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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Chris O on January 24, 2005, at 15:53:24
I feel really depressed after I have an orgasm. It does not matter if it is alone or during sex with my girlfriend, I just feel physically horrible after having the orgasm. I know I have a lot of psychological shame in relationship to sex, but I am certain that this is something beyond this, something like a depletion of my neurotransmitters or whatever it is that keeps my mood in balance. Vitals: I am a 37 year old male, healthy physically (as far as I know, and yes, I've had recent physicals), but this feeling of depression post-orgasm seems to be getting worse as I get older. My specific feelings post-orgasm are: a sense of hopelessness, increased anxiety, a desire to isolate, a feeling of great shame, a headache--it basically amplifies all of my GAD/OCD symptoms. There was a time when I lamented the fact that SSRIs decreased my libido, but since I get to feeling crappy-depressy after an orgasm, I'm thinking maybe it's not such a bad thing anymore, the decreased libido. Oh, the joys of being brain damaged in early life!
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 24, 2005, at 16:08:48
In reply to Depressed after orgasm--anyone else get this?, posted by Chris O on January 24, 2005, at 15:53:24
Chris,
Is this new or has it always happened to you?
I doubt this could be something physical. It's just semen, and neurotransmitters have nothing to do with that.
So it brings us the hypothesis that this could be psychological. Do you associate sex with negative things? Have you had bad experiences with sex in the past? None of my business, I know. I am just hard pressed to think of how it could be physical since your emotions afterward are so "emotional" (ie hopeless, etc) and not physical (ie in pain).
Thoughts?
Posted by Chris O on January 25, 2005, at 19:56:13
In reply to Re: Depressed after orgasm--anyone else get this?, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 24, 2005, at 16:08:48
Miss Honeychurch:
It's probably too difficult to sort out here, on these boards. It would be impossible for me to write up my whole psychological history, much less convey it in a way that...makes sense. I know I do have a lot of psychological baggage related to sex, probably more than some, less than others. I had/have a troubled relationship with my mother, still lots of anger, resentment, sadness in relationsihp to her, stuff that never seems to get worked out, no matter what type of therapy or drug I try. I am involved in a stable long-term relationship, and I think our communication sexually is okay, though the excitement of sex seems to be...gone in many ways for me. It could be because we've been together for a while, because I'm anxious and depressed much of the time, I don't know. But...here's what I mean about the physiology/sex/depression/orgasm thing:
If I get sexually aroused but do not have an orgasm, I do not get all these feelings--hopeless,
depression, etc. It's the orgasm itself, whatever happens physiologically during that process, that brings these feelings on. It's not unbearable; it's not like I want to commit suicide, it's just a general feeling of "blah." And it's not just the fact that I'm a guy and I get tired/sleepy after having an orgasm--it's beyond tired and sleepy. It's more like...a headache. It's more like the symptoms described in Chinese medicine where someone has lost too much semen--I think the DSM even includes that in the back with their "culturally-based conditions." Perhaps I really have masturbated too much, or had too much sex, or lost too much semen, I don't know. I doubt it, according to western standards as there have been periods of my life where sex was really not a part of it. But according to eastern standards, Chinese medicine standards, maybe something like that is going on. This is perhaps TMI, so, at any rate, it's probably something better worked out between myself and a therapist. I was just wondering if anyone else here, man or woman, had experienced something like this and if maybe neurotransmitters had been proven to be involved in the process of orgasm.Anyway, thanks for reading, Miss Honeychurch
Chris
> Chris,
>
> Is this new or has it always happened to you?
>
> I doubt this could be something physical. It's just semen, and neurotransmitters have nothing to do with that.
>
> So it brings us the hypothesis that this could be psychological. Do you associate sex with negative things? Have you had bad experiences with sex in the past? None of my business, I know. I am just hard pressed to think of how it could be physical since your emotions afterward are so "emotional" (ie hopeless, etc) and not physical (ie in pain).
>
> Thoughts?
Posted by Shortelise on January 26, 2005, at 0:15:17
In reply to Depressed after orgasm--anyone else get this?, posted by Chris O on January 24, 2005, at 15:53:24
This is not rare with men. I don't know why. If it were me, I'd google something like
"male orgasm depression" and see what comes up.ShortE
Posted by xxNightOwl28 on February 12, 2005, at 5:49:21
In reply to Re: Depressed after orgasm--anyone else get this? » Chris O, posted by Shortelise on January 26, 2005, at 0:15:17
I completely relate to this it happens to me too. Usually after orgasm I go right to sleep and really I feel great you know the blissfull feeling after sex. The next day I wake up I feel lethargic, poor concentration, no motivation to do anything etc. Sometimes the day after my concentratation is so low that I dont watch my money budget or forget things. I am 28,male,clean and sober,non smoker, and generally well raised family. Mainly this happens after the mutual orgasm (meaning alone)leaving me with sore genitalia, weakened body etc. I dont know what to do about it but sometimes it even causes me trouble at work, as my mind cannot focus the day after a heavy orgasm.
Posted by yogamouse on February 21, 2005, at 12:53:23
In reply to Re: Depressed after orgasm--anyone else get this?, posted by xxNightOwl28 on February 12, 2005, at 5:49:21
i have gone through phases in my life where orgasm has felt really depressing afterwards. not the next day, like a hangover, as the previous poster experiences, but immediately afterwards. i feel depressed, anxious and extrememly alienated, and often panicky.
for me, there are two, well, maybe three, things at play here. one is generally whether i'm feeling good in my life and about my mental health. when i'm not, i'm much more vulnerable to feeling crappy after orgasm, which makes sense, i think. but, more specifically, i find that if my life has lacked meaningful connection with others -- which it easily can as i'm a bit of an introvert and navel gazer despite liking people in general and being in a good, long-term relationship -- and then i have just average, more-or-less mastubatory sex (you know, the kind where we just use each other to get off however lovingly) then i feel crappy afterwards. it's like it amplifies the lack of meaningful connection i've been experiencing generally in my life acutely -- maybe because it's an act that can bring us together so beautifully, but has failed to. i don't know.the other side of things is that sex stirs stuff up, and orgasm more so. it's a very vulnerable position to be in with another person.
the third thing is chemical. don't buy the first poster's message on this thread about orgasms having nothing to do with neurotransmitters (no offense first poster!). orgasms release powerful chemicals into the brain. many people (like me) who have issues around anxiety and depression are hypervigilant about, and sensitive towards, subtle changes in body chemistry. do you take good mutli vitamins? exercise? all these things play roles in dopamine and seratonin levels. do you eat enough tryptophan? this amino acid is crucial in forming seratonin. i find that when i make my body as healthy as it can be, physically, and try to have really delicious stare-into-my-partner's-eyes-when-i-come sex that it makes me far less likely to feel terrible afterwards. there is a good book, called The Art of Sexual Ecstasy that delves into the whole idea of profound connection with others through sex. it also addresses the depleting nature of having too many orgasms that you mentioned. good luck! hope some of this helps!
Posted by Chris O on February 21, 2005, at 17:33:04
In reply to Re: Depressed after orgasm--anyone else get this?, posted by yogamouse on February 21, 2005, at 12:53:23
Thanks for the feedback, yogamouse. I know it is a complicated combination for me of internal shame relating to sex and something, definitely something, with my brain chemistry. The reason I say this is because it (the anxiety, the depression) happens after the orgasm, not before. I would say it more often happens during masturbation for me, and, I agree with you, it has to do with feeling lonely after the orgasm. For me also, lately, I've been trying to reconnect to God through Christianity, and, in that sense, there have been times when I have used pornography to masturbate, and it is bringing up feelings of guilt, shame--though I have to say they have always been there. Feeling like I am "betraying" God makes the feelings much worse. I don't know.
Also, in a long term r-ship where sex has not been so satisfying and...well, that is part of the problem too.Anyway, thanks for the feedback,
Chris
Posted by yogamouse on February 23, 2005, at 16:37:36
In reply to Thanks for the feedback » yogamouse, posted by Chris O on February 21, 2005, at 17:33:04
hi chris,
i'm glad you got my message. i really think that you'd find The Art of Sexual Ecstasy helpful. (it definitely wouldn't contradict any christian teachings you may have received, either, in case you're wondering.) but regardless, i also recommend looking up the dopamine/prolactin cycle online, or where ever. dopamine spikes at orgasm then disappears dramatically as prolactin spikes immediately afterwards. most people have heard of dopamine -- it's the craving chemical. we think we like drugs, or sex, or ice cream or gambling, but what we really like is dopamine. too much dopamine is dangerous, however (psychosis inducing, in fact), so we have a built in failsafe, called prolactin, that makes us feel crappy (in order to prevent us from humping ourselves to death, for example). in some people the effects of a prolactin spike after orgasm can last for weeks, but in most of us it lasts for an hour or two.
this cycle happens in mentally healthy people and, they say, is responsible for a lot of malcontent and infidelity in relationships as our lizard brain (our most basic, instinctual, subconscious) begins to associate the feeling of being ill at ease with our partner and his/her behaviour (or mere existence). we then either sit in misery, or begin to spot greener pastures elsewhere. the way around this, apparently, is more cuddling and fewer orgasms. there is another chemical, i forget the name, released by cuddling, which is very bonding, and the expression of sexual love without the regular highs and lows of the dopamine/prolactin cycle is also very healing emotionally and spiritually (because what feels more spiritual than a sense of loving connection and supportiveness?).
if there are emotional issues between you and your partner that prevent this sort of intimacy, then you need to address them. if they are unaddressable, then perhaps it's time to rethink things? i don't know anything about it...
also, what i'm thinking is, if you don't mind me saying so, perhaps your complicated relationship to sexuality in general (you mentioned shame, etc.) becomes the target for your prolactin lows after orgasm, along with a sense of alienation from your partner, with whom, it sounds, you need to renew your connection to.
these highs and lows happen in mentally healthy people, as i mentioned. it wouldn't surprise me to hear that they are amplified in people who already have dopamine/seratonin issues (you mentioned taking SSRI's).
(and this is why i brought up diet as a way to if not cure, then at least not worsen, existing chemical issues.)
anyway, there is more information on the chemistry of sex and the benefits of fewer orgasms at this interesting site: http://www.reuniting.info/GBscience.htm i recommend checking out the whole site, but especially the links under "science" "the coolidge effect" and "why does a lover pull away after sex?"
good luck!
Posted by Chris O on February 24, 2005, at 1:27:47
In reply to Re: Thanks for the feedback, posted by yogamouse on February 23, 2005, at 16:37:36
I'll check out Margot Anand's book and look at the website you recommended. A few years back, I went to a "Tantra sex" class offered by the Learning Annex. It wasn't very good, or maybe I wasn't in the right place, but I'll get The Art of Sexual Ecstasy and put it in the pile of books I'm already reading.
I think your theory is probably right on about prolactin looping into my sexual shame and causing very low "lows." I am certain that my GAD/ OCD/Panic/overexcited brain does not do great with the chemistry of sex, and that combined with the shame I got from my mom about sex growing up, it's just a really bad combo. Anyway, thanks again.
Chris
Posted by xxNightOwl28 on February 24, 2005, at 5:49:39
In reply to Thanks again. » yogamouse, posted by Chris O on February 24, 2005, at 1:27:47
Chris O its not just you I posted about this with me also a male, I mainly have trouble concentrating or feel uneasy and out of touch the day after orgsm, I am on Effexor 150mg so that might have something to do with it, it is interesting about the chemical response you are talking about.
Posted by Quien on October 13, 2010, at 18:03:49
In reply to Depressed after orgasm--anyone else get this?, posted by Chris O on January 24, 2005, at 15:53:24
Hey dude Chris O
... what`s up !!!I wanted to tell you i`m confused and myself given up.
About your post :"Depressed after orgasm --anyone else get this? ...on January 24, 2005"
I was wondering if you did found some heal for your illness which is very similar to mine .
It`s a very sad state being worried and Attacked by this ill.
So i hope you have achieved to manage this or maybe to heal it .. can you tell me how it is going ????
Love.
Quien.
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