinah,
I went into the session with a clear message of how hurt I had been by his impatience and almost immediately I was able to express a very important feeling. I told him that the reason that I have so much trouble talking to him about transferance issues is that I get nothing back. My outpouring of feelings for him is completely one-sided. I hate getting nothing back, meaning any reciprocity from him. Of course I understand on a cognivtive level why it is impossible for him to cross boundaries and non-beneficial to my therapy. But that doesn't mean I don't want it. I think I've been feeling angry and hurt because he hasn't responded. Oh well, it was helpful for me to express how much I HATE that feeling. If I were to assign a deep memory to that feeling, it would not be difficult to imagine that I did not get the love I wanted from my mother.
And, he told me he hadn't returned my Saturday AM phone call until Monday AM because he had oral surgery on Saturday and he was in no condition to talk to anyone. It explains why he may have been a bit testy on Friday and, of course, why he didn't return my call. When I expressed sympathy he said he hoped he was not manipulating me!
He is working very hard and I really do appreciate
him. I don't claim to be easy. Again, thanks for your support.
Nai
Posted by Dinah on December 25, 2003, at 20:03:21
In reply to Re: I'm glad it worked for you!, posted by naiad on December 25, 2003, at 18:03:08
It does sound like he's trying. I'm glad he explained things to you. Sometimes I think they shouldn't try so hard to appear like nothing is wrong when something is. We can generally tell anyway, but might assume it's us.
Do you think it will be easier next time?
Posted by DaisyM on December 25, 2003, at 23:02:28
In reply to Re: It worked out fine, dratted man, posted by Dinah on December 24, 2003, at 19:10:55
Dinah,
I'm glad it worked out. You seem to really have a good connection with your Therapist, even if it has its ups and downs. I was glad to hear also that you kept the session light. I was a little afraid that I had "wasted" mine's time because we didn't talk about really hard things or get too emotional.
Actually, I was thinking about yesterday's session, sort of wondering why I went and if he thought I really needed to go more than I thought I needed to. (I'm pretty sure he did.)We did talk about my family and what stress I might encounter, etc. But today, I realized that I was glad I had gone. Just the anticipation of the probable stress helped me to cope today. Plus, my attachment has been so up and down that it was important to have a continuation of the connection we had reestablished on Monday.
I gave him a little gift -- a nesting toy (you open each one and there is another inside) of an old fashion Knight -- "Defender of the Deep". Symbolic of the work we are doing. He loved it. :)
I wish it was always on such an even keel.
-D
Posted by Dinah on January 1, 2004, at 15:06:54
In reply to Re: It worked out fine, dratted man » Dinah, posted by DaisyM on December 25, 2003, at 23:02:28
I think it would be dull as dishwater if it always went that smoothly. :) But the occasional bonding session is nice, especially before an absence.
The funny thing was that it turns out he can see me twice this week! He actually seems to have a fuller than usual schedule this week (I guess because it's only three days), considering he didn't know whether he would work or not.
He's infuriating sometimes with his lack of predictability and disorganization. I wish I could say I choose to find it charming, but I can't. It's too reminiscent of my life growing up. You never knew what was going to happen. There was no predictability at all. I guess I can hope that it's helping me learn to live with unpredictability better, but it doesn't *seem* to be working.
I suppose that explains my extreme reaction to his indecisiveness. It just is too reminiscent of unhappy childhood experiences. Transference.
Posted by DaisyM on January 1, 2004, at 21:45:05
In reply to Re: It worked out fine, dratted man » DaisyM, posted by Dinah on January 1, 2004, at 15:06:54
I could use a little dull...
As far as transference, ok I see that. But, I think unpredictability is annoying even if you didn't grow up in a chaotic environment. My schedule runs pretty tight so last minute changes would be pretty hard. Add to this my insecure attachment, well, I'll just say you are more generous than I would be. :)
This is the end of the thread.
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